


It started with a whisper

by jaded25



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Drinking, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hand Jobs, Here we go, Love Triangles, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, slightly emotional stunted Louis, stupid boys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-13 20:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 92,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2164146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaded25/pseuds/jaded25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't do relationships. He's been there, done it, got the scars to prove it. Never letting anyone too close, Louis can be head over heels for someone for one night but when morning comes, he will be out of the door, no feelings and no regrets.</p><p>Harry always gives too much, trusts too easily, falls too quickly. Even when he gets nothing in return.<br/>Forced to attend University, Harry bumps into his sister's roommate and another time, another day Harry would have been a goner the very second he’d laid eyes on Louis. But he's already got the perfect boyfriend and Louis is the complete opposite of perfect. </p><p>Louis isn't someone who Harry thought he could ever be with, and Louis never thought he'd break his rules for anyone.</p><p>Sometimes being wrong isn't so bad after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hey baby won't you look my way, I could be your new addiction

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... this took a little longer than expected. I originally planned for this to be around ~40.000 words and well... 91.400 words later it's finally done. 
> 
> Big, massive thank you to Dutchie for beta'ing again and for all her lovely comments and help. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it :)

„Louis William Tomlinson!“

It’s way too early for that kind of ruckus and noise and Louis growls, forcing one eyelid to open slowly.

He half expects his roommate to stand right in front of him, God knows she’s screaming loud enough for it but mercifully the door to his room is still firmly closed.

So that apparently only spurs her on even more, knocking against it with more force and Louis is almost afraid it’ll fall off its hinges.

Stumbling out of bed, he yanks the door open just when she’s lifting her fist to pound against it once more.

“Good morning” he leans against the doorframe and unashamedly yawns in her face.

“What’s that?” Gemma holds up a bright blue boxer and Louis cocks his head.

“Well…” he reaches out to take it but she quickly snatches it out of his reach.

“Let me rephrase: Do you want to know where I found it? In the fridge as in _inside_ the fridge as in covering my yoghurt!” she screeches and now Louis knows he’s in trouble. No one messes with Gemma’s yoghurt.

“I… umh”

“Not to mention all those other various pieces of clothing randomly thrown over our kitchen items and…” she holds up her finger. “Let’s not forget the whipped cream explosion” she hits his bare chest and Louis flinches. “What the fuck, Louis! We talked about this!”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry! I’ll clean it all up, I promise!”

“You better” she glares at him. “I assume he’s gone?”

“What do you take me for?” Louis shakes his head. “Of course he’s gone”

He doesn’t see her roll her eyes, nor does he see the frown on her face because Louis is already walking back towards the bed, picking some sweats off of the floor.

“Okay, come on, how bad can it be?”

_Really bad_ is the answer. Louis is standing in the doorway to their kitchen and… well, if it wasn’t him who had to clean this mess up he’d be impressed. It looks like a right party.

“Not bad, Tomlinson” Perry comes up behind him and peeks over his shoulder. “You really out did yourself this time”

“What can I say?” he sighs. “He was willing, I was horny”

“You’re always horny and they’re always willing” Gemma thrusts a mop and bucket in his hands. “Don’t you ever get tired of those meaningless one night stands?”

“Oh please not again” Louis whines. “I appreciate your concern and I fully support and admire you two for being able to hold up some steady, monogamous relationships” he grabs Gemma’s shoulders and shakes her slightly. “But I will barf if you break out into another Disney-like song, singing Ashton’s praises!”

“Alright, calm your tits” Perrie pries him off Gemma. “How ’bout using your energy to clean this mess?”

Gemma glances at her watch “And you better be quick, Lou. My brother will be here in three hours and I don’t want to scare him away”

“I thought you dragged him over here to specifically catch a glimpse of ‘ _uni life_ ’ and to ‘ _enjoy himself like any other twenty year old should_ ’” Louis gestures towards the kitchen. “If that doesn’t speak of fun, than I don’t know what does”

“Just go and clean” Perrie shoves him and he nearly slips on a puddle of whipped cream on the floor. At least he hopes that’s what it is…

~

Two hours and forty-five minutes later the kitchen is spotless. One could eat from the floor, that’s how perfectly clean it is.

Louis, on the other hand, looks and feels like a mess. After a night of drinking, dancing and fucking no one should have had to get up in the wee hours of the morning (aka 10 am on a Saturday) to clean a kitchen.

Crawling into the shower, he’s tempted to curl into a small ball under the hot spray and just stay there for the rest of his life. He changes his mind when the water suddenly turns ice cold and Louis squeals loudly, jumping up and nearly knocking himself out on the wet tiles.

It can’t get much worse than this so he just throws on some washed-out sweats and a tank top, hair still slightly wet and messed up.

Trudging back into the living room, all he wants is to cuddle up to Perrie and Gem on the sofa, watch some crappy rom com and eat tons of popcorn but… there’s a stranger in his living room.

A tall, dark and handsome stranger.

Louis stops dead in his tracks.

It’s not like he minds models appearing out of thin air in his living room, it’s just that he’d like to have some kind of warning beforehand.

Suddenly feeling a little self-conscious, he rubs at some undefinable stain on his thigh and of course Mr.TallDarkandHandsome chooses that moment to turn around.

Curls. Curls and fucking dimples and… _ooooh tattoos_.

Louis is in heaven. Maybe he really slipped and hit his head in the shower and this _is actually_ _heaven_.

“Oh. Hi” TallDarkandHandsome draws the word out a little and Louis is positively glowing. His voice is freaking deep, rumbling and a little rough like velvet dragged over pebbles and Louis wouldn’t mind composing stupid poetic things about this gift from heaven if Gemma didn’t chose that exact moment to say: “Nice of you to join us, Lou. Please meet my brother, Harry”

Louis, who in his mind had already started undressing Harry, is drowsed in ice cold water. “Wh-what?” he stutters.

She’s joking, Louis has seen pictures of Harry. And they didn’t look anything like… like this demi-God.

Although Harry was only sixteen in most of them and people are known to grow a little in four years. Curls and eyes are kind of similar as well and… _oh shit_.

Louis clears his throat and sticks out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Harold”

“It’s umh… Harry. Just Harry” the other guy shakes his hand after a moment’s hesitation.

“Whatever you say, Harold” Louis winks at him and plops down in the ratty arm chair Perry dragged in one day. “How was your trip? Are you excited to finally be joining the big city life? Already pumped for your first party and all those glorious pub crawls?”

“Well… not really, no. I was quite alright back home” He glares at his sister and Louis suddenly remembers that Gemma told him Harry didn’t entirely voluntarily agree to move and enroll at the University of Manchester.

“Oh. I’m sure it’ll be fun though. You’ll like it” Louis tries again and Harry neither agrees nor disagrees. He just stares at Louis for a couple of long seconds before he turns around to his sister.

“Mind showing me my room? I’m a little knackered and if you don’t mind I’d really like to have a nap”

“Oh. Sure” Gemma shoots Louis an apologetic look and leads Harry out of the living room into the guest room. Well, _Harry’s room_ as of now.

Harry Styles. Gemma’s younger brother.

Louis will need to repeat that a couple of times to remind himself just  _how_ off limits Harry really is. Even so he’s so fucking fit and so totally Louis’ wet dream come true that it’s the biggest fricking joke that Louis won’t be able to do as much as stare at him. And drool. And possibly wank.

And now he’s living right across the corridor.

What a joy.

\--------

 

Harry isn’t opposed to the idea of going to University in general. He can definitely see the perks of it, i.e. being surrounded by like-minded people of the same age, finally being able to choose a subject that really interests him, making new friends and going out to various parties.

It all sounds good and lovely and if Harry hadn’t started an internship about six months ago he’d surely be looking forward to his first semester.

But as it is he really, really _, really_ didn’t want to leave, didn’t see the need to leave. He did rather well in the law firm he interned in, enjoying the work and getting on great with his colleagues.

A little too great maybe… especially with one of the partners of the firm, Mr. Winston.

And as tolerant and open minded as his mom usually is, seeing her twenty year old son bend over a desk and being fucked by ‘the person who’s supposed to know better and is also in a position of trust over him’ was apparently a no-go.

Despite of every objection that was the end of Harry’s internship. He was given the choice of either enrolling in uni or spending some time abroad in the States, working for his father. Since Harry hadn’t seen much of his begetter in the last years, he choose the minor evil and called up his sister, telling her she’ll soon be joined by her beloved brother.

Of course she’d already heard about as to why Harry was suddenly so ‘keen’ on going to university but just like his mom, she fully supported the idea. Anything really to get him away from Ben Winston.

Numerous times he’d tried to change his mom’s mind, telling her that Ben wasn’t some creepy pedophile who took advantage of innocent Harry. Quite the contrary really.

But apparently fifteen years of age were too big of a gap for his mother, or maybe it was the fact that Harry had basically submitted to each and every of Ben’s demands (not that he’d see it like that).

Harry _loves_ Ben, so what’s the harm in staying home since his boyfriend doesn’t like him going out and getting drunk without him too much? It only means he cares about Harry and it’s cute how jealous and possessive Ben can get.

And Harry likes staying in, he likes cooking and waiting for Ben to finish his work at his apartment near the city. He likes their little, secretive getaways on the weekends, likes Ben taking him out to dinner in some fancy restaurant and likes Ben ordering him into his office and locking the door.

It’s so fundamentally unfair, Harry could stomp his feet like a six year old (and he did at one point), just because Ben is a tad older and his mom is too bitter to grant him his personal happiness. But worst of all his sister, only three years older than Harry, just agreed with her. Sided with her really. He could always trust Gemma to support him and cover up for him but now she’s been scheming with his mother to break Ben and him up. Harry isn’t too fond of either of them at the moment.

He trudges along behind Gemma, basically ignoring her other two roommates but Harry doesn’t have it in him to be nice right now. He’s tired, barely slept the night before because he was on the phone to Ben for quite a while, assuring his boyfriend that no, he wouldn’t go out and get drunk every other weekend and that yes, he hated this solution as much as Ben did.

Instead of packing his things up over the course of last week, he chose to sulk and be moody, hoping his mom would change her mind once she saw how much her only son suffered. She didn’t. Change her mind that was, but brought him some lovely new bags and suitcases for his stuff.

As a matter of principle, Harry refused to touch them and start packing, rather spending his time on the phone to Ben or moping around. His mom couldn’t force him to move out if he had nothing sorted, right?

Wrong. She just waltzed into his room way too early this morning, randomly throwing clothes into the suitcase until Harry begged her to stop.

“What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

“You will leave today, my dearest son. And either you get your butt into gear or I will pack for you but don’t complain if you have nothing to wear because I don’t know what…” she gestured to the pile of shirts and jeans in his closet “… you actually like to wear. It all looks the same to me” she held up two identical pairs of ripped, black skinny jeans to prove her point and Harry snatched both out of her hands.

“Fine” he huffed. “I’ll start”

“Well you better hurry up because I told Gemma you’d be there around 2pm” Anne sing-songed when she left his room.

Harry glanced at the watch: just past 6.30am on a freaking Saturday. This day could hardly get any worse.

 

So yeah, not one of his best days.

Gemma leads him along some small corridor, picture frames littering the walls and Harry takes a couple of seconds to spare them a glance. Most of them are of Gemma and her two roommates, so he easily detects Ashton, Gemma’s boyfriend in some of them as well as some raven haired guy that looks like a model. Some guys make appearances more often than others, a blond one who’s laughing and grinning widely in almost every picture just like some brown-haired guy with puppy eyes.

Harry shrugs and moves on, it’s not like he’s planning to socialize much.

“So, this is yours” Gemma opens a door at the end of the corridor, and Harry steps into a nice, simply furnished room. “I didn’t know if you’d bring any furniture, like your bed and stuff so… umh, we left the one we had in there” she points to the cozy looking queen sized bed, pushed into the corner.

“Nope, only brought my clothes” Harry eyes the single wardrobe suspiciously. “Might need some more space, though”

“Thought I could take you shopping on Monday? You don’t have courses until the week after, right?”

“No, although I guess I should probably look around a bit?”

“I will show you where to go, help you with your timetable if you like?”

“Mmh” Harry makes a noncommittal sound. He drags his two bags and suitcase further into the room and looks at Gemma. “If you don’t mind…” he points towards the door and Gemma sighs.

“Right. Well, I’m around if you-“

“Yeah, doubt it” Harry all but closes the door in his sister’s face and falls back onto the bed. He pulls his mobile out of his pocket and without thinking twice about it, calls Ben.

“Harry?” he answers after the third ring.

“Hey” he feels less agitated immediately. “How are you?”

“Fine, I’m at home” Ben sounds a little strained and oops, it’s Saturday after all. “You’re in Manchester now?”

“Yes, in my room”

“Right… listen, I can’t really talk now, but I call you later okay? You’re not going out” It isn’t really a question but Harry nods his consent anyway.

“No, I’ll be here”

“Good boy, speak to you later” Ben hangs up and Harry stares at his phone until the screen falls dark again. What a fucking great day.

\--------

 

“Someone’s not happy” Perrie comments when Gemma walks back into the living room, sinking down onto the sofa and half on top of Perrie.

“Nope. Sorry about that. He’s normally not so rude and…”

“Pissy? Moody? Sulky?” Louis supplies and stretches. “I still don’t get why you shipped the poor boy off to uni if he was perfectly happy before?”

“I told you about his boss, didn’t I?” Gemma answers a little impatient. She is fairly certain that she already explained most of the story to Louis, only leaving out small details, but Louis just never _listens…_

“They fucked, right?”

Perrie rolls her eyes at his crude language. “Yes Lou, they did”

“So what? There’s no harm done if he’s having a bit of fun, is there? He wouldn’t be the first to get himself some sugar daddy”

“Ugh” Gemma buries her face in Perrie’s sweat pants. “Jeeze, that guy is like fifteen years older than Harry!”

“So?” Louis scratches lazily at the skin of his exposed stomach, his shirt having ridden up a bit.

“He was his boss, Lou. That is kinda wrong on so many levels” Perrie throws in.

“People have sex in the office all the time…”

“Can you not tell him that, please?” Gemma looks up at him with a stern glance. “The guy is using Harry as kept-boy, okay? He’s lost most of his friends, because Ben is a possessive dick. He’s not allowed out, only with Ben so he can watch what and how much Harry drinks. He always orders for him, never gives him any freedom to try new things or make up his own mind. They’ll always do the stuff Ben likes, it’s not that he knows or cares for Harry’s interests and…”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Massive dick, don’t like Ben!” Louis nods. “I can get on board with the sex thing…”

“Of course you can” Perrie rolls her eyes but she’s still got a fond smile on her lips.

“…but telling him what to do and what to like…” Louis shakes his head. “Fine, so I agree that it was a good idea to force him to leave and come here instead”

“Well, glad you agree. Because you’ll be helping me” Gemma says with a broad grin.

“Me?”

“Yes. You. You know almost everyone around here, you know the best spots all across town. Harry won’t listen to me, I’m the bad guy in this story. But he might listen to you, Lou. Just take him with you a couple of times, show him that there are other things than 35year old lawyers. Harry’s only 20 for crying out loud, he should be out and about, meeting new people and pursuing his interests. Did you know he was a great photographer? He really loved it, used to carry his battered camera everywhere until Ben told him it was silly and he’d never be able to make a living from it”

“So… you expect me to drag him out of his shell?”

“I don’t _expect_ you to do anything. It’d just be nice if you could… I don’t know, ask him to come along sometimes, show him that there are other things in life?”

Louis sighs. He knows that if he’s saying yes now, there’ll be no way of getting out of it later. But Gemma is looking at him with so much hope in her eyes and fuck it, they’ve been friends ever since she ran into him on the first day of uni, spilling her coffee all over his favorite shirt and Louis has learned the hard way how awful it is to disappoint her.

“Fine” He huffs and Gemma throws a fist pump.

“God, I love you Lou!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t they all say that when they want something” but he grins back at her.

~

They don’t see Harry for the rest of the afternoon, but after the heartfelt ‘hello’ he gave them, Louis doesn’t feel particularly inclined to go and play nice. Yes, Harry is freaking hot and each and every story Gemma ever told of him makes him out to be the biggest frigging sweetheart but somehow that didn’t really show this afternoon.

So Louis pushes his little plan of ‘get Harry drunk and to socialize’ back to the beginning of next week. He loves Gemma dearly but he won’t sit at home on a Saturday evening waiting for a door to open that possibly never will. Maybe Harry is even stubborn enough to pee out of the window just to avoid running into his sister, because Louis hasn’t heard him use the bathroom yet.

While Gemma and Perrie chose to stay at home, Louis quickly sent a text to Zayn and about two hours later he’s sat in a bar with his three best friends.

Liam had just come back with a new round of drinks when Zayn leans across the table, fixing Louis with a stare and sly grin. “So… exciting day today?”

“Exciting as in… I got up… showered… showered again… got dressed and met you lot?”

“No” Zayn rolls his eyes. “Exciting as in you got a new roommate”

“Oh, has Gemma’s brother finally lost the struggle and been forced to attend uni?” Louis looks at Niall a little dumbstruck.

“How do you know about it?”

“What? Is it some kind of big secret that the kid banged his boss and was sent to uni as punishment?! Even so I don’t see how being here is a punishment” Niall raises his beer.

“I don’t think it’s a secret, Niall, but then again maybe don’t shout it out like that or tell everyone you meet. Give that kid a chance to ruin his reputation on his own” Liam clasps a hand around Niall’s arm and lowers the beer back on the table before he can spill it over Louis – wouldn’t be the first time.

“Why do you keep calling him ‘kid’?! How old’s the guy anyway?”

Louis shrugs. “Don’t really know… nineteen or… twenty maybe? But he really is a ‘kid’; tall and lanky, mop of curls and fucking dimples!”

“Oh please Lord, no” Liam shakes his head and Zayn sighs.

“I thought Gemma asked you for help?”

“She did” Louis looks at his friends, slightly confused. “What’s wrong?!”

“Tall? Possibly with dark hair and maybe a couple of tattoos?”

“He has some on his arm, yes. What’s the matter, you’re all looking at me like I’m ready to commit murder!”

“Not murder, but possibly shag your roommate’s baby brother. And then Gemma will commit murder”

“I—what?! No. _Definitely not_!” Louis shakes his head but can’t help the slightly guilty laugh when he remembers checking Harry out this afternoon. But that was before he knew who he was, and Louis is very much capable of admiring beauty when he sees it but doesn’t necessarily have to touch it.

“He’s been acting like a right prick, barely managed to get a ‘hello’ out and hid in his room for the rest of the day”

“Aw, he didn’t succumb to your good looks and charm when he first laid eyes on you?! Louis, you’re losing your mojo, maybe you’re getting old”

“Fuck you, dearest Liam” Louis tells him with a smile. “I have you known that my ‘mojo’ is nothing but going strong. In fact, it’s going so strong that even Aaron Walsh couldn’t resist me any longer”

“Walsh, Walsh…” there’s a frown etched on Zayn’s face when he wrecks his brain for a face to the name. “Isn’t he…”

“He’s the goalie for our football team!” Niall suddenly exclaims. “Fuck, I thought he was straight” Louis just shrugs, broad smile on his face.

“You shagged Aaron Walsh?” Liam sighs. “When did this happen?”

“Oh only yesterday. Went to some house party and I was there… he was there… one thing led to another…”

“… and you’re going to call him again, take him out on some date so he doesn’t feel like the biggest idiot for letting you pop his cherry?!”

“Umh, no” Louis looks at Liam like he’s gone mad. “When have I ever taken someone out on a date? He knows it was a one off, I made that very clear. And he knows I don’t date. _You_ know I don’t date!”

“You know, one of these days it’ll come round to bite you in that big butt of yours”

“Excuse you, my butt is nothing but firm and delicious, so I have been told on numerous occasions by both sexes and what is that even supposed to mean?”

“What Zayn is trying to sugar coat is that we’re all wondering when one of your one nights stands will flip the shit because he or she expected more than you’re willing to give”

“It’s not like they don’t know what they’re getting themselves into” Louis wraps his hands around his cold beer, a little more defensive than before. “I always make it clear that this isn’t some big love story, that there’s no happy ever after or riding into the sunset together”

“Yeah well, doesn’t mean people will just keep believing you. And you’re getting quite the reputation” Liam says, tone quiet and a bit concerned.

And it’s not like Louis doesn’t know, or never expected it. To be honest, he’s quite surprised it took almost three years for it to happen. He’s never been shy, always thrived under people’s attention. Whenever they go out, it doesn’t take much or long for Louis to become the life of the party and people seem to be just naturally drawn to him.

Louis is fun, bright, always smiling and joking, always up for a good time. He knows every bar, every club, can tell you about the hottest band around campus at the moment and can possibly get you free tickets to their gigs. Louis knows everyone and somehow everyone wants to know Louis.

People talk to Louis when they’re after a good time, some no strings attached fun. He never hid the fact that he liked to flirt, liked sex, whether it was with boys or girls. He was more inclined towards boys during the last year, but it never caused an uproar, Manchester being big enough that ‘gay’ wasn’t a stigma anymore.

It possibly wouldn’t even have turned into an issue if it wasn’t for the fact that Louis never, not once in his three years at uni, dated anyone or had a relationship.

Yes, Louis has the ability to chat people up like there’s no tomorrow, give them the time of the day and court them until they couldn’t tell up from down anymore. He can be head over heels for them for one night but when morning comes, Louis will be out of the door, no feelings and no regrets.

And it’s starting to earn him a reputation as being easy. Liam, Zayn and Niall have heard enough people talk about it, know that people on the quiet whisper and gossip about it: If you want a good time go to Louis, he’s a great shag but nothing more.

It irks Zayn and Liam to no end, who have both been friends with Louis ever since 3rd form. They went through hell aka GCSE's and A-levels together and braved the big world during their gap year before they all decided to go to the same university. They know there is so much more to Louis than meets the eye, know he’s complex and has his reasons for acting like he does, it’s just a shame that no one bothered to actually stick around to ask him about it, not that Louis gives people the opportunity to do so.

Louis isn’t all sharp cheek bones, sky-blue eyes and bright laughs. He’s soft, fragile and vulnerable but he’d probably rather die than show this side to anyone but Liam and Zayn. Niall, Gemma and Perrie have gotten close to catching a glimpse of it, but they came later, the boys having met them during their first year of uni. It’s telltale that Louis is still holding back after having known someone for three years, even so he counts Gemma, Niall and Perrie as one of his closest friends.

“So what are you saying?” Louis peels the label of his bottle.

“Tone it down for a while?” Niall suggests. “Or maybe, I don’t know, consider dating someone at least?”

Louis sighs and looks around, catching the eye of a cute boy at the end of the bar. He blushes when he’s caught starting but quickly raises his gaze again, tentative smile on his lips when Louis doesn’t look away.

“I’ll think about it” He tells no one in particular. “But not tonight!” he clinks his bottle against Zayn’s before he gets up and walks over to the bar.

\--------

 

Harry doesn’t sleep well.

The bed is comfy but all wrong somehow, the light falls into the room at an odd angle and the sheets smell nothing like home. He feels like a right little school boy, tossing and turning and missing his home and his bed and his mum.

Gemma left him to it last night, hasn’t tried to talk to him again and while Harry is grateful on the one hand, he’s kinda lonely on the other.

Ben never called back but that’s because he’s probably busy and Harry knows better than to disturb him. He feels stupid enough already for calling him on a Saturday when he damn well knows that Ben never – _never_ – answers his mobile during the weekends. At least not when Harry calls.

So Harry falls into an uneasy sleep, hushed voices and footsteps waking him up at some time at night but he doesn’t pay them much mind, rather turns around and covers his ear with the spare pillow.

 

He kinda wishes he had listened a little more closely to his roommate’s late night activities because then he might have not been so surprised and shocked to find a half-naked boy in the kitchen the next morning.

“Umh?” is the best Harry can come up with when he pads barefooted and sleep ruffled into the room.

“Oh” the boy turns around with wide eyes and quickly puts the glass back he seemed to have grabbed. “Sorry, I… umh, didn’t mean to wake you up”

“It’s… fine” Harry shoots him a questioning look. “Can I help you? Like, I’m not a 100% sure since I only moved in but umh, Gemma – she’s my sister, it’s her flat, well not hers but…” he’s rambling and quickly tries to gather his thoughts.

The other boy gives a low chuckle. “It’s fine and I guess the answer to your question would be no, I don’t live here. I… only stayed for one night”

“That’s about right” Both turn around at the sound. Louis is leaning against the doorframe, naked except some sweats which hang dangerously low on his hips.

His eyes are of a dark blue, his hair ruffled and unstyled like he just rolled out of bed. Which he probably did, because his voice still holds the gravely quality of too early mornings.

“Need help with anything, Greg?”

The other boy’s smile gets a little crooked. “It’s _George_ and no, thanks. Was just going to grab a drink and head out”

“Very well” Louis yawns, stretching his back and Harry can’t help it, eyes drawn to his sculptured chest and abs. His skin looks like it’s been sprinkled with gold dust, taut skin over muscles, accentuated by seemingly random tattoos but from personal experience, Harry knows that each of those has a story and there’ll be a reason why Louis chose that part of his body for the ink. He feels weirdly drawn to the cursive writing across his chest, ‘ _It is what it is’_ immortalized on his skin.

Harry is ripped from his trance by George setting his glass down with a little more force than necessary.

“Right, I’ll be off then…”

“Farewell” Louis tips his imaginary hat and George is about to walk past him, but decides against it in the very last second. Instead, he pulls a surprised Louis close and kisses him hard.

Louis gives a soft _umpf_! but gets with the program rather quickly and Harry feels like he should avert his eyes or better even – disappear altogether because George is certainly putting on a show.

“How about breakfast in bed?” he licks his lips suggestively but Louis shakes his head.

“Sorry, busy day”

“Well, maybe we could grab a bite to eat…”

“George” his voice is still kind even so there’s a slight strain to it. “I thought I made myself clear last night; I don’t date. I don’t “grab a bite to eat” with people I shagged. It was good, it was fun, call me if you fancy a re-run. But I’m not taking this any further than between my sheets”

It’s not the worst of rebuffs, Harry thinks, even so George doesn’t seem to agree.

“Fuck you, Lewis”

“It’s _Louis_ and well, I guess you did” He smirks and steps out of the way. “Have a save trip home” Not making any move to walk George towards the door, he just waits until he hears the satisfying sound of it falling shut before he turns around to Harry again.

“Sorry about that”

“It’s umh, fine?” Harry steps aside when Louis shuffles past him but he still brushes against him and Harry shivers.

“You don’t sound too convinced” Louis sighs and flicks on an old and battered looking kettle. “Tea?”

“Coffee” Louis pulls a face at that but fetches Gemma’s preferred instant coffee nonetheless. “So… Gemma didn’t tell you that much, did she?”

“Tell me about what? Random boys standing in the kitchen at 8am in the morning? No, she somehow neglected to mention this” Harry doesn’t know where the harshness in his voice suddenly comes from. Maybe it’s all a bit too much too soon, new city, new flat, new people. “So is that a habit of yours?”

Louis doesn’t say anything, just lifts one perfectly bow shaped eyebrow.

“Like, will I bump into more random guys in the mornings?”

“Possibly, if they don’t get a move on” Louis shrugs like it’s no big deal and when he reaches up to grab his tea from one of the higher shelves, Harry can spot the bruises on his arm. He squints his eyes, trying to figure out what they remind him off… and… oh, finger prints. His mouth goes a little dry when Louis turns around and Harry can see three red lines running across his back, marks that tell their own story of last night.

“So you’re into one night stands” it shouldn’t sound so accusing, after all Harry doesn’t even _know_ Louis but… well, it’s not hard to connect the dots.

“I’m into _people_ ” Louis corrects, turning around and blowing on his steaming cup.

“For one night?”

“Most are hardly worth a second” he says and… wow, arrogant much?

“So you fuck them and toss them out the next morning”

“I actually prefer if they leave in the night but if they really have to stay that long…” Louis shrugs like it’s an inconvenience he has to live with.

“That’s pretty fucked up” Harry says in a fake-cheery voice.

Louis just eyes him over the rim of his cup, blue eyes flashing with something like mild annoyance. “Not everyone’s made for relationships, Harold”

“It’s Harry” he presses through clenched teeth, unsure why Louis just manages to rub him the wrong way with a couple of words. He’s usually not so… easy to rile up.

“Look kiddo, I’m sorry how this played out, okay? I thought he’d be gone by now and I’m sorry for the show he put on and that you had to witness it. I’m usually more discreet” Louis pushes the cup with Harry’s coffee over. “But – that’s who I am and what I do and you don’t have to agree with it but stop with those condescending looks. You don’t know me. And while I’ve heard enough stuff about you I won’t judge and am going to give you the benefit of a doubt here – so: Let’s get to know each other before we take an instant dislike to one another. Fresh start?”

Instant dislike is not the problem Harry has, quite the contrary. Another time, another day, Harry would have been a goner the very second he’d laid eyes on Louis. He’s the perfect mix of cute and sexy as hell and even so Harry had a shitty day yesterday, his breath ever so slightly caught when Louis – a bit disheveled and disoriented – stumbled into the room. Louis seems like everything his parents ever told him to stay away from, too bright, too outgoing, desire for freedom too strong to be tied down. A beautiful heartbreaker.

But this is here and now, and Harry has got Ben, is _in love_ with Ben – the complete opposite to Louis. And his boyfriend surely wouldn’t appreciate if Harry got too friendly with an arrogant, promiscuous player. So Harry takes one good look at Louis, admits that, yes, he is fucking gorgeous but it’s all superficial and he’s past the point where some pretty, cocky boy could make his heart race.

“Harry?” Louis asks, his hand still extended for Harry to shake.

“I… umh, well okay” he grabs it and gives it a curt shake.

If Louis notices, he doesn’t say anything. “So what are you studying?” Harry can just bite back the remark that if Louis obviously heard so much about him already, he surely knows such minor details as well. “Law”

“Law” Louis seems to taste the word. “Right. Why?”

“It’s… umh, interesting? Save career path, job options are looking good”

“You chose Law because it’s _safe_?” He leans onto the counter between them, chin cradled in his hands and blue eyes fixed on Harry. The look is making him squirm.

“Well, Ben – my, umh boyfriend” Louis nods like he’s heard the name a million times already. Since he lives with Gemma, he probably did and Harry once again curses his sister for her need to talk to seemingly anybody about stuff that doesn’t concern them. “Ben is a partner in a law firm. I interned there for about six months and well… it was nice”

“Nice” Louis echoes. “You’re going to endure about four years? Or longer? Anyways, let’s say four years of ‘ _nice_ ’?!”

“What are you studying then?” Harry bites back, feeling that irrational itch again.

“Media Design, will be finished this June and then start my Master’s Degree”

“And you…?”

“Love it? Think it’s great, fun and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else? Yes”

“Oh” Harry says, very well aware that he was never _that_ enthusiastic about studying Law.

“Look, Harry, I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything” Louis says in a rather soft voice, causing Harry to meet his eyes again. “It’s your choice after all, okay? You’re over eighteen, you’re free to do whatever you want and if you want to study Law, by all means – go for it” Louis circles the rest of his tea and quickly empties his cup. “Fancy going out with me and the guys this Tuesday? There’s an open mic night in a pub close to campus and Gemma mentioned you’re into music?” Harry is taken by surprise at the sudden change of topic, the ‘yes’ so slippery on his tongue that he has to bite his lips.

“I… well, Ben might stop by this week and I should really get my schedule sorted, like…” Louis laughs softly and Harry feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at the pretty sound.

“It’s fine Harry, just wanted to offer. Thought I’d introduce you to the guys, right? They’re all really nice, and we usually hang out every other weekend and during the week. Zayn – he’s one of my best mates – is dating Perrie, so yeah, you’re bound to bump into him sooner or later” Louis puts his cup in the sink and settles his hand on Harry’s shoulder on his way out. “Let me know if you change your mind or need someone to show you around. I might know a spot or two your sister hasn’t yet heard off” and he fucking winks at Harry before he saunters off, back to his room.

~

Of course, Ben doesn’t stop by to visit Harry during his first week, but that’s okay. Gemma takes him out furniture shopping on Monday as promised and even so he doesn’t particularly fancy spending that much time with her, he sees the need for more storage space if he doesn’t want to live out of suitcases forever.

So after a trip to IKEA Harry doesn’t only have a new desk, wardrobe and drawers, but also some rugs and new sheets, a bedside lamp that doesn’t have the same voltage as the spots near the runway of an airport and some other trinkets he doesn’t really need but couldn’t resist buying. Harry’s still in a huff about being sent off to Manchester, doesn’t want to feel homey and cozy in this room, but once he sees all the clobber he can’t help it. He gives in with a sigh, and might as well make the room look a little more presentable just in case Ben does decide to stop by one of these days. Doesn’t mean he’s _enjoying_ being here.

Gemma offers her help with putting all those loose parts together and after a speculative glance at the pile in front of his door Harry agrees. Not that they’re making much progress – that’s if one doesn’t count Gemma nearly cutting her finger off and Harry nearly missing his thumb with a hammer.

“There is no logical explanation to this!” Gemma waves the instructions for Harry’s wardrobe through the air. “We need help. Expertise”

“And where will you find someone with an IKEA degree?” Harry huffs but Gem only grins.

An hour later, Louis and another guy are standing in the mess aka Harry’s room.

“Did you get anything useful done except messing it up even more?” Louis picks up a package of screws and bolts and Harry couldn’t for the life of him remember where they belong to.

Gemma just batters her eyelashes at Louis and he sighs. “Liam?”

Ah, so that’s Liam. Harry is pretty sure he’s heard the name before in one of Gemma’s stories and even so the hair is slightly longer again, he recognizes the bloke from some of the pictures outside in the corridor.

“I guess we can salvage something” he walks back out and comes back with a tool belt – a freaking tool belt. Who is this guy?

“This looks way too professional for me”

“Don’t worry, kid, Liam here knows what he’s doing!” Louis dutifully grabs a board that looks like it could be the side of Harry’s future closet when Liam shoves it at him.

“You’re putting IKEA furniture together for a living?” Harry asks and Liam chuckles.

“Almost. I’m studying design and well… I like to work with wood and metal….”

“Don’t be so modest” Louis grabs another board. “Dear Liam here is building his own furniture, has already sold some piece to rather high bidding customers”

“Seriously?”

Liam blushes a pretty shade of pink. “It was nothing, really. Just pure luck”

“Mmh, pure luck my arse. That bed you built for me…” Louis rolls his eyes in mock ecstasy – or maybe he’s for real, Harry can’t yet tell. “Piece of cake – if you want you can have a look, Harry” he flicks his head towards the door and now it’s Harry blushing.

“Umh… I… maybe later…”

“Just invited you to have a look not for a trial run!”

“Louis!” Gemma whacks him over the head with a pillow and Harry is glad that the attention shifted from him because he’s blushing an even deeper shade of pink.

Of course Louis didn’t invite him, it’s just Harry’s dirty mind and maybe a tad wishful thinking that this beautiful guy would actually flirt with him… He bites his lips and quickly tries to think about Ben. _Ben, his boyfriend_. Ben, who will take one good look at Louis and his tattoos and wild hair and blue, blue eyes and… thoughts drifting off again…

The point is, Ben will take one look at Louis and dismiss him as ‘trouble that’s not worth the effort’. Because Ben is posh like that.

“Hey you two, if you’re just going to be a pain in the arse—“ Liam interrupts Harry’s wandering thoughts.

“Don’t insult my arse!” Louis cuts in and Liam rolls his eyes, probably tempted to hit Louis with something as well.

“—go and fetch me a drink”

“Yeah, wench, go and fetch the hard working men a drink” Louis grins and Gemma rolls her eyes.

“Don’t see any _men_ unfortunately” she mutters but goes anyway.

“Okay… now… Harry, right?” Liam waits until Harry nods. “Do you mind holding that for me…?”

In the end, Liam pretty much orders Harry and Louis around, forbidding Louis to touch any power tools and after he’s nearly killed by a collapsing part of the wardrobe he insisted on putting together himself, Liam takes away the hammer and screwdriver as well. Louis pouts for the rest of the time.

But by 9pm they actually managed to put together all the pieces, now resembling something like furniture and not so much drift wood. Harry only has to unpack and arrange all the trinkets he bought and voila – it might look like he’s actually living here instead of being a moody guest.

“Well done, Liam” Gemma pats his shoulder and Louis huffs.

“What about us?” He motions between him and Harry.

“Good job not getting killed” and before Louis can complain she adds “I ordered pizza”

“Aw, food” Liam kisses her cheek and abandons the rest in his pursue of hot melting cheese. Harry can relate, his stomach gives a hungry rumble.

“You ordered pizza?”

“No, Louis. I called Niall and ordered him and the pizza”

“Oh God, you left Niall alone with the food?!” He shoves her aside and sprints off towards the kitchen.

“Umh, Niall likes pizza... and food” Gemma just shrugs and Harry makes an “aha” noise even so he doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about. “Come on, pumpkin, let’s see if they left some for us”

Turns out they did but only because Niall seemed to have bought double the amount.

Harry grabs a couple of slices and even so he’s still pissed at her, flees to Gemma’s side since he doesn’t know the rest of the people who gathered in their living room.

There’s the blond guy Harry’s already seen in some of the pics as well as a raven haired boy with cheekbones that could rival Louis’. His head is comfortable resting in Louis lap, who dangles a slice of pizza over his mouth, melted cheese brushing his lips.

“Stop teasing, you dick”

“Say ‘ _please dear Louis, put it in my mouth_ ’”

“Stop fucking around!” the guy reaches out and digs his finger in Louis side, making him squeal and nearly drop the food on his face.

Louis just giggles and runs his finger along the boys jaw. “Open wide, babycakes”

Harry knows it’s rude to stare but he can’t really look away, Louis and that guy seem so at ease with each other that Harry briefly wonders if this might be his boyfriend. Even so Louis said he doesn’t date and seeing that he bumped into his latest conquest only two days ago… but Louis wouldn’t be the first to cheat and judging by the heart eyes those two are giving each other…

Gemma’s elbow, subtly placed between his ribs, jerks him out of his thoughts.

“… Gemma’s younger brother?” The blond guy grins at him and Harry looks to his sister for help.

“Yes, that’s Harry”

“Well, Harry. Nice to meet you, I’m Niall” He holds out his hand but Liam (Harry is getting better at remembering names) intercepts it, pressing a tissue in Niall’s fingers.

“Wipe, than shake”

“That sounded somewhat dirty” The dark haired guy in Louis lap mutters, but raises his head eventually. “I’m Zayn, by the way”

_Zayn, Zayn, Zayn_ … that name rings a bell, too.

“So how’s living with this one?” he squeezes Louis thigh.

“It’s… umh eventful” Harry settles on, licking some sauce of his finger and not daring to meet Louis eyes.

“Eventful” Zayn seems to contemplate the meaning behind the word. “Well, I heard worse”

“Oh did you now? I remember you hardly complained when we roomed together”

“We didn’t really room together, Lou. We lived like sardines for the better part of a year!” Zayn whines.

Liam nods his head fiercely. “Mmh, 20sqm and one bathroom – _one_! To this day, it still surprises me we actually managed to see anything given the time both of you take to get ready”

“Just because we didn’t shave our hair off in some post-breakup huff!” Louis counters and Harry is at loss.

“We did our gap year together. Thailand, Bali and Australia. Although I must have been drunk when I agreed to this” Liam tries to explain, having seen Harry’s blank look.

“You probably were, though” Louis agrees.

“So… you all know each other since school?”

“Nah. Liam and Zayn here…” Louis pats Zayn’s head and the other boy glares at him, obviously afraid Louis will ruin his quiff. “...went to school with me and we travelled together before we went to uni. Niall, Gem and Perrie only came into the picture a bit later”

“We met the lot when we started uni” Perrie, a pretty girl with bright pink hair, pipes up. Harry hasn’t seen much of her, but then again it’s been only three days since he moved in and he wasn’t exactly what you call ‘social’.

“Hard to miss Louis, you know” Harry looks back over, to the bright smile on Louis face and silently agrees with Perrie.

Yes, he thinks, Harry would have certainly noticed that boy, too.

“Enough about us, poor Harry will hear these stories more often than he’ll like” Liam gets up and brings back a couple of beers. “What’s your story then, kiddo?”

“Umh… nothing exciting” Harry shrugs, a bit uncomfortable under all their stares.

“How old are you again?” Louis pipes up and Harry is glad for the pointed question, unsure of where to start and what to tell them. They all seem really friendly and usually Harry would have loved to get to know them but… he can’t really, can he? He told Ben he hated the idea of going to uni, wasn’t going to have fun and go out and… well, he’s not going to give in after just three days now.

“Twenty… I’ll be twenty-one in like… two weeks”

At that Louis eyes widen, “Cheeky. Gem, you neglected to mention we had a soon-to-be birthday boy in our middle”

“With good reason! I know how overboard you can get when it’s someone’s birthday”

Louis pouts and whines. “But it’s a ‘once a year experience’, it should be _special_!”

“Special, Tommo. Not _so epic_ that you need another year to recover from it” Liam chides but his smile is fond.

“I think Louis birthday parties are legendary”

“Of course you would, Niall” Zayn shakes his head but turns back to Harry. “So that means you finished school…?”

“Almost two years ago. Got back from my gap year end of May last year”

“Cool, where did you go?” Niall leans forward, offering Harry a beer he declines.

“Me and my mate Ed went around Europe. Spent quite a bit of time in Spain and Portugal, trying to learn how to surf” he chuckles at the memory.

“You can surf?” Louis peeks up at that.

“Ahm… not really. Emphasis on ‘ _trying_ ’. We never took lessons, thought it’d somehow work out if we just went often enough. I’m an expert at swallowing gallons of salt water without being sick though”

“Something that surely will come in handy one of these days” Louis nods. “Hey, if you want – me and Liam sometimes go off to Land’s End during holidays; we could teach you a trick or two” Harry’s mind goes blank at the image of Louis walking out of the waves, board under his arm and dressed in swim shorts that cling to his thighs and bum, wet hair sticking to his temples and forehead and eyes sparkling with mischief.

“May…maybe. Like… yeah. Sounds… umh… nice” Harry stutters, trying desperately to think about anything but the way the water would run over Louis abs.

What is wrong with him?! He barely spared anyone else a glance since meeting Ben, too preoccupied, too proud that he managed to snatch such a ‘man’. But ever since he set foot in this godforsaken flat, inappropriate thoughts of his sister’s flat mate have been creeping up on him and Harry just doesn’t get what it is about that boy that has him so… irritated yet oddly fascinated.

Saturday he barely glanced at Louis, acknowledging in passing that yes, _cute one_ , but Harry’s seen a couple of cute boys in his time.

Then Sunday came when he bumped into one of Louis conquests and ever since he’s seen the marks on his body, had Louis tell him with so much nonchalance that “he just doesn’t do dates or relationships”, Harry’s been… intrigued. Coming across as a bit of an arrogant jerk and cocky player that day, Harry seems to have to reevaluate because Louis has been nothing but nice, funny and helpful today.

Harry can read people pretty easily, but somehow he doesn’t get what Louis is all about. On the one hand he seems like he doesn’t give a toss about people’s feelings but then again Harry has seen the way Zayn and Liam look at him, and you don’t become _that kind_ of friends if you _don’t care_.

So yeah, Louis confuses Harry and this is bad because Harry is happy, doesn’t want to be confused or drawn to some pretty, reckless boy because he’s got a boyfriend and is perfectly happy and in love and… then Louis smiles and… shit.

He takes a deep breath, thinking there’s nothing to worry about. It’s a bit of a stupid crush, fatal attraction and possibly pent up sexual frustration because he hasn’t seen Ben in quite a while and with all this drama… he’s new here and while he has Gemma, it’s not so surprising that he feels drawn to people. It’s a defense mechanism, something to make him feel less alone and more like he belongs. That’s what all this is. It’ll pass and Louis will just become another pretty face in the crowd.

Harry almost pats himself on the shoulder for this conclusion. It’ll be okay, he just really misses his man and is sure Ben misses him too. Maybe he’ll even managed to come down here for a bit, see Harry’s new flat and the uni. It’d be nice to show Ben around… Yep, Ben. That’s who Harry will be thinking about as of now. He should call him, perhaps set up a skype date.

Leaning back, Harry is contend with listening to the conversations flowing easily around him, giving his opinion here and there or answering random questions thrown at him. It’s only his proper second day but… Harry would never admit it (at least not now) but it’s nice. Nice enough at least and he could very possibly get used to this…

\--------

 

Harry keeps canceling on him.

It’s been a week now since Louis invited him to tag along to the open mic night, Harry having survived his first week in Manchester. He doesn’t even have lectures yet, he will start at the end of January with the second semester so Louis doesn’t get why he’s so reluctant to go out with him. It’s not like he’s planning on getting Harry so drunk that he can’t say his own name any longer, or undress him and tie him to the flag post (he did try that one on Niall but the Irish one has an alcohol tolerance, which can rival that of any Rugby team).

Louis is just trying to be nice, help a friend out and be a good roommate. He still remembers how glad he was that he had Zayn and Liam when he got here, the new surroundings and so many new people can be quite intimidating. And Harry knows no one except Gemma, that’s why Louis figured he’d be glad for a helping hand but… apparently not.

Harry had spent each and every evening of the week in his room (except for Monday when he was lured out with the promise of food), skyping with “Ben”.

Louis has already taken to rolling his eyes discreetly whenever Harry mentions that name because he feels like that’s all Harry ever talks to him about. _Ben here, Ben there. Ben said this, Ben doesn’t like that_ – does that kid even have his own opinion?

Whatever, the weekend’s come and gone and out of consideration for Harry’s fragile state, Louis decided against bringing someone home. He only got ridiculously drunk with Niall, but – and he’d like a pat on the back, please – he even was kind enough to crash at Niall’s instead of waking everyone up at 4am while he walked into all the walls in Niall’s flat. Louis must be the fucking best roommate on the planet!

So now that’s he’s recovered from a quite spectacular hangover two days after his adventures with Niall, Louis is bored and at home and that’s never a good combination.

He’s been sprawled across the couch, munching on crisps for the better part of the afternoon, watching some trash TV but that only kept him entertained for so long.

Gemma is out on a date with Ashton, Zayn has Perrie over at his and Liam mumbled something about a study date with… huh… new girl on the horizon? Louis makes a mental note to bug him about it tomorrow. That leaves Niall.

Turns out, blondie is already on tour, judging by the noises in the background in some pub and Louis can barely hear him. But Niall wouldn’t be Niall if he didn’t shout the name of the bar loud enough for Louis neighbors to hear before he hangs up, knowing Louis will eventually show up.

With a groan, he rolls off of the sofa and wanders back to his room to do something with his hair and possibly even put some clean clothes on. It’s by pure chance that he glances over at Harry’s door, seeing it’s ajar and before he can think better of it, he knocks and pushes it open.

Harry is sitting on his bed, laptop set up and…

“Are you wearing a freaking button down while watching porn?”

Harry blushes a pretty shade of pink and quickly snaps the laptop shut. “I am NOT watching porn”

“Mmh” Louis leans against the doorframe. “What are you up to then?”

“I was… well, Ben and I had agreed on a skype date but…” He glances at the watch. “Doesn’t seem like he’s able to make it, meeting probably overran…”

“Okay” Louis is still trying to get over the fact that Harry seemed to have showered, styled his hair and actually dressed rather nicely (even so a bit too posh and boring in Louis opinion) just for a skype date.

“Yeah” He ruffles his curls a little nervously, looking a bit lost and upset.

“Shame, but his loss. Put some shoes on, cupcake, we’re going out”

“What?” “Give me five –“ Louis peeks into Harry’s mirror. “Okay, ten minutes”

“But…” Harry starts to protest but Louis has already walked out and back to his room.

It takes him fifteen minutes to quickly find a beanie he can throw over his uncooperative hair, slip in some skinny jeans and find a long sleeved shirt with scooping neckline to show off his collarbones.

Harry is still sitting at the exact same spot Louis had left him. “Get a move on, kid”

“But… Ben… he might call later?”

“Let him” Louis shrugs. “He might even try again if he can’t reach you. What are you two? Married? Can’t you take two steps without Ben’s approval?” it comes out a little harsher than intended, but seriously: What’s Harry’s problem?

“No” he glares at Louis. “Of course not, it’s just…”

“Look, just thought I’d offer, yeah? You’ve been holed up here for a week and have barely left the flat. But it’s your choice” Harry sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and mulls over Louis words.

“Would your boyfriend really be angry if you went out for a couple of drinks?” Louis asks softly and Harry is about to say ‘no, of course not’ but… that’s not entirely true.

Although Louis is right, he’s been staring at the same four walls for seven days now and those short phone calls and hushed skype sessions with Ben are really not making up for it. He’s _here_ now, and he’ll have to stay here for a while, what’s the harm in having a look around and meeting some people? He can’t be a hermit for the rest of his life just because Ben doesn’t like him going out alone.

“Is this okay?” Harry pulls at his shirt and Louis crinkles his nose slightly.

“A bit overdressed but… it looks good on you. Throw a blazer over it and you could totally pull off the posh prep-school boy look”

“I’m going to take this as a compliment” Harry reaches for his phone and wallet and Louis grins. “Was never intended to be anything else. Might want to grab a coat, though, it’s kinda cold”

 --------

 

The walk to the pub takes about twenty minutes, Louis bundled up to his eyebrows in layers but he’s still shaking and Harry kinda wants to grab his cold fingers and rub them between his until Louis is warm and soft again.

But this is really out of the question, so instead, he trots along half a step behind him while Louis points out various landmarks and things to remember, i.e. best sandwich shop, a new club he hasn’t been to yet, good place for chicken curry and so on. He seems to be able to comment on almost every street they pass and Harry tries to take it all in but can’t quite keep up.

When they arrive at the bar, Harry steels himself, thinking he’ll lose Louis the very second they walk in. To his surprise, Louis wraps his slender fingers firmly around his wrist, not letting go but dragging Harry across the rather packed space and towards the bar.

“Beer?”

“Umh… yeah, sure” Harry scoots a little closer to Louis when someone bumps into him, looking around. It’s rather busy for a Tuesday but then again, maybe that’s just uni-life for him.

“Pretty packed” Louis hands Harry his beer and he raises a questioning eyebrow at him. “The bar, it’s usually a bit quieter during the week because, well, some people take uni seriously” he winks at Harry.

“So what’s the big fuss about?”

“Some new, hot band playing tonight” Louis shrugs. “Never heard of them before, I think Niall’s seen them a couple of times”

“Niall’s here?”

“He said he would be…” Louis looks around and Harry again expects him to walk off in search of his friends but Louis only draws two stoles closer, gesturing for Harry to take a seat.

“So… survived the first week. Got your schedule and everything, figured out where the lecture halls are?”

“Kinda, been really just wandering around and I guess I should really start remembering where to go so I don’t get lost on my first day”

“Yeah, can be a bit overwhelming at first. I got lost all of ten times – and a couple of more times I never told anyone about – so it happens to the best, you know” Louis grins. “But you seem to have settled in okay-ish?”

“I guess. Didn’t have much choice now, did I?” Harry says a little miffed.

“I feel insulted on behalf of the whole student body” Louis proclaims. “Harold, this should be the best time of your life, guess I’ll just have to change your mind and make you see reason”

“Is that so?” Harry tries for a stern expression but fails when he sees the twinkle in Louis eyes.

“Mmh” Louis wriggles his eyebrows and now Harry can’t help but laugh.

It’s kinda pointless trying to act like he isn’t enjoying himself after that. Of course, Harry is still a little nervous - after all he knows no one here and he’s alone with Louis – especially once people start recognizing Louis and coming up to him. Louis is friendly, chats animatedly with everyone but never leaves Harry’s side and always makes sure to introduce Harry properly and include him in the conversation. Eventually, Harry’s nervousness fades away and he becomes less reserved, turning on the charm a little.

Two hours after they arrived, Harry has a number of new contacts saved in his phone with the promise to meet up at some point and if Louis shoots him a smug smile, so what?! He can be fun, too, okay!

They’ve abandoned their spot at the bar in favor of shuffling closer to the stage and Harry is very positively surprised once the band starts to play. Bobbing his head to the beat, Louis yells something at him and Harry bends down a little, moving closer so he can hear Louis.

“You’re such a hipster!” he teases and Harry grins.

“It’s called taste in music, Louis. Something you obviously don’t have but not all is lost – I can arrange for some tutoring, if you like”

“Is that right? Private tutoring, I hope” Louis smirks and Harry blushes but doesn’t have time to be proper embarrassed because Louis knocks his beer against Harry’s and hip checks him, swaying to the beat.

If Harry had known that uni could really be like that, he might have not been so against the idea. When the band stops, appropriately applauded and cheered on by Harry, it’s him who convinces Louis to stay for another beer.

“You like that kind of music?” Louis asks once they’re on their way home, feeling a tad warmer thanks to the alcohol in their system.

“Wasn’t hard to figure out, was it?”

“Umh, no. You were proper fangirling” Louis laughs when Harry gives an embarrassed cough. “It’s cute, you know. And if you liked them, then I might know one or two bands you’ll _fall in love_ with – even with my limited knowledge of good music”

“Can hardly wait to be introduced to a Katy Perry cover band” Harry shoots back and Louis laughs loudly.

Harry could get used to that sound, wishes he’d manage to make Louis laugh more often like that.

He’s about to poke a little more fun at him when his mobile interrupts them. Not checking the caller ID he answers with a happy “Hello?”

“Nice to know you’re still alive and not lying in some ditch”

“Ben” Harry quickly casts a look at Louis but the other boy just keeps walking, ignoring Harry’s conversation as good as possible.

“I tried calling you on skype about two hours ago and I’ve sent you a couple of messages but I guess you were too busy to pick up?”

“Umh, it was kinda loud so I didn’t hear my phone?”

“Loud? Well, having to share with three people isn’t exactly a quiet affair but I was under the impression you had your own room and didn’t live in some hippy community?”

“I’m… kinda not at home at the moment”

“You’re not” Harry didn’t think it was possible for Ben’s voice to sound any colder.

“No” he glances at Louis, who has his eyes locked on the frosty ground. Harry sighs. “Look, I tried calling you a couple of times but you didn’t answer so I figured you were busy”

“Some of us have a job, Harry”

“I’m aware” he doesn’t know where the snarky tone came from but he’s glad for it. There’s no need for Ben to be so pissy, it’s not Harry’s fault after all. He did nothing wrong, only went out with a friend to grab a drink and it’s not like he stood Ben up.

Ben sighs. “This is exactly what I thought would happen”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. I am very sorry I interrupted your night out on the prowl, maybe you can give me a call back at your convenience?”

“Don’t be like that, Ben” Harry lowers his voice. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone out, I knew you would do your best to call back as soon as possible”

Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Louis eyebrows basically meet his hairline but he doesn’t say anything.

“I’m trying here, Harry. You know it’s not easy with Meredith and…”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Ben”

“So you’re on your way back now?”

“I am. Do you think I can give you a call in…” He looks at Louis, hoping the other boy can see the question in his eyes. Louis just holds up five fingers. “… can I call you back in like five minutes or will your wife be around?”

Louis stops dead in his tracks.

Harry is so surprised that it takes him another three steps until he stops as well, looking back with a questioning expression.

“No, you can call me in five minutes”

“Cool, thanks Ben” He hangs up quickly. “Louis? Everything okay?”

“His _wife_?” Louis hisses.

“Well… umh… yeah?”

“Your “ _boyfriend_ ” is married?”

“Yes” Harry nods, not understanding how Louis went from happily chatting to glaring at him like he’s the scum of the earth.

“Kids?”

This isn’t an interrogation but Harry answers anyway. “Two”

“So you’re fucking a married man with two kids behind his family’s back”

“No… it’s not like that… I mean”

“Does his wife know about her husband’s pastime?”

“ _Obviously not_ ”

“Then I guess it’s exactly like that” Louis shoulders past him, and Harry is left a little dumbstruck before he manages to run after him.

“What’s your problem?”

“My problem?” Louis unlocks the door to their apartment complex and kicks it open with more force than necessary. “I just don’t like cheaters, so I guess my problem is rather small compared to Ben’s wife since he is fucking little boys behind her back before he goes home and plays the perfect daddy”

“Says the guy that sleeps with people left and right” Harry bites back and Louis fixes him with a stare so full of disgust that Harry feels a little sick.

“I may sleep around but I have no one waiting for me at home and I make sure the people I fuck haven’t either”

“You know nothing about me or Ben…”

“I know that he is married and that’s enough” Louis throws the door to their flat open, venom clear in his voice.

Gemma, who was apparently just on her way to the kitchen halts her steps and looks at them with wide eyes.

“It’s not like I never thought about it, okay? I know that it sucks and that it’s not the nice way of doing things…”

“Not a _nice_ way?” Louis laughs but there is no humor in his voice. “It’s disgusting. He should know better, fucking hell, _you_ should know better!”

“What’s going on?” Gemma asks cautiously.

“Your brother here is a fucking _home wrecker_ , that’s what’s going on” Both, Gemma and Harry, freeze at Louis words.

“Fuck you, Louis, you have no idea about me, my life or who I love”

“And I really, really couldn’t care less. People like you make me sick!” Louis glares at Harry before he turns around and fixes Gemma with an equally appalled look. “Thanks for neglecting to mention that valuable piece of information”

“Louis…” she tries in a soothing voice but Louis just walks away, middle finger up in the air before he throws the door to his room shut.

“What’s his fucking problem?” Harry seethes and Gemma shakes her head.

“You don’t know him that well yet, but… he’s got his reasons, Harry”

“Yeah? Well fuck him and his reasons!” he walks briskly past her, heading for his room and ignores her pleading looks to stay and talk to her.

Louis reaction hit him harder than expected. Especially after the night they had because… well, it’s been so much fun. Louis had been lovely, so different to what Harry expected him to be. Instead of abandoning him in favor of his friends or some hot piece of ass, Louis made quite an effort to make sure Harry enjoyed himself, was involved in each and every conversation and never felt left out.

For a couple of hours, Harry experienced what it felt like to be the sole focus of Louis attention and… he shouldn’t even think about it, much less wish for it – but Harry could get used to it. Thought Louis and him had a real chance at becoming friends… or something.

Perhaps that’s why he’s so angry and upset about it. Louis didn’t even give him time to explain, just judged him so quickly even so he said he wouldn’t. And having seen the look in his eyes… Harry is pretty sure that’s it, Louis won’t ever talk to him again and there’s certainly not a re-run of today’s evening in store for him.

Harry considers knocking on his door and trying to explain, trying to apologize even so he isn’t totally sure what he is saying sorry for but he really wants Louis to like him.

Harry should try and talk to him.

Instead, he locks his door and takes a deep breath before he dials Ben’s number.


	2. Hey honey, you could be my drug, you could be my new prescription

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to Dutchie, who took the time to read through all this and helped me out with suggestions and proof-reading!
> 
> With regard to updates; I've basically finished the whole story so updates should be quite frequent and on time, i.e. every 3-4 days.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, here's a looooong one for you :)

Louis isn’t talking to Harry, hasn’t really spoken to him in over a week now.

He avoids him as good as he can, given they still live together.

The thing is, Louis is really, really angry. And rather upset even so it takes him a while to figure out why: He started to _like_ Harry.

Stupid as it is, because he doesn’t really _know_ Harry, hardly spoke to him before that fateful Tuesday night but that was enough to like him. Besides the fact that Harry is a bit gorgeous, all long limbs, curls and pink lips, he’s also sweet and kind and goofy and adorable.

Louis would have had him for breakfast, lunch and dinner if he wasn’t Gemma’s brother but as it is, he was willing to add him to his short list of close friends.

That was until he discovered that Harry is a bastard, a cheating bastard to make things worse. A _cheating, home wrecking bastard_ coming in the disguise of a hipster model. He nearly had Louis fooled and he doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the fact.

Louis doesn’t trust easily, doesn’t open up to people just like that but… well, he could see himself doing that with Harry. As much as Harry had tried to avoid him or any social interaction in his first week, he was great fun once Louis dragged him out and he came out of his shell. They just… clicked and it’s something very, very rare for Louis. Zayn was the last person it happened with, even Liam took a while longer to get ‘used’ to.

It sucks and is fundamentally unfair that such a sweet guy turns out to be such a fucking dickhead. Louis feels cheated by life and fate.

So he does what he knows best; attending every party, drinking more than he should, staying out longer than he should, sleeping with people he shouldn’t. All because of stupid Harry Styles sitting at home with his crooked smile, and dimples and being all sweet and there and… ugh, Louis doesn’t want to talk to him, can’t even stand to see him.

Especially because Harry started looking like a lost puppy during the last days, growing nervous at the prospect of starting uni and not knowing anyone.

But it’s his own fucking fault really. Louis would have told that Ben guy where to stick it if he had tried to order him about like that. Small miracle Harry doesn’t yet have a shackle around his ankle and a GPS tracker under his skin because Ben really doesn’t like his boy wandering about.

Now that Louis has seen a glimpse, he’s started looking for clues and it reflects in almost every aspect of Harry’s life:

He wears the clothes Ben likes to see him in; button downs and slacks, because Ben doesn’t like ripped skinny jeans and band shirts.

He eats his eggs like Ben prefers them, doesn’t really like fast food because Ben said it’s “disgusting rubbish”, doesn't drink because Ben thinks he acts"silly" when he's drunk.

Harry only listens to the music Ben likes after he made so much fun of Harry’s favorite bands that Harry felt like a stupid teenager and quietly deleted it from his iPod and never brought up any of their concerts he would have liked to go to.

He’s taken to art exhibits that Ben wants to see, is dragged into restaurants Ben wants to eat in and told what - and who - to like and dislike.

Ben didn’t like Harry’s friends so Harry stopped talking to them. Ben doesn’t like Harry going to university so of course Harry won’t enjoy it. Ben doesn’t want Harry to socialize so he stays in his room and waits for his phone to ring.

Louis is a little bit sick of it.

And quite a bit angry with Ben, even though he never met the guy.

The fact that Ben is actually a possessive, cold-hearted prick in Louis humble opinion doesn’t make it better. He doesn’t get how a sweetheart like Harry could fall so hard for such a knob.

Louis is unproportionally upset about the whole thing, given that he doesn’t really know Harry, and it confuses him. So he withdraws and shuts himself off, rather sulking and glaring at Harry than actually speak to him and try to solve this.

Gem and even Perrie have tried a couple of times but Louis had brushed them off rather harshly and there’s only so many times both will hazard the consequences before they’ve given up.

“Could you look a little more disinterested, please?” Zayn kicks his shin and Louis sighs.

“Sorry, I’m just not really in the mood”

“Well, though luck, you’re my best friend and you will help me. Now… does that light look about right?”

Zayn had dragged him into a small gallery, claiming it was a matter of life and death. If Louis had known he only wanted to have a sixth opinion on whether the lighting does his paintings justice he would have hung up and turned off his phone.

“Looks about right”

“Louis!” Zayn whines and he manages a small smile. “What’s the matter with you? Did someone nick the last package of Oreo’s? Has "Suits" been dropped? Are all attractive men suddenly straight and in committed relationships?”

“No, but some are in fucked-up relationships with grey-haired pricks who cheat on their wives” he says before he can stop himself and Zayn sighs.

“Ah. _Finally_ ”

“Finally what?”

“You’re finally ready to talk about it” Zayn drops to the floor, the issue of perfect lighting forgotten. “Sit and tell Uncle Zayn all your problems”

“I will kick you in the head if you don’t shut up” Zayn only pets the dirty floor in front of him and Louis gives up and sits down.

“So… Harry is sleeping with a married man”

“Harry is sleeping with a married prick”

“Attached to a man?”

“Zayn!”

“Okay, okay, sorry”

“I just don’t get it… like… he seems nice, right?”

“Mmh” Zayn agrees.

“And I know Gemma and… well, she doesn’t take shit from anyone”

“Very true, got the scars to prove it”

“And I don’t get…”

“You don’t get how a seemingly sweet, innocent boy could fall for such a douchebag”

“Yep. I mean… do you know how Ben orders him around? He’s proper brainwashed, always like “ _Ben said this_ ” or “ _Ben doesn’t like that_ ”. It’s scary and… I’m no expert when it comes to relationships but that isn’t how it should be right?”

“Ahm no” Zayn shakes his head. “That’s like the exact opposite of how it should be”

“Good, was beginning to doubt myself there for a minute”

“Nah, you’re still on track” Louis nods and stares intently at some dirt on the floor for a while until Zayn pokes him with his shoe. “Why are you so upset about this?”

“I am not”

“Bullshit” Zayn draws the word out and Louis hates that they have been friends for so long that Zayn can read his moods like an open book.

“It’s just… he seemed nice, you know? When I finally managed to get him out of his shell… we had fun” Louis complains, and a little quieter adds “I could have liked him”

“You already did. Like him that is, otherwise you wouldn’t still be moping and avoiding him a week later”

“He’s not hard on the eye and once he talks, he can be quite charming”

“Does someone fancy Gemma’s little brother?” Zayn grins but holds up his hand when Louis wants to complain. “Oh, be silent my racing heart! Have I not seen it coming?” he exclaims and Louis will pummel him to death with one of his beloved English novels.

“I do not fancy the kid. He was surprisingly good company, didn’t bore me to death against all odds and well, it’d been nice to have a male alley in the house, seeing as I live with two crazy females”

“Mmh” Zayn doesn’t even bother to appear like he believes him.

“I really don’t fancy him”

“Whatever you say, Louis. So that passive aggressive vibe I’m getting when anyone so much as mentions the name “Ben” is solely rooted in…”

“… the fact that I detest cheating, lying bastards. Yes. And everyone who enables cheating, especially when there’s kids involved. Also, it’s not like he treats Harry nicely…”

“So it would have been acceptable if he planned to leave his family for the kid?”

“I… what?! No… I mean… isn’t that what they always tell you?” there’s a bitterness in Louis voice Zayn hasn’t heard in a long time. “That they love you and will leave everything behind for you, it’s just not the right moment but if you only just wait a little everything will be fine?”

“I’m sorry, Lou”

Louis bites his lips and stares at his fingers, seeing he started picking at his nails again, a nervous habit he thought he’d gotten rid off. “Never mind, Zayn”

“So what are you going to do?”

“About Harry?” Louis shrugs. “Don’t know. Not much I can do about it. That Ben guy has him wrapped around his little finger, he thinks he walks on water. Just look at all the shit Harry did for him; he’s so fucking submissive… it… God, if I ever meet that scumbag—“

“Woah, hold on. I actually meant what are you going to do about the living situation? Didn’t know you were already calling in the troops to march to war”

Louis blinks at him. “Oh”

“Yep. Oh” Tosser he is, Zayn is already smirking at him. “I think it’s really cute if that’s any condolence” Louis levels him with a look that would have made water freeze, but Zayn is already so cool, he just grins wider.

“I’m doing Gemma – one of my best friends as I may point out – a favor. She asked me for help and I don’t want to let her down”

“Whatever floats you boat, boobear” Zayn gets up and dusts his pants off. “Now… do you think that painting would look better if the light was a little softer…”

Louis groans and rolls on his stomach, burying his face in his arms and pretending to be dead. Zayn just steps on him but keeps talking.

The thing is, Louis is not stupid. Some people may argue differently but he’s really not.

So he is well aware of the grain of truth in Zayn’s words even so he chooses to ignore it. Yes, Harry is a bit of a gorgeous temptation, sent to earth simply to torture Louis because he can look but can’t touch. On top of that he’s also charming and sexy in such a dorky way that Louis wants to put him into his pocket and protect him from everything bad in this world right after he tied him to his bed and wrecked him good enough to make it impossible to walk for _weeks_.

He’s a big believer in freedom of choice and having endured Harry’s stories about Ben for days on end now, Louis is pretty sure that Harry doesn’t have any choices or any say in matters and that sucks. Massively.

Because Harry is young and sweet and pretty and shouldn’t be someone’s dirty secret but the center of the universe.

But it’s not really Louis place to say anything, at least not before Harry hasn’t actually asked his opinion and well, given his grand exit and radio silence since last week, Harry is rather unlikely to speak to Louis anytime soon.

\--------

 

“No Gemma”

“But… what about later on? We could meet in a club, I could ask Louis or Zayn…”

Harry sighs, a little on the edge after having had to tell his sister the same answer again and again over the last days. “No Gemma, okay? I don’t want go out with you lot. Maybe next weekend but tonight, it’s only me and Ben”

“It’s your 21st birthday” she rolls around on his bed and gives him the puppy eyes.

Harry groans but keeps on trying to tie his tie, casting a glance back to check that Gemma hasn’t rolled on his blazer.

Ben has made dinner reservations, taking him out to a rather expensive and posh restaurant he said he’d been wanting to try for months. It’s not necessarily what Harry would have chosen, but Ben seemed to be looking forward to it quite a bit and well… who’s Harry to complain if he gets taken out to a fancy dinner before spending the night in some gorgeous suite his boyfriend booked for them?

He did suggest going out with his sister and some of her friends so Ben could meet them and Gemma wouldn’t feel so rebuffed but Ben dismissed the idea in an instant. It upset Harry a bit because even after almost four weeks Ben has yet to make the trip to see him and his new flat. He hasn’t even met Harry’s sister and well, his birthday would have just been the perfect occasion to introduce them.

“Gemma?” someone shouts.

“In here!” she yells back and before Harry can ask her to leave, Louis has poked his head inside. He casts a quick glance at Harry, eyes roaming over the black slacks and white button down, resting on the thin black tie Harry’s wearing.

“Can you tell him how much of a party pooper he is, please? It’s his 21st birthday and he’s going to some fancy French restaurant with his sugar daddy even so Harry doesn’t even like French food”

“You don’t?” Louis blurts and it’s the first words he’s spoken to Harry directly since their fight.

“Umh… well, not that much” Harry blushes. “But it’s okay”

“Okay” Gemma echoes. “ _Okay_. Does that guy even know you at all?”

“Look Gem, I don’t get involved in your business so mind backing off and keeping clear of mine, yeah?” Harry snaps.

“You know what? Fine. Go to some shitty restaurant you don’t like, talk about stuff you’re not interested in and maybe if you’re really nice, Ben will even get you off” she bites back and stalks out of his room.

Louis look lingers for a couple of seconds longer before he quietly says “Have fun” and closes the door.

~

The restaurant is really, really posh.

Harry gets led to some tiny table in the middle of what feels like a ballroom, people dressed in cocktail dresses and suits around him are either casting him curious looks or frowning openly at him.

Ben isn’t yet here even so Harry is fifteen minutes late because he missed the train and got a bit lost. The waiter shoves the menu in his face and leaves him before he has the chance to order a glass of water.

Harry peeks at the menu but seeing everything is written in French he quickly gives up, rather pulling out his phone to check the time and make sure he’s really at the right place. He types a quick “ _Am here, can’t way to see you, place is loooovely! xxxx_ ” and hits sent. He has yet to hear from Ben, who hasn’t done more than sent him a text with the address and time but Harry gathers he’s busy. He said the last week had been hectic and Harry certainly noticed due to the lack of Skype sessions and phone calls.

He looks around curiously, trying to memorize the place and people so he can tell Gemma all about it and they can have a good laugh about people with too much money – that’s if his sister is actually talking to him again.

He’s half way into an apology text when the waiter clears his throat loudly. “Can I get you anything to drink or are you ready to order?”

“Oh” Harry fumbles with the menu for a second. “Umh… just a water please. I’m waiting for someone”

“Sure” he turns around without so much as a smile and Harry puts the phone away after people nearby have started to send him scolding looks.

Tapping on the white tablecloth he stares straight ahead, feeling slightly uncomfortable and trying to appear smaller than he is. Minutes tick by like hours and Harry has been holding onto his glass of water for thirty minutes by the time the waiter comes back.

“Can I take your order, sir?”

“I’m waiting for a friend”

“Aha” he glances pointedly at his watch, not so subtly reminding Harry that it’s been almost an hour.

“Maybe give me fifteen minutes?”

“Sure” he turns around on his heel and stalks off.

Harry pulls out his phone under the scrutinizing looks of the other guests and hits dial. It rings and rings and rings… until he gets Ben’s voicemail.

Groaning, Harry redials again immediately and it rings… rings… before someone picks up and Harry’s heart lurches.

“Hey Ben, I’m at—“

“Listen, now’s really not the time to be calling. I won’t make it, okay? I call you when I have a minute” and then the line goes dead.

It’s only when someone clears their throat, feeling disturbed by the busy tone, that Harry ends the call.

_Ben just stood him up_. It’s his fucking birthday and his fucking boyfriend stood him up.

He could have called an hour ago, thirty minutes ago, heck he could have even send a text but no, _Harry_ had to call _him_.

He had to call him and even so they had a date, an important date because it’s not every day that someone turns twenty-one, Ben couldn’t even be bothered to call or text him. Harry would have sat here for another five hours and waited.

That’s so not cool.

He pushes the chair back with more force than necessary and throws the napkin on the table, stalking towards the exit.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“What?” He presses through clenched teeth, tears burning behind his eyes.

“Are you planning on paying?”

“Paying? For what?”

“The water?” the waiter whips out a small white bill. “That’d be £10”

“Ten…?!” Harry shakes his head, just digs for his wallet and shoves his last note at the waiter before he really starts to cry in a room full of people. It’s humiliating enough as it is already.

So he just grabs his coat and ducks out into the cold air, muttering “Happy fucking birthday to myself”.

\--------

 

Dangling the spoon over his mouth, Louis waits for the ice cream to just drip down.

He’s been practicing for almost an hour now, has got it down to an art really and people should applaud him.

Feet up in the air, head hanging over the couch Louis feels ready to chew the carpet. Gemma and Perrie are out with the girls, Gemma leaving upset and angry after her argument with Harry and even so Zayn suggested movies or a DVD night, Louis couldn’t get behind the idea, feeling too restless to sit still. Bit ironic that that’s what he’s been doing for the past hours.

The next blop of smooth chocolate brownie ice cream is just about to drop when the door to the flat flies open and Louis is so startled that he falls off the couch, ice cream hitting his nose instead of his mouth and he’s stuck at an awkward angel between the coffee table and sofa.

“What are you doing?”

“Ouch!” is all Louis replies, bend in half and knees touching his ears.

Someone sighs and then the coffee table is pushed away. Louis falls to the side, spine cracking loudly.

“I just broke my back”

“You can’t break your back, at least not that easily”

“Mind you, I fell about three meters”

“Sure” Harry draws and when Louis looks up, the younger boy has taken a seat on the coffee table.

“Don’t let Perrie see that, she’ll have your balls if you break it”

“Mmh” Harry stubs his dress shoes at the carpet and it’s only now that Louis notices a couple of things:

First of all, Harry is home and it’s only 10pm.

Secondly, he’s still dressed to the nines.

Thirdly, Ben is not around and last but not least, Harry’s eyes are red and he looks like he’s been crying.

“Kiddo?” Harry doesn’t reply and Louis rolls onto his back. They haven’t been exactly talking but… well, it’s his birthday and no one should ever look so sad on their birthday. Plus, the very small but annoying fact remains that Louis and Harry clicked and that Louis started to enjoy his company enough, like Harry enough, to be rather upset about the whole out-come. There’s something about that boy Louis can’t put his finger on.

“What happened?”

“Nothing”

“And the other version?”

Harry chews his lips but Louis counts it as success that he hasn’t yet ran off and locked himself in his room.

“What do you care?”

“Not much – at least not about that boyfriend of yours” Louis admits. “But then again I doubt that it’s him who’s upset about something, am I right?”

“Probably not”

Louis sighs and Harry actually looks at him for the first time, a small smile spreading across his face even so he fights it.

“What?”

“You’ve got chocolate all across your nose and… I think some in your eyebrows”

“Mmh, I’m just too sweet” Louis pushes himself up. He casts another good look at Harry and quickly makes his mind up, thinking “Fuck it”

“Stay here!” he orders and quickly skips off towards his room.

He does in fact have chocolate all over his face, which he quickly wipes off before he grabs some sweats and a ratty t-shirt and goes back to Harry.

“Here” he shoves the clothes at him.

“Umh…”

“Go change. You look very nice, smashing I dare say, but those clothes are rather uncomfortable for a rom com marathon with ice cream, crisps and chocolate”

Harry just blinks at him like an oversized owl.

“Harold. Go. Change”

“You want to watch a movie with me?”

“A couple actually but that’s semantics”

“But… you don’t like me”

Louis sighs. “I do not _not_ like you. I just… I’m not very fond of people who cheat, especially when there’s a marriage on the line and kids involved”

Curls bobbing, Harry nods. Good, so at least he sees his point, maybe all hope isn’t lost. But then again Louis kind of reckoned that Harry had probably given the whole cheating situation more than one thought – he seems to be the kind of person who is rather considerate and hates hurting people. All the more wrong that Ben the Douchebag got him into such a situation.

“But if I had to distribute the fault, I’d allocate 70% to Ben. Sorry. He should know better especially since – well, never mind”

“No, say it” Harry urges and Louis sighs, thinking Harry will probably get in a funk again but he asked for it.

“Especially since he isn’t exactly making you happy, is he? So he’s doing a pretty much fuck up job of making anyone except himself happy. Kinda selfish if you ask me but… yeah. You probably don’t so…”

“No… it’s… that’s a pretty accurate description” Harry admits, eyes wide with the admission.

“Oh?”

The younger boy just nods and eventually grabs the clothes. “I’ll be right back?”

“Yep”

When Harry goes to change, Louis goes to bring out the wine and even break into his secret stash of Belgian chocolate. He brings back his duvet and pillows, setting everything up and when Harry comes back, dressed in his sweats and t-shirt which is kinda tight and accentuating his biceps and endless torso in an almost indecent manner, he finds Louis snuggled under the duvet.

“You weren’t joking about the chocolate”

“Chocolate is not a joking matter, kiddo”

Harry sinks down next to him, reaching for the bottle of cold white wine tentatively.

“So your birthday is today, right?”

“Mmh, 1st February…”

“I’m not going to say it, you know” Louis uncorks the bottle expertly and pours Harry a generous glass. “Happy B’day that is…”

“I guess you don’t have to but mind me asking why not?”

“Because it’s not a “ _happy_ ” birthday. And birthdays should be happy. There should be a law against shitty birthdays”

“You’re weird” Harry takes a sip and his eyes widen in surprise.

“Good?”

“Yeah”

“Perfect, drink up. There’s more where that came from”

“I am not going to get drunk with you, watching silly rom com’s while eating chocolate and crying my heart out”

“Whatever you say, kiddo” Louis grins.

 

Three hours later all he thinks is: _Famous last words_.

Harry is proper tipsy, cheeks flushed a pretty pink and a smear of chocolate at the corner of his mouth and Louis wonders how it’d taste: Chocolate, wine and Harry.

Shaking his head, he admits that he might have had a bit too much as well, two empty bottles of wine is a clear indication.

“I hate French food” Harry suddenly blurts and Louis forms a silent ‘Oh’.

Turning towards Louis, he almost knocks the glass he had balancing on his knee over. “I really, really hate French food and he should know that, right? I mean, it’s not too much to ask, is it?”

“Umh, no”

“And… God, I don’t mind dressing up from time to time but it feels like I’m being suffocated by button downs and ties and I swear I will scream if I have to wear one more chino or slacks”

“Right” Louis isn’t really sure what to say but Harry doesn’t seem to expect an answer. He takes a healthy swig of his wine and keeps talking.

“Remember the band we went to see? That was _so much fun_ , Lou” and ooooh – nicknames. Louis feels his skin prickle.

“I haven’t had so much fun in… in ages. I love music, you know? I love going out to see bands, it’s so cool” the older boy has to duck, Harry talking with wild flying gestures.

“Why don’t you then? I mean, what’s stopping you?”

“Ben doesn’t like it if I go out” Harry confides in a hushed voice. “He’s a bit jealous, you know”

“Well, it’s not like you’re just going to shag the first pretty bloke that looks your way, is it?”

The look they exchange lasts about five seconds too long.

“No… I never, umh, I never cheated”

“Can I ask you a question, Haz?” the nicknames rolls easily off his tongue and he sees the curly haired one grin.

“Sure”

“Why are you with him? I mean… I get the appeal older men can have but like… he’s married with kids so it’s not like he’s just going to leave his wife for you. You’ll always be that dirty little secret, driven off to some remote villages for dates, never able to just pop around when you feel like a cuddle, phone calls limited to certain days and times and… from what I heard he’s a bit… possessive? I don’t get why he’s so opposed to the idea of you attending university. I mean, you need a job later on, don’t you? And like, shouldn’t a boyfriend be supportive of your interests and hobbies and shit and… kinda remember that you hate French food?”

Harry’s gaze never wavered from Louis face while he talked, but he looks down now.

“He promised to leave her this year, you know. His wife. Said the marriage wasn’t working and…” he sighs. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this”

“Do you believe him?” Louis will let it slip that Harry actually never answered his first question.

“I do?” but it comes out as a question.

“Okay. Well… I guess it’s your choice. I just… don’t let him hurt you or use you, okay?”

“Can I ask you something, Lou?”

“Sure”

“Why do you care?” Louis chews his lips for a second, trying to win himself some time. “Your sister is one of my best friends, more like family really and I guess, by extension you are too”

“Oh” that’s apparently not what he wanted to hear and before Louis can think better of it he adds “But I also had a really good time with you and… you’re fun, kiddo. I like –“ _you_ he almost says but saves it by saying “I like hanging out with you”

“I like spending time with you too, and I’m sorry for not telling you or you finding out about Ben’s wife like that” Harry turns back towards the TV and mumbles almost inaudible “And he really should know I hate French food!”

~

When his alarm goes off on a Saturday, Louis first reaction is to curse the universe very loudly and eloquently before his brain kicks in and he remembers why exactly he thought it’d be a good idea to get up at 6.30am.

He groans but eventually swings his feet out of bed, trotting into the shower where he nearly falls asleep again.

Not giving a shit about appearance – no one he meets at that time will actually believe their eyes and think it’s him – he dresses in ratty jeans, hoodie and beanie.

Having grabbed his car keys and left the flat on tippy toes, he first drives to one of those 24/7 super stores, which have about everything from diapers to lawnmowers. Whizzing through the aisles with a trolley and a plan, Louis makes it out of the shop an hour later and drives straight to his favorite bakery even so it’s a little out of the way.

He makes it back just before 9am but luckily Gemma and Perrie have adapted to his sleeping patterns over the years, meaning you won’t usually see either of them up and walking before noon on a weekend. And since Harry and him made good work of three bottles of wine, he doesn’t suspect the curly haired one to be up much earlier than the rest.

So Louis has tons of time to prepare everything.

\--------

 

Harry wakes up because of the excited noises and squealing girls.

He rolls onto his side and squeezes his eyes shut, thinking the latest glass of wine might have been a bit too much yesterday. But the slight headache is totally worth it.

Louis had been so sweet and supportive, listened to him whine and complain about Ben and even endured his sappy choice of movies (Ben hates every movie Harry chooses on principal it seems – that’s those rare times they actually had time to watch something together). Even so last night started off as quite the disaster, spending time with Louis made it all better somehow.

Harry isn’t yet ready to think about why Louis managed to lift his spirits with a simple smile and doesn’t want to explore that flutter of his heart if he thinks about that night in any depth right now. So he grabs some sweats and his phone and just makes a quick pit stop in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and trying to tame his curls before he wanders into the living room and stops dead in his tracks.

Maybe a party supply store exploded and Harry just slept through the bang.

Because there is a huge banner in brightly colored letters hanging from the ceiling, reading ‘Happy 21st Birthday’ as well as balloons, garlands and confetti. A bright pink cake sits on the coffee table, twenty one candles lit up while Gemma stands behind it, taking picture after picture of him with slack jaw and wide eyes.

Harry wishes he’d put on a shirt.

“What…?”

“Happy Birthday!” Perrie, Gemma and Louis shout at him.

“I… umh… today’s the 2nd February”

“Ah, Harold, that’s where you’re wrong”

“Huh?”

“Check your phone”

He already knew Louis was a bit weird but… well, if he learned anything than that it’s better to just do what he says instead of question why.

His phone says 1st February.

Like the little digital clock on the wall. Like Gemma’s and Perrie’s phones. Like the clock on the oven. Like every single one in the whole flat.

“Louis put them back” Gemma explains and shoots the grinning boy a look. “Snuck in our rooms while we were asleep”

“But… why?”

“Because birthday’s have to be happy. And they should be celebrated with friends. And there should be a fuck load of presents. So…” Louis steps aside and Harry can make out parcels and packages of various sizes on the couch.

Suddenly his throat feels a little tight and his eyes start to water. This… no one has ever done anything like this, went to such length just to make him happy.

“Fuck” Louis face falls. “Not good? Too much?”

“No! Oh God, never, I mean…” Harry wipes his eyes and gives a shaky laugh. “Jesus, when did you guys get up?”

“Oh, it was all Louis doing” Perrie says causally and Louis blushes. “Got up at 6am?”

“6.30am” Louis mumbles and Harry really wants to kiss him. A day ago he thought Louis couldn’t stand him and now… fuck, he had such a wrong first impression of the guy. Louis is the biggest, sappiest sweetheart on this planet.

“Happy Birthday?” he says with an unsure smile and shrug and Harry crosses the room and hugs Louis without a second thought.

“Thank you. This means… this means so much. No one has ever done anything like this and I… I don’t know what to say really” Harry mutters against Louis neck, feeling the older boy shiver.

“Don’t mention it, kiddo” he gently steps out of the hug, cheeks flushed and Perrie grinning like a Cheshire cat. “There’s more where that came from”

“More?”

“Mmh” Louis reaches for his back pocket and places an envelope in Harry’s hand. “Happy 21st Birthday, mate”

“Yay, presents!” Clapping his hands like an excited six year old, Harry drops onto the carpet in front of the couch, opening Louis present first of course.

It’s tickets to a concert later this evening and Louis explains “I took the liberty to invite the boys along as well, if that’s okay? We have a booth and I thought we could get some dinner and drinks at the venue. It’s nice… nothing fancy… so umh… I mean you don’t have to, like if you have other plans?”

“This is fucking perfect, Lou. Thank you so much!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Louis is the best, we know” Gemma sits next to him. “Here, maybe give the rest of us a chance of coming in close second?” she hands him her present and Harry beams. After their fight, he didn’t really expect something but was nevertheless disappointed when Gemma didn’t even have a small present for him yesterday.

They spent the early afternoon unpacking presents and when Perrie suggests cutting the cake, it takes Louis all of 0.6 seconds to press Harry’s face into it. He comes up laughing so hard that tears mix with vanilla cream, face covered in cake and frosting stuck in his curls. The whole thing dissolves into an epic food fight pretty quickly until Harry and Louis are sent off to shower and get cleaned by a stern looking Gemma, who fights hard to keep the grin of her face.

 ~

They get to the bar with only 20 minutes delay, because Harry decided on a change of outfit five minutes before he was supposed to leave his room.

Dressed in skinny black jeans, black tank top with a red and black checkered shirt thrown over it, Harry feels more like himself than he felt all of the last six months.

And if Louis’ gasp and blush are anything to go by, Harry’s still rocking that look. Although he has to admit that Louis himself looks rather nicely clad in dark jeans as well but with a white long sleeved shirt, neckline scooping so low that his collarbones are on display and Harry can sneak a peek at his chest tattoo.

“So kiddo, last surprise for the day” Louis warm hand wraps around his biceps when they walk into the bar.

“Another? Oh boy, you’re spoiling me” Harry batters his eyelashes and Louis bright blue eyes darken a notch, his hold getting tighter.

“Cheeky. But as I said; no birthday is complete without a big party, good music, lots of alcohol and… friends” he motions towards the table and sure thing, there’s a ginger mop of hair seated next to Niall and Liam.

“Ed!” Harry shouts and abandoning Louis, runs over. “What the fuck!”

Ed laughs and reaches out to hug Harry. “Happy birthday, mate”

“Oh my God, this is… wow. You’re here and… fuck. It’s so good to see you! But how…?”

“Hi, I’m Louis” Louis appears next to him and shakes hands with Ed. “Glad you could make it”

“Rather short notice” Ed grins and turns to Harry. “That one here called me up this morning, woke me right up actually. But you know me, can never say no to a good party and if it’s the one of my best mate turning twenty one who am I to pass up that chance?”

“You… you called him?”

“Yeah. He’s your friend, right?” for a second Louis looks a little worried, like he’s afraid he called the wrong Ed up.

“How…?”

“Got the number while I stole your phone to set the date back. Thought it wouldn’t harm to snoop in your contacts and you were passed out anyways, snoring away like a construction worker…” Louis grins. “Hope you don’t mind. Didn’t mean to cross a line, sorry”

“No… it’s….” Harry actually doesn’t have any words. It’s fucking huge, that’s what it is. “Thank you Lou” he whispers in a soft voice, seeing Louis nudge closer.

“Pleasure” he mumbles back as quietly, Ed looking back and forth between them with a knowing smile. “So – drinks? It ain’t a party until Harry can’t walk straight anymore!”

“Shouldn’t be too hard, Harry always had a problem with the straight and narrow” Ed nudges Harry with a grin.

“Ugh, I see where you get the bad puns from, Harold!” he pinches Harry’s cheek. “Come on Ed, let’s go and get Birthday Boy here something toxic to drink!”

Harry is only mildly concerned when Louis drags Ed off towards the bar and sinks down next to Niall.

“How are you enjoying your day so far?”

“It’s a bit surreal” Harry admits.

“Yeah, Louis has a tendency to go a bit overboard with his plans” Zayn leans closer to them, arm casually slung around Perrie’s shoulders.

“A bit?” Harry laughs. “He turned our living room into a party store but… you know, it’s kinda pretty damn great what he did” he adds almost shyly, trying to avoid the weird glint in Zayn’s eyes.

“Mmh, it’s pretty damn great to have such a friend” Niall says almost casually and Harry looks up, clearly a little surprised.

“I didn’t… uhm… we kinda had a bit of a fight and I didn’t think… I didn’t think Louis counted me as a friend”

“Louis doesn’t let his guard down easily, but when he does, he cares deeply and he’ll do anything for his friends” Liam joins their conversation. “Usually it takes a lot longer than this, but…”

“He counts you as his friend, said as much to me a couple of days ago” Zayn kicks Harry gently under the table. “Just don’t – I don’t know – muck it up?”

“I have a tendency to do that with all my friendships at the moment” he glances back towards where Louis and Ed disappeared in the crowd.

“But that’s up to you, innit?” Niall nudges him. “I mean, you figured out that maybe your behavior during the… last six months wasn’t entirely correct with regards to your friends and… well… no one’s keeping you from changing that, right?”

It a bit too specific to pass as a wild guess. “Oh God, you all know about Ben and the other stuff, don’t you?” Harry cradles his head in his hands.

“Well, no use lying. Gemma told us bits and pieces but, kid, she cares, okay? She didn’t do it to make you look bad or anything she was just worried…”

“But Louis…”

“That’s an entirely different story” Zayn cuts Liam off before he can say anything. “And one that should be told by Louis himself – when he’s ready”

“Nevertheless, he cares too. He’s just got a weird way of showing it” Liam tries to soften Zayn’s words a bit, trying to make them sound less like a rebuff.

“Louis is weird full stop” Niall shakes his head. “That kid has never been normal”

“Yeah, neither have you, so go figure!” Liam reaches out to ruffle Niall’s hair who ducks and nearly kicks Harry off the bench. It quickly dissolves into a tickle fight, Zayn watching them with an amused smile from the opposite side of the table, safe distance between him and those little fuckwits.

When Louis and Ed come back, each one is carrying a tray full of drinks and Louis places his in front of Harry with a big grin.

“Oh no, I am not drinking one of those!” Harry exclaims, eyeing the shot glasses with obvious distain.

“Of course not, kiddo. You’re drinking _two_!” Louis unloads the drinks in front of Harry before he can protest any further, Ed’s placing a huge cocktail right next to them.

“What this then?”

“Tequila and Tequila Sunrise” Ed explains and Harry glares at him. “I hate you”

“Awh, don’t pull such a face cupcake. See, dearest Ed and I had a little chat because we couldn’t make up our minds what to get and one word let to another, story to story… from one guy to another… we have both been on gap years…”

“You didn’t!” Harry shouts and Ed throws his head back in laughter.

“He didn’t what?” Niall looks questioningly between the boys.

“Well, when Harry and I went to Spain he got really drunk one night on tequila and—“

“No!” the one in question quickly jumps up and places a hand over Ed’s mouth. “I’m far too sober for this, especially if we start telling embarrassing stories!”

“Oh I have a fuckton about Harry, if anyone wants to hear them. Ranging from potty disasters to awkwardly groping girls on their fifth birthday!” Gemma pipes up and Harry wonders what he did in his former life to be blessed with people whose main goal in life is to embarrass him.

“Groping five year olds, Harold. And girls!” Louis hits him playfully. “I’m appalled!”

“I was four and high on sugar!” Harry giggles. “And don’t you have to snog your boyfriend or do something equally important that doesn’t involve you telling stories about me, Gem?”

“I’ll make an exception for you, sugerbum!”

“Great” Harry grabs the first shot. “Let’s get drunk then!” he knocks it back and feels Louis staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing” Louis’ grin turns devilish, “seems I underestimated you, Harold. To you!” he grabs a glass as well, the rest following suite and they all toast to Harry’s birthday.

 

The band is pretty damn great and it’s only mildly concerning how well Louis already knows his taste in music. Niall buys him the demo CD as a late birthday gift, while Ed informs him that he has a brand new USB stick waiting for Harry in his rucksack with all the new albums of bands he loved but didn’t dare to buy because of… well, Ben.

Ben, who hasn’t once crossed Harry’s mind all day.

The thought startles him a little, makes him stumble while swaying with the crowd. Louis notices and looks up, catching his eye over Zayn’s shoulder. He pats the raven haired boy on the shoulder, quickly shuffling through the crowd until he’s close to Harry.

“You okay?”

“Mmh” _even better now_ , goes without saying. So he just grabs Louis, manhandling the smaller boy until he’s placed in front of him, chest to back and softly swaying with the beat. Louis freezes, tensing in Harry’s arm but he pretends not to notice, snuggling closer to him.

“So which stories did Ed tell you exactly?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know”

“I have a pretty good idea since you’ve been trying to get me drunk on tequila the whole night”

“Is it working?”

It’s an impulse, a bad idea and something Harry wanted to do since Louis stepped into that living room all those weeks ago, looking cute and disheveled, cuddly and sexy. He presses his hips closer to Louis, rubbing ever so slightly against him.

If his hand wasn’t splayed across Louis tummy, he’d miss the sharp intake of breath. “You tell me, Lou”

“Harry” He warns but it doesn’t hold any conviction.

“So Ed told you about that one time I got drunk on tequila and thought it’d be hilarious to advertise free blow jobs?”

“He said you had very pretty sign, pink glitter and all”

“Mmh, I was pretty drunk and pretty horny. Side-effect of tequila”

“Is it? Oh my, Ed didn’t mention that!” Harry brings his mouth closer to Louis ear, almost nipping at it when he whispers. “The sign or the side-effects?”

He _sees_ Louis swallow hard.

Then the other boy turns slightly, angling his head up and suddenly their faces are inches apart. “What kind of guy do you take me for, Haz” Louis voice has dropped so low, it resonates in Harry’s stomach, makes his insides churn. “That little ginger minger neglected to tell me about the fact that you wanted to give them out for _free_ ”

Now it’s Harry who struggles to catch a breath because _damn_ … he thought Louis knew about the whole story, likes playing with fire but jeeze… Harry can’t only blame the alcohol for his reaction to the other boy.

“Don’t good boys get a kiss when it’s their birthday?” Harry blurts, and Louis is visibly startled. He turns around completely in Harry’s hold, hands pressed to Harry’s chest.

“Usually yes” he reaches up and tugs a stray curl back behind his ear. “But good birthday boys usually get a kiss from their boyfriends”

“Right” Harry tries not to let his face fall.

Because Louis is doing the right thing. Because Harry has a boyfriend and shouldn’t go round asking other blokes for kisses. Because that’s cheating and Louis doesn’t cheat, doesn’t enable cheating and Harry… really wants to kiss Louis.

Fuck.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I know it’s… I’m drunk, don’t mind me”

“Hush” Louis grins, and quickly looks around. Then he gets up on his toes and places the softest, lingering kiss just on the corner of Harry’s mouth.

A shiver runs down Harry’s spine and his hands tighten the hold he has of Louis.

“Fuck”

“Mmh” Louis agrees.

“If Ben…”

“You’re still Gemma’s little brother” Louis cuts him off, still so close that his breath ghosts over Harry’s lip. “And I don’t… you want serious and long term and I don’t… I can’t” Louis stumbles over his words.

And Harry gets it, he does. All the reasons why this was a bad idea, why he shouldn’t want Louis like that. It still doesn’t help.

“It doesn’t always have to mean the world. But okay” Harry takes a small step back, and Louis leans forward ever so slightly, chasing the contact before he realizes what he’s doing. Then he takes a step back and runs his hands through his hair, looking around a little lost but covers it up quickly.

“Want a drink?”

Harry grins, glad it isn’t totally weird between them. “Would love one”

 ~

They stumble home together at the crack of dawn, Ed having gone home with Perrie, Zayn, Gemma and Ashton a while ago.

Liam and Niall almost stayed until the end (well, until the owner of the bar kindly but firmly reminded them that it was way past his usual closing time, before they too, went home or in Niall’s case back to Barbara (his on/ off, totally casual and very much not girlfriend).

The alcohol had begun to wear off again after Louis made him drink water once Harry reached the point where it can only go downhill (or in his case straight towards the bathroom), and while he was still pleasantly buzzed, his world wasn’t trying to spin off its axis any longer.

They had been belting some Katy Perry song while stumbling up the stairs to their flat, though both fell silent once they opened the door, peering into the living room where Ed’s sleeping figure was spread out on the sofa.

“Come on!” Louis grabs Harry’s hand and together they managed to not knock over too much furniture.

“I quite like those pictures!” Harry stops Louis with a sharp tug of his hand, pointing to the random assortment on the wall.

“I took them” Louis confesses and he nearly trips, turning around so quickly to look at the older boy.

“You?”

Louis shrugs. “It was part of my studies… and I quite fancied myself a photographer for a while, bought all the equipment but…”

“But?” Harry probes.

“I’m okay but I’m not like, amazing”

“They are pretty good”

“Thanks” He lets Harry wander along, looking at the pictures in the barely there light, streaming through the small window at the end of the corridor.

“I want to study photography. And music” Harry suddenly blurts. “Law is so boring and I mean, maybe it’s only been a couple of days but… if I have to endure this shit for the next years I will go crazy”

It’s the first time he said it out loud, the first time he really allowed himself to even think it. But it’s true. Ever since the first lecture a couple of days ago, Harry just knew it wasn’t for him. The problem was he had to confess it to his mother and sister and worse – to Ben.

It’s safe to say it to Louis, though. Because Louis won’t judge, won’t make fun of him or go all “I told you so”. Louis will just listen to him.

“Can I say something?”

“Yes, please” Harry walks back towards the other boy, head hung low.

“Then don’t”

“Don’t?”

“Don’t. If you already know, don’t keep going. It doesn’t make you happy and no matter how hard you try or think it should – it won’t. There’ll never be a day when it’ll miraculously be okay”

“And what…?”

“Study music” Louis shrugs like it’s the easiest fucking thing. “I even believe they offer some courses on photography for people who aren’t studying to become designers. I can ask around if you like…?”

“You don’t think it’s silly or… I’m making a mistake, giving up a safe choice for… well, chase my dreams in lieu of a better expression”

“I might be biased but you should always, _always_ chase your dreams. Safe choices seldom make you happy, Harry”

They look at each other until Harry gives a tiny nod and breathes “Okay”

“Good, now let’s go to bed” Louis opens the door he’s been leaning against and Harry suddenly realizes he's never seen Louis room.

Curiously, he glances back at him but the older boy motions for Harry to go in.

It’s… just what Harry had expected, like it’s totally not what Harry had expected. It’s messier than his room for sure, a huge bed being the center of the room.

The curtains are open, and Harry can see a gigantic fuzzy rug on the floor and a desk littered in papers.

“You have your own bathroom” Harry observes and Louis chuckles.

“Well, you just have to share with Gemma, could be worse, right? But you’re welcome to… uhm use my shower anytime your sister takes too long”

Harry nods absentmindedly, walking in and picking up random bits and pieces while Louis watches him.

Eventually he stops at the bed. “So that’s the one Liam built?”

“Yep, it’s fucking comfy as well”

“May I?”

“Pretty boy in my bed? Sure” Louis grins and Harry laughs.

“So you think I’m pretty!?”

“Shut up and lie down” Louis kicks Harry’s feet and he quickly toes his boots off and flings himself into Louis’ bed.

Louis wasn’t lying, his bed is freaking comfy and when Harry turns his head, he catches Louis scent on the pillows. It only takes a moment for Louis to climb into bed next to him, both lying on their back and staring up at the ceiling.

“Can the birthday boy get a cuddle?” Harry asks after a while, sounding shy and a little insecure. He doesn’t want to give Louis any reason to kick him out but he feels his body vibrating with the want to _touch_.

Louis sighs and when Harry looks over he sees him biting his lip. Suddenly, Louis tilts his hips up and undoes his belt, kicking his socks and jeans off.

“Is that okay?” He asks and Harry nods a bit dumbstruck, trying his hardest not to stare at Louis briefs.

“Mhmh” Harry tries to act unaffected but sounds a bit strangled.

“Well do you normally sleep fully clothed?”

“I… no” he quickly rips his jeans off, nearly taking his briefs down in his haste but stops before he can take his shirt off. “I… umh, usually sleep naked”

“Jesus” he hears Louis mutter. “Well, no nudity in my bed—“

“That’s contradicting everything I heard so far”

“Haha, very funny. Cuddling is contradicting everything I usually _do_ , so it’s my rules or no cuddles”

Harry pouts but nods. “Fine”

“Shirt can come off” Louis says almost as an afterthought. Harry has a feeling Louis is half regretting letting him in his bed already. “But pants stay on”

“Aye, aye” Harry chucks his shirt out of the bed and grins at Louis. “So since it’s my birthday and all… extra special… feel the love…”

“You’re rambling, Harold”

Harry probes himself up on his elbows and shifts a little closer, just watching Louis for a while until the older boy cocks an eyebrow.

“Spit it out Styles, I can _hear_ you thinking”

“It’s just…” Harry presses his face into the pillow so he doesn’t have to look into those unsettling blue eyes. “Can I stay?” he asks with a mouth full of pillow.

“Come again, please”

Harry groans. Louis has made it crystal clear that he doesn’t like people sleeping over, that he rather hands them £100 for a taxi than have them sleep in his bed.

But Harry really, really, really wants to stay. He wants to fall asleep curled around Louis and wake up next to him, hear his morning voice and see him blink awake.

“Can I stay?” he repeats. “Please, Lou”

“Stay…?”

“Here… tonight. With you. I know my bedroom is like five steps away but… your bed is so much more comfortable than mine and… pretty please?” Harry doesn’t dare to look at him.

Louis doesn’t say anything for minutes which feel like hours and Harry is almost ready to get up and grab his clothes when…

“Water is here, okay?” he points towards somewhere on the headboard and Harry nods.

“Yeah?”

“In case you get thirsty in the middle of the night. Don’t think about crawling over me or flicking on the light. I will smother you with a pillow, got me? And I swear to God, if you so much as _move_ before 10am…”

“Koala” Harry points to his chest. “Sleep for twenty hours, eat the remaining four”

“Sounds more like Niall” Louis grumbles but shifts around until he is comfortable. Then he lifts his arm and Harry is quick to comply. He fits his body to Louis’ and even so he’s taller, lankier than Louis… it’s a perfect match. They just _fit_.

His head is resting comfortable on Louis chest while Louis combs through his wild curls. Harry could purr.

“Happy birthday, Haz”

“Thank you, Lou”

“Think you can sleep like that?”

“Mmmh” He mumbles, content and sleepy from alcohol and cuddles.

“Good night”

“Night, boo” Harry mutters and then his eyes fall shut.

\--------

 

Louis slowly awakes the next morning, having slept better than ever before. His body feels heavy with sleep but not in an uncomfortable, tired way but more like totally contend and at peace. And even so he went out drinking last night, he doesn’t feel a hangover yet. Snuffling, he rolls over – well, tries to – just to bump his nose against naked skin.

Louis blinks, his brain still sleep muddled before he shuffles back and drags his eyes across the sight in front of him.

Harry has turned onto his side, face half mushed into the pillow, lips slightly parted and Louis is totally endeared by the soft, little snores escaping the younger bloke. Now, in the soft morning light Harry looks younger than the night before, still stunningly sexy and but also far more vulnerable.

Stray curls stick up in every direction and it takes quite a bit of willpower to refrain from smoothing them down. Louis tries to scoot back a little to get a good look at all the tattoos on Harry’s chest and arm but something holds him in place.

It’s only than that he realizes that Harry has both arms securely wrapped around him, Louis own hand curled around his biceps until a couple of minutes ago. Their legs are intertwined as well, as if they couldn’t bear the thought of one inch of skin not touching.

Louis is pretty sure that they weren’t wrapped around each other like that when they fell asleep last night but – _Shit_.

Last night comes back in a flash: Allowing Harry into his bedroom, into his bed. Cuddling. Falling asleep with Harry in his arms. Waking up with Harry wrapped around him like a koala.

That is like a manual of things Louis doesn’t do. No one stays the night and no one wakes up in his arms – or in case of Harry, Louis never wakes up in someone’s arms. It’s too intimate, too coupley.

Was he out of his mind last night? Louis groans and tries to roll onto his back which only causes Harry to hold onto him tighter and pull him closer.

“Fuck”

Harry has a boyfriend for crying out loud and it’s not… there are not at the stage where they have sleep overs, casually cuddling on sofas and shit like that. He rarely allows Zayn to hold him like this and Harry is a stranger in comparison.

It’s been years since Louis allowed anyone to get this close, lowered his guard that far and it’s never happened that quickly. They don’t know each other, for crying out loud.

Yet, here they are. Having gone against every rule Louis ever set for himself, Harry is here. In his bed, in his arms.

And Louis has never slept better.

“Fucking shit” he mutters. This is so not happening.

He is not allowing some curly haired hipster to sneak behind every defense, to tear down every wall he ever built with a smile and to make Louis want things he forbid himself to ever want again.

There’s no guarantee Harry would want the same, even so he blatantly flirted with Louis last night (jeeze, goosebumps still appear all over his body when he remembers Harry’s sultry voice, whispering in his ear and the way his body curled around his, the look in his eyes when he asked for a birthday kiss) because Harry was drunk and has a boyfriend.

He has a boyfriend he’s very much in love with, someone he’s – almost – submissively dependent on and even if… he’s still Gemma’s little brother which makes him one of the last people on this planet Louis could hook up with and hope to get away with alive.

They’re living together, how awkward would it be if they suddenly ended up sleeping together? Also, Harry is not random hook up material but the boy you bring home to your mother and who you introduce as your husband to be because… well, Louis just has this forever and always kinda vibe when he looks at Harry.

And he shouldn’t even be thinking along those lines, he reminds himself, because Louis doesn’t do serious relationships. He doesn’t date, he doesn’t aim at long term. He doesn’t cuddle and he doesn’t let people stay over.

Still, there’s a very asleep Harry in his bed.

Gently, afraid to wake Harry, Louis entangles himself from the sleeping boy and after a second thought, leaves a little note saying he went to get some tea and maybe not to tell Gemma that they kinda spent the night in the same bed… It sounds all wrong and no matter how long Louis mulls over the words, writes and rewrites them, they still carry an air of regret.

Eventually he thinks ‘fuck it’, hoping that Harry will know him enough by now to realize it isn’t meant in that way. He’s contemplating putting a “ _I don’t regret last night, btw_ ” at the end while he quickly gets half way dressed and brushes his teeth, but that might be coming on too strong?!

Taking one look back at Harry, Louis sighs and quietly closes the door behind him.

He pads barefooted through the corridor, surprised to see that the door to their living room is firmly closed but then again, maybe Ed got up and didn’t want to wake them.

“Morning party peop—“ the rest dies on his tongue. Gemma has her back towards him but he can tell by the tight line of her shoulders that she is strumming with anger, while Perrie has a soothing hand on her shoulder.

Ed looks less than impressed as well, leaning against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest.

“Lou, morning” Perrie casts a quick glance at him with a silent ‘help’ look in her eyes.

“Didn’t know we had visitors” he tries for a neutral tone although he has a pretty good idea who the man is. Dressed in beige slacks, a white button down and a navy blue blazer, Ben Winston looks just like Louis imagined him. Overbearing, stuck up and a bit boring. He tries for cool and casual with the way his cuffs are rolled up and the blazer is slung over his shoulder, but all Louis gets is a “I’m better than you” vibe.

“Neither did I” Gemma turns around, jaw in a tight line, “Ben decided to stop by unannounced, says he has some ‘business matters’ to discuss with Harry, some stuff regarding his internship”

“Did he now”

“Look guys, I’m sure you’re all recovering from last night’s excesses but would one of you mind getting Harry for me? It’s really important that I speak to him”

Louis takes a moment to give Ben a quick once-over. He’s good looking, handsome even, tall with a pleasant face and slight windswept, dark hair. And maybe there’s some hidden charm under all this cocky attitude but Louis has heard enough of the guy and nothing can salvage the impression and opinion he has about him.

Ed quickly glances over at Louis and if he wasn’t so pissed off about Ben showing up out of the blue, he’d be more worried about the silent question in Ed’s eyes.

As it is, he just gives a barely there nod.

“Harry is still asleep” the tone makes it clear that it isn’t the first time Ed said those words.

“Funny. I know Harry is an early riser…”

“Well, as you put it so fittingly: He’s still recovering from last night’s excesses”

“He – _what_?”

Louis goes for the most superior smile he can manage at 11am after too little sleep and a mind that is still reeling from sleeping next to Harry. “Oh, he didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“About his little birthday party last night” Louis walks closer to Ben, straightening his shoulders subconsciously.

“Look boy, I don’t know who you are and I don’t have time for your shit. I came to do Harry a favor, and I don’t know why you’re all getting involved” Ben looks him up and down and Louis clenches his teeth. Gemma and Perrie are still present and while he has some choice words on his tongue he tries to hold back, thinking he’ll do no one a favor if he starts a fight with Ben now. Plus, it might come off as really strange if he suddenly starts defending Harry with all his might and heart involved.

He really needs to sit down and think about this situation, about the way Harry got under his skin and makes his heart race just a little and that burning need to make him smile and defend him against the world. It’s new, Louis hasn’t quite felt this way ever before and it’s scary and overwhelming and it’s the worst possible time for these thought because Ben is still standing there, looking at Louis like he’s the scum of the earth.

Louis feels a little exposed, bare-chested with all his tattoos on display, wishing he’d stopped to put a shirt over his washed out and stained sweats but then again he thought he was making breakfast for the green-eyed cherub in his bed and not getting into a fight with Ben the Douchebag.

“I’m sure you’re still suffering from the ill choices of last night but I really don’t have time for that attitude. Go and rebel against mum and daddy or braid your sister’s hair”

“Mmh, classy. Just the dick I figured you’d be from what Harry told me”

“From what Harry told you?” there’s a furtive tone in Ben’s voice and Louis could bite his tongue for letting that slip. If all, he managed to get Harry into more trouble. Though before he can try to defuse the situation, Ben takes a step towards him. “Funny because Harry never mentioned some wannabe hardcore punk-twink living with him”

“What the fuck, Ben?!” neither of them heard Harry approach, but there he is. Dressed in nothing more but the briefs he slept in, hair a wild mess and eyes still drooping sleepily.

It takes every piece of self-restrain Louis has not to go over and press a kiss to the crease in his cheek where he mushed it into the pillow. Instead, Louis sends him the softest smile he can muster and Harry… ignores Ben for a couple of seconds to smile back at Louis, brightly and happy and so, so telling that Louis can literally see something click in Ed’s head before he looks back to the corridor - to the open door of Louis bedroom.

“Lovely to see you made it out of bed since you neglected to answer your phone”

“Didn’t hear it, put it on silence yesterday and I don’t remember us having scheduled a call or _meeting_ ” Harry replies, looking back towards Ben with an expression that’s hard to read.

“So your “ _friends_ ” been telling me you had a little party last night?” Ben narrows his eyes.

“I did. It was my birthday after all”

“Must have been a blast considering the way you look and sound”

“Excuse you?” Louis cuts in, unable to stay silent given the piercing tone of Ben’s voice.

“I have had about enough of you, okay?” Ben snaps at Louis and Gemma’s eyes widen while Harry looks totally shocked. “This is a conversation between me and Harry and it doesn’t concern you, so if you could kindly bugger off”

“Just to get something straight: You’re standing in my flat. And you haven’t been invited so if anyone kindly fucks off it’s you” Louis squares his shoulders. “And given the way you treated Harry, I don’t think you have any right to show up and tell him what to do, where to be or who to meet”

“Given the way I treat Harry? Boy, you know nothing about—“

“I know it was his birthday this weekend and I know he was looking forward to going to some overpriced, shitty French restaurant with you. And I know that you never showed up, never called nor texted him. You stood him up and now you don’t get to give him shit for being a twenty one year old who goes out and has fun with his friends” Louis is too angry to watch his words.

Ben’s head whips around and now his look is downright furious. “You told him?”

“I…” Harry stutters, eyes wide. “It’s… Louis is a close friend… he…”

“Oh, so that makes it okay? Jesus fucking Christ, Harry! How stupid are you? How often do I need to tell you until it gets through that thick head of yours; this is not something you gossip to your friends about, okay? Do I really need to tell you what’s on the line for me? How much I am risking to be with you?”

“Whoa, watch it, mate. No need to talk to Harry like that, okay. He didn’t nothing wrong” Louis takes a step, absentmindedly moving himself between Harry and Ben.

“I don’t have a clue who you are and I really don’t care, but I’m pretty sure Harry doesn’t need some gay punk to fight his battles”

“Please leave” Gemma cuts in and for a second Louis thinks she’s spoken to him until he sees the look she’s giving Ben. “I’m only saying it once. Leave and never come back here, okay? You are not welcome”

“And who…?”

“That’s my sister” Louis didn’t know Harry could sound so cold but he’s glad. He’s really fucking glad he found his backbone even so it took him until Gemma was threatened to be insulted.

“You’re… right” Ben clears his throat. “Is there somewhere we could talk… a little more privately? I’ve had quite enough of this childish behavior” he fixes Louis with a stare and when Harry hasn’t told Ben to fuck off and never come back after ten seconds Louis nods.

“Fine” he turns on his heel, pretending not to be hurt. Did Harry even hear a word Ben said?

Louis thought he was done with him after Friday night, after his ‘boyfriend’ stood him up on his birthday without so much as an apology. But here they are again: Ben can just show up out of the blue with some flimsy excuse, have a go at Louis, Gemma and even Harry himself and all Harry does is invite him in for a chat and possibly to spread his legs for that douchebag?

Louis is seething, even so he doesn’t have any right to be. If all, Harry should be angry and upset since Ben had a go at him. But Louis is way too invested into this whole thing already and he can’t bear to stay another minute with Ben in this flat, not when Harry is all apologetic and submissive again.

Not when Harry’s fucking boyfriend is here, not when Louis just woke up next to him and not when all Louis wants to do is crawl back into bed with Harry and cuddle the day away.

“Lou” Harry mumbles quietly but Louis brushes past him, just grabbing a shirt and jumper from his room before he briskly walks out and slams the door on his way.

~

He ends up at Zayn’s because well… it’s always either Zayn or Liam he’ll turn to when he’s confused and upset and since Liam lives too far away for Louis to make it on foot before freezing to death (he really should have considered that it’s only February and the temperatures are not yet fitting for sweats and jumpers minus socks and jacket) it’s Zayn’s door he knocks on.

“Lou… hi” he takes a step back and pulls a shivering Louis inside his little flat.

The table is littered in papers and books and Louis is glad for Zayn’s sudden bursts of inspiration which makes him get up at the most random hours, otherwise he might have well still been asleep in Perrie’s bed and Louis would have actually found his death in the blizzard raging outside.

But as it is, Zayn must have gotten up early to wander back to his flat and complete his essay on some long dead English poet.

“To what do I owe that pleasure? It’s barely past noon”

“Ben” Louis hisses. “Ben and Harry”

“Ben and Harry” Zayn repeats, testing the words. “I might have been a little drunk but I’m pretty sure there was no Ben last night”

“Correct. Asshole showed up this morning, thinking he could cause a scene”

“Oh”

Louis nods and plops down on one of Zayn’s chairs. The other boy doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask any questions but just busies himself with making some tea. It’s only when he sets the mug in front of Louis that he starts to tell Zayn what happened this morning.

“And Harry…?”

“He… didn’t ask him to leave”

“Okay” Zayn says cautiously. “You know it doesn’t necessarily mean…”

“I don’t need an in-depth psychology analysis, Zee!” Louis whines. “I don’t care what his reasons or motives were, at the end of the day…” Louis bites his lips and stares blankly at the table.

“At the end of the day…?”

Louis is quite for a while, trying to organize his thoughts and emotions, trying to make sense of himself.

“I slept with Harry”

Zayn snorts some tea through his nose.

“Oh God. You… fuck that hurts. You—WHAT?”

“Not sex” Louis clarifies and his best friend shoots him a quite murderous look. “I… like I slept with him. Next to him”

“Next… last night?”

“Mmh”

“You… in your room?”

“Mmh”

“Like… proper sleeping next to each other? Maybe even cuddling a bit?”

“A lot of cuddling, woke up wrapped all around each other. Fell asleep with his head on my shoulder” Louis mutters, his voice void of any emotion.

“The whole night? As in, you didn’t set an alarm to sneak out in the morning, nor did you kick him out in the middle of the night? You slept next to him the whole night and woke up…”

“With a fucking smile on my face and I am so fucked even so I don’t really know why but my mind is doing over time and I can’t make sense of anything that’s happened during the last weeks and… Shit. Shit, Zayn, what am I doing?” Louis realizes he sounds ten seconds away from a nervous breakdown and the twinkle in his best mate’s eyes is so not helping because this is serious shit and not something to smile all knowingly about, like everyone’s in on this big secret except Louis.

“You, my friend, are crushing on Gemma’s baby brother” Zayn smiles. “It’s not the end of the world, boo. It had to happen eventually”

“I am not… no. No. I am not having a crush! He’s attractive and I’d quite like to shag him but…”

“Lou” Zayn reaches across the table. “It’s me, okay? I know you’re strong and independent and you don’t let anyone mess with you but… like… you don’t have to pretend with me, okay?”

He turns Zayn’s words over in his head, almost afraid to admit that yes, there is something about Harry that caught his eye, drew him in and made him throw all caution out of the window. It’s a fucking magnetic pull, and Louis couldn't keep away if he tried, he wants to be closer, always closer. For the first time, he wants to be someone’s sole focus of attention, wants Harry to look at him like he hung the sun and the moon and… this is so going to end in disaster and heartbreak.

“What am I doing Zayn?” he whispers quietly. “Since that guy walked into my flat I… like when we went out the first time I had fun and then I found out about the whole situation with Ben being married and I was so mad but… then he came back from that disastrous date where his boyfriend stood him up and I didn’t think twice about sharing my Belgian chocolate and getting tipsy on my favorite wine with him, you know? And… oh God, I got up at fucking 6.30am on a Saturday to rob a store and bakery so I could decorate the flat like the inside of Willy Wonker’s house. I called Nick – Nick fucking Grimshaw – to get the tickets to that gig and to get a booth for us!”

“Mmh, not to mention you snuck through the house like Tom Cruise in order to set all the clocks back and called up Harry’s friend Ed”

“Thanks for reminding me, I don’t feel like a nutter already” Louis voice is dripping with irony.

“Oh, you’re so welcome” Zayn winks and Louis wants to hurt him a bit.

“What’s wrong with me, Zayn?”

“Do you want the honest answer or the one where you can keep pretending to not give a damn about anyone but will end up unhappy and alone?”

“Unhappy and alone?”

“Mmh, and eaten by cats. Many ugly cats”

“You have a sick mind”

“That’s what she said”

Louis actually hits him. Zayn just punches back and now they’ll both have a bruise on their upper arms.

“Fine” Louis huffs after a minute. “Hit me with the truth”

“Which one?”

“The one where I don’t end up as kitty’s dinner”

“Good choice” Zayn leans back and crosses his arms behind his head. “Now listen closely, boo, because this might be a little shocking”

“Suspense is killing me” Louis mutters and Zayn kicks him.

“You, Louis William Tomlinson, are allowed to fall in love and be happy”

Louis blinks at Zayn who looks like he just explained the Big Bang.

“That’s it? The best shot you have? Your piece of wisdom?”

“Yep. Because I really believe you don’t know that”

Louis snorts a laugh.

“Want to know why you’re so confused and your thoughts are all over the place? Why you suddenly don’t mind sharing your chocolate with someone even so you nearly killed Niall when he accidentally ate a bar? Why you’ve gone all protective over Harry and can’t stand Ben and are hurt by Harry supposedly choosing Ben over you?”

“Enlighten me”

“You know damn well why, Lou. You’re just too stubborn and scared to admit it but let me put it in simple words: Sometimes you can’t help it, okay? Sometimes someone just walks into your life and fits. And no matter how much you fight back and don’t want it to happen – it does”

“I… no! I am not that kind of person…”

“You don’t let your guard down easily, Louis, and it’s understandable after everything that happened. But… is it so bad? Harry doesn’t seem like an awful person and…” Zayn runs a hand through his perfectly styled hair Louis will envy him for forever and a day. “You are allowed to fall in love, you know? It doesn’t have to end in tears and heartbreak”

Louis scratches at a spot of dried paint. “It does for me”

“It was once. And you weren’t in love”

“Even worse, innit? Losing your family over someone I didn’t even love?”

Zayn takes a deep breath and leans in, placing a hand over Louis’ to stop the relentless scratching on his table top. “It wasn’t your fault, okay?”

He laughs humorless. “My mother begs to differ”

“Your mother is a bitch” Zayn says and it’s not the first time Louis heard it even so he still feels the unfounded need to defend her. “I am not going to stand by and watch you ruin your future because of the fucked up past!”

“I thought my future was pretty much set, being eaten by cats and all”

“I thought we were having a serious conversation”

“Zayn…” he whines but the other boy is not having it.

“Why is this so bad? Why is everybody else allowed to fall in love or fancy someone but only you can never be happy? I don’t get it, I really, really don’t. Because you are great, okay?”

“You’re biased”

“Thousand broken hearts speak for themselves”

“It’s easy to make someone fall in love with you for one night, Zee” Louis laughs but it sounds tired and resigned and Zayn hates it. “It’s easy to give someone the time of the day when you’ll ask for nothing in return. There are no bad days or having to shoulder someone else’s problems. Just a laugh and good sex. What’s not to fall in love with for a couple of hours? Only thing is, it never lasts, does it? Because people are rarely interested in the story behind your smile and I'm seldomly interested in letting them stay long enough to find out”

“That’s…”

“Some deep shit?” Louis sighs, “Yep”

“I was going to say fucking sad but I guess deep shit sums it up too” he nudges Louis knee under the table. “You know you’re better than that, right? Better than one night?”

“Am I? Because most people don’t see it that way”

“You push them away faster than they can act, boo”

“Isn’t that hard if you got a reputation like mine”

Zayn picks his nails and Louis knows he won’t like what his best friend is about to say judging by the tight line of his shoulders. “No offense but it’s not like you did anything to prove them wrong”

Louis cocks an eyebrow and Zayn sighs. “Don’t play dumb, mate. Niall told you as much a couple of weeks ago, in fact, if I remember correctly he even asked you to tone it down a bit”

“I remember” Louis admits.

“So it’s not a big surprise, considering the way you act and how fast you push people away that most don’t have the guts to stick around because… well, you can be a bit intimidating, you know? You know everyone and everyone knows you, you walk into a room and become the life of the party in five minutes and… you never _act_ like you want anyone to stay longer than one night”

“That’s because I usually don’t”

“But now you do?” Louis shrugs. “I broke all my rules last night and look what I got for it? I’m sitting here, whining to you about… I don’t know, some kid with curly hair and too long limbs”

“Louis…” Zayn starts but his friend shakes his head.

“No… this will stop right now, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Maybe I just need a night out to set things straight again”

“Oh for crying out loud” Zayn suddenly snaps at him and Louis is a little startled. They barely argue, let alone yell at each other. He can count the times that happened on one hand.

“You _don’t_ need to get drunk and you _don’t_ need to fuck someone. You just bloody damn well need to admit that you like Harry Styles”

Pressing his lips into a tight line, Louis stares at the table and Zayn eventually gets up, throwing his hands in the air. “I can’t deal with this any longer”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling Liam”, Zayn reaches for his phone. “See if he gets you to admit it”

\--------

 

Harry is listlessly picking his muffin apart while Ed watches him from across the table. They’re in a small, cozy café near the train station since Ed’s leaving for London in half an hour again.

“Stop destroying the poor muffin, Styles and start talking. I have seen you glare at the food long enough and given the look you’ve been shooting everyone who so much as looks your way, half an hour is not nearly enough to the get you out of this funk but let’s try, shall we?”

“Sorry” he pushes the plate away. “I’ve been a shit friend and you came all the way from London just for me and now…”

“Don’t worry, buttercup” Ed smiles. “The party was well worth it”

“It was a good night, wasn’t it”

“Hell yeah, who begs to differ?” Ed raises his eyebrows challengingly even so he has a pretty good idea already. Ben didn’t leave until this afternoon and they had been locked away in Harry’s room for quite some time. Judging by the loud voices, Harry didn’t get some birthday sex but rather some birthday bollocking from his dick of a boyfriend. “Let me take a ridiculously wild guess: Ben?”

“Mmh”

“Not happy with you studying? Going out? Meeting new people? Having fun? Living life in general?”

“Combination of all?” Harry shrugs.

Ed sighs and wonders if ten years of friendship gives someone the right for some brutally honest truths.

“I need to tell you something, H.”

“Oh, okay?” Harry looks up, mouth still slightly downturned and eyes a little dull and it’s such a stark contrast to the boy Ed encountered last night that he guesses he’ll just go with his gut instinct.

“I hate Ben”

“You – what? You don’t even know him, how can you --?” Harry immediately jumps to his defense but it’s nothing Ed didn’t anticipate. Harry had always reacted like that, even from the very beginning he’d immediately defended Ben and after a while, Ed just gave up, thinking it’d be the only way to save his friendship with Harry.

Since he’s lost him anyway, Ed doesn’t see the point in holding back any longer.

“Can I talk and will you listen?”

“Fine”

“Good. Now. We have been best friends for ages and I care about you – a lot. So I feel I really need to say this: I knew you before Ben, I knew you while you were with Ben and I have seen you now, away from him and at Uni.

You’ve always been an outgoing, happy chap, Harry. You loved meeting new people, you loved going out with friends. Remember all the interests you had, like, you would hardly shut up sometimes, chewing my ear off about a new band or some photo you’ve taken or… hell, I don’t know, some crappy TV show no one else would watch but you…”

“Is there a point to this?”

“Yes, the point is, that you were happy. You had a ton of friends and loads of interests. And then you met Ben” Harry’s lips curve into a tight line but he keeps his promise and lets Ed talk even so he really doesn’t like where this is going.

“You met Ben and suddenly – no more friends. No more music, you threw away your beloved camera, deleted every indie hipster album and only talked to people Ben deemed appropriate. Meaning you talked to no one”

“That’s not true…”

“Isn’t it? We were best friends, we travelled the world together and I’ve hardly heard from you in the last six months” Harry worries his lips between his teeth. Then he mumbles a barely audible “sorry”.

“I don’t want you to apologize, Harry. I guess… I just want to make you see the difference”

“Difference?”

“Between the old you and the Ben-you. And in all honesty: I don’t see you smile half as much with Ben as you did before. Or…”

“Or?” Harry probes.

“Or half as much as last night when Louis was around”

Harry’s eyes widen and he feels heat creep up his neck. “I… that… we… there’s nothing--”

“Breathe, Hazza” Ed laughs quietly. “I’m not here to judge. Only to tell you that well… from a best friend’s perspective you seemed a lot happier last night with Louis and his friends than you have been in all the months with Ben”

Harry is about to argue but has to close his mouth after a couple of seconds because… jeeze, Ed is right. He’s been really happy last night. He had fun. He loved being out, meeting and chatting to the guys, loved dancing and singing along to the band and… fuck, he felt cared for by Louis. How could he not, the guy basically went the extra 10,000 miles to make sure the sun rose in the West for him.

“You don’t think I am happy with Ben” Harry states after a while and Ed shakes his head.

“No. I don’t. I don’t think he gets you and I don’t think he cares for you. I think you fell in love with some idea you had, some misconception. How things _could_ have played out, love against all odds and stuff. Only that Ben never was that guy, no matter how much you wanted him to be. And I guess he’ll never be that guy you want or need. Sorry” Ed gives him an assessing look and adds “And it’s none of my business but… I saw you this morning”

“Huh?”

“When you woke up, Harry. It wasn’t… that wasn’t your bedroom was it?”

Harry blushes a deep crimson and Ed laughs. “Thought so”

“It’s not… Louis and I didn’t…”

“It’s none of my business, bro. But thumbs up if you did. Louis is ace”

“Louis is – what? You like him?”

“Yeah” Ed frowns, like he is personally offended that Harry could ever think he wouldn’t like someone like Louis.

“But he’s like… a player. He sleeps around, he stays out and drinks too much and doesn’t really care what people think about him. He’s got all those tattoos and…”

“… and _he_ stayed home to pamper you when you came back crying because your stuck-up, stupid prick of a boyfriend stood you up on your birthday. _He_ got up on a Saturday and bought all this shit for your birthday and went the extra mile to make it special and to see a smile on your face. I’m sorry, Harry, but to me it sounds like he cares a great deal”

“He’s not my type. Not what I want”

“Fuck that, he’s exactly your type”

Harry’s eyes widen. “I…”

“Who are you trying to convince? Me or you? Because you sound like my mother, warning me off from ‘bad girls’”

“Louis is bad news”

“Boohoo. Yeah. Maybe. But he’s also funny and friendly and he cares about you. In those couple of weeks you lived with him he remembered more about you than Ben did in six months” Ed crosses his arms over his chest. “Want to tell me again how he’s not what you want? Oh and while you’re at it… explain to me while you were all over him last night, plastered to his back and whispering in his ear all secretively?”

“It wasn’t how it…”

“Oh, and when you weren’t attached at the hip, you were constantly watching him like a hawk, tensing every time another bloke looked his way”

“I didn’t…”

“I thought we were best friends” Ed deadpans and Harry lowers his gaze. “And as your best friend, you can tell me stuff, okay? You can talk to me. I won’t judge”

“You do though” Harry argues. “You judged Ben”

“Well… yeah. Because ever since you met him… you changed” Harry looks at his friend questioningly and Ed shrugs. “I told you before. I just feel like Ben doesn’t even make an effort to get to know you and all you do is run around, trying to please him while he just takes and all you do is give but get nothing in return”

“Your train is leaving in like ten minutes” Harry tries, thinking Ed is so close to the truth, to his best kept thoughts and fears that it’s getting dangerous.

Ed’s gaze never wavers. “I can take the next one”

Chewing on his thumb, Harry has to make a decision. Ben had a right go at him for telling Louis about their “situation” and even started to snap at Harry for telling his sister so he can imagine what Ben would say if he knew he was about to confide in Ed. But then again, he hasn’t talked to anyone (his mom and Gemma don’t count because that was hardly talking but more arguing) except Louis and it’s not the same as talking to someone who’s known Harry for more than a decade. Ed is his best friend, he was there when Harry got his first kiss, when Harry figured he didn’t like being kissed by girls but more by their brothers. He was there when Harry went through his sexuality crisis, when he came out to his family and friends, when he fell in love with a boy for the first time and got his heart broken for the first time.

Harry has been really good so far, he did everything Ben asked him to but it got him nowhere. He really wants to get a second opinion because he is not stupid, he knows what they’re doing is wrong and that Ben isn’t treating him how he should but… it’s easier to overlook these doubts when it’s just him.

“It’s… complicated” he eventually says and Ed takes a deep breath.

“Okay. Tell me. I’m here to listen” his best friend leans in a little and Harry feels a rush of affection for the guy in front of him. Even so he didn’t talk to him for ages Ed is still here, he came because he still considers Harry as his best mate and even so Harry pushed him away, he is here, willing to listen to him and help him sort himself out.

So Harry tells Ed that he’s right, that Harry sometimes feels like all he does is give and give and Ben just takes, never wasting a second thought on Harry and his feelings.

It was exciting in the beginning, having an older man fan over him and the sneaking around, all those secretive glances and touches. Although after more than six months the novelty eventually wore off and now Harry catches himself being annoyed: He can’t just call Ben because he either won’t answer or tell him off because he’s with his family. He can’t go and see him when he misses him because well, Ben is still married and his wife surely wouldn’t appreciate that. They can never really go out around Harry’s home town and even going out in Manchester is tricky because some friend of Ben or a business associate might see them. And if they go out, they go to places Ben likes and do stuff Ben wants to do.

He never met Harry’s friends and judged all of them by Harry’s stories as immature and not worthy of his time, eventually forbidding Harry from hanging out with them because “Harry was better than them”. Ben made fun of Harry’s hobbies and dreams, calling his ambitions to work in the music industry or to become a photographer childish and immature until Harry stopped talking about them and eventually also gave up on them.

Harry tells Ed all that, being more honest than he’s ever been before but it feels so good to get all those thoughts off his chest.

“So basically Ben doesn’t support anything you do?” Ed sums it up.

“Not really, no. I haven’t even told him I’m thinking swapping from law to music, he’d just laugh and tell me I’m stupid”

“What did Louis say?” the question startles Harry because even so they started off talking about Louis, Ed hadn’t mentioned him during the last hour when Harry whined about his illicit affair.

“He’s… he thinks I should always do what makes me happy” Harry swallows. “He is really supportive of the idea, like, offered to ask around since he had to do some courses in photography for his degree…”

“Gemma likes him, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah. In the beginning, before I knew who he was and that he was gay or bi or whatever…” Harry grins. “Gemma wouldn’t shut up about her new, cool roommate and for a while I thought she had the biggest crush on him. But they are really close, all of them actually”

“You like them”

“I do”

It’s hard not to immediately fall for Niall’s energetic goofiness or be endeared by Liam’s quite but sweet protectiveness of his friends. Zayn, who looks like something da Vinci would carve out of marble but who goes all gooey eyed around Perrie and will fight anyone who tries to hurt Louis. Then there’s Perrie, with her pink hair and purple lipstick, loud and outgoing where Zayn is quiet and mysterious, both being so complementary that Harry envies them a little. Ashton, Gemma’s boyfriend who Harry only properly met when he moved to Manchester and who’s a couple of years younger than his sister but adores her and Harry gave up trying to be the intimating brother the very second he found Ashton singing along to the Backstreet Boys in their kitchen one morning, dressed in bright yellow shorts and a purple bandana. Plus, Gemma’s head over heels for him and Harry loves how happy his sister is so that’s that.

And Louis… well, Harry was grumpy and in a bad mood when he arrived in Manchester but even back then he managed to appreciate his sister fucking hot roommate. He’s heard enough stories of Louis by then, of his endless conquests and “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” attitude and when Harry bumped into the bloke, Louis one night stand, he thought he had Louis all figured out.

_Player, heartbreaker, manwhore_. Not a person Harry fancied getting to know, not his type, not someone he’d ever want to be close to. Until Louis dragged him out to that pub and… Harry had a fantastic night. He and Louis… they just clicked, and when Louis found out about Harry’s affair and didn’t talk to him for days… well that sucked and Harry had been really upset about it, even so he didn’t even know the bloke for that long, let alone knew him well enough to be so torn up about it.

But then Louis was there when he came back from the shitty not-date, comforted him and… organized the best fucking birthday ever and… Harry’s been chewing Ed’s ear off about Louis for almost half an hour now.

Ed just sits there, grinning like a madman and Harry stops with a start, realizing what he did.

“Ummh”

“So I will pretend you didn’t just bang on about a certain someone’s perfection for hours, because you really don’t fancy him and you really don’t want him”

“If you could, I’d be rather grateful” Harry whines and Ed finally bursts out laughing.  

“Just one more thing”

“Mmh?” Harry looks up, his cheeks still flushed with a pretty pink.

“I think it’s mutual” Ed holds out his hands when Harry wants to interrupt him. “And I think he was rather upset that you chose Ben over him”

“I didn’t…”

“You did. Maybe you didn’t mean to but Louis really fought for you and told Ben where to stick it this morning. I was impressed. He stuck up for you”

“He…” and then Harry suddenly realizes just why Louis walked out so briskly, refusing to look at him. _Shit_.

He really chose Ben over Louis even so Ben acted like a dick, insulted Louis, insulted Harry and… he groans and buries his face in his hands. Why is he always the one fucking up? Especially whenever Louis does something sweet and they just start to get on really well!? He’s acting like a clumsy teenager with a crush around the bloke and if he’s not getting his act together, Louis will surely find him endearing but also quite annoying. He will grow tired of Harry’s constantly messing up and the stammered out apologies.

“Ever since I set a foot into this flat I made a mess of things” he whines.

“In all honesty, mate: Ever since you set a foot into this flat you started to figure things out and I’m glad you did. Was about time”

\--------

 

“Next round!” Louis yells and nearly spills his drink all over Zayn’s couch.

“It’s Sunday, we have lectures tomorrow and shouldn’t be drinking” Liam says, Louis and Zayn both giving him a drunken, slightly unfocused death stare. “Just thought I’d mention it” Liam shrugs and raises his glass.

Zayn made good on his promise and called Liam, asking him to come over because he wasn’t able to deal with “Louis stupidity and ignorance on his own without trying to strangle him” apparently.

So Liam came over and since Louis still refused to be honest about his feelings, Zayn resorted to the only successful method he knew of to get Louis to open up aka get him drunk.

That worked out rather successfully, only the part of Louis opening up is yet lacking.

“Okay, let’s play a round of “Tell Me Truths”, yeah?” Zayn glances around and Louis furrows his eyebrows.

“No!”

“Yes” Liam says at the same time and Louis frowns, overruled.

“I’ll even start, okay” Liam knocks his drink back and sighs. “I want Sophia back”

“Ooooh” Zayn coos.

“Wait, the one you broke up with because…” Louis tries really hard to think of the reason. “Help me out, Zee”

“The one he broke up with because he thought he could make Danni jealous but then he accidentally fell in love with the rebound girl”

“Ah that one. Is she the one you’ve been secretly dating behind our backs as well?” Liam’s eyes widen and Louis would give himself a pat on the shoulder if still had enough coordination left.

“How do you know?”

“I’m a magician” he wriggles his eyebrows and Zayn giggles. He’s the cutest drunk ever.

“Okay, my turn” Zayn pours himself another one, wincing when the alcohol burns down his throat and croaks “I want to ask Perrie to move in with me”

“What?!”

Zayn shrugs. “It’s been almost two years, she’s either staying at my place or I’m crashing at yours so… no big deal, right?”

“Fucking big deal”

“He’s not getting married, Lou” Liam slurs slightly and Louis shakes his head.

“But almost. You realize that’s it! No more late nights with the boys because the missus will want her beauty sleep! No more midnight painting session clad in nothing but paint!”

“I’ll just come to your place for that” Zayn grins devilish. “I know you love it when I wear nothing but paint, don’t you boobear?”

“Zaynie, Zaynie. Don’t tempt me or I might steal you away… if I remember correctly, you weren’t totally against the idea back in Australia…”

“Can we please not relive this again?!” Liam sounds exasperated.

“What would Perrie think if only she knew?”

Now Zayn’s smirk turns to full voltage. “Oh she knows. Rather… fond of the idea to be honest”

Louis gasps but regains his composure rather quickly. “Is she now?” he asks, making a move to crawl over to Zayn.

“No! Not _AGAIN_! I will not have you snog each other because you’re drunk and horny and then you’ll give each other these ‘deadly wounded Bambi’ looks for the next weeks! Not again, in fact, never again!” Liam shoves Louis back.

Zayn pouts a little. “Spoilsport”

“Yeah, it was only once and we hardly managed to get a taste” Louis crosses his arms and legs and looks like a six year old girl in a huff.

“I don’t care. Call Perrie! And you, go and call… I don’t know – Harry!”

“Harry is busy with fucking Ben Winston”

“Fucking Ben Winston or _fucking_ Ben Winston? Verb or adjective?”

“Fuck you Zayn. As in fuck you-verb” Louis sticks his tongue out. “And while you’re at it, fuck your stupid English degree too”

“That’s physically impossible”

“Don’t say it, you tried, didn’t you?” Liam shakes his head and Zayn hiccups with a crooked smile.

“That’s for the next round” Zayn grabs the bottle and tops off Louis glass. “Your turn, cupcake”

Louis shoots both his mates a dark look but drinks. “Whatever I think or feel about Harry” he starts and Liam groans while Zayn tries to smother himself with a pillow, “it doesn’t matter because he is in a relationship and even if not… he’s still Gemma’s little brother so that automatically means he is so far off limits that I have better chances of touching the moon”.

“You know that’s not true. Harry likes you and if you talked to Gemma—“

“Harry is something for the long run” Louis interrupts, sounding far too sober suddenly. “And I am not. Don’t even try to argue Liam!” he shakes his head. “We can be friends but that’s far as it goes. So can we please drop it now?”

\--------

 

A loud crashing noise startles Harry awake the next day. Followed by the sound of glass shattering and more items tumbling to the floor with a loud bang. Harry is out of bed in lightning speed, nearly knocking into Gemma who shot out of her room too.

“You heard that?”

“Hard to miss” Harry peeks into the living room but can’t see anything.

There’s some groaning and clattering and he tip toes towards the kitchen.

It could be a homeless person but Harry recognizes the mop of caramel brown hair and slender frame so he holds Gemma back who was already reaching for the baseball bat.

Shattered cups and other various items are scattered around Louis who looks like he’s seen a ghost.

“Umh, Lou?”

His head snaps up and he winces, reaching for his head. “Ouch”

“Are you okay?”

“Don’t talk so loud, please” he moans. “I got the hangover from hell” Gemma chuckles while Harry’s face falls slightly. He damn well noticed that Louis wasn’t home when he got back and he also noticed that Louis didn’t come home all night.

“Oh. Had fun? Good lay?”

“What?” Louis sounds disoriented and Harry wonders if he’s still drunk. “I was at Zayn’s”

“You were – oh. Why?”

“Because he wanks to his English degree”

“He – what?”

“Never mind” Louis points towards the kitchen counter. “More important: What the fuck is that!?”

“A… fully automated coffee machine?” Harry answers with a shrug.

“A coffee machine… _A coffee machine_!” Louis screeches. “Harold! Jesus! Why?”

“It was a birthday gift?!”

“A birthday gift?! We do NOT drink coffee! Have you learned nothing? No coffee! And no fully automated coffee machines! Where is my kettle?”

“Lou, that thing survived the First World War” Gemma tries and Harry adds “I threw it away?”

“You—“ now Louis turns around and fixes him with a death stare, which would have turned lesser men into ash. “You threw the kettle away”

“Oho. Told you it was a bad idea!” Gemma whispers and takes a step back. “It was Harry!” she screams before she turns and runs and Harry would love to do the same, only that he doesn’t understand why Louis is so upset about a stupid kettle.

It’s too late anyway because Louis has grabbed his shoulder, shuffling through the mess he made and Harry is worried for a second that he’ll step in glass and cut his toe but then Louis shakes him, muttering like a nutter about coffee, tea and the death of manners.

“Louis, Louis – stop!” Harry grabs his hands and forces the older boy to a halt. “Calm down! Am I witnessing a breakdown over a tea kettle?! Really?”

Wordlessly Louis gestures towards the coffee machine. “You don’t even drink coffee!” he blurts.

“I like hot chocolate. She can do hot chocolate. Want me to show you?”

“No! I want my kettle back. He can heat water, you know?”

“Well, so can _she_ ”

“ _She_ is some hell-sent hipster invention to ruin our lives because let me tell you, she’s a devious bitch who will strike every time you’re in a rush and in desperate need of caffeine because she wants to have new filters, needs new taps or some decalcification!” Louis yells at him.

“Are we arguing about a coffee machine?”

“It’s _not just a coffee machine_!” Louis argues back.

“If it means so much to you, I’ll buy a new kettle”

“No. You threw Henry away. No replacing him. He did survive the First World War after all. Just not Harry Styles it seems and his new age trends”

“Betsy can heat water” Harry tries and wonders what his life has come to. He’s standing in a kitchen, arguing about kettles and coffee makers – which they named! – at 8am in the morning with a bloke who looks and smells like he crawled out of a whiskey barrel.

“You don’t like coffee” Louis insists and Harry very much wants to kiss him because yes, he doesn’t like coffee. He drinks it but it’ll never be his favorite. And Louis remembers.

“I don’t like coffee” he agrees and that seems to pacify Louis.

“So who gifted you this abnormity that’s taking up all of our kitchen space?”

“Don’t make me say the name”

“Ah” His face falls. “The one who shall not be named, then? He’s still here?”

“Not, got on his broom and flee back to Law-Land to reign over the elite of coffee-zombies”

Louis blinks up at him from red-rimmed eyes. “Styles, is that sarcasm I’m detecting?”

“Never” Harry grins and adds a little sheepishly. “Sorry about yesterday, you know? I didn’t want _you_ to leave”

“Oh… I… umh… never mind” Louis stubs his sock-clad toe against the tiles and Harry takes a step back.

“Want some tea, then?”

“No” Louis eyes the coffee maker with clear distrust. “Think I should maybe take a shower” He sniffs his shirt and makes a gagging noise. “Got lectures at 10am anyway”

~

Harry has just finished his talk with the head of the music department, flicking through all the leaflets and forms he’s been given when he catches sight of a shivering bundle across the lawn on a bench.

He doesn’t even think about it, just stops to buy two cups of tea before he walks over to Louis.

“Why are you freezing your balls off when you could sit inside a warm hall?”

“Boring. Fell asleep” Louis makes grabby hands for the cup and promptly burns his tongue on the hot brew. “Thank you, kiddo. You’re an angel”

“Well, the least I could do after I killed Henry the war veteran”

“That you did” Louis eyes fall onto all the papers Harry is still holding and he smiles. “Music?”

“Oh” Harry blushes. “I… just thought I could check it out and see what they offer and stuff…”

“And do they offer good stuff?” Louis wriggles his eyebrows before he frowns and mutters a soft “Ouch, fucking headache”

“Are we still talking about lectures?” Harry nudges his shoulder. “They do actually. Sounds pretty fantastic”

“Mmh. Hold that” Louis presses his tea in Harry’s hand and starts digging through his rucksack, coming back up with a folder and pen.

“Gimme that” He places the folder in Harry’s lap and spreads the forms out, taking the cup away and pressing the pen in his hand. “Start writing”

“But… I don’t even know yet… what if I don’t get accepted?”

“Then you have another four lovely boring years of law ahead of you” Louis shrugs, nearly spilling the tea. "No harm done by trying, right? You don’t have to swap if you don’t want to, but at least see if they want some nut case like you. I doubt it to be honest, your music taste is quite shite”

“Hey!” Harry protests but he’s smiling. “Help me?” he mutters and Louis sighs dramatically.

“I am _such a nice guy_ ”

“The best” Harry agrees.

“The bestest” Louis corrects. “Now. Name: Harold Bambi Styles. Start writing...”

 

Harry fills out all the forms with Louis help, both shivering from the cold once they’re done. Louis drags him through the halls until they find the Student office, manned by a grumpy woman in her sixties. It takes Louis all of five minutes to charm her pants off and when they leave, they do so with a promise that she’ll get back to them within the next week.

Harry is impressed.

He’s even more impressed when Louis dances into his room just three nights later, waving a letter from the university in his face. He sits with Harry while he opens it with trembling hands, only really seeing the words “change of course accepted” before he flings himself at Louis and both tumble out of bed. Harry has just opened his mouth to protest when Louis pummels him with a pillow and well… Gemma finds them fifteen minutes later in a mess of feathers, overturned furniture and giggling like two hyenas on speed.

~

After that, it just kind of happens. Two puzzle pieces finally fitting together.

Louis wakes up one day to a mouth full of curls and the realization that Harry fell asleep on him _again_ after they decided on a Breaking Bad marathon the day before.

And he doesn’t freak out, just turns around and throws the duvet over him and Harry and goes back to sleep, ignoring the uneasy feeling he gets when he sees Harry’s phone and the number of missed calls from Ben last night because Harry ditched his boyfriend (again) in favor of spending time with Louis.

It doesn’t mean anything, Louis bright smile whenever Harry is around or his high spirits, none of that has anything to do with Harry.

It’s not only him though, ever since Harry decided to switch his course he’s been much happier, and Louis suddenly gets the full dose of Harry Styles’ charm and enthusiasm. He’ll come home and start chattering before the door is even closed, telling Louis (and anyone else in reach really) about the great things he learned today, who he met, what his plans are and how excited he is about things and life in general.

Gemma finds it annoying and Zayn sits through it with stoicism. Liam will listen intently and give his honest opinion to each and every of Harry’s questions while Niall will talk right over Harry about something totally different and they’ll have the best conversations ever.

Louis loves watching the change, loves seeing Harry chew even Niall’s ear off and Zayn only has to kick him a couple of times to wipe the stupid, fond grin off.

Because Harry and Louis have become friends, aka besties (much to Zayn’s cute and slightly jealous annoyance which lasts for all of ten seconds when Louis offers him to join one of their legendary pillow fights and Zayn squeaks rather embarrassingly at the thought of messing up his hair), complementing each other in ways Zayn and Liam were never able to for Louis.

It takes a couple of days for Zayn to see that Louis is in fact not replacing them but that Harry fits to and complements a part of Louis that neither Zayn nor Liam could ever reach.

And who is Zayn to hold a grudge against the guy who managed what Liam and he never could: make Louis settle down.

He still goes out, but now Harry is with him. And Louis will rather curl his hair again than leave Harry alone in a bar or club in order to go home with some random stranger. Because the thing that Louis will never admit to is that it’s suddenly enough to have Harry’s attention. He doesn’t need a room full of people cheering him on or at least five guys following him with hungry looks when he only gets the bright smile and loud laugh out of Harry in return (and Louis has mastered the art by now).

It’s something Louis thought would wear off after a couple of weeks but now February has turned into March and March is about to turn into April and he still rather spends his time with Harry watching bad American TV series or the Big Bake Off than wake up in some strangers bed.

He even got used to Betsy, the fully automated coffee machine and had a right laugh when the whole thing refused to work the day Harry came home drenched, tired and in desperate need of caffeine because he had to finish an essay until the next day.

If Louis drove all the way to the nearest Starbucks to grab a cup of coffee for Harry that night than well… no one needs to know and anyway; that’s just something that  _friends_ do, right?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, another massive, massive thank you to all those amazing people who were nothing but lovely and encouraging ever since I started writing. You know who you are! Love you lots, wouldnt't be here without you! xxx


	3. Hey sugar, show me all your love, all you’re giving me is friction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

“Hey Liam do you have any wifi here, I can’t seem to get a connection…” Louis stops his mindless wandering around the streets of Barcelona and looks over to the bench where he parked his two best mates.

Liam and Zayn both look at him like he’s gone bonkers.

“What?”

Zayn just shakes his head and turns his phone around, showing Louis a five minute video of him walking around, raising his phone to the sky, muttering under his breath and looking like a man who lost his mind long ago but still believes some little green men are coming to take him.

“Oh”

“Oh” Liam agrees. “I know we agreed to never talk about this and conveniently ignore the fact that you, my friend, are tits over arse in love with your roommate…”

“Am not—“ Louis starts but Liam just talks over him.

“… but this is getting ridiculous”

“We’re seriously considering euthanasia to put you out of your misery, because so much repression and stupidity must hurt” Zayn says with a serious face.

“I am not a dog”

“No, a dog has more balls than you” Liam mutters and Louis gasps.

“I'll have you known, Miguel who we met a couple of nights ago…"

“Yada, yada, yada” Zayn interrupts. “Miguel didn’t even get to second base and neither did you Lou, because unfortunately for poor Miguel he doesn’t have green eyes and brown curls and isn’t called _Harry_. Just like Jose, Andrew and Jean and whatever the names of the poor blokes were you chatted up and left hanging dry after five minutes”

“You are cruel” Louis mutters and Zayn doesn’t even cock an eyebrow.

“And you are pathetic. You’ve been running in circles to get some signal because of what? It’s been five minutes since Harry’s last text? Someone call the police, Liam please inform the National Guard it’s a Code Red”

“I hate you”

“Not as much as I hate you”

“Lads…” Liam gets up and places a hand on Louis shoulder. “Let’s just agree that Louis here has gone off the deep end and Zayn is miserable because he’s worried that Perrie will meet some hot piece of French ass and drop his bony one for Jacque with a place opposite the Eiffel Tower, yeah?”

“How is Sophia doing by the way?” Zayn glares at them from under dark lashes, obviously still miffed about the fact that his girlfriend decided to jet off the Paris for some of the holidays with her cousin which in Zayn’s opinion apparently comes close to an episode of “Girls Gone Wild: Paris”.

“Low blow, mate” Liam mutters.

Sophia went back home to ‘think about the situation and analyze if she can ever trust Liam again to want her and only her and not use her for his treacherously scheming ways’. Her words - not Louis'.

Louis thinks she doesn’t know Liam at all if she honestly believes Liam could scheme anything. A puppy is more devious than Liam.

“You wanted to go to Barcelona to ‘get away’ from Harry” Zayn gets up too and pokes Louis chest.

“I didn’t phrase it like that” Louis rubs over the spot and pouts. “I wanted to get away and go to Barcelona because it’s a beautiful city and I really can’t go home now, can I? Also I wanted to spend some quality time with my two best friends in this world”

“We’re just your two best friends because anybody else would have killed you by now” Zayn mutters darkly and Louis shrugs.

“Whatever the reasons, you love me”

“And shouldn’t I be damned for it”

“Good, now that this is solved can we please go and see the Sagrada Familia?”

“Lead the way, Payne” Louis steps aside and Liam rolls his eyes but starts walking, map in a tight grip.

Louis and Zayn follow like two little ducklings.

 

\--------

 

If Harry had known that Gemma would abandon him after just a week at home and drive off to spend even more time with Ashton, Harry would have really thought twice about Louis' offer to come to Barcelona with him, Zayn and Liam or even taken Niall up on his invitation and flown to Ireland.

But he didn’t which means he is stuck in Holmes Chapel with his mum for four weeks until the new semester starts.

Being stuck with his mum is nothing bad per se, it’s just that she started asking a lot of question as soon as Gemma was out of the door and she hasn’t stopped. Worse even, she keeps asking questions Harry doesn’t really know the answers to.

Of course, her main concern was Ben and whether Harry was still seeing him - which he is, in fact. He figured he could use the break to make a little nice with Ben since they didn’t exactly see each other or talked that much because Harry’s been a bit busy with his new studies, friends and life in general.

Then he made the fatal mistake of dropping Louis name in more than one sentence and his mum latched onto it like a bloodhound.

It doesn’t help that Harry and Louis keep texting each other back and forth every freaking day and he’s walking around with a stupid grin every time his phone rings.

 

“Harry?”

“Oh sorry, what?” Harry puts his phone back down, a flush working its way up his cheeks even so he didn’t do anything forbidden. Not his fault that Louis has to send him a picture of Zayn, face covered in ice cream and Louis licking across his cheek like a St. Bernard.

Ben sighs and stares pointedly at Harry’s barely touched food.

They are at some fancy vegan restaurant, located a couple of miles outside of Holmes Chapel and Harry didn’t even know such place existed until Ben suggested grabbing some lunch together. What Harry had in mind were some burgers and chips and not a forty five minute drive out to the countryside to make sure they wouldn’t cross paths with anyone who knew them.

What’s the big deal anyway? Everyone knows Harry interned for Ben, it’s not a secret they got on well so he doesn’t see why they can’t be seen having a friendly lunch together.

“I asked if you didn’t like the food” Ben gestures towards his plate and the honest answer would be yes. Sprouts and watercress are not Harry’s idea of lunch and he’d kill for a slice of pizza, burger or ice cream, the latter preferably spread over Louis abs.

“I… umh. It’s okay” is what he settles for just when his phone vibrates again.

“Someone’s popular” Ben doesn’t even glance up and Harry quickly turns the screen. “So who’s texting you so insistently?”

“No one” he mutters and Ben gives a humorless laugh.

“Don’t mind me, Harry. I’d hate to keep you from your friends or any boys you’ve just spent months with, I’m sure it’s hard to be apart and spend time with _your boyfriend_ who you didn’t bother to come and see for weeks”

“It’s not like that, Ben. You know this. I missed you so much!” Harry tries and even reaches across the table which gets him a panicked look from Ben and a hand that’s snatched out of his reach so fast, he nearly knocks his water over.

“Not in public” Ben hisses and Harry clenches his teeth.

The atmosphere is tense when Ben takes a deep breath and asks “So how are your studies going?” and all Harry can think is _really_? _Now you’re asking about my studies and uni when you couldn’t be bothered to show any interest for the last_ weeks?!

“It’s going great actually” Harry beams.

“Oh?”

“Yes, it’s so interesting and I’m really enjoying it. It’s like what I always wanted to do and all my professors have been really supportive and encouraging and the couple of assignments I got back so far were nothing worse than a B- so yeah, I’m quite pleased with my choice”

“Glad you enjoy studying law so much, it’s a good path for you. Good career options and who knows; maybe I can even put in a good word for you and you can come back once you got your degree?”

“I… am not studying law” Harry dreaded this moment a little and would have preferred to tell Ben as soon as the change was finalized but then again Ben never asked about his studies or friends so Harry figured he didn’t owe him any kind of explanation.

Now Ben looks up. “What? I thought you said you’d go to uni and study law…?”

“That was the plan originally but do you remember that I was also really passionate about music and photography and always wanted to do something along those lines?”

Ben groans. “Please tell me you didn’t give up a good place for some childish and stupid idea of becoming the next Jay-B?!”

“It’s Jay _Z_ ” Harry mutters.

“What?” Ben asks confused and Harry sighs.

“It’s Jay Z and not Jay B, Beyonce is his wife but never mind...” he gives up on the sprouts and puts the cutlery down. “And I did. I gave up my ‘good place’ and quit studying law”

“This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. Who put that bee under your bonnet? Bet it’s been your sister, no? Or maybe that twinky wanna-be punk who lives with you?”

For a second, Harry is actually speechless. Then he suddenly locates his backbone after having conveniently missed it for the last six months.

“Excuse me?” he glares at his boyfriend. “Watch it, Ben. This is my sister you’re talking about, okay?!” he lets the comment about Louis slip, biting his tongue, knowing if he starts defending Louis this whole discussion about uni will quickly turn into something else and Harry is not yet ready for it or hasn’t quite finished making up his mind.

“Fine, whatever. Sorry” Ben waves it off like it means nothing. “It doesn’t matter who gave you the crazy idea that studying music had any chance of ever earning you any money, the important thing is that you are going to call them up and tell them you are changing courses again”

“No” Harry crosses his arms. “I am not”

Ben snorts a laugh. “Harry please. This angry kitten act is adorable but you are not some six year old anymore. You need to think about your future and if you really have to go to university…”

“Then I might as well study what I want and am interested in”

“You are not interested in music, this is some silly part time of yours” Ben sighs. “I thought we discussed it and agreed that it’d get you nowhere”

“ _You_ discussed it and decided it would get me nowhere, I didn’t have much say in that decision”

“Are you being serious?”

“See me laughing?”

Ben shakes his head and throws his napkin on the plate. “I really don’t have time to deal with your childish antics”

“What’s my favorite band?”

“Excuse me?”

“What’s my favorite band? Or what do I like to watch on telly? What’s my preferred food? Do I like coffee or tea and how do I drink either?”

“What’s that got to do with your studies?”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with my studies but it has everything to do with this… this _affair_ we’re having!” Harry snaps with bottled up anger, fear and stress finally rising to the surface.

He tried so long to play nice, to tell himself that this was perfectly alright and that Ben was just looking out for him, trying to interest him in new things and show him the world. The sad truth is, that while Ben did show him parts of the world, he never stopped to check whether Harry was actually comfortable, happy or even mildly interested in it.

“Oh so this is one of the famous teenager tantrums then” Ben leans back and Harry would love to smack him for that superior, condescending look on his face.

“No Ben, this is me telling you I am not happy”

“ _You_ are not happy” Ben echoes and Harry nods. “You are the most ungrateful, spoiled little brat I have come across in a long while. Who do you think you are? I risked everything for you, I have taken you places you’d never seen and you are telling me you are unhappy!? What else do you want me to do?! Do you even realize what I put on the line just to be with you?”

“You aren’t though. _Being with me_ , that is.” It’s hard to stand his ground, especially because Ben knows exactly how to push his buttons, how to guilt him into things.

“I am very sorry that I can’t be with you 24/7, living in some dingy student apartment, drinking the days away and smoking pot all the time. Some people have to grow up and do their job, Harry”

“I’m very aware of that, thank you. And I’d never hold that against you”

“Really? Sounds exactly like you’re holding it against me!”

“No, what I am holding against you is that you barely know me, you never ask about my day or my interests, all my hobbies are dumb and silly and we never do stuff I want to do. You never met my friends, you even refused to meet my sister and only once did you come over to see where I live now”

“I am working and in case you forgot, I also have a family”

“Oh don’t worry, I am constantly reminded of the fact that you are married” Harry bites back.

“So this is suddenly a problem? Great, just great. You knew I was married when you threw yourself at me”

“I…” Harry fish-mouths, he’s so shocked. He _threw_ himself at Ben?! “You kissed me!”

“You were parading your little ass through the office every day, begging me to fuck you and now you suddenly think you have some sort of claim just because we occasionally bang? Well think again, you are nothing special, Harry, I can have another one like you in the blink of an eye”

“Finished?”

“Quite, yes”

“Good. Then fuck you Ben!” Harry shoves his chair back and stalks out of the restaurant, realizing a minute too late that Ben drove them here.

He groans and marches into the direction of a bus stop he think he’s seen while they drove to the restaurant. Tears burn in his eyes but he refuses to cry. If he’s so easy to replace then Ben can just do that now, can’t he?! Harry doesn’t need to beg for affection, much less the affection of a married man who doesn’t really give a toss about him.

In the beginning Ben and he never fought, Harry was so smitten that he thought Ben hung the moon, although lately he came to realize that if anything, Ben hung a cheap imitation. Now, the cracks are getting deeper, rifts becoming more prominent and if Harry is dead honest, he doesn’t see a future for them. He never did in the first place.

Composing a text to Louis to tell him all about the fucked up lunch, he jumps when someone honks next to him.

“Get in” Ben rolls down the passenger’s window.

“No thank you” he keeps walking, blinking away the tears.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Harry. You caught me by surprise and… I overreacted when you told me about the change of courses. Please get in, let’s talk it through and find a solution” Harry keeps walking.

“Please, you know I only want what’s best for you. I am jealous Harry, you are so far away and you barely have time for me. Everything is new and exciting and I guess I am a little afraid that you forget all about ol’me?”

He doesn’t want to give in, he really wants to stay mad, knowing this is the easiest and quickest way out and he really should take it but…

“I didn’t forget about you, I told you I missed you”

“I missed you too” Ben stops the car. “Get in, please?”

 

Ben drives them to some secluded parking lot next to a highway and when Harry sucks him off, he feels a lot like a cheap prostitute, his mind still reeling from the fight and words that’ve been said. Ben apologizes and tells him he doesn’t have time to get him off because he needs to finish some stuff and head home so his wife doesn’t get suspicious.

Harry just nods and presses a hand to his achingly hard cock, it’s not the first time Ben ‘ _didn’t have time_ ’ to get Harry off and he’s getting used to it.

Ben parks the car a couple of blocks away from his house and Harry gets out without so much as a kiss goodbye.

He feels dirty and beaten, like he gave in way too quickly (which he knows he did) and that it can’t go on like this. He’s not happy and Ben will never understand why or be willing to change.

Ignoring his mum’s calls when he gets home, he walks up the stairs and locks his door. He is still hard and just about to take a cold shower when his phone vibrates against his thigh.

It’s another picture of Louis, this time from the beach in Barcelona and Harry thought it was too cold to swim but there is the living – although slightly shivering and cold looking – proof that it is possible.

Louis fringe is sticking to his forehead in a wet mess but his eyes sparkle impossibly blue. His lips are curved up in a bright smile and water is running over his chest, tattoos a stark contrast to his slightly tanned skin. The dark blue trunks are sitting so low on his small hips that Harry is sure they’d come off with even the lightest tug and since Louis must have come straight from the water they are… kind of clingy.

He doesn’t want to look but the next second he finds himself bowed over his phone, eyes glued to the screen, tracing every outline.

Louis is fucking gorgeous and Harry can just imagine the other boy, shivering but grinning widely because he dared to do it. Harry would give his right arm to be there now, to hold the towel for Louis and rub him dry, cuddle him until he’s warm again. His fingertips prickle with the sudden want to touch soft, cool skin, to warm it up with either his hands or lips.

Kissing a little further down, along the thin line of brown hair starting under Louis' navel, down below the waistband of his trunks…

It takes Harry all of five seconds to shove his hand down his pants, wanking himself furiously to an image of a cold, wet Louis towering above him while Harry is on his knees, Louis hands in his hair, pulling him closer, closer until Harry chokes and Louis hips will stutter when he realizes that Harry can take it, loves it and… he comes so hard that he drops his phone, body snapping in half and nearly braining himself with his knee.

“Fuck” Harry is panting, jeans and hand covered in come and heart racing. “Oh fuck”

He just wanked to an image of Louis. An image of his mate. His roommate. While his boyfriend is only a couple of blocks away.

“Oh fuck”

~

Once that line has been crossed, it seems like the gates are open and Harry has to change underwear so often that he started doing his own laundry again so his mum wouldn’t get even more suspicious.

He feels like a hormonal teenager all over again and it doesn’t help that Louis tortures him with picture after picture of himself in various stages of undress or licking along various objects ranging from ice cream to Liam.

It is not fair and Harry is about to do something really stupid, like sending Louis a picture of him in a total stage of undress back, but his mum forces him to come shopping with her before he can set the plan into motion. Might be better this way.

They just managed to buy half of Tesco for dinner that night when they run into Meredith on the street.

“Oh hello!” she hugs Harry’s mum and even Harry and he only feels like a dirty kept boy for a whole minute. "I didn’t know you were home, Harry!”

“Yeah… university holidays and such” he shrugs.

“Ah, I think Ben might have mentioned that you traded the boring law firm for the party life at uni” she winks at him, “Good for you, you’re much too young to be stuck with old men in suits. How is it going?”

“It’s… going well, great actually. I’m really enjoy it”

“Ben said you went to study law?” Oh, so he _does_ talk about Harry, interesting.

“Actually I swapped, I’m doing music now. It’s a passion of mine and I always wanted to do something in that field so… but it’s very interesting and I love it”

“I am glad” she pats his arm and Harry once again thinks that Ben’s wife is far too nice to be married to a cheating prick. He feels even worse now.

“You’re living with your sister?”

“Yes, Gemma and her two flat mates. Louis and Perrie”

“A mixed flat share, aha”

Harry can’t help but laugh. He always liked Meredith, thought she was great and sweet and he hated going behind her back like this but… there’s not really any excuse he can come up with, except that he’s an asshole who fell for the married man. “It’s quite… interesting. Never boring but they are all lovely”

“So anyone who caught your eye?”

And it might be the little devil on his shoulder or the constant state of arousal he’s in but he hears himself say “My flat mate Louis is well fit”

“Well, I hope it works out Harry. You’re a sweetheart, you know how to pick them” she smiles warmly at him.

“And you? Done some shopping on your own?”

“Oh” Meredith blushes. “It’s…” she holds up the bag so Harry can see the label. He suddenly feels like he’s been drenched in ice cold water. “It’s kind of a surprise for Ben, well he knows of course… but I couldn’t resist. They are so cute!” she reaches into the bag and takes out some tiny, blue baby shoes.

“You are…” Harry’s mum stutters and Harry can understand her surprise. He himself feels quite nauseous.

“It’s just been four months, didn’t want to shout it from the rooftops but yeah… we’re having another baby. Ben is so excited! When I told him…” she taps her lips. “I think it was the beginning of February when I found out, you know how awful I am with keeping secrets – he was thrilled! Whisked me away to a weekend holiday, cancelled everything else” she glows. “He’s such a sweetheart”

“Yeah, you’re lucky” Harry replies, feeling numb. His mum shoots him a look. “Listen, it was so nice seeing you again, all the best and please say hello to Ben for me, will you? And good luck?”

“Oh sure, Harry” she stands on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Don’t be a stranger, come round to dinner if you are in town again, okay? And good luck with your studies. Hope it all works out with Louis” she winks at him before she walks off.

“Don’t mum” Harry warns when she’s far enough away. “Just don’t”

“Okay” Anne agrees with a sigh. “You know it anyway”

 ~

He sends Ben a text as soon as he gets home.

The reply doesn’t take long so he assumes he’s either still in the office or Meredith isn’t home yet.

They meet at some playground after Ben finishes work.

“What is so important that it couldn’t wait? I really need to get home” is what Harry gets as greeting.

“Oh don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to keep you long from your happy family” Harry shoves a bag at his chest. “Just wanted to give you that and say ‘Congratulations’, heard you are _thrilled_ ”

“What…?” Ben holds up the playsuit Harry bought and stares at him wide-eyed.

“Met Meredith today, she’s really excited” Harry nods gravely. “Four months, wow. Was it hard? I mean, you told me you hadn’t slept with her in over a year so… respect. Immaculate conception?”

“I… would have told you….”

“Really? Well, I’m going to take a wild guess here but I think that was the reason you stood me up on my birthday without so much as a call or anything, wasn’t it?”

“She just told me that day and what was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know Ben” Harry snaps, angrier than he had ever been. “Be honest? Tell me that she’s pregnant, that you weren’t ever planning on leaving? That this is nothing more than a dirty little secret for you!”

“Mind keeping your voice down?!”

“No, I kept my voice down long enough!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’ve had enough. I can’t do this any longer. I want someone who walks across the street holding my hand, who I can call in the middle of the night and where I can show up whenever I need a cuddle. I want to take my boyfriend out, I want to introduce him to my friends. I want someone who is supportive, who understands and gets me and who lets me have my random and childish dreams because that’s who I am”

“You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing”

“How do I drink my coffee?”

“What… didn’t we play this game already?” Ben rolls his eyes, clearly frustrated.

“Humor me. People who have been ‘ _together_ ’ for over half a year should know this”

“I don’t know… like black and no sugar?” Ben shrugs. “What does it matter?”

“It matters because I _don’t drink coffee_!” Harry shouts, “Because you know jack about me and you don’t fucking care and you never will and I am so sick and tired of going in circles, waiting for you to give me something you never will!”

“So what? You’re breaking up with me?” Ben laughs.

“No. I am not breaking up with you. Because to break up you actually have to have been together and we never were” Harry shakes his head, turns around and says over his shoulder; “just don’t call me. Or text me. In fact, I don’t want to hear from you ever again. Good luck with your family Ben, you don’t deserve them”

“Harry!”

He gives Ben the middle finger salute over his shoulder, walking away and feeling more relieved and free than he felt in a long while.

\--------

 

Louis gets back to Manchester late at night, dead tired and in desperate need of a shower.

The latter can wait, though, since he’s the only one back at the flat yet. His roommates are still at home or travelling, Liam and Zayn having gone to see their families for the remainder of the Easter break.

He toes off his shoes and doesn’t bother turning on the light, dragging his suitcase over into the laundry room with the vow to start bright and early the next morning because he is running out of clean clothes quickly.

Opening the door to his room, he inhales the familiar scent, feeling at home and at ease. Louis gets undressed on his way to the bed, throwing himself onto the covers and landing on something hard.

Something hard which yelps and kicks.

Louis springs back so fast that he falls out of bed, taking the duvet with him.

“Fucking hell, ouch!”

“Louis?!”

“Harry?”

A head surrounded by curly hair appears over him, eyes glancing down rather concerned. “Are you hurt?”

“What are you doing in my bed?”

“Oh” It’s dark but Louis can still make out the blush that’s creeping up Harry’s neck. “Umh… sleeping?”

“Why?! I mean, why are you here? Why in my bed?”

“I’m sorry, I’m leaving…” Harry makes a move to get up but Louis stops him.

“What happened?”

“It’s… nothing. Just a bit of a shitty Easter break so I decided to come back earlier to work on my assignments and stuff. It gets a bit lonely without you guys so I…” he points to Louis bed. “And yours is the most comfortable one” he admits sheepishly and Louis is not preening because Harry chose his bed because he felt lonely and possibly wanted to catch Louis scent. _He is not_.

“Shitty break?” he probes and climbs onto the bed next to Harry. “By the way, I’m glad we got the ‘one piece of clothing when in Louis bed’ rule down now” he adds with a look to Harry’s black briefs.

“Quick learner” Harry scoots over so that Louis can take his place, maneuvering around a bit until they found “their” spot.

It shouldn’t be so easy to fall back into each other like that, it shouldn’t be so simple and comfortable, it shouldn’t feel like coming home and finally finding that one thing you missed all along.

“Want to tell me about it?” Louis asks into the dark, lying on his back with Harry’s head on his shoulder, legs entwined and his hand combing through the soft curls.

“Not now” Harry nuzzles closer. “I’m glad you’re back”

“I am too. Wasn’t the same without you, kiddo. You should have come. Gorgeous city and pretty boys”

“Oh” He feels Harry tense slightly and before he can stop himself he adds. “But none as pretty as you”

At that, Harry giggles, shoulders loosing up again. “So you didn’t… sorry it’s none of my business”

“You’re right but I tell you anyway: I didn’t take anyone home”

“Okay” Harry’s curls tickle his chin and before Louis can stop himself he’s placed a soft kiss to them, Harry freezing.

“I… sorry, I didn’t… I’m tired and…”

“Don’t… apologize please. It was nice” Harry mumbles.

“Oh?”

“Yeah” He answers softly and Louis holds him a little closer again.

“Right… umh what did we do? So we went to see…” Louis starts, talking over his embarrassment and racing heart, all the while Harry snuggles up to him, breath eventually coming in soft puffs once the younger boy is fast asleep.

Only then does Louis dare to press another, lingering kiss to his head before he falls asleep too.

~

When he wakes up, Harry is not there but the spot next to him is still warm. Louis stretches like a cat, toes digging into the soft sheets before he gets up and takes a shower.

Harry is in the kitchen, humming quietly to some tune on the radio while he seems to be cooking up a storm.

“Morning” Louis slides into the chair and rests his chin on his hands.

“Slept okay?” Harry just quickly glances at him over his shoulder, smiling when he sees Louis wet hair and the black glasses resting on his nose.

“Comatose” Louis agrees and yawns for good measure. “It was lovely, and Barcelona is ace but it was also quite exhausting”

“Mmh, getting old, are we?”

“Remember you are alone with me, no one will find your body” Louis reminds him and Harry chuckles.

“Well before you kill me try some of this and tell me if it saves my life” he puts a plate with scrambled eggs in front of Louis, adding some French toast and crispy bacon as well as some grilled tomatoes and mushrooms.

“Harold” Louis flutters his eyelashes. “Spoiling me, aren’t you? Fair enough, it saves you so now you have to do that every morning for the next week and a half”

“Think I can cope” Harry grabs his own plate and they eat in companiable silence.

“So what were your plans for the break?” Louis helps Harry clear the dishes once they’ve finished.

“Umh, I really don’t have a clue to be honest. I didn’t plan on coming back this early so the only plan I had was study?”

Louis looks at Harry like he’s gone crazy. “Study? All day every day?”

“I don’t know my way around that well and I don’t know who’s here so yeah, study. But you are very welcome to suggest other alternatives”

Louis grins impishly. “Those were the magic words. Now, get dressed, we’re going exploring” Harry looks a little like he knows he just signed a deal with the devil but goes a long willingly anyway.

 

He bundles Harry and himself up in so many layers that they look a bit like walking marshmallows but Manchester is not Spain and April is still chilly. Now that Louis got time he doesn’t drag Harry through the city like a crazy tour guide but takes a second to develop some sort of plan for the next couple of days.

Since it’s cold but nice outside, he takes Harry to his favorite park, watching some kids skate for a while before they stop and grab some lunch to go while wandering through the streets. Of course Harry finds some music store which looks like it existed back during the Beatles days and they spent hours surrounded by dusty records and bands Louis has never heard of. But Harry is beaming at him, only sneezing occasionally when he gets a nose full of dust while trying to decipher the name of the band on the cover, and Louis is quite helpless when it comes to Harry’s smile.

So he keeps wandering around with him, listening to Harry ramble about this and that, getting more excited by the second even so Louis has no idea what he’s actually talking about.

The text messages they’ve been sending back and forth were hardly an adequate substitute for being able to talk to and see Harry in person. His languid drawl of voice and the bright sparkle in his eyes when he finds some new hidden treasure, the random stories he comes up with which will go on for minutes without a proper plot or end and his stupid jokes which are anything but funny. Louis missed it all, knew he missed Harry but only realizes how much now that he’s with him again.

He doesn’t ask who’s responsible for Harry’s “shitty Easter break” but can kinda guess given the scowl on his face whenever his phone beeps. Eventually Harry just turns it off and shoves it deep into the pocket of his skinny jeans.

“Sorry. So where to now?”

Louis briefly wonders whether he maybe should be more insistent and make Harry talk but he seems so much happier than last night and Louis doesn’t want to upset him. If Harry hasn’t told him what’s wrong in a couple of days, he vows to sit him down but for now, Louis will concentrate on putting that smile back on Harry’s face and turn his break from shitty to amazing.

 

They roam the streets together for the next days, the weather holding up with bright sunshine and clear blue skies. Louis discovers new things as well, stuff he never paid much attention to when he was out and about but which is absolutely fascinating for Harry. It’s a bit like coming to Manchester all over again, discovering the city anew and Louis wonders if it will always be like that with Harry.

The way they complement each other, can almost finish each other’s sentence by now. How Louis knows what mood Harry’s in just by seeing the curve of his lips, how Harry will know when to push or to leave Louis alone. Yet, they are still different enough to be exciting for one another, never looking at things the same way but it’s a good kind of different, a different from which they can learn and which inspires the other.

It’s a bit like getting a new lens for an old camera, Louis muses. He knows what he’s looking at, has seen it many times before but suddenly the focus is a little different, there are new colors to discover and other things come to the fore than before.

It’s scary as hell for him because never in his 24 years has he felt that way with anyone.

Sometimes Louis thinks he should run the other way, get out while he still can but then Harry will look or smile at him a certain way and he knows he’s in way too deep already. He is glad that Gemma and the boys aren’t around yet because one look and they will know.

His carefully constructed image of ‘best mates’ will come crashing down and Louis will have to answer a ton of questions he doesn’t know the answers to. Or maybe he does, but he’s still refusing to admit it or even think those words. It’s never happened to him before, he was always able to distance himself and leave before it became serious, hell, he never wanted serious, never thought about long term until…

He shakes his head, vehemently pushing all these thoughts to the back of his mind.

Harry is rummaging around in his room and by the sound of it he’s taking his wardrobe apart. Louis is a little afraid to poke his head in and gasps when he sees the mess.

“Harry, are you still alive?”

A shirt flies past him and now he can see Harry, well his backside at least, while the rest is buried deep in the wardrobe. “I can’t find my freaking black shirt”

Louis looks around and snorts. “Maybe its hiding behind one of the twenty identical black shirts that are strewn across your floor?”

“Don’t lecture me on tidiness! That cereal bowl we found in your nightstand had enough bacteria in it to come up with new vaccines no one ever heard of”

“Mmh, I was on my way to develop the cure against cancer until you got into your cleaning fit and threw it away”

“It reeked”

“That’s what you get for snooping!”

“I wasn’t-“ Harry gets up too quickly, banging his head against a shelve on the way up. “Ouch. I wasn’t snooping” Louis just grins. “Oh piss off”

“I would but I promised to take you out and show you the wild side” Louis sighs, pointedly glancing at his watch. “Think we’ll managed before dawn?”

“If I’d find that stupid shirt…”

“You look fine” And he does, dressed in ripped black skinny jeans and a plain white tee, Harry looks more than fine.

“But I wanted to wear the black one” he pouts and Louis is so gone, he’s tempted to turn every piece of clothing over and search until they find that damn shirt just so Harry is happy.

“You look lovely” he tries instead.

“Really?”

“Yes, even with that… that thing in your hair”

“Hey, it’s my favorite bandana” Harry touches the dark green piece of cloth, wrapped artfully around his head to keep the curls in check. “Don’t you like it?”

“I like your curls”

“Oh” Harry grins. “Really?”

“Really, really”

“I can take it out…”

“Harry” Louis whines and the younger boy laughs. “Please, you look lovely. Amazing even. I’ll have to fight them off with a stick”

Harry sighs but after another reassuring glance in the mirror he nods. “Fine, let’s go”

Louis hopes Harry will like the bar he chose. After all, they play his kind of music and he knows that a lot of music and art students frequent the location so it should be to Harry’s liking.

Of course, it’s not as crowded since many students aren’t here yet but it’s busy enough and Harry even bumps into a couple of familiar faces, eagerly introducing Louis to all of them. When they start talking about some bands Louis has never heard of, he volunteers to get some drinks, glad that Harry found some people he knows and who understand the language he speaks.

Louis doesn’t mind to sit back and just listen and watch Harry, even so he tries to get him to join the conversation. It’s kinda Greek to Louis but he makes an effort and eventually, him and some of the guys have found a common topic (football) while Harry talks in wild, flying gestures next to him.

There’s such a stark difference between this Harry and the Harry who first arrived here and Louis fiercely hopes that this here is the true Harry, that he doesn’t feel the need to pretend to please Louis but that he’s really enjoying himself and would tell Louis if he wasn’t.

“You okay?” he whispers quietly when there’s a break in conversations.

“Perfect”

“You’d tell me if you weren’t, right? Enjoying yourself I mean. If you don’t like this bar or stuff we do”

“Umh yes. Where does this suddenly come from?” Harry frowns.

“I just… it’s silly, forget it”

“No, tell me” Harry inches closer to Louis, bowing his head.

“It’s just… I want you to enjoy yourself. To do stuff because you want to and not because you feel like you have to do it in order to please me or something”

Harry looks at him for a couple of seconds, searching his face before a small, private smile tugs at his lips. “I never felt that way with you, Lou”

“Oh” Louis has to bow his head, unable to return the stare of green eyes. “Good. That’s good… I just wanted to make sure”

“Thank you” Harry says in sincerely, his hand finding its way to Louis thigh and he jumps at the warm touch.

Harry doesn’t notice or if he does, he pretends not to, keeping his hand right there and focusing back on the conversation. Louis has a little difficulty, the warm drag of Harry’s thumb against the inside of his thigh is a greater distraction that he’d ever thought.

Eventually he gives up, rather listening to the others before he blurts out something silly.

“Want another drink?” Louis has been so caught up that he didn’t see Harry leaning down again and quickly shakes his head.

“I’ll get it”

“No, I can come with you!” the curly haired one protests immediately but Louis shakes his head. A little time alone without Harry touching him or whispering in his ear will do him good, his body feels like its strumming with underlying tension already.

He signals for two pints, leaning against the bar and surveying the crowd while he waits for his order.

Caught up in his own thoughts and just watching Harry from across the room, he doesn’t realize he’s spoken to until someone nudges his arm.

“Yes?” Louis snaps out of it and sighs when he sees George and another boy standing in front of him.

“Louis Tomlinson, fancy seeing you here” George slurs and Louis can just hold back the annoyed eye roll. Great, a drunken one night stand who couldn’t take no for an answer, this should be fun.

“Yeah well, thought I’d try something new” he shrugs and reaches behind him to grab the drinks. “If you’ll excuse me, I promised to bring those back while they’re still cold”

“You don’t recognize us, do you?” Louis just gives them a bored look.

George turns to the other boy and laughs, both swaying drunkenly and Louis really has no time for this. “How can I help you?”

“Just a little experiment, see the boys and I…” he gestures towards a table in the back where Louis can make out three or four other guys “… saw you walking in and it got us talking”

“Aha”

“Mmh, rather interesting. Because turns out _you_ –“ he pokes Louis chest and it takes some conscious effort on Louis part not to step back. “Fucked all of them”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh you don’t remember?” George chuckles. “No surprise there, since you were drunk or high or both most times and never really gave a fuck where you put it, did you?”

“I really don’t have time for this” Louis is about to push himself off the bar but George steps in his way.

“In fact, our stories are all rather similar” he points to the blond guy next to him. “Remember James?”

“No, should I?”

The guy shakes his head and glares at Louis. “You’re a fucking slut, Tomlinson”

He raises his eyebrow but keeps quiet, thinking this is what he gets for stepping into some hipster bar. He should have stuck with his usual spots.

“Well thanks for the lovely compliment but…”

“Don’t remember how I blew you in the bathroom a couple of weeks ago?” For the record, Louis doesn’t. If he had to take a wild guess he’d say it was after he found out about Ben being married and being so pissed off and upset that he really didn’t care how he managed to numb those feelings.

“Unfortunately not, maybe it wasn’t that memorable”

“How do you live with yourself?” George snaps and Louis sighs. Liam warned him about this, didn’t he? He just never thought it’d actually happen.

“Look, George, I never promised you roses and horse carriages, did I? Told you it was one night and one night only, it’s not my problem you can’t deal with it”

“What’s the problem?” an arm sneaks around his waist and he knows it’s Harry even before the younger boy spoke.

“Nothing, just having a friendly chit chat to the biggest fucking slut on the planet”

Harry’s face, formally a smile of friendly curiousness, falls. “Come again please?”

“Just to warn you, since you seem like a nice and innocent guy: Don’t let him fool you. He’ll give you the time of day for one night but will kick you out faster than you can spell your name”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Me” Louis growls. “Are you quite done yet?”

“Not even close. See, I am sick and tired of you running around, making boys fall in love with you just to kick them to the curb because all you want them for is a warm place to stick your dick in”

“Let’s get one thing straight” Louis hisses through clenched teeth. “I never promised you anything, you knew what you got yourself into and if you can’t handle it, it’s not my problem. Get a grip and grow up and stop harassing me just because you have some silly crush”

“Crush? On you? Fuck, you’re an arrogant prick. You are nothing to me, Tomlinson, in fact I regret the day I met you”

“So that’s why you came up to cause a scene? You and your little side kick, all members of the broken hearts club?” Harry smirks.

“Who’s that than?” George turns towards Harry and looks him over rather dirtily. “Next one? Listen boy, run while you can. This is not someone you want to know or hang around. He’ll dump you as soon as the sun comes up and the sex isn’t even that good”

“Really?” Harry inches closer, the hand on Louis waist tightening its grip. “I thought it was mind blowing” Harry practically purrs and Louis swallows hard.

“You… you slept with him? Why am I even surprised” George seems flustered and Louis never thought Harry could look so smug.

“A couple of times actually”

“Haha” James shakes his head. “Louis doesn’t stay the night and he doesn’t let anyone sleep over. It’s a one-time-goodbye-kind of thing”

“With you, maybe you really weren’t impressive enough” Harry drops his gaze pointedly to the guys pants and okay – who is this? Certainly not the stuttering, innocent cherub Louis got to know.

This Harry uses his bodily advantage to the fullest, squaring his shoulders and towering over Louis but not in an intimidating but a rather possessive way.

“Believe me kid, there’s nothing that’s worth sticking around for” George glares at Louis. “Just a pretty face and some nice moves between the sheets. He’s a shallow and boring bastard. You shouldn’t waste your time with someone like him”

“I suggest you shut the fuck up now and leave that decision to me” Harry sounds dangerous and Louis feels his stomach flutter. “You obviously have no clue about him whatsoever and in all honesty mate; you don’t deserve to know him because he’s so much better than you. So go back to your friends, drink a little more and keep whining about the boy who fucked and dumped you because you were not worth his attention”

“One night is all you’ll get”

"I've had six fucking weeks with him already and he hasn't kicked me out of his bed yet…”

“… and never intends to,” Louis hears himself say and Harry’s eyes flit down to him, his look unguarded and he smiles so, so bright for a second that Louis heart stops and he has to catch his breath.

George looks back and forth between the two and whatever he sees makes him silently grab James and leave.

“Thank you” Louis breaks the silence eventually, getting the words out is a little hard thanks to the lump in his throat.

“You’re welcome” Harry raises his hand and after seconds of hesitation, he tugs some strands behind Louis ear. The touch is electric and Louis feels his skin tingle. “You know he was full of shit, right? You are totally worth sticking around for”

He laughs but it sounds a little shaky, “Don’t make me sound better than I am”

“Then don’t put yourself down, okay?” Harry sounds a tad angry. “You are much better than this, worth so much more than one night”

“How do you know?”

“I know _you_ ” Harry simply says and Louis muses he really does. There isn’t much he hasn’t told Harry, little he has kept back. It’s a bit frightening how transparent he made himself for Harry, how easy it is for the other boy to read him. Louis wouldn’t want it any other way.

The air between them is charged, has been since Harry snuck his arm around him possessively and it would be so easy for Louis just to lean in. He knows Harry would meet him half way, his hooded but hungry eyes are a clear indication that he knows exactly what Louis is thinking and that he is rather on board with the idea.

It would be so damn easy but then he would make Harry even more of a cheater. He’s still with Ben as far as Louis knows and even if he might not like the guy or agree with their relationship, Harry’s stuck with Ben for this long so he must like him, maybe even love him.

And Louis really doesn’t want to get in the middle of this, knows he won’t be able to take it if he’s nothing more than a fling for Harry, he’s been through that kind of thing once already, giving his heart away only to be kicked to the curb by the person he thought loved him more than anything.

He can’t be that ‘ _other person’_ , if anything, Louis has to be ‘ _the_ person’. And he doesn’t know if Harry can give him that or if he even wants that.

So instead of leaning in, he pulls back.

The hurt look that crosses Harry’s face is almost enough to make Louis reconsider but then he closes his eyes and when he looks at Louis again, he’s trying a little lopsided smile. “Sorry”

“It’s alright” Louis whispers back and Harry nods. “I… umh, got the drinks, by the way. Might be a little warm, though”

“Best get some cold ones, then” Harry grins and hip-checks him and Louis thinks they’ll be okay.

They’ll pull through this, after all, it’s not the first time he’s been attracted to a mate of his. He had a rather embarrassing crush on Zayn for a while after that one time they drunkenly fooled around in Australia but they got over it. It was nothing more than some misguided attraction and loneliness and not worth risking their friendship for.

Now Louis is not stupid and quite aware of the fact that this is nothing like the thing with Zayn, but much bigger. Possibly too big to ever get quite over it but he’ll be damned if he can’t ignore it for the sake of being friends with Harry. The poor bloke doesn’t need more drama but a friend he can depend on and Louis really doesn’t need Gemma breathing down his neck, telling him not to mess with her baby brother.

If – and that’s a fucking big if – Louis ever decided to act on his attraction towards Harry, he knows it won’t just be a quick fling. If he breaks Harry’s heart, Gemma will break his legs and Zayn already made it clear that Harry is the forever and ever kind of guy.

So yes, Louis is aware of the implications. And it’s enough to keep him sane and that one step away from Harry and disaster.

At least for now.

~

They are both a little more cautious around each other after the incident in the bar, still spending quite a lot of time together but they’re not as touchy as before.

Harry actually forces Louis to sit down and do some work for his degree and Louis is sure he never went into a semester being better prepared. Harry insists on Louis reading through all of his coursework and essays and even so Louis doesn’t have a clue about the subject, he does it to make Harry happy. He plays little pop quizzes with him while Harry is cooking, reassuring him that no, he’s not going to fail all of his classes while they are grocery shopping and that yes, of course Louis will come and see that indie band play with him next month.

It’s only when Harry’s gone out one night with some friends from class and Louis refused to sit through another discussing about the decline of British Pop Culture that he notices how empty and quiet the flat is without Harry.

He briefly considers getting showered and changed and join him nonetheless but that would look a little pathetic and he can be alone thank you very much.

So instead he bothers Zayn and Liam via text, grabbing himself a beer and eventually deciding to smoke up since he is alone and neither Gemma nor Perrie are here to complain.

Louis has just gotten really comfortable on the couch, pleasantly buzzed when Harry stumbles in.

“It smells like weed in here”

“What the fuck are you doing back home at 11pm already?”

Harry falls into the cushion next to him with a soft ‘oophf’.

“Don’t say it, you finally exhausted the topic of which Linkin Park album is the most commercialized? That only took you what – four weeks?”

“Haha. Funny”

“Well, the other explanation would be that the bar ran out of beer but I know for a fact that there are some others around which have a huge stack of alcohol. Niall bet me once he could bleed them dry in one night, but seems even the alcohol tolerance of the Irish has its limits. Not a pleasant memory for neither Niall nor myself. Never been so hungover in my life”

“Your concern about my level of intoxication is lovely but I just didn’t feel like company tonight”

“You were bouncing like a puppy when you left”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Yeah well maybe I missed your snarky and off topic remarks, it’s strange to be able to finish a sentence without being interrupted by some inept comment”

“Aw. Missed me, did ya?” Louis reaches out to ruffle his curls and Harry swats his hand away.

“Oh shut up. Did you eat?”

“No mum. Liquid nutrition” he holds up his bottle and Harry eyes the ashtray, rolling papers and little bag of weed. Louis follows his gaze. “Yes?”

“Do you… fancy rolling another one?”

“Harold” Louis touches his chest in a cutesy manner. “Drugs? You? What would your mother say?”

“Oh shut up will you. I am not a baby” “

I know kiddo”

“You are insufferable”

“Aw, you love me” it slips out before he can stop it but luckily Harry takes it in a stride, nodding and sighing.

“Either that or I’m more messed up than I thought. So… what’s it gonna be? Want to sit here all by yourself like a miserable stoner without any friends?”

Louis gives him a once over. “Lose that awful fedora and you’re on”

“Fine” Harry gets up and walks back to his room while Louis reaches for the papers before he stops himself.

“You did this before, right?”

“I am a twenty-one year old bloke!” Harry yells back.

“So?! Does that mean I can automatically assume that you did drugs, had sex and robbed a bank?”

“Never robbed a bank” Harry jumps over the backrest and lands next to Louis again. He didn’t only lose the stupid hat but also changed into sweats and another t-shirt.

“Good, just don’t fancy explaining to your sister how I corrupted you”

“Well, judging by your reputation smoking weed is not what you’d corrupt me with”

“When did you turn into such a cheeky shit?”

“When again did I move in?” Louis rolls his eyes but chuckles. He loves the easy banter with Harry, the casual flirting they got going.

He grabs the lighter and blows some smoke in Harry’s direction. “What are we watching then, Lou?”

They settle on The Hangover after Louis vetoed all of Harry’s sappy choices ranging from Broke Back Mountain (“Could you be more of a cliché?!”) to Bambi (“In all honesty, your brain scares me sometimes, Styles!”).

Harry has gotten comfortable with his head in Louis lap, not really watching the movie anymore but unsettling Louis with his intent gaze. “When is the rest coming back?”

“I guess the day after tomorrow?” Louis shrugs. “Zayn might stay home until the last minute but I know Liam is a secret nerd who likes to get reacquainted with all his books before the new semester starts. And your sister… well, that depends what her and Ashton get up to tonight and tomorrow” he wriggles his eyebrows suggestively and Harry makes a gagging noise.

“Ugh, that’s my sister you’re talking about”

“I can assure you – and I _know_ firsthand – since I didn’t only hear but also _see_ her and Ashton in action when…”

“Oh God, shut up, shut up!” Harry turns his head and hides in Louis shirt, which, given the position of his head, is really close to his crotch and… could Harry stop wriggling for fuck’s sake?!

Maybe it was a bad idea to smoke with Harry, Louis always gets a little horny but Harry seems to be downright handsy and ready to devour him and if Louis would allow it, to wrestle him down on the couch and flit his body to his without an inch of space. Or maybe it’s all wishful thinking but whatever it is, it is starting to create a problem further south.

“Harold” Louis pulls his head back up by his curls and Harry – suddenly bites his lips and groans low in his throat.

“Did you just…?”

“Sorry” Harry turns crimson, “Oh God, sorry. You caught me by surprise and I --- ugh” Louis does it again just to be sure. Harry immediately goes pliant in his grip.

“Is that a thing for you?” Louis enquires curiously.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Harry looks anywhere but at Lou.

“Really? Oh well, than you won’t mind if I…” he reaches out to tug at Harry’s curls again and the younger boy jumps.

“Fine, okay. It is”

“What is?” Louis probes, suddenly needing to hear it because he might not be able to touch Harry but it doesn’t mean he won’t be able to wank himself sore to images of it.

“I like it when people play with my hair and are… a little rough sometimes, okay? It’s weird and… I can’t explain it but… there you go” Harry mutters stubbornly before he looks at Louis with a twinkle in his eyes. “And what’s yours?”

“Mine?”

“Mmh…” Harry inches closer again and Louis comes to the conclusion that he kinda shot himself in the foot with this conversation. Kudos to him really, after trying to avoid too much physical contact and anything ambiguously, he has to start a conversation about kinks and turns on’s. Very well done indeed.

“I mean… when we went to that bar… all those guys…” Harry stumbles over his words, his eyes a little too wide and pupils slightly blown. “…you slept with them, didn’t you?”

“Who? George? You know I slept with him”

“No” there’s a small, but tight line in between Harry’s eyebrows. Almost a frown and Louis wants to reach out and smooth it down. “With the other guys as well…”

“Oh. Well. Maybe. I don’t remember everybody”

“So it’s just about sex for you?” Harry comes even closer and Louis feels his skin prickle.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you don’t really care who as long as…” The younger boy blushes but still makes a rather rude gesture.

“I like sex” Louis never had a problem with admitting as much. “And I’ve never looked for a commitment, never wanted to settle down… until…” The words get stuck in his throat.

“So you just let them fuck you and then you leave?”

“I don’t let anyone fuck _me_ ” he can’t help the slight tremble to his voice, nor the rush of adrenaline when he sees Harry’s hands ball into fists on his thighs. He should stop this now, get up and get some much needed space between them.

“You… never?”

“Rarely” Louis smirks. “I don’t bottom for just anyone. Got to earn it, Styles”

Harry swallows visibly. “How?”

The hairs on the back of Louis neck stand up at the sound of Harry’s voice; raw, broken and sounding like sex.

Every alarm goes off in Louis head, his mind yelling at him to get up and leave – instead he leans in a bit closer, making sure to blink innocently up at Harry through his long lashes. “I have a soft spot for boys who know what they want and just take it”

Harry’s breath hitches and Louis thinks he might have pushed it too far just when Harry grabs his thigh and swings his legs over his lap, bracketing him in.

Louis is so startled he simply goes with it, letting Harry push him back into the cushions, blinking up at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sure you won’t mind this then” Harry mutters darkly and Louis really wants to tell him ‘no’, wants to say that this is the fucking worst idea either of them had so far. Flirting and little inappropriate touches he’s okay with, but this is taking it that one step too far. But then Harry lowers his head and his lips are inches away from Louis and it’s wrong, so wrong and –

Harry kisses him.

It’s softer, more hesitantly than Louis expected it after all the pining and prancing around each other.

He doesn’t give in yet, just lets Harry move his lips gently against his, still asking the silent question whether this is okay and Louis thinks if Harry doesn’t have the answer to it than _he_ can’t give it to him.

“Lou, please” Harry whines against his lips, shuffling forward and inevitably rubbing against Louis. It makes him gasp which somehow seems to be the last bit of encouragement Harry needed because suddenly his teeth are lowered into Louis bottom lip, gently biting him and Louis can no longer contain a groan.

He gives in and Harry licks into this mouth eagerly, hands tangling in Louis hair and all of this spells disaster.

Beautiful, addictive disaster and Louis couldn’t stop it even if his life depended on it.

His body is strumming under a high current he’s never felt before, hands holding onto Harry’s shirt so tightly that it hurts and he doesn’t know if he’s holding him in place or preparing to pull Harry off.

The final nail to his coffin, that’s what this is because now that Louis had a taste he knows that nothing has ever compared to this, nothing will ever compare to this and he is so fucked.

Harry’s panting already, hands roaming over Louis body while he kisses a slow trail down his jaw until he’s found the pulse point and Louis wonders if he can feel his heart racing.

It’s a sharp, sweet pain when Harry bites and sucks the skin into his mouth, smoothing over it with his tongue and Louis wants so much, wants everything right now, _wants it all_.

The loud ringtone of Harry’s mobile startles them both, and Louis would be all in favor of ignoring it and taking this a couple of doors further down to the bedroom but it’s not just any ringtone but Ben’s.

Better than a bucket of ice cold water, because – _fuck_ – Harry has a boyfriend. Harry has a boyfriend and is kissing him like his life depends on it and – Louis can’t do this.

He shoves Harry away with a little more force than necessary, the younger boy looking startled and confused, eyes still hazy from weed and lust. His plump lips look impossibly wet and pink and Louis wants to kiss him for days. But he can’t. Harry is not his to kiss, never has been.

“Ben” He croaks, voice roughed up. “Your _boyfriend_ is calling”

“My…?” Harry finally registers what Louis is talking about. “Lou, it’s not…”

“It is. It is exactly what it looks like and…” He maneuvers Harry off of his lap, standing and bringing some much needed distance between them. “He’s your boyfriend Harry and I… I’m not doing this. I can’t do this. I am not… you don’t want me, okay? You want him and just because you’re going through a rough patch… _you don’t want me_ ” Louis finishes, not sure who he is talking to really but Harry looks gob smacked, like Louis slapped him across the face.

“Would you listen?”

“No” Louis shakes his head and he knows he looks panicked but he’s losing it pretty quick to be honest. “Don’t try to explain. I don’t want to know. You and I – not happening” He holds out his hands like he’s trying to push Harry away even so the other boy has yet to get up from the sofa. “I… just… whatever” Louis slumps his shoulder and turns on his heel, unable to look at Harry for one second longer.

He ignores him calling out and locks his door, leaning against it.

It’s solid and cold and just there and that’s good because Louis needs something solid between him and Harry otherwise he’d run right back to him and ruin everything.

Never in his life did Louis break his rules, for no one. In comes some curly haired hipster cherub and he’s gone faster than he can blink. Louis doesn’t get attached, he doesn’t let boys sleep over, doesn’t cuddle and make an effort just to see someone smile.

He doesn’t fall in love.

So fuck Harry Styles, fuck his life, fuck fate and fuck everything because here he is, head over heels and so, so in love with a boy he’s never meant to be with.

 

\--------

 

Harry knows that Louis is avoiding him. It’s not rocket science.

He should have expected it after last night but it still hurts. Because it’s Louis and well… because it’s Louis. Because he _likes_ Louis. A lot.

And now Louis thinks he’s even more of a cheater, because Harry is an idiot who didn’t take the first chance to tell Louis that he’s on a break, basically broke up with Ben really and that these random calls and texts are nothing more than Ben’s lame attempt to get him back.

So Louis ignores him and it’s not cool.

Harry tries to talk to him but Louis conveniently vanishes the next day and only shows back up on Sunday when he’s 100% sure that Gemma and Perrie have returned home.

Under the pretext of wanting to hear everything about Perrie’s time in France he hides away in her room and when he finally comes out, Gemma has decided that now is the perfect time to complain to Harry about Ashton’s family, who apparently hate her.

He tries to listen, patting Gemma’s thigh consolingly all the while he listens for Louis footsteps or the little squeaking sound his door makes.

By now, Harry knows that he has to avoid the floorboard right behind his door if he wants to sneak into his room so Gemma and Perrie won’t hear them, he knows that Louis prefers sleeping on the left side of the bed and that he hates being woken up before 10am and can only be appeased with a full English breakfast or cup of tea ready by his bedside. Harry knows that Louis likes to fall asleep on his back, with Harry’s head on his chest but that he turns around in the middle of the night and scoots backwards, back pressed to Harry’s chest. He knows that Louis is the perfect little spoon, who snores like an English bulldog if he had a couple of drinks. He knows that Louis sleeps fitfully sometimes, kicking him, before he clings to him and nearly suffocates him. He knows that he can no longer fall asleep without a blue eyed boy in his arms.

It’s not a new development, nothing he didn’t see coming but now it hits him with new found clarity: he fell for his sister’s roommate.

Not only that but also for a boy who’s notorious for sleeping around and who runs the other way at the mention of the words ‘long term’ or ‘serious, monogamous relationship’. Harry doesn’t even know whether Louis had a boyfriend – ever. It’s the one thing they never talked about, something they’ve both avoided for different reasons probably but now Harry wishes that he had the guts to talk to Louis about it.

More than once, Harry ends up in front of Louis door in the middle of the night but never dares to go in. He doesn’t know what he’s more afraid of: having to talk to Louis about his feeling and potentially risking the other boy to tell him to get lost because he made it clear he doesn’t do relationships or of going back to being friends because after that kiss, Harry is sure as hell that this is the one thing he can’t do anymore.

Now he’s got a taste, he wants – needs - more.

Louis avoids him at all costs and Harry lets him because he is a coward who wants too much but doesn’t have the guts to speak his mind.

If he knew this would've happened, he’d have sat Louis down the very night he came back from Barcelona to tell him what he figured out: He was never in love with Ben. He was in love with the idea, with what could have been if so many things would have been different.

But he is in love now. Not with an idea but with an actual person.

And he’d really love for it to be a mutual sentiment.


	4. It started with a whisper, and that was when I kissed him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend!

It shouldn’t come as such a surprise to Harry, after all he knows Louis well enough and has heard enough about him to know about his usual coping mechanism when he tries to avoid or ignore something unpleasant.

However, it’s still a shock when Louis stumbles in one morning with eyes blood shot and a huge bruise on his neck.

“Hard night?” Perrie gives Louis a down right dirty look while Harry feels frozen, eyes glued to the purple hickey on Louis throat.

“Long night” Louis croaks, voice wrecked. “Am off to bed, have a nice day”

“Lou…”

“What?” he snaps over his shoulder and Perrie sighs.

“Babe, we all know something’s bothering you. Zayn is really worried, he said he’s been trying to get a hold of you for the past week but you’re not answering his calls and you’re refusing to meet with him” Oh, so it’s not _just_ Harry Louis is avoiding like the plague, good to know. He was beginning to feel special (note the sarcasm, please).

“I’m fine”

“Mmh, have you been to uni at all? Or too busy catching up on lost sleep because you’ve been partying all night? Don’t think word doesn’t get around”

“I said I’m fine”

“You’re not”

“Whatever, Perrie, it’s none of your fucking business” Louis snaps and walks away. Perrie makes an attempt to go after him but Harry holds her back.

“Leave him”

“But… this is worse than anything I have ever seen. What happened Harry? You guys talk, don’t you? I mean, you’ve been attached at the hip these past three months so you _must_ know something!”

Zayn, Liam and Niall have all asked him the same question and all Harry could do was shrug and tell them he knew nothing. 

“I…” It would be so easy to tell Perrie everything, though. She’s a sweet girl, has proven often enough that she cares deeply for Harry and Louis, that he can trust her but… what’s he supposed to say?

_“Yeah, funny story: Lou and I got high one night and I came onto him really strong, like snogging the life out of him and we were just getting with the program when my adulterous boyfriend called, who I technically broke up with but didn’t tell anyone? And now I’m pining for a notorious lothario who thinks I’m a kid with a Lolita complex and a kink for cheating_ ” – Maybe not.

So he settles for “I really don’t know, I’m worried ‘bout him, too”

Perrie sighs and ruffles his curls. “Well, not much we can do and—“

“Don’t say it; if there’s nothing we can do except worry, we can at least do it in uni. God, you’re such a nerd”

“Don’t you have exams coming up as well?”

“Oh, bugger off!”

Perrie sticks her tongue out and grabs her bag. “Come on, kiddo. I’m driving, don’t feel like taking the bus or tube today”

“Won’t Louis miss the car?”

“Have you seen the size of that hickey and heard his voice? The guy will need all the sleep he can get to recover from _that_ night”

 

To Harry’s great dismay Louis recovers rather quickly. In fact, so quickly that he’s all dressed up and ready to go for a second round when Perrie and Harry get back that evening, just ripping the car keys out of Perrie’s hand before the door falls shut once more.

Harry shoots Perrie a hurt look but she’s already digging through her pockets, reaching for her mobile to probably give Zayn a call and ask him to put an end to this. Even though no one knows what started it, except for Harry.

If Louis only gave him the chance to explain himself, to tell him that he and Ben aren’t together anymore, everything might be different.

As it is, Harry can’t do more but watch and feel his stomach drop when Zayn stops by a couple of hours later, shaking his head no – he didn’t find Louis, doesn’t know where he went and who he’s with.

Harry goes to bed with the same mix of feelings he had all the nights before; hurt, anger and a good portion of jealousy. He’s got eyes for fuck’s sake, he knows how damn beautiful Louis is, what he can do with a simple smile. So far the older boy always found his way back in the morning and while it’s pure torture to bump into a disheveled Louis, who still reeks of bar and sex, it’s also sadly comforting for Harry to know that _he will come back_.

He doesn’t fully understand what caused Louis to withdraw so far and to go to such length but he can kinda guess.

Louis has had a hard enough time accepting that Harry was dating a married man, making it crystal clear that he despised cheating and anyone who enabled it. So Louis must think even less of him now, after Harry kissed him and basically straddled him even so he still has a boyfriend. No wonder he broke off the kiss when Ben called and couldn’t get away fast enough.

Furthermore, the small but important fact remains that they are indeed roommates. Meaning Louis doesn’t have any chance of avoiding him. He’s confronted with seeing Harry every day and for a guy who doesn’t do dates or relationships this might be coming on a tad too strong.

Plus, Harry himself is afraid of his sister finding out, not knowing which way she’ll swing. Hug him or whack him over the head and Louis probably doesn’t know either and doesn’t want to risk the peace and his friendship for some kid.

And last but not least Harry doesn’t even know if Louis likes him. Okay, he surely likes him as a friend, they have hung out often enough to establish that. But other than that… yes there were times when Harry thought Louis felt it too, that pull and how charged the air suddenly got between them but then again Louis was always the one to pull away first.

Maybe the older boy just sees Harry as some pretty face, someone he wouldn’t mind bedding but for no longer than one night. Louis has never given him any indication that he was even remotely interested in a relationship and Harry feels a bit stupid for assuming that he could be the one to change Louis.

Things don’t work out like that. So maybe all this is just Louis way of letting Harry down gently, by showing him that he really isn’t interested in Harry like that and he should back off a little.

Harry should probably take the hint and leave it but he just can’t because he has to think back to how Louis lips felt against his, how fucking right and addictive that kiss has been and how much Harry wants another go.

He wants it so bad, wants to drag those cute little noises out of Louis again, explore every inch of skin of his gorgeous body and see how loud he can get. He wants fast, rough sex against the walls and slow, gentle Sunday morning kisses and sickeningly-sweet movie nights, cuddled up together in front of the telly.

He wants to wake up next to Louis again, to see his sleepy eyes blinking at the morning light, just half awake and to hear his morning voice, rough around the edges but higher than usual. Harry wants it all of sudden, wants to tell all the Georges and James to suck it and raise their entwined hands, showing them that Louis is worth so much more than one night, that a million nights with him couldn’t be enough.

Harry is in way too deep. No wonder Louis ran the other way.

~

Two weeks later and Harry is not still moping only that he is still moping.

He hates everything about the situation: not seeing Louis (neither at uni nor at home), not properly talking to him, not being able to fall asleep next to him. It’s like cold turkey and Harry is not coping well.

Especially since he spends hours each night imagining Louis with some stranger all over him, kissing and touching him, marking his soft skin. Harry is angry and upset by the thoughts but equally aroused from spending ages thinking about a naked Louis writhing on the sheets while it’s _Harry_ who marks him up and not some nameless stranger.

It’s a lethal combination and he’s so on edge that he even snaps at Niall – Niall of all peopel! No one gets mad at Niall, it’s like kicking a puppy - so he apologizes at least a thousand times and he’s still apologizing by Friday night, when Niall drags him along to a club together with some of his friends.

Since Zayn has given up on the ‘Louis situation’ and decided to spend the night with Perrie and Gemma is on a romantic date with Ashton, Harry didn’t think twice about taking Niall up on his offer. Everything is better than being home alone with too much time to think and too little distraction to stop.

“What about your girlfriend?” Harry shouts over the music and raises his glass to Niall’s.

“It’s just a casual thing” Niall yells back when his phone lights up with a text from Barbara. Casual his ass, Niall can pretend all he wants but he’s whipped and everybody knows it. Harry doesn’t even honor that statement with a frown.

“So what about you and Mr.SuitAndTie?”

“Ben?” Niall nods.

“It’s well…” Harry bites his lips. He would have preferred telling Louis first so he wouldn’t hear it from someone else but the stubborn shit refuses to spend more than five seconds in Harry’s company so he might as well tell Niall and hope it makes its way to Louis. “… Easter break didn’t go well, to be honest. We had a couple of fights and… I broke it off”

“What?” Niall asks, spitting some beer across the counter and Harry quickly brings his cocktail out of reach.

“Yeah… I kind of found out that his wife is pregnant again and well… there was never a future, was there?”

“And you realized all this now or…?” Harry motions for Niall to continue and the blond one sighs. “I kinda noticed that you and Lou… got really close and well… it’s probably none of my business but you are my friends so… you two seemed quite… into each other?”

“Has Louis ever been into anyone?” Harry asks with a lot more pent up hurt than he wanted to.

“Not until you came along”

He levels Niall with a look. “Haha”

“I am not joking okay? He’s just afraid Gemma will shave his head if he comes to close to her little brother”

“Pff, if only that was the only thing he’s afraid of”

Niall shrugs, “Yeah well he’s been burned pretty badly in the past, can’t blame a guy for avoiding the flames, right?”

“I wouldn’t know because he never told me anything about it” Harry grumbles.

“Louis is… he’s a very private person, he doesn’t open up easily and he doesn’t trust quickly. He’s been so, so good with you though. You get each other and… I know it’s hard but try to forgive him for being a shit at the moment. It’s the only way he knows how to cope with emotion-overload, yeah?”

Harry takes a deep breath and nods. “Fine… I’ll do my best”

“Cool. Thanks, H.”

Niall doesn’t ask any more questions, at least no more Louis related questions and Harry begins to relax and enjoy himself, glad he came out and that Niall managed to take his mind off things for a while.

The Irish lad went off for a quick toilet break, which as of now has lasted about fifteen minutes and Harry is sure there wasn’t even a queue. It might be presumptuous but Harry is pretty sure Babs tried calling Niall before and he doesn’t know whether he should harbor any hope for Niall to come back.

When he’s about to turn back to the bar to order his next drink and make the most of the night, he catches a movement out of the corner of his eyes and yes, that’s nothing uncommon since he’s in a club and people generally move a lot but… “Love will tear us apart”. It’s dark in here but the black light illuminates the white letters like a Billboard advert.

Also, it’s one of the shirts Harry thought Louis looked illicitly good in.

Raking his eyes over the tight black skinnies Louis is wearing, accentuating every curve of the older boy’s toned thighs and perfect butt to the fitting black shirt he’s wearing, taut across his chest and shoulders, showing of Louis tattooed biceps, Harry is content with staring at Louis for a couple of minutes.

He’s with a group of people Harry doesn’t know, drink in hand and hips brushing against random guys while he sways with the music. It’s all rather subtle but Harry sees the underlying agenda, can tell Louis is flirting by the looks he’s shooting various blokes through his long lashes.

“Mate, your drink” the barkeeper breaks Harry out of his trance, tapping his shoulder and placing his whiskey coke in front of him.

“Thanks” he nearly knocks all of it back before he can think better of it, turning back towards Louis and frowning when he recognizes George in the group of people.

His hands settle on Louis waist, pulling the smaller boy towards him. He certainly didn’t take long to get over his distaste of Lou, did he? George stirs Louis a couple of steps away from the group, leaning down to whisper something in his ear. Louis doesn’t seem to be totally on board with whatever George is suggesting but nevertheless follows him towards the crowd on the dance floor, allowing George to get behind him and – Harry feels his jaw clench – grind against him.

There’s no finesse in George’s moves, it’s an uncoordinated drunken romp in a club and Louis seems to think the same because he frowns but still he stays and it shouldn’t drive Harry as mad as it does but until now he could continue to tell himself that Louis might have stayed with friends he just doesn’t know, that he didn’t go out to purposefully seek out strangers to avoid having to come home, having to see Harry.

Now though, he’s got the proof in bright HD colors in front of him.

And it’s not okay.

It’s not okay because Harry has had a silly crush on Louis since the day he stepped into the flat, has been pining for the older boy since he took him out the first time and has been falling in love slowly but steadily over the last months with the guy he pretended to be best mates with.

It’s not okay because Louis deserves something better than a guy who called him shallow and boring, someone better than a guy who thinks Louis is only good for a great shag.

Harry doesn’t remember the conscious decision to interfere but suddenly he’s stalking across the dance floor, seeing the very second Louis recognizes him because the other boy’s eyes widen and his jaw becomes slack. He stops moving altogether and just stares at Harry.

Harry has never felt more exposed but also powerful under someone’s stare.

He yanks Louis out of George’s hands, ignoring the protests and questions the guy flings his way. Louis is stumbling and trying to catch his balance but Harry just manhandles him towards the bathrooms.

“Have you gone nuts?” Louis snaps at him as soon as the door falls close, Harry letting go of him to bring a couple of steps between them. “You can’t just show up like Rambo and drag me away from my friends!”

“Friends?” Harry snorts in disbelief. “I didn’t know you and George were suddenly ‘friends’ after that scene he caused the last time”

“Semantics” Louis hisses.

“Sem—wow” he runs his hands through his hair. “Are you that desperate to get away from me that you even sink low enough to go home with someone like George again?”

“I don’t know what you’re on about” Louis crosses his arms defensively over his chest, sticking his chin out while he glares at Harry. “You know I like to go out and meet new people”

“You haven’t been home in _two weeks_ , you barely talk to Zayn or Liam and you haven’t attended any of your lectures because…”

“Yes mother” Louis drawls and Harry clenches his fists but keeps talking.

“…because you ran away when I kissed you and now you are too much of a coward to even look at me or talk to me”

“I – what?! No, pff. I’m sorry to burst that bubble but the world doesn’t revolve around you, kiddo”

“You got scared because we were getting on too well!” Harry accuses him.

“Dream on” Louis shoves his weight from one foot to the other.

“You liked it” Harry growls, walking closer and Louis tries to inch closer to the wall.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

He waits until he’s chest to chest with the older boy, making sure Louis is looking into his eyes when he whispers “You liked it when I kissed you”

“You have a boyfriend” Louis shoots back.

“I don’t”

“Funny, last time I checked you and Ben were still an illicit item”

“Funny, because last time you checked was before Easter and I told him to bugger off during the break”

“You what?” Louis draws his head back so quickly that he hits the wall, and both wince in pain. “Ouch!”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes” he bats Harry’s fingers away. “Stop fussing over me and… say it again”

Harry smiles coyly. “I told Ben to bugger off and never call me again”

“But… you love him” Louis says a bit dumbfounded and Harry wants to tell him everything, from how he figured he never really loved Ben to how he slowly but steadily fell for a boy he never thought he could ever want so badly, but instead he just shakes his head.

“I don’t think I do. It’s hard to be with someone if they just take and never give, right?”

“Oh, so you _do_ listen to me?”

“Occasionally”

“Mmh” Louis squirms a little and Harry is once aware of how close they are.

“Mmh” he agrees. “So you wouldn’t have needed to run away from me for the last two weeks”

“Well you could have told me”

“It’s a bit hard to talk to someone who’s constantly on the run”

“Seems you caught me after all” Louis smirks at him and Harry’s heart lurches.

“Seems I did”

“So what are you going to do with me now that… that you got me” his voice drops a little at the end of the sentence and Harry does not think about all the things he wanted to do to Louis ever since he laid eyes on him. _He does not_.

“Are you going to run again if I kiss you?” He asks instead and Louis shrugs.

“You might have to take that risk”

“Okay” Harry brackets Louis in, placing his hands on either side of his face and shuffles closer, bodies aligned head to toe. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t run, just so you know”

“Not making any promises” Louis whispers back and Harry nods, leaning in slowly.

Apparently it’s too slow for the boy who couldn’t get away fast enough from him during the last two weeks. Louis gets up on his toes, wraps his dainty fingers around Harry’s neck and slams their lips together.

“No Ben?” He mutters against Harry’s lips and Harry is quick to assure him that “no, no more Ben”

Only then does Louis pull at his bottom lips with his sharp little teeth, causing Harry to hiss and up until this day he swears it’s one of Louis favorite moves; bite him and make him wince before he licks into Harry’s mouth so quickly that Harry forgets to breathe.

It’s all a blur except the solid body in front of him, an addictive and heady mix of fruity drink and _Louis_ on his tongue, threating to take over his sense and make him throw all caution to the wind.

Technically, Harry knows they’re in some club in a bathroom, not even in a stall yet but he doesn’t care. He pushes Louis further up the wall, returning the kiss with all the pent up anger, passion and arousal of the last days, making Louis whine low in the back of his throat.

Only when cold air hits his overheated skin does Harry realize Louis has snuck his hands under his shirt, has rucked it up over his hips so he can roam his back, scratching slightly at the skin and making Harry buck his hips forward in sync with the pressure of his blunt nails digging into his back muscles.

“I want--” He manages to get out and Louis nods.

“Me too, fuck, me too”

“Fuck me or…” Harry asks with a smirk until Louis levels him with a look out of bright blue eyes that makes him forget what he was about to say and swallow dry.

“Lou” is all he can croak out and it’s enough for the older boy to spring into action.

He grabs Harry’s hand, dragging him through the club and Harry is kinda glad that Niall left already. It would have been a bit hard to explain why the guy he didn’t talk to was suddenly rushing him towards the exit like the room was on fire.

Louis hails a cab and all but shoves Harry into the backseat before he barks their address to the driver and climbs onto his lap.

“Just to make sure: You are not with Ben anymore? We’re not cheating on anyone?”

“No, Louis. We’re not. Now stop asking stupid questions and kiss me, you fool!”

On a distant level Harry feels really sorry for the poor driver who gets quite a show and stares straight ahead all the way. The sounds Louis makes are bordering on pornographic, even so he tries to keep it down, rubbing his hips in small circles across Harry’s lap and it’s so close but not enough. He wants to pull Louis down to get some much needed friction but Louis bats his hands away playfully and eventually holds onto his wrists, pressure just right and Harry keens.

It’s so unexpected that Louis draws back a little, eyes flitting over his face, trying to read Harry. He adds a little more pressure and holds his hands down and Harry can’t help but bite his lips to keep the sounds from escaping, squirming underneath the older boy.

“Oh” Louis just says and Harry didn’t think it was possible for his eyes to become even darker but suddenly there’s only a small circle of blue left, pupils totally dilated. He leans forward, bucks up against Harry just once and when he throws his head back, Louis catches his earlobe between his teeth. “Has anyone ever tied you up before, kiddo?” he whispers darkly.

“Anyone ever marked that soft skin of your thighs, broken it and left you all bruised up so you could still feel it days after, jeans just a tad uncomfortable?” Harry gasps and can only shake his head and he wants to tell Louis _please, yes all of it, everything he says, right now_ but he can’t get the words out, throat too tight. “A reminder of how good it was, how good it felt to be wrecked?”

Louis slides across his lap, tempting and teasing. “Has anyone ever taken you apart, babe? Made you cry because it felt so good?”

Harry hiccups and his knuckles turn white from the tight hold he has of Louis shirt.

“You’re so responsive, love, I bet I could take you apart, could take you further than anyone ever did before. Do you want that?”

Harry manages a weak nod, tasting blood from how hard he bit down on his lip. He doesn’t know what it is about Louis that makes him lose it because of a bit of dirty talk. Maybe because he knows Louis isn’t all talk; Harry has heard enough about the other boy to know that Louis has all the experience and finesse to turn Harry into a begging mess.

It’s kind of a turn on mixed with a great portion of jealousy: having a gorgeous boy who knows exactly how to push Harry’s buttons but knowing that the same boy went through a lot of other people to get that level of expertise.

It’s the thought of someone else’s lips on Louis which makes Harry’s hips buck up, grabbing Louis and switching their positions so that Louis is now pushed against the door, wedged between the front seats and the backrest, Harry between his legs.

“What--?” Harry shuts him up with a hungry, possessive kiss and Louis repays him by raking his nails across his back, Harry’s shirt a flimsy barrier and the only thing that stops Louis from leaving red welts on Harry’s pale skin.

They kiss messily and now that Harry is in control, he can finally push closer, getting the friction he’s been chasing all along and he only stops when Louis pushes against his shoulders.

“Stop. Fucking hell, Harry, you’re going to make me come before we even started” still Louis hands keep roaming across his back, inching his shirt up slightly and Harry is about one second away from just pulling it over his head when a rather relieved sounding cab driver barks “We’re here”

Louis chuckles when Harry winces and pulls back, fumbling for his wallet while Louis smooths down his shirt.

He shoves some notes at the cabbie, tipping him rather generously but then again the poor man witnessed the opening seconds of some live porn so Harry cuts him some slack.

“He looked a bit scared” Louis muses once they’re out of the car, walking towards their building.

“You think?” Harry smirks, fingers dancing across Louis neck and toying with his hair.

“Mmh, probably because you moaned like a fucking porn star”  
“

Oh you have heard nothing yet” Harry winks at Louis but is thrown off balance a second later when the older boy pulls him close by his jacket, biting his lip before he kisses Harry short but roughly.

“Well get a fucking move on, Styles”

“As you wish” he tries for cheeky but it comes out breathless.

Louis has to open the door because Harry’s hands might be shaking a tad too much and he tries to talk himself down, knowing he’s acting worse than a teenager before his first time but fuck, this is everything he’s been dreaming of for the last weeks, so he’s allowed to be a little nervous and hyped.

Plus, Louis is too good to be true, a gorgeous temptation with flushed cheeks and lust blown eyes, hair ruffled and looking a little disheveled and Harry gets a kick out of it because this time it’s him who caused it. Louis is looking all ready and needy because of Harry.

Louis glances at him when he’s unlocking the door to their flat and Harry shuffles a little closer, fitting himself to Louis back to mouth at the exposed skin of his neck. “You look damn pleased with yourself”

“A bit” Harry nips at Louis skin and the other boy turns in his arms.

“I don’t see any reason for it, to be honest. We’re still not in bed, we’re still dressed and I still got a raging hard on”

“I think I could help with all of those issues”

“Then get a move on!” Louis hisses and Harry laughs, pushing the door open and tumbling through it while he kisses Louis again.

Both freeze for a second before they realize they’re alone and that the rest is still out. Louis huffs a sigh of relief although Harry wouldn’t have minded if they’d been caught.

So maybe it’s better that way because he really wants to get Louis spread out and naked and bumping into Perrie or Zayn (or worse – Gemma) would have undoubtedly meant staying dressed for longer to explain themselves.

Harry’s thoughts are interrupted when Louis grabs him and yanks him through the living room and corridor towards his bedroom, almost shoving Harry inside before he slams the door shut and locks it.

\--------

 

Harry stumbles back, long limbs even more uncoordinated than usual while Louis leans against the door for a second, trying to catch his breath.

If he’d known his night would end like this, with Harry in his bed he’d never drunk as much as he did. His head is spinning and he feels a little weightless also he doesn’t know whether that’s due to the alcohol or from being kissed senseless by Harry.

He watches as the younger boy sinks down on his bed, clothes all rucked up and crumpled, hair a bit of a wild mess and lips kissed raw. There’s enough moonlight flitting through his curtains to illuminate Harry’s silhouette and to make out some of his features but Louis wants to pull out a spotlight so he can see even the smallest reaction to his touches, see the slightest pant escape Harry’s plumb lips.

Harry cocks his head, a stray curl falling into his eyes and beckons Louis closer, licking his lips.

He knows he wants to move, needs to really, but he isn’t sure whether he wants to jump Harry or turn around and run.

No matter how hard he tries to pretend or make Harry believe otherwise; this boy on his bed will be so much more than a meaningless one night stand.

This here is the exception to his every rule, the end of his life as it used to be. It sounds dramatic and a bit over the top but Louis muses that if he takes this final step, it’ll be exactly that. He felt it before when Harry kissed him; that weird magnetic pull, the need to be close to Harry, to make him smile and laugh – to become the center of his universe.

Before, he could tell himself that it was in vain, since Harry had Ben and they’d never cross the line between harmless flirting but now… well, they already crossed several lines in the last weeks but if Louis gets into this bed… that’s it. There’s no way he can treat Harry like all the other nameless strangers, no way he ever _wants_ Harry to be a nameless stranger.

Louis has been so good, withstanding temptation in the form of a boy who’s everything he ever wanted. He’s been so, so good.

But there’s only so much self-restrain he has and everything in him screams at him to get a fucking move on, to feel those lips on his again and trace his fingers all over pale skin.

He pushes himself off of the door and crosses the room quickly, sneaking his hand around Harry’s neck and pulls him into a bruising kiss while he shuffles on top of him, pressing him down into the sheets.

Harry falls back but opens his legs naturally for Louis to fit in between and it’s the perfect angle, making Louis actually draw in a shuddering breath when he feels Harry hard against him, rocking up in short, on point thrusts.

Louis wants to touch and kiss all of him, map his body with his tongue and command every inch to memory. Though if Harry continues rubbing against him like this it’ll all be over in less than a minute.

“Harry, babe. What do you want – what do you need?”

Harry groans and exposes his neck and it’s too inviting for Louis to not suck a bruise into his white skin.

“Words, love. Need you to tell me” Louis mutters against the skin and Harry squirms beneath him.

“Can you… can we… please… I want…” Harry pants and Louis licks along his neck, loving how responsive and eager Harry is for his every touch. His large hand grabs Louis’ and slowly guides it along his side, between his legs until it rests on his bum and Harry pushes against his fingers.

Louis feels hot and cold all of a sudden, throat tightening.

“Need to feel you…” Harry breathes, unaware of the state he put Louis in. “Inside, please. Been thinking about it so long…”

“Fuck. Harry no, we… I can’t”

“Why?” It comes out as a low, needy whine, Harry holding his fingers in place and pressing him down with his other hand and Louis vaguely registers that Harry’s hand is big enough to reach across all of his lower back.

“I have had a couple of drinks love” he kisses along the collar of Harry’s shirt. “And I am not fucking you while I’m drunk”

“You’re not…”

“This is not negotiable” Louis bites down to soften his harsh words, needing Harry to get that he means so much more than a drunken fuck but that Louis can’t say it. “Anything else, you can have”

“Anything?” Harry pulls Louis up by his hair, carding his fingers through it.

“Anything” He confirms and Harry’s eyes drop to his mouth almost immediately. “Ah, I see”

“Only if…”

“Yes” Louis shuts him up with a kiss and now that he knows what to do he can finally get a move on, peeling Harry out of his shirt to lick along those tattoos like he’s been dreaming of ever since he saw him without a shirt the first time.

Harry writhes beneath him until Louis grabs his wrists and presses them into the sheets, ordering him to stay and Harry – goes pliant and lies still.

101 questions pop into Louis head and he definitely needs to ask Harry about this, needs to know more but for now he’s got more pressing issues he needs to attend to.

He sucks a deep purple bruise between the Laurel leaves on Harry’s hips, distracting him while he opens his jeans with skillful fingers. Then he quickly leans down and blows hot and wetly over Harry’s erection.

“Oh fuck!” Harry tries to stay still but he can’t help his chest rising off the mattress, probing himself up on his elbows to get a better look.

Louis grins impishly at him, comfortable between his spread legs. “Help me take those off?” he runs his finger teasingly along the seam of Harry’s jeans, the curly haired one nearly tumbles out of bed in his haste to get his pants and – oh – briefs off, too.

Jesus, why does Harry have to be so fucking pretty?

It’s mildly concerning that Louis is about to wax poetic about Harry’s beautiful big cock, after all, it’s not his first time giving head and it’s certainly not his first time coming face to face with a dick but this one is a pretty fine specimen.

“Lou?” Harry’s voice is roughed up a little and Louis can only smirk, thinking he is going to sound a lot worse tomorrow.

“Just admiring the view” it’s cute how deep the little cherub blushes. “You’re pretty big”

“I… umh, sorry?”

“What? Oh my God, don’t ever apologize for that, sweetheart” Louis climbs over Harry to push him back into the pillow and kiss him. “Never, okay?!”

“It’s just…” Harry bites his lip and shakes his head, like he wants to get rid of the thought.

“Tell me” Louis slides in next to Harry, tracing small patterns across his torso, occasionally dipping down further to pull at the small trail of brown hair, watching Harry’s breath hitch every time he does it.

“It’s stupid and I don’t even know why I have to think about it now…” he looks pleadingly at Louis, like he’s already apologizing for the thoughts in his head before Louis has the chance to get upset by them.

Doesn’t take a genius to figure out what might have popped into Harry’s mind though. “Ben?” Louis asks, trying hard to keep any judgment out of his voice.

“Don’t be mad, please. It’s stupid and I don’t know…”

“Hey” He cuts Harry off, trailing kisses along his collarbone to his neck, across his jaw before he kisses Harry.

The younger boy sinks into the kiss, and Louis wonders how someone like Harry can exist. He holds nothing back, is like an open book for Louis to read and gives himself over so totally that it’s scary and beautiful and the best thing that’s ever happened to him, so how dare anyone make Harry feel bad about himself or his body?!

“I’m not mad, okay? You spent quite some time together, it’s okay. Tell me if you want to, but you don’t have to”

“It’s… Ben never… or very rarely…” he gestures towards his body and now Louis can help but cock an eyebrow.

“He rarely blew you?”

“Said he didn’t really like it. He tried it once and said he wasn’t into breaking his jaw and—“

“Fucker” and that comes from the bottom of his heart. “Let me take care of you, okay?” he pushes Harry down and settles between his legs, wrapping his hand around him and Harry tries to stifle his groan but can’t quite keep quiet.

“So pretty” Louis murmurs just loud enough for Harry to hear before he licks tentatively at the head.

“Oh God!”

“Call me Louis, that’s okay, thanks”

“I don’t think I can keep up with your crappy jokes at the – Fuck!” Harry bucks his hips and Louis has to sink down a lot faster than he planned to. His throat closes up for a second and he has to work for it, fighting down the gag reflex before he can sink down all the way.

He’s a little bit proud, even more so when he blinks up through wet, blue eyes and sees Harry looking at him open mouthed like he can’t believe his luck.

Louis hums around Harry’s cock, forcing his throat to open up so he can suck and swallow ever so softly around Harry.

Harry’s body is tense as a bowstring but he stays completely still with his hands clawed into the duvet. Louis pulls off a bit, wrapping his hand around the part of Harry he can’t cover with his mouth before he sucks him down in earnest, harder than he’d probably do with any other guy but he has kind of an inkling that Harry will appreciate it more this way.

And the younger bloke is certainly enjoying it, head thrown back while small moans and little, wrecked sobs escape him. Louis kind of wants to make him scream his name with tears on his face, unable to lie still because everything is just too good, too much.

“Lou… you need to… stop… stop, I’m about to…”

Louis hums contently, working a little harder until fresh tears spring to his eyes and he chokes a little. Harry scrambles to reach for him, clearly reading him wrong because damn it, Louis loves every second of it. Loves how heavy Harry is on his tongue, how big he is and how he makes his jaw hurt just right, loves the taste and feel of Harry on his tongue.

He sucks almost greedily, Harry’s hands falling to his sides and now he finally gets the noises he’s been wanting to hear all along; long drawn out moans and deep whines, mixed with Louis’s name.

“Coming” Harry blurts out, already going rigid, and Louis swallows all of it before he peppers small kisses over Harry’s sensitive head.

He pulls off when Harry weakly shoves his shoulders, eyes closed and breathing hard. Louis would like to take a picture and send it to Ben, subheading ‘ _that’s how this boy should look every day for the rest of his life!_ ’

“I’m sorry” Harry wheezes in between trying to catch his breath.

“Good to know. What for exactly?”

He manages to lift his head and Louis preens a little when he sees Harry’s blown pupils and dopy grin he can’t quite suppress. “I should have warned you sooner, you didn’t have to swallow” he rolls onto his side, reaching for Louis fly and buttons but Louis catches his hands.

“Look at me” he commands and Harry eventually does. “I like doing this, okay?”

Harry snorts in disbelieve and all he can think is that Ben has to have been the biggest, most closeted and stupid fuckwit to ever walk this planet. He takes Harry’s hand and unceremoniously places it over his pants, showing him how freaking hard he’s gotten just from blowing Harry.

Raw bitten lips from a pretty ‘Oh’.

“As I said, I like it. All of it, in fact I like it so much, I totally get off on it, okay?”

Harry nods, looking a little unsure still even so he’s started to rub little circles across Louis crotch, making it hard (no pun intended) for him to concentrate.

“You know me, H. I wouldn’t do anything I don’t like!” Harry shuffles closer and rubs his nose along Louis neck. “So Ben didn’t…?”

Harry shakes his head.

“Like… never? It was always you who…?”

“Lately yes. Said he didn’t have time and was sorry but… had to rush”

“Aha” Louis is not going to say out loud what he’s thinking. “Did you ever…” a rather disturbingly arousing thought crosses his mind “Are you a virgin?”

“What? No!” Harry pulls back a bit to look at Louis. “I… haven’t slept with a lot of people…”

_It’d be rude to ask, right_? Especially since Harry should be floating on his post orgasmic bliss and Louis is kinda achingly hard still.

“Two” Harry offers the information for free. “First serious boyfriend and well, Ben. But only once or twice… he… wasn’t into the prep and stuff so… yeah…”

It’s official. Harry Styles is a saint and Ben Winston is the biggest idiot on the planet. How anyone can go six months without wanting to spread Harry out and make him moan his name is beyond Louis.

“I’m sorry, Haz”

“It’s…”

“Not it’s not okay. This isn’t how it should be, much less how it should be in a relationship. I don’t know much about stuff like this, but that I am pretty sure of”

“Thank you”

“Anytime”

“So…” sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, Harry looks shy all of a sudden which is oddly endearing since he’s still butt naked. “… this isn’t like a one-off?”

The one million dollar question. Louis thought he could avoid it for a little longer, wouldn’t have to talk about it at all by any chance but no such luck.

He leans in and kisses Harry, the first soft and gentle kiss. “I don’t want Gemma or the rest to know” he whispers against the other boy’s lips. “If you’re fine with it, then no, it doesn’t have to be a one-off”

“We can still cuddle and watch TV together? Hang out and stuff?”

“We can do everything we did before and sneak off to snog in some dark corner on top, yes”

Harry nods slowly, “I’d like that”

“Good” Louis kisses him again, “I’d quite like that as well”

“Do you want me to…?” Harry reaches for his pants, long fingers tracing along his fly.

Something must be seriously wrong with him but he shakes his head “No, this was about you tonight”

Harry frowns. “I promise I’m not bad at it or anything… I might not have that much experience…”

“Babe, I would never believe you’re bad at it after I kissed you, okay? Made me properly swoon”

“Is that you’re way of letting me down easy?”

“No, that’s my way of taking care of you and showing you that I really like your body”

“Oh” Harry grins but goes willingly when Louis nudges him. “Do I need put my pants back on since there’s this stupid rule about one item of clothing or such?”

“I think we can forget about that” Louis sighs theatrically. “I’m just gonna go and brush my teeth”

“Mmh” Harry grins and shuffles under the duvet, snuggling into the pillow.

For a fleeting moment Louis is tempted to jerk himself off when he’s in the bathroom and sneak out on Harry, sleeping on the sofa instead of curling up next to him.

Then he comes back to find him fast asleep, looking young and so trusting and Louis quickly climbs into bed next to him, Harry’s a natural furnace. He’s still hard and it’s rather uncomfortable and if it had been anyone else he would have never declined a hand or blow job. How things played out was certainly not what he had in mind when he dragged Harry out of the club or into his bedroom but somehow it makes this better, although it becomes more meaningful as well.

Louis sighs, knowing he walked straight into disaster but if it comes in the form of Harry Styles, how is he supposed to resist something like that?

~

Louis wakes up to small kisses peppered to the back of his neck and fingers gently stroking along his sides.

He also wakes up to someone slowly but insistently rutting against him.

“Morning” he croaks, voice roughed up from sleep and well…

“Hi… did I wake you up?”

“You did, but you did it in the best possible way” Louis stretches slightly and Harry hisses behind him, pressing closer. “Again?”

“All the time” the curly haired one confesses and Louis can’t see him blush but he can literally hear it in his voice. He arches his back a bit, causing Harry to almost slip between his cheeks, his boxer briefs being a flimsy barrier.

Harry’s hand dips lower, hesitantly reaching beneath his waistband and Louis hums encouragingly. When long, slender fingers finally wrap around him, he can’t help but think how awesome it would be to feel Harry finger him. The thought, and especially sudden feeling of want, startles Louis. It’s something he hasn’t felt in a long time, let alone met someone he trusted enough to surrender himself like that and wanted it with.

“Not bad yourself” Harry whispers hotly when his long fingers have circled around his cock, nibbling along Louis shoulder.

“Why thank you” Louis tries to sound cheeky but his breath catches a little when Harry applies more pressure, grabbing him just right. He’s been hard all night and it’s a bit embarrassing how easy it is for Harry to slick his hand up with all the precome that’s gathered on Louis stomach. Not that he’s going to complain, Harry’s hands are fucking magic and no one should get the angle so damn right at their first try but he does and… Louis thrusts up, Harry following the motion subconsciously, rubbing against his ass with a bit more intent.

It’s been barley a minute and he’s close already.

Harry is muttering a cacophony of “ _Oh God_ ”, “ _You feel so good_ ”, “ _Yeah”_ , “ _Fuck, yeah Lou_ ” against his skin and Louis can’t take it anymore, he needs to see Harry’s face.

“Wait, just…” He turns around in Harry’s hold, surprising him and captures his mouth in a heated kiss. To hell with morning breath.

“… can you…” Louis shuffles and manages to pull his boxers down, kicking the duvet off so he has an unhindered view of himself and Harry.

Suddenly a hand with a little cross tattoo on it slides between them and wraps around… “Oh shit” Louis draws the words out in a long moan, thinking it might be one of the hottest things he’s ever seen: Harry wrapping his huge hand around both of their cocks to jerk them off together.

It’s a smooth slide of skin against skin and Louis is blissed out, grabbing Harry’s shoulders and moving his hips with each thrust of the other boy’s hand. “So good, Harry, feels so good. Don’t you stop now, please, don’t stop”

After being hard for most of the night the feeling is almost too much, bordering on oversensitive but jeeze, it feels good.

“’m close” Louis breathes out, Harry just nods, eyes fixed on Louis and it should be unsettling how intently Harry is watching him but instead Louis feels… like the center of someone’s universe.

“Please, please, c’mon” He doesn’t know what he’s begging for but then Harry is twisting his hand, brushing over their tips on each upstroke and that’s it. Louis comes hard between their bellies, Harry following seconds later when he looks down and sees the mess Louis made of his hand and stomach.

“Jesus Christ, Styles” Louis leans his forehead against Harry’s, seeing the younger boy smirk coyly.

“Good?”

“I am not even going to answer that” he runs a hand through slightly damp curls just because… well, he can now, is allowed to touch.

About to say something, Harry is cut off by a sharp, loud knock against the door.

“Louis, are you up? I’m looking for Harry, do you know where he is?” Gemma even reaches for the door knob and Louis was never gladder that he remembered to lock a door than now.

He clears his throat. “I… umh…”

“Are you okay? Are you alone, I mean can I come in…?”

“I…” he looks at Harry, panic all across his face. “I… am just getting changed so if you really want to see my junk…”

“Ugh… do you know where my brother is then?”

“He’s…” Louis looks around as if the mess in his room will give him some answer. Then his eyes fall onto a towel. “Harry’s just in the shower”

“What? Why?”

“Because you took too long?!”

“I didn’t even get back home until now”

Louis curses silently. “Whatever, is it that urgent that I need to get him out of it or can it wait?”

“It can wait” she sighs. “Just let him know, alright?”

“Would I ever forget something so important?” Louis shouts back even so he’s getting slightly distracted because Harry that little fucker has swiped his fingers through the mess and… Louis swallows hard. He licks his fingers clean one by one.

Gemma is still mumbling something but Louis doesn’t pay her any mind. “Shower” he growls. “Now!”  
  


~

They stumble into the kitchen almost an hour later, and normally Louis would be concerned about the other’s finding out thanks to Harry’s blissed out, dopy grin but he’s much too proud about making Harry come three times in less than twelve hours and to be honest, Louis is pretty much floating himself.

Ashton, Gemma, Zayn and Niall are gathered around the counter and it’s Niall who spots them first. “There you are, jeeze, I’m so sorry for leaving you last night – fucking hell!” Niall steps closer and unceremoniously shoves Louis to the side, grabbing Harry’s chin and angling his head into the light. “Were you attacked by a vampire last night?”

“I – what?”

Niall presses his finger into the dark bruise at the juncture of Harry’s neck and shoulder, causing him to wince slightly.

Louis has to fight the inexplicable urge to tell Niall off for touching _his_ boy.

“Yeah, that looks… ouch, doesn’t it hurt?” Ashton comes up to them as well.

“A bit” _but it’s a good hurt_ , is what his grin is saying. Louis digs his finger into the bruise on Harry’s hip for a second.

“What about… I mean, I’m all for you going out and stuff but… umh, was Ben with you?”

“Oh” Harry frees himself from Niall’s grip. “No, he wasn’t”

“Okay” Gemma draws the word out, Niall looking back and forth between the siblings, while Ashton quickly ducks out of the line of fire.

Zayn on the other hand just quietly watches Louis and even so he knew it’d be hardest to trick him, his steady gaze is somewhat unsettling.

“So you cheated on the cheater?”

Harry takes in a shocked breath and before Louis has made the conscious decision he hears himself say “Stop it, okay? He broke up with him and is free to do whatever he wants – or who”

“He – what? You broke up? When? Why don’t I know this?” Gemma asks.

“It’d help if you let him talk before you start accusing him”

“It’s okay, Lou” Harry mutters, tracing his fingers ever so lightly along Louis arm. “Look Gem, I meant to tell you but you were… well, away and I didn’t want to do it over the phone. And when you got back it was a bit hectic and other stuff was more important so I forgot” Harry shrugs, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry?”

“Oh pumpkin butt” Gemma hugs him and Harry only mildly protests against the nickname. “I’m sorry, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about. He’s still married, still doesn’t bother to get to know me, still refuses to make an effort and that’s pretty much it”

“So is there someone else?” Ash points to Harry’s neck.

“Oh… umh…” Harry looks at his socks, his mind going a mile a minute and Louis cuts in with “I gave him it”

“What?”

He tries for nonchalant. “What? We were just goofing around; don’t get your panties in a twist, yeah? Always wanted to leave my mark on Snow White’s skin. Just couldn’t resist the temptation any longer” If his gaze locks with Harry during the last part, so what?

“Stay away from my baby brother, Tomlinson! I don’t want him corrupted with your wayward ways, you hear me?” Gemma is joking and it’s a harmless comment but it still settles in Louis stomach like a block of cement.

“Don’t worry, Gem. Wouldn’t dare to go near him” Louis mutters subdued.

“So what are you up to today?”

“Umh, there’s this study group thing for one of my courses…”

“On a Saturday?!”

“Yeah well…” Harry laughs, “It’s really interesting and if I like hurry...?” He can’t help but look at Louis, asking if it’s okay, whether he had plans.

It’s as endearing as it is scary because when did this evolve into something where they consider what the other might have wanted to do? Still, Louis can’t help but teasingly ask “Oh, have you found some new, better hipster friends, Harold?”

“It’s not like you were around much during the last couple of weeks, Tommo” Niall nudges him.

“Yeah well, places to be people to see, you know how it goes”

“But you’ll be home tonight?” Little shit that he is, Harry smirks at him but there’s something hidden, a rather doubtful and concerned look in his eyes like he still believes it was a one-off.

“Maybe” Louis isn’t beyond teasing and Harry huffs.

“Fine, well I need to get a move on. Did you want me for anything specific Gem?”

“Nah, just wanted to catch up but we can do that later on, yeah? Might do some shopping actually, I think we’re almost out of groceries”

Harry nods and disappears quickly to grab his bag and coat, shouting a quick “see you later” before he darts into the foyer for his shoes.

It’s not the most clever and subtle thing to do but after a reassuring glance, Louis sneaks out after him.

“So you got some new, hip friends then?” it sounds more needy than he intended to but fuck, he knew Harry’s attention would be something he could never get enough of and after last night… Louis has never felt needy after sex but suddenly he wants to bundle Harry up in blankets and keep him to himself for days. “Like spending time with them better now than with me? I’m wounded, Harold”

Harry takes time to lace up his trainers before he cocks his head just right for the love bite to show. “I still like spending time with you best”

“Okay” Louis will properly never get over the disarming quality of Harry’s sincerity. “Good to know”

“I just wasn’t sure… thought it was too much after… I wasn’t sure whether you would want me around”

It’s stupid and dangerous and Louis can’t help it. He takes a quick step and pulls Harry in by the neck, kissing him “I want you around” he mutters against his lips and Harry exhales, like he’s been holding his breath for too long.

“Okay. Good” he kisses Harry again for good measure, liking how he makes the younger boy stumble over his words and thoughts.

“Text me when you’re done”

“Can I see you tonight?” Harry blushes, and Louis realizes that the question is much too… intimate already, almost like they’re dating, like this is something else than just friends with benefits. He wants to say no, wants to put some distance between him and Harry again and – then he looks into Harry’s eyes, sees the hopeful smile and that fucking look which makes him believe he is the only thing Harry can see.

“Of course. I’ll be in, we can… hang out, do whatever you want to”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” he pecks his lips again, already addicted to the taste and feel. “Now go off and be a good little student. Don’t come back until you haven’t learned something”

“Think I learned quite a bit last night” Harry licks his lips and is out of the door while Louis stands there gob smacked.

“Impressive” comes the low drawl and Louis whips around fast enough to nearly go tumbling into the coatrack.

Zayn is leaning against the doorframe, expression unreadable.

“How long…?”

“Long enough” he looks back over his shoulder and calls out to the rest “Gem, Lou and I are going to do the shopping, yeah?”

“Oh cool – you guys are babes”

“Mmh, _best friends_ you’ll ever have” he turns back to Louis. “Go and get dressed, Tomlinson”

~

“Low-fat milk” Zayn calls out.

“Low-fat milk” Louis repeats before he chucks it into their trolley. They’ve been circling the shop for the better part of an hour now, trying to figure out what exactly Harry, Gemma and Perrie wrote down on their grocery list.

He’s getting more anxious by the second since Zayn hasn’t yet said anything but he has been giving him these looks which drive Louis insane. It’s all dark and mysterious, saying ‘I know what you got up to’ but all the while he waits for Louis to crack and confess.

“So” Zayn finally – FINALLY – says when they’re in the toilet paper aisle. At least Louis can tear down one of these artfully stocked towers and bury Zayn under four layered toilet rolls if he gets too annoying.

“Yes?” Louis blinks at him with an innocent look.

“You’ve been MIA the last two weeks, ignoring my calls”

“Aw, have you been missing me, Zaynie?”

“I am not above throwing one of those at you” Zayn lifts the scented urinal block Gemma and Perrie insisted they’d have to buy.

“Fine, fine. I’m all ears” Louis lifts his hands in surrender.

“Something happened before the term started, something you were so cut up about that you avoided everyone who’d been able to figure you out. It’s been a long time since I have seen you act like that, Lou and sorry but I don’t like it. I hate it actually. We’re friends mate, so why the fuck can’t you come to Liam or I and just talk? Instead you have to get drunk or high and go out and fuck random strangers to take your mind off things? Are we really such shitty friends?!”

It’s not like Louis and Zayn never argued before. Hell, they’ve been friends since they were twelve years old. Louis was always the hot tempered one but Zayn could get into his moods too. Liam was always the level headed one, the one that balanced Louis and Zayn out, although he’s become a bit more carefree and adventurous in recent years.

The point is, Zayn and Louis had their arguments, their fall-outs and teary apologies – but never in all these years has Zayn doubted their friendship.

It hits Louis harder than he thought, especially since Zayn seems to be really serious about it, looking at him a little lost with wide brown eyes.

“Fuck no! Hell – you’ve been the best. Really Zayn, I couldn’t ask for a better mate than you and Li. You two… I don’t know where I’d be without you two”

“Then why don’t you fucking talk to me, Lou?!” Zayn almost growls. “Why do you run away to some stranger…”

“Because they don’t know me” Louis blurts. “They don’t know me like you do. Fuck Zayn, you can tell what’s going on with one look and it’s… so unsettling, like I don’t even know what’s going on, my head is all… it’s all a mess and I don’t know what to feel or to do and if I’d gone to you… you’d seen straight through me and called me out on my shit and… I’m not… I wasn’t quite ready to face the music”

Zayn chews on his lip with this disturbing gaze again. “Ready to talk now?” 

“No” Louis groans. “But not talking didn’t help either so we might as well try something new”

Zayn nods and pushes their trolley along. For a while they don’t speak and Louis knows Zayn is plotting the conversation in his head, sorting through all the questions he gathered over the last weeks and tries to put them in order.

“So I’m taking a wild guess here but I’d say your two weeks on the prowl had something to do with Harry” they’re in the cookie aisle and Louis thinks this is a much nicer place for talks. “Are you the reason he broke up with Ben?”

“I… no. I don’t think so. No” Louis shakes his head. That thought hadn’t actually occurred to him and… he doesn’t want to think about the implications. “Harry told me… last night”

“When did they break up?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Louis mutters a little stroppy.

“Don’t bullshit me. When?”

“While we were in Barcelona. He was at the flat when I came back”

“He was… oh. Oh” Zayn’s eyes widen. “You and him…”

“Not like that, no” Louis sighs. “He didn’t tell me, just… said he had a shitty Easter break and I thought he got into a fight with him. We just hung out for like… two weeks or so. Nothing special or major, just going round town, showed him some of my favorite pubs and stuff, you know?”

“Aha” Zayn raises his eyebrows.

“We were getting along fine and… are you going to make me tell you all of it? Like a sixteen year old with a crush, gushing to her friend while they paint their nails?”

“A sixteen year old is more mature when it comes to those things” Zayn deadpans. “Keep talking”

“I hate you, just for the record. You are the worst friend ever”

“You love me. Now talk!”

Louis stomps his foot and tells the floor “We smoked up one night and well, we were always cuddly and shit but… it ended with Harry straddling and kissing me”

“O-okay” Louis is glad that he can still surprise Zayn. “ _He_ kissed _you_?”

“Yes. He kissed me. And I kissed back if that’s what you’re wondering. And we probably would have done more than kiss if his stupid phone hadn’t gone off and his stupid boyfriend hadn’t called”

“But he wasn’t with Ben anymore, no…?”

“I didn’t know that, did I? All I knew was that I was kissing a taken boy – Gemma’s little brother on top – and that I couldn’t, shouldn’t do it”

“So you panicked” 

“So I panicked” Louis confirms. “I told him we wouldn’t ever happen and threw the door in his face. Then I went out the next day to get rid of all images of Harry kissing and grinding on me and that I technically helped him cheat and that…”

“And that…?” Zayn probes.

“And that I surely wasn’t what he wanted, that it was all some fatal attraction, like the forbidden fruit or something because Harry doesn’t go for guys like me, and that this surely didn’t mean more than a fling or drugged up kiss and that… that I can’t use Gemma’s brother like that and…” Louis runs out of air and Zayn looks seriously worried.

“He found me last night in a club. Dragged me away and told me about Ben and… I took him home. I… we didn’t have sex… well, we didn’t go all the way but… fuck, I fell asleep with him, woke up with him. And shit Zayn, I know I shouldn’t for so many reasons but… I can’t help myself when it comes to him. It… he drives me crazy, why can’t I stay the fuck away from him? It’ll only cause problems, Gem is going to flip the shit and…”

“Breathe” Zayn grabs his shoulders and shakes him gently. “Jesus Lou”

“Do you get why I couldn’t talk to you? It’s all…” he makes a twirling motion with his finger. “It’s all messed up. I’m all messed up”

“Can we mark this day, please? Never thought I’d see you lose your cool over a boy like that”

“It’s not funny Zayn” 

“Says you” Zayn gently stirs him towards the cashiers. “If I’d known it was that serious I would have waited ‘till we’re home – or at least grabbed a pack of cookies to watch the show”

Louis whacks him over the head with a bundle of toilet paper.

 ~

They drive back to the flat, Zayn helping Louis unload the groceries and since neither Gemma nor Perrie are around it doesn’t take long for them to kick off their shoes and get comfortable on Louis bed, passing a joint back and forth.

“Explain it to me again” Zayn blows some smoke in Louis face before he passes it on. “You’re best mates who hook up. But no one can know because…?”

“Because” Louis takes a deep drag, creating an artfully smoke ring. “Gemma would have my balls”

“Doesn’t convince me. Give me a better reason”

Louis worries his lip between his teeth. “It’d make it real” he mumbles.

“Make what real?”

“If…” he rolls onto his side, looking down at Zayn. “If everybody knew… we’d basically be dating. It’d be… a real thing. Like a relationship”

“Glad that word exists in your vocabulary” the dark haired boy mutters and Louis is tempted to burn a hole in his quiff if he wasn’t afraid Zayn’s head would catch fire given the amount of hairspray and product he uses. “And now explain to me why that would be so bad”

“I don’t do relationships” comes the standard answer.

“Well, then tell Harry it was nice but a one-off and that you don’t intend to repeat it”

“Why would I do that? I fully intend to repeat it”

“So let me get this straight; you and Harry are like best mates. BFF material. Ride’n die together” Zayn waits for Louis to nod. “Only that you are insanely attracted to him, as in find his chocolate brown curls and bottle green eyes mesmerizing, his pale complexion and cherry red lips droolworthy, his long limps but muscular, tattooed torso –“ 

“Okay stop” Louis clamps a hand over his best friend’s mouth. “This is a bit disturbing. Are you having a secret crush on Harold?”

“Just tried to see the world through your eyes, mate” Zayn winks at him. “What I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, is that you are crazy about Harry. Think of him as the best thing since Cookie&Cream ice cream. And you are not only physically attracted to the lad but you’re also arse over tits for the kiddo. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong by the way” he glances at Louis staring up at the ceiling, smoke coming out in short, angry puffs. “So you, my dearest friend, are totally and irrevocably in love” Louis flinches visibly “with your _best friend_. Who you are sleeping with as of now. Did I get this about right?"

He just hums his agreement.

“Congratulations. You deserve an award for making a mess of a seemingly uncomplicated situation”

“Uncomplicated?!”

“Yes Lou, uncomplicated. Harry is single. You are single. He likes you. You like him. I feel like I’m about to break into an Avril Lavigne song any second but – can I make it any more obvious?”

“Might as well try” he mutters and Zayn throws his hands up.

“Why would dating him be such a bad thing?”

“Because” Louis emphasizes the word with great care because Zayn should know. He’s been right there when his last lame attempt at a relationship crumbled down and left Louis with the pieces of his life. Back then, Louis also thought he had everything figured out when in reality he couldn’t have been more wrong and it had cost him dearly.

“So you’re going to do what exactly? Since stopping is apparently not an option?”

“We talked about it and agreed to keep it low key. No one has to know, it’s not anybody’s business”

“This plan has more flaws than Katie Price had plastic surgeries” Zayn sounds a bit wound up, seemingly looking worried and frustrated.

“Point out one”

“Mmh… so many to pick from…” he taps his lip. “Oh, I got a good one – actually two: How long do you think this can go on for? Because you obviously like the bloke so you’ll do what exactly when Harry gets chatted up by other blokes – man up and tell them to bugger off because he’s already got a boyfriend? Sorry babe, but you wouldn’t have any right or any ground to stand on. And secondly; why do you think Harry broke up with Ben?”

“He’s a prick”

“Besides that” the other boy waits until Louis finally looks at him again. “Because Ben wouldn’t hold his hand in public. Because Ben never acknowledged or owned up to the fact that they were dating. Because he made Harry hide and eventually Harry hated hiding. Harry wanted someone to tell the world about, someone who isn’t ashamed or too afraid to be seen with him in public. And what are you doing? Or well, what is that little arrangement doing? Shoving him right back into the metaphorical closet”

“Wow, slow down, I’m nothing like Ben”

“Because you know how he likes his tea in the morning? How many headscarves he owns? What he’d name his first kitten? That’s all very honorable and sweet of you but at the end of the day he’s still with someone who refuses to publicly stand up and tell the world that he’s his”

“So you’re saying…”

“I’m not saying anything… I just want you to think about the fact that hiding already ruined one relationship for Harry…”

Louis opens his mouth but can’t come up with anything to counter that statement. Zayn, darling he is, takes his chance and steals the blunt out of Louis hand.

This is exactly why he loves/hates talking to Zayn, because he can dissect, analyze and evaluate situations in the blink of an eye, pointing out every flaw and hiccup Louis either chose to ignore or didn’t even see. To be honest, Louis never thought that far ahead, never had the big ‘what shall I do if this goes on’- issue because…

“It’s been barely one day and you already want me to think about the happy ever after?” He blurts, it’s the best defense he can come up with.

“No, I just want to you to think ahead for once, as in next week, next month possibly. Or does that thing already have an expiry date? Like, did you hand him a ticket of ten for blowjobs?”

“Interesting idea, but no I didn’t. And I don’t even know how ‘ _that thing_ ’ is supposed to work so I’m sorry if I can’t come up with a bulletproof plan yet”

“No need to get bitchy, babe. I am not the enemy. In fact, I quite like Harry and I think he’s ace. Don’t know what he sees in you but yeah – oi!” Zayn rolls over when Louis reaches for his quiff to mess it up and that’s kind of the end of the conversation if one doesn’t count Zayn suddenly screaming “Shit I dropped the joint” and Louis screeching “that’s my favorite bedding, if this shit catches fire, I’ll kick your ass”.

“It’s your fucking fault in the first place!”

“My fault?”

“You attacked me!”

“You called me a bitch”

“I didn’t call _you_ a _bitch_ , I said you were _acting_ _bitchy_!”

“Same, same!”

“That’s what you think, Mister. Go and ask Perrie - she can explain the difference in a rather lengthy –“

“Excuse me” both stop arguing and turn around to see a wide-eyed Harry standing in the doorway. “Umh, sorry to bother you but your bed… is kinda smoking” he points to the mattress while Zayn yells “Shit!” and Louis just stares at the small ringlets of smoke coming from his sheets. That’s until Zayn drops a bucket of water over his bed.

“A bit over the top” Louis mutters after a solid minute of silence, when all three watch trickles of water run down to the floor. “Don’t think you’d pass the firefighter test, mate”

“Yeah…” Zayn lifts Louis soaked duvet up by a corner. “Whoopsie”

Then they both start to laugh.

“God, what are you two, high?” it’s probably meant as a joke, or at least meant as a metaphorical question but Zayn still presses an “only a bit” out between his wheezing laughs.

“Oh” Harry walks in and hooks his chin over Louis shoulder after a second’s hesitation. “Without me?” he murmurs against Louis skin and the older boy shivers.

“Well” he draws the word out. “You had to go to some trendy study group. On a Saturday!”

“Am in now” Harry nudges his nose gently against his neck and Louis leans back into Harry without a second thought.

“Mmh, I’d usually be all up for it but I think I should maybe try and salvage as much as I can, since I still need a place to sleep tonight”

“’m sure Harry wouldn’t mind the company” Zayn mutters under his breath and Louis makes sure to kick him before he reaches out to see if there’s still a dry spot somewhere on his bed.

Turns out that Zayn did a hell of a job; the duvet, pillow, mattress are thoroughly soaked, plus there’s a rather large burn hole in Louis linen. Harry, babe that he is, immediately started to strip the bed and hang the pillows and duvet up to dry while Zayn buggered off somewhere towards the kitchen, muttering about beer and drinks and Saturday night.

“So… had fun?” Louis asks while he mops up the floor, watching Harry spread his bedding out.

“It was alright” the younger boy agrees. “The people are much nicer than the ones I met during my first week studying law”

“Mmh, probably because they don’t have a stick shoved up their arse”

Harry snorts a laugh. “You never know, some look like they might enjoy it”

“Harry Styles, I’m shocked”

He flashes him a smile in return but somehow it’s a little dimmed, not his usual ‘rival-the-sun’ smile. Louis hates himself a little for being able to notice such subtle things. “You okay?”

“Yeah” It comes out too quick and in the wrong tone to be convincing.

“Two options: One, you tell me straight away, or two; I’ll bug you for the rest of the night until you tell me. Your choice”

Harry huffs and drops the pillow with a little more force than necessary. “Just… Ben called. And I didn’t check the caller ID before I answered so…”

“He’s not given up yet?”

“Nope. Seems he’s suffering from a severe case of denial, because he’s asked me which bar I’d prefer meeting him in next weekend”

“Aha” Louis feels a tiny pang in his stomach. “So he’s decided to pay you a visit after all?”

“Don’t know, don’t care” Harry growls and Louis gives up all pretence of searching for new covers.

He walks over and digs his fingers in Harry’s tense shoulder muscles, making the other boy wince but eventually lean into the touch.

“I just don’t get why he has to drag this on. He never cared about where I live or what I do before so…”

“He wants you back” The little pang isn’t so little any more, but Louis refuses to acknowledge it for what it is. He is not jealous.

“Too bad for him. He didn’t want me when he had me, I don’t give out second chances” Harry growls with a lot more determination than Louis ever thought possible. It makes a cold shiver run down his back because well… Louis isn’t perfect and he might very well be in desperate need of a second chance before he’s figured ‘ _that thing_ ’ between them out.

“Want me to go kick his ass?” he asks instead, nipping at the taller bloke’s nape.

“No, he’s not worth it” Harry turns around in his hold. “Sorry, I shouldn’t—“

“We’re still friends. I’m still here and I will always listen okay? Don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me stuff”

This time Harry’s smile is genuine. “Thanks Lou. You’re a bit perfect”

“Far from it” Louis whispers, too caught up in the pretty pink of Harry’s lips so close to his to make it sound convincing.

“Maybe you could help me take my mind off things?”

“Maybe I could” Louis answers with a grin and closes the distance. He tries to make the kiss sweet and comforting and for a while, Harry lets him. Then he bites his lip and licks into Louis mouth and it kinda goes downhill to downright dirty after that.

They emerge about fifteen minutes later, Harry’s looking a little disheveled and Louis shouldn’t probably grin so self-satisfied but then again, it’s only Zayn who’s here.

Settling in front of the telly, they watch silly shows while drinking beer for a while until Gemma and Perrie come home, complaining that the place smells like weed and all three look up with an innocent grin.

Not much later, Niall and Liam stop by and Louis and Zayn get send off to shower and get dressed because they apparently take the longest to get ready. Louis still complains about false assumptions when he comes back and sees a freshly showered and gorgeous looking Harry Styles perched up on the kitchen counter. Skinny jeans ripped at the knee, he simply threw on a black vest and plaid shirt and Louis shouldn’t find it as hot as he does but fuck… Harry rolled up the sleeves, the tattoos on his arm on display and the vest scoops low enough for him to catch a glimpse of the writing on Harry’s collarbones.

“So where are we going?” Louis asks to distract himself but then Harry hops off the counter and wanders off to one of the shelves and – stretches so his shirt rides up, exposing his hip tattoos as well as the bruises Louis left and Niall’s answer is drowned out by the rush of blood in his ears.

Harry turns around with a dark and devilish smirk, totally bathing in Louis attention.

Harry Styles isn’t an innocent cherub.

Harry Styles is a demon, sent to earth to seduce Louis with pink lips and chocolate brown curls and steal his soul.

Louis is quite sure he wouldn’t need to steal it. One kiss from Harry and he’d hand it over gladly.

\--------

 

Harry’s phone lights up, screen announcing 1 new message from Louis Tomlinson.

L: _What are you wearing?_

Harry snorts in his drink. _Are you drunk?_

L: _I’m admiring Zayn’s three months old niece! Surrounded by the whole Malik-Clan!_

H: _So?  
_

L: _No! What do you take me for?!  
_

H: _Do you really want to know? ;)_

L: _I want to know what you are wearing, three months olds are a lot less entertaining than I thought! :(_

H: _I’m at a bar with Niall, so jeans and a tee_

L _: Why aren’t you naked?_

Harry grins stupidly at the screen, making sure Niall is still held up at the bar before he thumps out his reply. _Because you aren’t here :(_

L: _Good answer, babe_

He does not give an embarrassing whimper at the endearment. Nope.

H: _When are you coming back?_

L: _Leaving tomorrow morning around 9am – should be able to bring you breakfast in bed._

H: _I’m an early riser_

L: _Cheeky. I know you’re an all around the clock ‘riser’. But if you’re out with Niall, even you won’t make it out of bed before noon_

H: _You’ve never complained about my stamina before and it’s_ _not my fault – someone just can’t keep his hands to himself_

L: _Are you complaining now?_

H _: Never. But I’m totally expecting breakfast in bed and a kiss tomorrow._

As an afterthought he sends: _Is everything alright? Had a good time with Z. and his family?_

Zayn and Louis left on Thursday evening to make it in time for the birthday of Zayn’s mum on Friday. It’s not something that Louis talks about, but from the bits and pieces he dropped, Harry gathered that he is not exactly on speaking terms with his family (even so Harry has yet to find out the reason but learned not to force the topic since it’s a sure method to guarantee Louis closing off and growing distant) but is really close to Zayn’s.

His thoughts are interrupted by his phone once again.

L: _Yep, everything’s good. Everyone’s fine, healthy and happy._

H: _Getting cabin fever?_ _  
_

L: _Oh yes. Two days of being interrogated is quite enough_

H: _Aww boo. Need someone to make it all better? I could kiss it better if you wanted to… let you even chose where I kiss ;)_

L: _You’re a whole new level of charmer, a man after my own heart, Harry Styles_

H: _I live to please ;)_

L: _Someone is happy to hear that :)_  *picture attached*

Harry opens the image without a second thought then he nearly drops the phone into his glass. Why he thought the picture would be something innocent and sweet is above him, Louis has never aimed for sweet and innocent, always for incredibly hot to make Harry lose his shit in 0.2 seconds.

Looking over his shoulder, Harry makes sure Niall is still engaged at the bar before he looks back down at his phone. The image is still there, Louis dainty fingers wrapped around his cock.

Harry swallows hard.

They’ve been doing this – whatever ‘this’ is – for over a month now. And it’s good, it’s great, Harry has never felt better fucked or more satisfied before, beside the fact that Louis still refuses to go all the way.

Louis and him work perfectly together and it’s all nice and easy, except that Harry has an increasingly hard time accepting why the fuck Louis can’t just get over his stupid fear or insecurities or whatever and admit that they are dating.

They hang out together during the week, study together, go out during the weekends. Harry has his fucking toothbrush in Louis bathroom because he can count the number of times he’s slept in his own bed on one hand. And it’s not that all they do is fuck and sleep, sometimes they’ll just cuddle, Louis will listen to Harry whine about his courses, help him with his coursework and talk him out of his little meltdowns when he once again thinks he’s going to fail and end up on the streets.

It’s everything a couple does and it’s so, so great except for the fact that Louis will go rigid with panic whenever Harry hints at telling his friends and sister. Honestly, it’s a miracle that they haven’t been caught yet and Harry wonders if the rest is stupid and blind, because he can’t count the number of times either him or (and) Louis showed up totally wrecked, shirt done up the wrong way, voice roughed up, hair a mess.

But every time he gets close to Louis and makes an attempt to crawl behind the walls the other boy’s built, Louis will withdraw and shut him out for a day or two before he makes sure to emphasis just what a great ‘friend’ Harry is. It’s a subtle reminder and Harry can’t help but wonder whether he’s wasting his time.

The thought is ugly and Harry feels like a dick for even thinking it but… it’s been over a month. Enough time for Louis to come around if he was interested in Harry in that way, surely. And maybe Harry is just reading him the wrong way, maybe all those secret, affectionate touches are just a thing Louis does. He’s cuddly with Zayn, calls Liam ‘babe’ sometimes as well and still Harry hopes it’s different when Louis addresses him, looks at him.

Maybe it’s all just in vain and Louis really doesn’t see him as anything more than a friend with benefits. Maybe Harry just has a really crappy track record when it comes to guys.

He sighs and is about to type up some silly reply, hoping Louis won’t realize how much he is looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow, since he left late Thursday night, when someone sinks into the chair opposite him.

“Took you long enough” He mutters, reaching out blindly for his drink.

Instead of a cold glass, his fingers touch warm skin and someone entwines their fingers.

Harry looks up and gasps. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Ben smiles. “Just having a drink. Thought it’d be rude not to come over and say hello”

“Well you did, now you can leave again” Harry presses through clenched teeth. What the fuck? It’s not like Harry didn’t know that Ben started to come down to Manchester more frequently all of a sudden, he had gotten enough texts with questions about various bars and pubs to figure out that Ben wasn’t joking when he kept asking him out. But so far, he managed to avoid bumping into him. Apparently his luck’s run out.

“Tsts, manners? Not even going to make small talk with an old friend?”

“We aren’t friends, Ben” Harry yanks his hand back. “What do you want?”

“Just came to talk” He looks around. “Nice place”

“Oh really? Not too trashy and full of hipsters with too much time on their hands, who rather get drunk than go to their courses?” Harry snaps.

“Don’t know, you tell me”

He shakes his head. “What do you want Ben?”

“Came down to see you”

“You did. Now mind leaving?”

“Why so rude, Harry?” Ben reaches out and traces his fingers along his wrist before Harry can retract his hand. “You look good”

“Really?” Harry is wearing a ripped jeans and one of Louis band t-shirts, which is a little tight around his shoulders and chest but smells like Lou.

“Mmh, uni suits you”

“Thank you” Harry mutters with clear sarcasm.

Ben sighs. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight. In fact, I’ve been looking for you because I wanted to apologize face to face”

Harry cocks an eyebrow and Louis would have been so proud of him for his expression.

“I was wrong, you were right. I never put much effort into it, thinking you were too smitten to ever walk away” Ben’s face falls. “How wrong I was”

“Look…”

“No just hear me out, okay? And… if you want me to go I will. Just… let me talk first”

“Fine” Harry crosses his arms.

“I should have put much more effort into… into our relationship. I know you don’t think it was a proper relationship but it was for me. I should have paid more attention to you, supported you more and listened to you. I know that now, only it’s too late, right?”

Harry’s never been good with people looking upset and torn and he feels his hostile attitude slip, knowing it’s a mistake but he can’t help it. After all, that’s the guy he thought he was crazy in love with for six months and he’s come to apologize. No one can blame Harry for going a little soft, can they?

“I am not mad anymore…” Harry begins, when his phone beeps again, Louis name flashing across the display.

“New boyfriend?” there’s no venom in his voice.

“It’s… umh, complicated”

“Oh?”

“Yeah… “

“You’re with that Louis kid?”

“I really…”

“Right, sorry not my place to say anything. It’s just… you know I care about you, Harry? I only want the best for you because well… you deserve it and… from what I heard…”

It’s such a blatant trap Harry still walks right into it. “Heard what?”

“About Louis…”

Harry just motions for Ben to continue. “Obviously I have been… curious and… jealous about the new guy in your life and I met some people… let’s just say Tomlinson doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships”

“No news for me”

“Right, it’s just… are you like… serious?”

“I…umh”

“Because from what I gathered Tomlinson doesn’t do serious. Or exclusive for that matter. So I just wanted to make sure you knew that you are possibly not the only guy he’s seeing? Or well… that he’s not planning on… putting a tag on it anytime soon” Kudos to Ben for managing to get right to the point; that’s some of Harry’s worst fears.

Although he thinks he knows that Louis and him are exclusive even so they never talked about it – but then again, why won’t Louis sleep with him? Harry knows he’s never held out on any of the other guys for that long. He even did a little investigation on the matter and isn’t proud of asking around but he had to know. And he thinks Louis really likes him, Harry knows he definitely really, really, really likes Louis but then again he can’t be sure, can he? Because Louis withdraws every time he tries to talk to him about it and he still calls Harry his ‘best mate’ or ‘friend’.

“Look, I know I fucked up but… I really thought about what you said and… you were right. About everything. And I never regretted anything more in my life. Loosing you…” Ben bites his lip. “I love you, okay? Just think you should know” Harry feels his breath stutter because Ben has never – _never_ – said that before. “Maybe someday you could give me another chance?” He gets up and runs his hand along Harry’s cheek. “If you need anything, call me, okay? I’m always there for you”

He can’t do more than nod a bit dumbstruck because what the fuck?

His mind goes a mile a minute, thoughts bouncing back and forth with “ _I love you_ ”, “ _I’m sorry_ ”, “ _Second Chance_ ” and “ _Ben, Ben, Ben_ ” and he feels like a traitor for doing this to Louis – well, he is not _doing_ anything really – but then again Ben has just casually offered and said everything Louis has been withholding from Harry.

Harry groans and that’s how Niall finds him. The Irish one doesn’t ask many questions though, just accepts Harry’s mumbled “just some stuff on my mind” and starts chattering about something that Barbara did the other day. It’s nice and easy and Harry finds himself gradually relax and if he drinks a bit more than he wanted to so what? It’s not like his _boyfriend_ is waiting for him. In fact, it’s not like _anyone_ ’s waiting for him.

So when he eventually stumbles into bed (his own this time, thank you) he swipes his hand over his phone to check the time and sees that Louis sent two more texts.

L: _Have fun tonight, babe. Try and look a little less pretty, don’t want random blokes chatting you up_

L: _By the way… I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I missed you. xxx_

Harry feels like crying all of a sudden.

~

“Ouch! Oh fucking hell!”

Harry groans and rolls onto his side, blinking awake slowly. It’s still dark in his room and he can’t make out anything for a couple of seconds, his brain still foggy from too many drinks and too little sleep.

Then he hears some shuffling and eventually his eyes adjust.

“Louis?” he groans and the figure that’s been sneaking through his room stands up straight.

“Shit, sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you up”

“What time is it?” Harry reaches for his phone and sighs loudly when he sees it’s just 9.30am. “Fucking hell, Lou! It’s bloody early!” he snaps at him.

“I… sorry?” Louis sounds a little taken aback and if Harry didn’t have some nasty hangover and wasn’t pissed off for no other reason than having Ben dish out every ugly truth about him and Louis he’d surely be in a better mood.

“Whatever” Harry rolls onto his side, away from Louis. “Mind letting me sleep for a while longer?”

“I… no, sure. Sorry” Louis puts something on his bedside table and pads quickly out of the room.

~

It’s another thirty minutes until Harry wakes up again, unsure of what woke him this time until the smell hits him once again.

He tests the air and pulls at the curtain beside his bed, letting some light into the room.

There’s a tray on his bedside table. A tray with fresh pancakes, muffins and croissants because Louis knows Harry has a sweet tooth. Delicious food with freshly brewed tea and a glass of… jeeze, fresh pressed orange juice as well as… a sunflower.

Harry swallows hard around his orange juice.

Louis actually brought him breakfast, and not just any breakfast but… he went the little extra mile. He takes at the flower and turns it over in his hands.

Harry is an idiot. Louis got here at around 9.30am, meaning he actually got up around 7am to get back here in time to surprise Harry, to be here before Harry woke up and to make sure Harry had all his favorite things for breakfast.

Yes, Harry is an idiot.

He clambers out of bed, tripping over the same shoes Louis must have stumbled over and quickly darts out into the corridor. The light is still too bright but Harry doesn’t care, he skips over to Louis' firmly closed door and knocks once before he basically tumbles into the room.

Louis is lying on his bed, dressed in grey sweats and a vest, hair unstyled and glasses perched on his nose. He looks soft and cuddly and Harry quickly crosses the room and climbs into bed.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry” he mutters and fits himself to Louis side and curls around him like a cat. “Sorry, I’m a dick for having a go at you like that. You got back early to bring me breakfast – the best breakfast – and I was so moody and bitchy and sorry. I’m sorry”

Louis doesn’t say anything for a while and Harry is growing a bit desperate. They’ve never argued, never really snapped at each other and it’s so unlike Harry to do something like that.

“It’s okay, babe. Do you have a headache?” Louis cards a hand through his mop of hair, his skin feels cool on Harry’s forehead.

“Yeah, a bit. Drinking with the Irish”

“Don’t I know” he reaches over to his bedside table. “Got some Advil here if you want”

“Yes please” Harry lifts his head and lets Louis feed him the pills and put the glass of water to his lips. “Thank you”

Louis hums noncommittally and resumes combing through Harry’s hair. They just lie like that for a while, Harry cuddled close to Louis while he entangles the knots in Harry’s hair.

“Not hungry?”

As if on cue, his stomach rumbles. “Very. But wanted to apologize first”

“Glad you got your priorities straight” he can hear the smile in Louis voice. “Come on, let’s get you fed, you’ll feel better after”

Louis leads him back to his room and perches the pillows up for Harry to lean against, handing him the tray while he goes around and tilts the window open.

“This is quite good” Harry praises around a mouth of pancake.

“Glad you like it, bugged Zayn’s mum for two days to teach me”

The pancake gets stuck on its way down and only when Louis pats Harry’s back he’s able to breathe again. “You… you asked Zayn’s mum to show you?”

“Well, asking _you_ was out of the question” Louis gets comfortable next to him but avoids looking at Harry directly.

And maybe this isn’t a big deal, but Harry guesses it is, if the pink tint to Louis cheeks and him avoiding looking at Harry are anything to go by.

“They are the best pancakes I have ever eaten”

Louis glances over with a skeptical look on his face. “Would probably be better if they’d still be warm”

“No” Harry shoves another piece demonstratively into his mouth. “Bestest pancakes ever”

Louis glances at him and Harry gives him a smile full of pancake, eventually making Louis laugh and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Glad you like them”

“Love them” Harry mumbles and that gets him another, lingering kiss.

They don’t get up to more than lazy kisses once Harry has finished his breakfast, Harry’s still suffering the aftershocks of his night out with Niall and Louis exhausted from two days of high dosage of family.

Harry falls asleep with his head on Louis chest, like all those nights before and he can’t help but snuffle contently when Louis wraps his arms around him and holds him tighter.

 ~

He wakes up again to his sister yelling at the top of her lungs and growls, hiding his face in Louis t-shirt.

“Louis Tomlinson, I swear to God!” from the sounds of it, Gemma just yanked Louis door open and is a little put off by finding an empty room. But she wouldn’t be the smart one, if she didn’t draw her own conclusion and so she barges right into Harry’s room.

“Lou—“

“Shush. Harry’s asleep” he feels Louis chest vibrate and his grip around him tighten.

“The kitchen looks like a bomb detonate in it!” Gemma whisper yells.

“I made pancakes”

“You – haha. Very funny”

“I did” Louis must point to the plate because Gemma falls silent for a second.

“You never…”

“It’s no big deal” Louis sounds defensive and Harry tries hard to fight the smile. It’s fucking huge. “Look, I’ll clean it up later. Now, Harry is sleeping and I’m not going to risk waking him up”

“Mmh” Gemma doesn’t sound impressed. “You better!” she growls but closes the door softly.

“Your sister is a menace” Louis mutters quietly after a second.

“Mmh, lucky you managed to snatch the friendly, cuddly part of the Styles family”

“Have you been awake the whole time, you little shit?” Louis pokes him.

“No, Gemma woke me up” Harry rubs his face along Louis neck, breathing in his scent. “She’s so loud and rude”

“True” Louis turns in Harry’s hold and Harry slots to his back, like so often before. Louis is the perfect little spoon. “Wanna get up?”

“What time is it?”

“Half one”

“Just a bit longer, yeah?”

Louis chuckles quietly but inches closer to Harry. “Sure thing, babe. Anything you want”

If only that was true, Harry thinks before he dozes off again, nose buried in Louis hair.

\--------

 

“Harry is texting Ben” Louis peaks into the bag of crisps, perched on his stomach, without looking at Liam or Zayn.

It takes a second for both of them to tear their gaze away from the intense game of Call of Duty, but eventually Liam says “What?”

“Harry is texting Ben – again” he repeats and he feels Zayn’s stare burning a hole into his forehead. It’s a beautiful day in May, exams are slowly but steadily creeping up on them and while Harry decided to be sensible and go to the library to study, Louis, Zayn and Liam decided that some video games and male bonding time were far more important than English Literature or Media Design.

“So… are they like… making up?” Liam asks cautiously, somehow sensing that this is a touchy topic for Louis.

“Don’t know” he mutters more glumly than intended. “I don’t… Harry says they’re trying to be ‘friends’” The quotation marks transfer into his voice and he doesn’t even try to hide his detest for the idea.

“Well… they have some history together and that’s good, no? Trying to be friends? Obviously Harry thought very highly of Ben – when it came to business and knowledge and stuff. Not relationship-wise, there he sucked…”

“Is there a point to your ramblings?” Louis snaps and Liam raises an eyebrow.

“Touchy princess?”

“Fuck off”

“All I’m saying is that Harry is far too nice to hold a grudge against anyone for long. And it’s not like he’s planning on getting back together with Ben, is he? He seems to enjoy being single and from what I can tell, he’s getting enough action as it is, no?”

“What makes you think that?” Zayn smirks.

“Oh – how about the colorful array of love bites he’s been sporting over the last couple of weeks? I don’t think Harry is quite flexible enough to suck them into his own neck or shoulder blades or hip bones or his lower back or…”

“Okay, we get the picture” Zayn cuts in. “Harry has a good sex life”

“Great sex life” Louis mutters. “He’s got a _great_ sex life”

“Are the walls a bit thin?” Liam kicks his foot and Louis glares at him but refuses to comment. Liam might have suspected something in the beginning but no matter how hard and long he watched, Louis took care to never slip up around him, because contrary to Zayn, Liam would have sat him down a long time ago and told him things couldn’t go on like this.

And it’s not like Louis is blind or totally insensitive, he knows that Harry wants more – needs more from him but… he can’t. He’s so scared to put himself out there once again only to be left when things get tough and even so he technically doesn’t believe Harry would ever be as cruel as his last ‘boyfriend’ he just doesn’t know for sure. There’s no guarantee and as much Louis would love to kiss Harry whenever – wherever – he wants, hold his hand and shoot all those leering guys ‘fuck off’ glances, he can’t quite bring himself to take that step.

He knows Harry wants to give it a shot, he has hinted often enough that he wants a proper relationship and Louis has always withdrawn himself every time. It’s twisted and sick because they both want the same thing and Louis sees that he is fucking it up himself but he can’t help it.

And now Ben is back in Harry’s life, trying to reel him in with cute, understanding text messages, being there for Harry whenever Louis isn’t and Louis has never been more jealous and scared in his life. He can literally feel Harry slipping through his fingers and he knows exactly what he’d need to say and do to make it stop, to get a firm grip on _his_ boy again. He hates that the only thing standing in his way is himself.

“Harry broke up with Ben for a reason” Zayn reminds him and Louis angles his head back.

“Ben has also never told him he loved him. Things change”      

“Ben did what?” Zayn squeaks, a sip of water going down the wrong way.

“He told him he loved him, has repeated it often enough in his stupid texts-“

“You didn’t” Zayn crawls over to him and forces his chin up. “Tell me you didn’t snoop”

“Technically I didn’t. Harry asked me to answer a text to Gemma while he was in the shower and if I happened to see one or two of Ben’s while I was at it, so what?”

“Lou” Liam whines as well. “What is wrong with you? I thought you were friends”

“We are” He sits back up straight and tosses the crisps aside.

“You don’t act like it! You act like some jealous boyfriend!”

“I – what?! That’s bullshit!”

“Zayn?” Liam glances over at their friend, waiting for his call.

“You kinda do, Lou, sorry”

“I only care about him, I don’t want him to go back to some douche who treated him like shit and made him unhappy the last time around!”

“But it’s not up to you, is it? It’s Harry’s decision” Zayn gives him a piercing glance from under dark lashes. “He’s _single_. It’s not like _anyone_ is holding him back, not like _anyone_ wants him as more than friends, is there?”  
It’s unfair and Zayn knows it.

Louis glares at his best mate, words getting slippery on his tongue but he bites his lips until Zayn jumps up and throws his hands up in exasperation. “Really – _really_ Lou?”

Liam looks back and forth between them with a curious glance and Louis wishes Zayn would just shut up.

“It’s not your decision” he growls.

“No it’s not, but it’s affecting my best mate and a really good friend so I have the right to voice my opinion, okay? And my opinion is that you are a stupid fucker and a coward! Life’s not always perfect, stories don’t always have a happy ending and yes, yours was definitely crappier than any other I have heard so far but Lou, it’s been what? _8 years_? It’s time to let it go and move on, okay?”

“I have!”

“No you haven’t! Your head is still stuck in the past and you’re so afraid that you let it ruin anything good in your life, you let it get to you so much, you are so caught up in it that you can’t see how happy you could be if you just gave it a chance”

“I am happy!”

“Oh are you? Because you don’t look happy to me! And you don’t act happy! And you don’t sound happy”

Louis glares at him and Zayn takes it as an invitation to continue.

“You brought it up, mate and I know you! You wouldn’t bring something like that up if you weren’t seriously worried about it so don’t bullshit me! You’ve been acting weird all of last week, and it’s so _not_ you to look through anyone’s phone!”

“Harry and I are friends and—“

“Bullshit!” Zayn cuts in and Louis freezes.

“Bullshit” he repeats much softer. “How often do I have to remind you until it gets through that thick head of yours: we are your friends! We love you, we support you and we will not judge you or make fun of you just because you fell in love!” Zayn’s voice has gotten slightly louder by the end of the sentence and Louis blinks a bit dumbstruck.

“It’s kinda obvious, mate” Liam adds a lot softer.

Louis chews on that for a while, until he quietly asks “Is it?”

“Yes” both answer in unison.

~

He stays a little longer than intended at Liam’s but Harry texted him, saying he wouldn’t make it back for dinner since he was still with his little hippie study group. Gemma was probably at Ashton’s and from the slightly sour look on Zayn’s face, Louis could guess that Perrie was still out with her sister.

It’s not quite summer yet but warm enough for Louis to walk home instead of taking the car and he likes to roam the streets from time to time. The city is still busy, people just getting off of work or going out to grab a bite to eat and Louis was always one for ‘people watching’. He glances around, peaking through shop windows and into restaurants aimlessly.

That is until he spots a mop of curly brown hair.

Louis stops and turns back towards the restaurant, someone bumping into him with a mumbled apology even so it was his fault for stopping dead in his tracks. Shuffling closer to the window, he briefly hopes Harry will not look around in that precise moment although he wishes he did in the next second once he sees who’s with him.

Suddenly it’s quite hard to swallow down the lump in his throat and Louis glances up towards the name of the restaurant, seeing it’s something fancy and French. _Guess somebody discovered his love for French food after all?_

He takes out his mobile. _Hey, do you want me to grab some take-away? Am just leaving Liam’s. x_

Harry halts in his animated monologue and glances down at the table, frowns – fucking _frowns_ – when he picks up his phone.

_I’m still stuck with the ‘music geeks’, sorry. Will just grab a quick bite on the way home, shouldn’t be much longer. Xx_

Louis stares at the screen until it turns black.

Right.

So Harry is not slipping through his fingers, because if he was, then Louis would still have the slim chance of holding onto him.

Ben reaches across the table in a casual manner and runs his index finger along Harry’s hand and Harry – lets him.

Maybe there was never really someone to hold onto in the first place, maybe Harry saw Louis just like everybody else; some fun to pass the time before the real thing comes around. Even so he told him differently, time and time again. Maybe Louis just read everything wrong _again_ and that’s exactly why relationships are not for him.

Well. Everybody _lies_ , babe.

\--------

 

Louis has been acting weird, which is nothing totally uncommon but he’s been… acting weirder than usual.

He’s distant one moment before he turns downright clingy, snappy and moody one second and the next moment he’s the sweetest and most gentle guy.

Harry is confused. Very confused.

He’s known Louis for a while now but never has he seen him so… all over the place. And never has the older boy more sternly refused to talk about what’s bothering him.

Harry is very confused and very worried. He tried to get some information out of Zayn and Liam, both just shrugged and told him that it was nothing but then again Zayn’s look said that it was anything but nothing. He has sent Gemma to talk to Louis but she came back, shrugging and said he seemed fine to her, maybe a bit stressed because of impending exams and if Harry didn’t know Louis so well he might have accepted that explanation but it’s still _weeks_ before Louis first exam and Harry knows Louis could do it in his sleep.

It feels a lot like Louis is trying to let him down gently and that is so not on.

So he tries to be extra attentive, extra nice and sweet, cooks Louis all his favorite meals, goes and downloads all of Louis favorite films and series. He showers the older boy in kisses and cuddles whenever they are alone, makes sure to let him know how much he cares about him and that Harry can’t get enough of him.

They probably have more sex than ever before but it still feels like there is some distance between them, like Louis is right here but not really _there_ with him and it’s so, so frustrating.

If Harry was a little less caught up in trying to be perfect and would take a second to pay actual attention he might have been able to put two and two together – that weird look which crossed Louis face every time Harry got a text or the slight slip in tone whenever Harry announced he was off to study with the music geeks.

But as it is, the thought that Louis might be acting that way because he’s wary and jealous of Ben doesn’t even cross his mind. After all, Harry did only mention it in passing that he and Ben were talking again and Louis didn’t supply much more than an eye roll and grunt. He knows Louis isn’t a fan of Ben and Harry doesn’t want to keep reminding him of his ex-affair-boyfriend-whatever therefore he doesn’t mention it when Ben asks him out to dinner one day (just as friends because he hasn’t seen Harry in so long and felt like he missed half his life and he really wants to work on being mates), lies to Louis when he texts him about bringing back take away even so it doesn’t feel right and it’s like he is betraying his _boyfriend_. It made Harry frown because as distant and strange Louis is, he never failed to remind Harry that they were anything but boyfriends, and it’s stupid to even feel like he is betraying the other bloke in the first place because well… he _is_ single after all and it’s not like Louis made any move to change that.

So Harry keeps on trying to win Louis back even so he doesn’t quite know when or to what he lost him in the first place, he keeps trying to win him over even so Louis is growing more and more distant and Harry has a sinking feeling that whatever they had is coming to an end.

~

Although maybe not tonight because Louis is looking at him like he’s the best thing since the invention of Oreo cookies and in moments like these, it’s crystal clear what draws people to Louis like moths to the light. It’s addictive, heady and Harry feels like he is the only thing Louis can see, like everything else is just blurry while he’s the one thing in focus.

They’re out at some club, and even so the other boys, Gemma and Perrie are with them, Louis keeps brushing against him, subtle touches and caresses out of sight, running his knuckles along Harry’s spine or pinching his hips, all things which make Harry catch a breath or lose his train of thought.

Louis is a temptress in skinny jeans and a sheer white shirt, fabric flimsy enough to hint at the tattoos Harry knows so well by now but it still makes him want to nibble along the black ink and trace the writing on Louis chest with his lips.

He’s been grinding on Louis for what feels like an eternity wrapped in five minutes when the older boy stops his wandering hands and turns around in Harry’s hold.

“What’s gotten into you today?” Louis asks, having to stand on his toes to reach Harry’s ear and whisper yell over the pounding music.

“You” there’s no use pretending, Harry never saw the appeal in beating around the bush anyway. He’s not afraid to say it out loud if he wants or likes something and right now… “Want you, Lou. You look… fuck you look gorgeous, you know?” he runs his lips along Louis neck. “Want you so much”

“Me?” It’s supposed to sound cheeky, but Harry knows the other boy well enough by now to pick out the slight tremor in his voice.

“Only you” Harry might have had a couple of drinks and while he’s not drunk, he’s got enough liquid courage to add. “It’s always been you, the first time I laid my eyes on you I wanted to have you, couldn’t get my mind off of you, wanked myself sore to thoughts of you--”

Louis bites down hard on Harry’s collarbone, effectively shutting him up before he grabs his hand and leads him through the club. They pass Perrie and Zayn on their way and while Perrie looks confused Zayn just shoots them a board look before he gently turns Perrie’s head back towards him.

They stumble through the crowd into a small corridor and Louis seems to know his way around because Harry has no clue how he got from the dance floor into the disabled toilet in barely five seconds. But he’s here and when Louis flicks the lock, Harry wastes no time to crowd into his space and push his back against the wall. Louis winces when his head collides with the door but whimpers as soon as Harry’s lips are on his and if he wasn’t so busy with taking Louis apart, Harry would break out into a little victory dance because no matter how tense those past days had been, kissing Louis still feels like the best thing on the planet.

He gently forces Louis lips apart, bites playful at the corner of his mouth before goes for a dirty, hot kiss to wind the other boy up even more.

Having placed his hands on Louis chest, Harry can feel his breathing spike and his body tremble. He pinches Louis nipples through the fabric, punching a breathless moan out of him before he makes quick work of his belt and buttons.

Only then does Harry take a step back, getting a good look at a slightly sweaty, disheveled looking Louis. He runs his finger along his clothed erection teasingly, taking his own lip between his teeth.

Louis groans and bucks his hips forward, a straight forward request for attention.

“Tell me what you want” Harry whispers darkly and sees Louis pupils dilate even further. If he’s learned anything in the last couple of months, it’s that Lou is a total sucker for his voice when it goes all husky and Harry talks a little dirty. He never thought he could do it, neither of his former boyfriends or – heaven forbid – Ben were into it but since Harry is with Louis he discovered a lot of things he never thought he could do. Dirty talk is just one of those, something which came naturally, never sounded forced or artificial and Harry quickly discovered he could get off on it as much as Louis.

“Want me to wrap my hand around you, jerk you off slowly but roughly and lick the come off of my fingers when I’m done?” Louis falters a little at that as if he suddenly can’t hold himself up any longer and leans heavily against the door.

“Or do you want my mouth, babe? Take that beautiful cock of yours and suck it until I choke? You know I love it, love to see how gone you are when I’m done, love to see that smile on your lips when my voice is shot for days after because you did that to me”

“Fuck, Haz” Louis whisper roughly and tries to pull him back in by his belt loops.

Harry taps his finger against his lips and tries his best smoldering look. “That I would _love_ to!” he finally gives in and presses himself flush along the other boy. “I would love for you to spread me out, take me apart with those delicate, skilled fingers of yours. Open me up and have you inside of me” he nibs along Louis jaw, punctuates each word with a tiny bite. “Would feel so good, Lou, so fucking good. Want it so much, babe”

“You…” Louis breath is coming out in short, hectic puffs. “You want me to fuck you?”

“I thought I was pretty obvious but hell yeah. I want you to fuck me”

“Harry, I—“ He’s tired of hearing all of Louis excuses why he can’t do this or that and shuts him up with a rather rough kiss. Louis does put up a good fight but in the end, Harry feels him go slack, surrendering to Harry.

“Fine… I… fuck. I will, but not here” Louis peeks over Harry’s shoulder “I’ll be damned if I fuck you in some shabby bathroom in club” a mischievous twinkle returns to his eyes. “I intend to make you scream and I’d quite like it to be the only sound that’s ringing in my ears”

The door behind his back is thumping with the bass and even so the door is shut, they can still hear the music and people talking and laughing just outside.

“You will?”

Louis runs his nose along the collar of Harry’s black shirt, hands roaming over his body. “I will. I will _gladly_ ”

“Good, okay. That’s… uhm good” Louis laughs at Harry’s poor attempt at nonchalance and kisses him again and it’s pretty much downhill from there.

Quite literally, because five minutes later, Harry is crouching in front of Louis and pulling his briefs down together with his jeans. The other boy tilts his hips out ever so slightly, cock slapping wetly against his stomach and Harry licks his lips.

“So pretty” he murmurs before he leans in and licks a long stripe along the underside of Louis dick.

Louis makes a sound caught between a moan and a whimper and digs his hands in Harry’s curls, successfully dislodging the headband he spent hours wrapping around his curls in an artful manner. Harry can’t say that he minds all that much.

“Don’t tease, okay? Don’t think I can survive it” blue eyes have gone dark and Louis runs a finger gently along Harry’s lips. “Please”

“Since you asked so nicely” Harry wraps his fingers around Louis, one by one and tongues at the slit, making Louis hiss and scramble for something to hold onto. Before he can chide Harry for doing exactly what he asked him not to, Harry wets his lips and guides Louis between his lips, sucking greedily when he finally tastes him.

“Oh Jesus” Harry can feel the older boy’s thighs tremble beneath his hands, quickly squeezing them before he takes a deep breath and takes Louis further, swallowing with practiced ease once he hits the back of his throat. “Shit, okay… no playing around… that is… good… so good…”

He allows himself a small smug grin (which is a bit hard since his lips are obscenely stretched around Louis dick) because a rambling Louis is a Louis short of losing his cool. Harry likes when that happens, doesn’t get Louis to that point often or even so quickly.

Rolling Louis balls between his long fingers, Harry makes sure to ever so slightly brush against his rim and he actually gags when Louis hips cant forward without warning.

“Shit, sorry!” Harry wheezes and feels tears brim in his eyes but shakes Louis hands off. Yes, okay it was a bit sudden and Harry would definitely prefer some kind of warning in the future but… he looks up at Louis through wet lashes and puts his hands behind his back. Then he just mouths along Louis cock, nibbles and bits and makes the other boy squirm.

“I… no Harry. I can’t…”

“Please” his voice is slightly scratchy already. “I want it”

“Don’t want to hurt you, babe”

“You won’t… I…” Harry brings his hands up again and rests them against Louis hips. “I’ll pinch you if it gets too much, deal?”

Louis is undecided but Harry can see that he wants it from the glow in his eyes and blush in his cheeks.

“I want it so bad” Harry whines and the neediness in his voice pushes Louis over the edge. He pushes his finger in Harry’s mouth, waiting until he opened up wide enough and slowly inches forward.

The first thrusts are shallow and barely brush Harry’s throat. He looks up at Louis, making a point to moan low in his throat and suck a bit more and is rewarded with a sudden thrust forward. Now that’s what Harry has been talking about.

He steadies himself, hands running up and down Louis thighs while his jaw is stretched to the maximum, swallowing around Louis each time he hits his throat, each time a little harder than before.

Another thing Harry wasn’t aware off is how much he likes it… likes how his eyes water, how his jaw starts to hurt and how heavy Louis feels on his tongue. In fact, he likes it so much that he doesn’t realize that half the moans are coming from him, too caught up in the way Louis looks and sounds like a freaking porn star. They must be quite loud and Harry hopes the pounding from outside is able to disguise what’s happening in here, but he doesn’t harbor any hope for when they open the door and someone should catch them sneaking out. He knows both of them are looking wrecked by now.

Harry is freaking hard himself, bordering on painful, the slow drag of his zipper on his cock more of a tease than relief but… he can also feel the familiar pull behind his belly button, the heat creeping up his spine.

Louis tugs at his hair with each thrust, murmurs praise mixed with dirty endearments and Harry has possibly never done anything hotter.

He can feel Louis spiraling closer and closer to his orgasm by the way the muscles in his thighs tense up, his abs are strained and his breathing has become shallow and fast. His thrusts becoming a little messy, hands running across his scalp in a soothing manner.

“Close” Louis breathes out. “So close, Harry”

Harry just hums his agreement, eyes fixed on Louis face. He hopes the older boy keeps looking at him, doesn’t throw his head back.

“Fuck… don’t stop… don’t…” whatever Louis meant to say is lost in a low moan which gets gradually louder. He sinks against the door, head falling to his chest but keeps his eyes on Harry even so they flutter when his orgasm hits him.

Seeing Louis like that, tasting him, is enough to send Harry over the edge too. He tries to keep his eyes open but can tell he doesn’t succeed because the next thing he knows is Louis crouched in front of him, wiping along his lip before he presses a gentle kiss to Harry’s cheek.

“So good, babe, so fucking good” Louis peppers kisses all over his face, hands fumbling with Harry’s belt but he suddenly stops. “Love?”

“Mmh” Harry smiles dopily up at Louis. “Oops”

“Oops?” Louis runs his hand over his crotch, clearly feeling that it’s wet and sticky from Harry’s come. “Did you…?”

“Have you seen yourself?” Harry croaks. “Fuck that was hot”

After a second and something weird crossing Louis face, he leans forward and kisses Harry hard. “That it was indeed”

They stay on the floor a little longer, just kissing slowly and deeply and Harry tries not to think about all the filth he got in his new jeans.

Eventually Louis helps him up and goes over to the mirror to try and sort his hair out, which Harry thinks is quite in vain.

“Ready?”

“Mmmmh” is all he says, leaning heavily against Louis, still buzzing from his post-orgasmic bliss.

“Let’s get you to bed, okay?”

“Yes please” he whispers against Louis neck.

The older boy flicks the lock and opens the door and – halts in his steps.

“Finally” Zayn looks up from his phone and does a double take when he sees Harry. “Jeeze Lou, what did you do to him?”

Harry, formerly pliant and happy, feels like a bucket of water has been emptied over him. “It… I wasn’t feeling so well… Lou only took care of me…”

“Taking care, huh? Now t _hat_ I believe” Zayn leans in closer. “You got come on your chin”

Harry brings his hands up to wipe his face before he can think better of it but Louis catches his wrist. “No you don’t, he’s just messing with you” he places a kiss to the corner of Harry’s mouth. “Harry is far too good to miss something by accident”

“Ugh” Zayn groans and rubs his eyes. “Images, Lou! We talked about it, remember?”

“Well, you asked for it. That’s what you get when you tease my boy”

Harry doesn’t understand what’s going on. He expected Louis to freak out and push him off faster than a Chelsea tricot but here is, arm still wrapped around Harry’s waist and… fuck, Louis basically kissed him in front of Zayn… and…called him...

“Don’t hurt yourself, Haz. I can see those wheels turning in your brain, kinda expect smoke to come out of your ears any second now” Louis winks at him. “Zayn knows. About us”

“He… does?” it’s all he can do not to gape like a goldfish on dry land. 

“I do. You are not hard to figure out, sorry. Knew that very day you first hooked up, both coming out of the bedroom looking far too smug and bright. The rest must be blind and stupid to not pick up on it…”

“You…?” Harry turns to Louis. 

“I… oh, yeah well… I guess lying was a bit pointless, right? So I told him…?” Louis looks a bit unsure all of a sudden and before Harry can think better of it, he’s pressed a kiss to Louis lips.

“Thank you”

“You’re welcome?” Louis doesn’t quite get it but for Harry… Zayn _knows_ , Louis _told_ him, Louis didn’t try to deny it and… Harry feels his throat close up and not because of the blowjob he’s just given.

Judging by the soft look in Zayn’s eyes, the dark haired boy knows exactly why Harry is so overwhelmed.

“Were you just lounging around the toilets for fun or was there a reason for basically tripping over you?” Louis interrupts Harry’s inner Hallelujah choir.

“Oh! Right, I was looking for H.! Sorry man, but your sister… is kind of upset?” Zayn shrugs like he doesn’t quite understand it. “Something about Ashton, his ex and a birthday? I don’t know, she’s at the bar with Perrie, downing drinks while she’s threatening to bash Ash’s head in with a glass if he comes close to her and she is asking – well demanding – your assistance”

“Oh” Harry pulls a face.

“And if we got there quick it wouldn’t do any harm since I’ve been waiting outside that door for ten minutes”

“Ten… ooooh” Louis laughs when he sees Harry’s shocked expression.

“Yep. Although ‘oh’ doesn’t even begin to cover what I heard, mate” Zayn punches his arm softly and Louis glares at his best mate. 

“Oi, watch it”

“Watch it yourself, perv. And maybe sort out Harry’s headband – scarf, whatever. He looks fucked out anyway but you might try to salvage what you can” Zayn turns around and glances over his shoulder, waiting, while Louis does his best to right Harry’s headwear. Zayn is right though, it’s a pointless try since his curls are messed up from Louis hands, stuck to his temples and strands sticking up on top of his head in odd directions. He gives up with a sigh and hopes Gemma won’t notice.

“What about my voice?” Harry whispers to Louis.

“Well… let’s hope she is drunk enough to do all the talking and wailing. You can manage the occasional ‘no?’ and ‘really’, can’t you?”

“I try my best” He croaks and Louis quickly kisses him before the crowd parts and they get back to their friends.

~

Turns out Harry needn’t have worried, Gemma did all the talking, In fact, she talked so much that he hardly got a ‘no, really?’ in and had to focus on staying awake and listening to his sister, who paced the room and started her ‘why-I-am-mad-at-Ashton-story’ back in the days of Adam and Eve once they got back to the flat.

Harry still doesn’t understand what the issue is, except that Ashton had been invited to his ex’ birthday and accepted without asking Gemma first, but Harry is sure there is a severe, life threatening reason behind his sister’s crazy behavior. He just hasn’t figured it out yet.

Yawning for the umpteenth time, Gemma stops in her ranting and looks at him. “You’re tired, right?”

No use lying so Harry nods. “But go on”

“No it’s fine… I should probably sleep it off and talk to Ashton when we’re both sober”

That is a brilliant idea and something he wished Gemma thought of before he had to watch Louis disappear in his bedroom alone. “Go and get some sleep you look… knackered” she settles on and Harry doesn’t need to be told twice. He gives her a quick kiss and pads back to his room, counting to ten behind his closed door before he quietly opens it again and tiptoes across the corridor to Louis room.

It’s pitch black inside but Harry’s been here often enough, he can find his way with his eyes shut.

“If you think of crawling into my bed smelling like club, think again” comes the grouchy voice from under a heap of duvets and pillows.

“Wouldn’t dream of it” Harry quickly assures and Louis flicks on the bedside lamp.

“Gemma kept you till now?”

He just nods and Louis coos “Poor baby” before he sternly sends him off to the shower, refusing to even kiss him before Harry isn’t clean.

“I guess another round is out of the question, yeah?” Harry rasps when he comes back and drops the towel in front of Louis bed, climbing under the covers butt naked. Louis is used to it by now, has once told him he quite appreciates Harry’s little nudist streak, and it shows in the way that Louis just has to run his hand across his naked torso whenever they fall into bed together.

“It’s 4am, I waited two hours for you… _two_ , Harold. I need my beauty sleep! So if you don’t mind?” Louis rolls onto his back, and Harry is quick to flit himself close to the older boy, head resting on Louis chest while Louis combs through his hair.

“Don’t mind at all” Harry mutters. He reaches behind himself and blindly flicks off the light, breathing a sigh of relief when he smells nothing but Louis citrus shower gel and… _Louis_.

\--------

 

“So, any plans? Suggestions?” Liam passes the ball back to Louis.

“No, not really”

“What about that gig Niall keeps talking about?”

“That’s some alternative, college rock band” Louis dribbles the ball past Liam, runs towards the made up goal and loops it over Zayn, who has given up trying to play goalie for him and Liam, and just stretched out on the grass, cigarette dangling from his lips. He doesn’t even bother to open his eyes when the ball flies over him and Louis considers kicking it at his head the next time.

“So? Harry would probably love it!”

“Harry is busy” Louis deadpans and understanding flashes in Liam’s eyes.

“Oh” he stops the ball which Louis kicked back over easily. “He’s got other plans?”

“Apparently” he huffs and stomps back towards his friend.

“He stood you up?” Zayn asks from his spot between daisies and dandelions.

Pushing his sweaty fringe out of his eyes, Louis fumbles for a headband which he is sure he put in his shorts at some point. “No… he’s just… studying”

“Studying?” Zayn echoes and finally sits up. “Again?”

“Why do I feel like I’m missing something? Is _studying_ a synonym for something else?” Liam plops down onto the ball.

Zayn shoots Louis a questioning look, asking for permission to tell Liam and he sighs. He doesn’t quite know why he felt the need to tell Zayn in the first place, had done so one day when they both had to beat some time in between lectures. True to his word, Zayn had simply listened and not judged or commented when Louis said he didn’t want to hear his opinion or any explanation, he just felt the need to tell someone else.

So they haven’t talked about the day when Louis caught Harry and Ben at the French restaurant, haven’t talked about the fact that Harry _lied_ to Louis and especially not about how _hurt_ Louis still is. Though telling Liam will mean talking about it because Liam is not going to let something like that go.

“Last week, when we hung out at yours?” Louis sinks down into the grass as well and Zayn huffs but eventually walks over to them. “When you both said I was… I fancied Harry?”

Liam just nods, having picked a culm to play with.

“I was walking home, and I passed this shitty, expensive restaurant on the way, right? And I was just looking around, didn’t even consider I might come across him but… umh, Harry was having dinner. With Ben”

“He was… oh. _Oh_. And he told you he was still at that study group, right?” Sometimes Liam’s memory is scary.

“He did”

“So he lied”

Louis is about to open his mouth to somehow soften the accusation when Zayn cuts in with “Yes he did” and Louis shuts it.

“Have you… asked him about it? Maybe there’s a logical explanation?”

“Right… no I didn’t. What I did was text him while I was standing outside the restaurant, spying on him and his ex boyfriend or current boyfriend – I don’t know – asking whether I should bring some take away back and he… he looked at his phone, frowned and replied that he was still caught up with his study group, Li. I mean, why couldn’t he just say ‘oh something came up, no need to get food, am just out with Ben’?”

“Because he knows you hate Ben, maybe he didn’t want to upset you?”

“Hell of a job he did, then”

“But he doesn’t know, does he?” Liam pleads. “Remember when he came up to us Zayn?” he nudges the other boy. “He kept asking what was wrong with you, because he thought you were acting weirder than usual”

“He what?”

“He asked whether you were okay” Zayn admits.

“Well thanks for letting me know. And what did you tell him?”

“Nothing, we said you were fine. We _thought_ you were fine!” Liam shakes his head. “Why don’t you just tell him you’re upset about it?”

“But Liam, Louis and Harry are _just mates_. And mates don’t usually get upset when one of them rekindles with their ex. So if Louis would tell Harry that he saw him, and that he’s actually quite hurt, he would also have to tell Harry that he has zero platonic feelings for him, but that he is in love with him”

Louis glares at Zayn. They have been friends for years, it’s not like he can scare Zayn with that look anymore, but he tries nonetheless.

“And worst case scenario: If Louis tells Harry he is in love with him, Harry would also tell Louis that he is in love with him too and there would be a 99.9% chance of a happy ending. Now we can’t let that happen, can we? So instead, Louis will be upset, miserable, snappy and distant until he’s finally managed to scare Harry away”

“You—“ Louis begins but Liam shuts him up.

“Zayn is right, you know?”

“Oh is he?” Louis growls. “Because you all know me so well and all know what’s going on, yeah?”

“Astonishingly we do know you quite well, you tosser, even so you tried your best to not let anyone close” Liam bites back. “So stop acting like you’re the lone wolf here, ‘kay?”

Louis grumbles and Liam takes that as a yes. “Good. And secondly it’s not astrophysics. Harry is so obvious it’s painful, he looks at you like you hung the moon, the sun and stars, Lou. Would it really be so bad to give the kid what he wants? Because I believe it’s the same as you want, which… well, is quite convenient, right?”

“I don’t… I can’t. You know why, Li?”

“Ugh” Liam falls back with a grown. “Seriously! We’re going in fucking circles, Lou. It makes me dizzy! I can recite this conversation by heart now!” Liam all but yells.

Both Zayn and Louis fall silent for a couple of seconds after Liam’s outburst, surprised by it.

“Harry doesn’t even want me anymore” Louis mutters quietly and finally Liam sits back up. “Even if I went up to him now and told him… that we can give it a go… he’s been kinda going behind my back, no? We never said we’re exclusive but—“

“Hold up!” Liam interjects. “You… you and Harry…” he shuts up then, thinking, before he admits “Yeah, should have seen that one coming… how long?”

Louis expected a little more outrage, but willingly supplies “almost two months” which does make Liam sputter in surprise.

“That is… wow. Okay. You knew I guess, since you’re all smiling mysteriously, Zee?”

“Well, it was really obvious to be honest. All they didn’t do was whip it out in front of you, Li, so kudos for managing to overlook that”

“All for the sake of peace of mind and such” Liam mutters.

“You’re not mad?” Louis asks, his voice a little timid. Liam is one of his best mates so he would understand if the other bloke felt left out (which wasn’t his intention at all, Liam is just a lot… stricter is the wrong word, but Liam wants to sort things out, he wants to talk about stuff and Louis has been far from ready to talk about his feelings or even begin to try and sort that stuff out – hell, he’s still not sure he’s ready but then again NOT talking didn’t help either).

“I guess I can understand why you didn’t tell me. I know Zayn has a habit of letting things go if you don’t want to talk about them and I don’t so… I am a bit upset because I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me as well but… not mad”

“Sorry, Li. Didn’t try to leave you out on purpose it’s just… a bit of a mess up there” Louis tabs against his head and Liam nods.

“Okay so you have been shagging Harry for two months? And no one else on the side?”

“No, only him but… we didn’t shag. Like, we didn’t go all the way”

That seems to stun both of them. “Don’t take this the wrong way but… it’s been _two months_ , Lou!?”

“I know but I just felt… like, if we slept together… at first I just wanted to tease him a bit, show him that it wasn’t all about wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. I didn’t want him to fear that it was really only a one off. Then things got… more serious in a way, I mean it wasn’t just handjobs and blowjobs anymore” Zayn groans quietly, muttering something about too much information. “We hung out, we did stuff together, you know? Like he’d cook for me and I would go and sit through his endless, pointless monologues about kittens and world peace, we’d watch movies and just… cuddle. There were days when we didn’t even touch each other below the waist just—“

“You did stuff a couple would do” Liam finishes his sentence, his face lighting up with some insight. “Oh Lou…”

He looks down at his worn trainers and starts fiddling with the laces. “It was nice. I didn’t want it to end, you know? And then he started seeing Ben again and I thought that if I gave in now, if I slept with him, he’d turn around and leave because… isn’t that what they all do? It’s all games and fun and then the next morning they move on to the next, to the _real_ thing”

“That’s not… hey boo look at me!” Zayn reaches out for him. “Harry wouldn’t do that!”

“He isn’t like that, Louis! He’s stuck around and he’s gotten to know you, didn’t he? You let your guard down for him more than you even did for Niall and… he likes you. He genuinely likes you. He wouldn’t leave. If all, he’d be crazier about you” Liam adds.

“You think?” Louis huffs. “And that’s why he didn’t tell me about the secret dates with Ben? What am I to make of that?” he finally looks up, meeting Liam’s concerned glance while Zayn looks at him with a crooked, small smile. “To me it looks like he got tired of me or maybe it was nothing more than a distraction in the first place. I thought he’d tell me everything especially when it came to Ben. He knows how I think about him and…”

“Maybe that’s the problem. He knows what you think of Ben and about their former relationship. You flipped once before, could be that Harry just doesn’t want to risk another fall out because let’s be honest; you would comment on it and you wouldn’t let it go”

“But – he lied to me Zayn. I caught him once and now every time he cancels on me or says he has to stay longer for some study group or project, every time his damn mobile beeps I have to think of him and Ben and it’s driving me crazy. It doesn’t feel like nothing, it feels like he’s already moved on. Ready to leave with a wave and ‘thanks for the good times, mate’” Louis runs his hands through his hair, taking out his headband. “I don’t think I can explain it right; it’s… it feels like I fooled myself, believing Harry was different. My mistake, I read more into it. After all, it was me who told him time and time again that this wasn’t more than friends with benefits, it was me who shied away every time he so much as hinted on maybe coming clean and dating for real. So I can’t really blame him for moving on in the end, can I?”

“You can’t but I will” Zayn growls.

“You warned, me remember, Z.? You said Harry might eventually get tired of having to hide, since it already ruined one relationship for him. I just didn’t listen”

“You don’t know that” Liam cuts in. “You don’t know if that’s even happening, you’re beating yourself up, imagining all those worst case scenarios. Why don’t you talk to him?”

“I agree with Liam. You’ve been playing that guessing game for far too long. He’s obviously important to you, otherwise we wouldn’t be sitting here like this for the umpteenth time and talk about him – not that we mind, in fact I am rather glad that tables have finally turned and we can give you the relationship advice”

“His was crap most of the time, though” Liam jokes, nudging Louis knee.

“How are things with Sophia going by the way?” Louis mutters.

“Good, thanks for asking. We’re working it out. And don’t try to change the topic”

“Bugger”

“Listen, how about we go out tonight, see that band Niall has been talking about? Just us four, like old times” Zayn suggests. “No Harry, no worries. And tomorrow, you’ll sit him down and talk to him. Because I agree with Liam – you have to take the first step here Lou, and you have to do it sooner than later”

Louis sighs deeply, really not looking forward to that particular conversation.

“Hey” Zayn inches closer and nudges his shoulder, resting his boney chin on it. “It’ll be alright. Harry is head over heels for you, no way he’ll turn you down”

“Sure?”

“Yep”

“Fine” Louis gives in after a couple of seconds. “I’ll talk to him and will be all grown up about it”

“Can we mark that day in the calendars?” Liam gets up.

“Haha”

“No joking, mate. This is monumental” he kicks the ball towards Louis. “But I am glad you’re finally ready to take that step. God knows you deserve to be happy and Harry… he’s a decent lad, good pick, bro”

“Thank you daddy”

“Why does he get to be the daddy?” Zayn flops down onto his back, rolling his shirt up to catch some sun.

“No one with cheekbones and eyelashes like that gets to be called masculine” Liam kicks his foot.

“You like my cheekbones?” Zayn flutters said lashes at Liam.

“Move over or you’ll get hit by the ball” Louis just tells him and of course, Zayn stays right where he is, so that Louis and Liam have to dribble round him, the game coming to an end when Liam accidentally trips over Zayn’s legs and lands square on his back.

~

“I swear to God, Payne. You broke my fucking back” Zayn rubs along his spine, still wincing from earlier when Liam ‘squashed him’. “How much do you weigh?”

“It’s all muscle” Liam puffs up his impressive biceps, accentuated by the cut off sleeves of his shirt.

“Show off” Louis mutters.

“Oh come off it, ever since you started training with Mr. Fitness Freak here, you packed on some as well” Zayn pinches his stomach and then lifts his shirt, running his hand over Louis smooth stomach and slight abs. “Lou – where have all the pizzas and tequilas gone?”

“Why don’t you ask Mr. Fitness Freak over there? Made me do crunches till I couldn’t breathe anymore”

“I’m sure Harry appreciates my effort” Liam winks at him and holds the door for both of them.

It’s a Friday night and it’s rather packed in the bar, Louis’ sending a silent thank you up to heaven that the place has an A/C.

“Where is the blond one?”

“Don’t know, but why don’t we join the guy who’s stand on the table waving like a maniac? He looks nice” Liam, slightly taller than Zayn and Louis stirs them through the crowd in Niall’s direction.

“Hello!” Niall hops down, directly into Louis arms. “It’s been a while lads, great that we managed sans the ladies – not that I don’t love them dearly but you know…” he steps aside and presents them a table, cold drinks already ordered and delivered. “Nothing compares to a lads night, does it?”

Louis settles down into the booth and sniffs the clear liquid in the shot glasses. “Ugh. Tequila? Really? Thought we came to listen to the band?”

“Who told you that bullshit?” Niall scrunches up his nose. “Come on, glasses up! Took all of my charm to get that table and I had to defend it against this raging crowd of flower crown wearing hippies!” he clinks his glass against Louis’, who shoots both Liam and Zayn a pleading look, but there’s no support to be expected from this side since both have already grabbed their drinks and lifted them.

Oh well, tomorrow’s impending talk with Harry is going to be unpleasant enough, no hangover can make it any worse.

“Fine. To us!” Louis salutes the rest and knocks the drink back.

It’s been a while since it was only them and while they all love Harry, Gemma and Perrie it is good to be out with just the ‘old boys’. Especially Niall, who Louis hasn’t seen that much in the last weeks given that he was rather busy with all his ‘Harry drama’, barely allowing Zayn and Liam to get close to him. He makes a mental note to spend some quality time with Gemma and Perrie next week, feeling he hasn’t seen his two roomies in ages.

So yeah, it’s all laughter, fun and drinks and in hindsight, Louis can point out the exact moment it all goes downhill.

He’s on his third shot and fifth beer, not quite drunk but tipsy enough to have started bobbing his head along to the beat when the band started to play. Liam has successfully managed to mess Zayn’s hair up, his arm slung around the dark haired boy’s shoulder while they keep swaying to the music. Louis loves his friends, they’re great. The best really, they get him like no one else and—

“Hey, isn’t that Harry?”

Three pairs of eyes follow Niall’s outstretched hand, glancing over to the crowd. He sent Harry a text earlier, causally asking what he was up to and saying he’s looking forward to seeing him later in his bed but that he also had something to talk to him about. Louis never got an answer.

Sure enough, there is a tall lad with curly brown hair, but Louis still tries to tell himself that Harry is not the only one on the planet with those features when another person steps up behind him, bulkier and with short black hair, carrying drinks.

“Ummh” Liam begins very eloquently when the raven haired guy turns his face slightly in order to hand the drinks over.

Louis feels like the tequila might come back up.

Ben hands Harry his fruity cocktail with a warm smile, and Louis can see Harry wink back at him, accepting the drink graciously before he turns back to the band, Ben staying close by, brushing against him.

“I thought you said he couldn’t come” Niall is already halfway out of the booth. “I’ll go over and say hi, invite them back here, ‘kay?”

Liam, bless his soul, does try to reach out to stop Niall but is that millisecond to slow and Niall is happily bouncing over to the couple.

Louis would like to puke. And run. And hide. He’s not sure in which order though, still trying to force his legs to move when Zayn slides over.

“He said he couldn’t come?”

“Said thanks for the suggestion but that he heard a couple of songs from them and wasn’t really into it. Said he had other plans and I should go ahead and hang out with you guys. Didn’t tell him we were planning to go here…” Louis mutters, voice void of emotion.

Liam pushes his drink over wordlessly.

They all turn to look over, Zayn’s hand resting on his thigh, while Liam has reached across the table to wrap his hand around Louis wrist.

He was going to talk to him. Not even twelve hours from now and Louis would have made the biggest fool of himself, laying his soul bare before a guy who apparently went behind his back for God knows how long.

Fine, they never said they’d be exclusive, but Louis made sure to let Harry know that he was the only one he was seeing, the only one he wanted to see and Harry…

Niall doesn’t go for subtle but jumps Harry, nearly causing him to drench himself in the abnormity which he calls ‘cocktail’ and Louis can see the exact moment Harry realizes he fucked up.

Niall points back to where Lou, Liam and Zayn are sitting. Louis sees Harry turning around in slow motion. The blond one keeps rambling at high speed, dragging Harry along who barely has time to mutter an apology to Ben – who shoots a smug smile over to Louis – before Niall has pushed him towards them.

“Umh… hi” Harry does an awkward little wave.

“Harry. Fancy seeing you here” Zayn’s tone is frosty.

“Isn’t it, Zayn? Thought you said you were busy… or weren’t really into the band” Liam taps his lips. “Mate, you should have told us you changed your mind, we would have been happy to take you along. Right Louis?”

“Very happy” Louis mutters icily.

“I… it… umh… it was a bit… of a last minute decision”

“Trading dinner at some fancy French restaurant for some dingy bar? I can see how that must have been hard on your _boyfriend_ ” Zayn can be such a bitch if he wants to be.

Niall just keeps looking back and forth between them, unsure of what’s going on but clearly picking up the vibe. “Guys?”

“Don’t let us keep you from your date, Harry” Liam leans back. “Hate to disturb when you seem to be reconciling so well”

“Yeah. Has he left his wife for you yet?” Zayn asks with mock curiousness.

Harry just looks at Louis, who does his best to hold his gaze but looks right through him. “Was there anything else you wanted?”

“I… Lou… it’s… not—“

“Oh please” Louis leans back, Zayn shifting slightly so the blue eyed boy rests safely between his arms. If Zayn trails his fingers along Louis tattoo on his right arm, so what? Harry has no reason, no ground to glare at them like that.

“How’s Perrie Zayn?” Harry presses a smile through his tight lips, eyes still focused on Zayn’s gentle caress.

“Not minding at all” the dark haired boy says with a bright smile over Louis shoulder and he has to give it to Zayn – his best mate can be an absolute shit when he knows Louis has been hurt.

“So this is some night out on the prowl, yeah?” Harry looks more upset about it than he has any right to in Louis opinion.

“It’s a lad’s night out” Louis shrugs and gives the curly haired one a bored look. “But you know me – never been one to pass up a chance” he turns his head, mouthing along Zayn’s jaw and if his friend is surprised, he doesn’t show it, he just leans in closer. “I am single after all” It’s a low blow and he knows it. Judging by the hurt expression on Harry’s face it hit right home.

“Enjoy the show Harry” it’s slightly unclear what Liam is referring to: the band or Louis and Zayn.

The other boy just nods and after a lingering look, tears his gaze away and stalks back towards Ben, wordlessly grabbing his drink to knock it back in one go.

“What was that about?”

“Don’t know what you mean” Liam raises his hand to signal for another round.

“Nice try. Harry and you lot. Could have cut the tension with a knife”

“It’s… personal Niall” Louis tries to explain and Niall looks even more put off.

“No shit Sherlock” he shakes his head. “So you’re really not going to tell me?”

“It’s…” Louis tries to sit back up but Zayn keeps him in place, locking his arms across Louis chest. They sit at a slight awkward angel, halfway sprawled across the bench but Louis can’t say he minds. Zayn’s presence is soothing and grounding, a distraction from the hurt and betrayal raging inside of him.

“He fucked Louis over. We’ll be okay with him in a bit but right now… it’s not such a good idea to put us four in the same room” Liam’s tone makes it clear that this is all he’s willing to say about the matter and Niall looks at them – really looks at them – seeing Liam leaning forward, ready to jump should Harry approach them again, Louis cowering in Zayn’s arms and Zayn who’s still holding him tight, his hands running softly along Louis chest.

Niall decides that it’s best to leave it, he has seldom seen those three act that way. Zayn and Liam have always been protective of Louis, were always ready to jump anyone’s throat who as much as looked at Lou a certain, wrong way and Niall is sure that there’s a story behind it but neither of them has yet offered any explanation. A long time ago, Niall decided that he didn’t need it, he’s accepted their friendship without any ‘ _but_ ’s, though now he kinda wonders how deep and far back this goes.

Liam gets up to fetch their drinks, coming back with a tray and too many shots and while they get the conversation going again, Louis stares blankly ahead for a while, too caught up in his own head.

He’s been going over the possibility of Harry and Ben being back together quite a bit during the last days but he realizes with a start that he _never truly_ thought it could be possible.

_Foolish_ , that’s what he has been, thinking he was for once good enough to capture Harry’s interest and to be able to keep it. _Silly,_ he chides himself, how could he ever think Harry felt the same, that he was interested in giving this thing between them a real chance? His first and last boyfriend made it crystal clear that Louis wasn’t someone worth sticking around for, at least not when the ‘real thing’ came around and… he looks over to Harry and Ben, laughing and sipping their drinks, thinking that Harry finally figured out as much.

Perhaps it’s for the best, finding it out now and the hard way. Louis can just wake up tomorrow and brush it off (who is he kidding, this will take weeks to brush off!), save himself the trouble with Gemma once she finds out about him and her baby brother, avoid the trouble of a fucking relationship. It’s not worth it anyways, Louis was fine before, never felt the need to be with anyone, never wanted to be tied down to one stupid person – there’s too many possibilities out there anyway.

He focusses back on the boys, randomly grabbing a drink and vows to not look back at Harry once.

Of course the plan only works if Harry decides to play along and stay clear of him.

Which he doesn’t.

Louis is back at the bar, trying to catch the bartender’s attention (who might be purposefully ignoring him in order to save himself the trouble of trying to get those four rowdy and drunken boys out) when Harry steps up to him.

“Seriously?”

Louis takes a deep breath, trying to appear more sober than he feels. “Seriously what?”

“You are seriously going to play it like that?”

“Interesting choice of words” Louis remarks sassily.

“And why is that?” Harry takes a small step back, glaring down at him.

“Because I am not _playing_ at anything – or anyone for that matter. The way I see it, I am the one who’s _being played_ ”

“You are… wow. That’s interesting”

“Isn’t it? Fascinating, really” Louis turns around, leveling Harry with the best ‘fuck-off’ look he can muster. About to just give up on his order and leave, Harry stops him with a hand on his arm.

“You are just going to walk away”

“In case you don’t remember; I am not one for causing a scene publicly”

“Oh I don’t mind stepping out”

“I do” Louis tells him curtly. “And I guess everything has been said or rather…” He looks around Harry to where Ben is casually leaning against a table. “I have seen everything I needed to. No need to verbally add anything, _Styles_ ”

“This might come as a surprise, _Lewis_ , but maybe things aren’t always as they seem”

“Just leave it, I’m done”

“Done?” Harry echoes.

“Yes done. Done talking about, done doing it, done thinking about it. Just done” he finally steps out of Harry’s grasp.

“You are a fucking coward” the younger boy spits and okay, that cannot be left uncommented.

“A coward? No Harry, I have just been cautious and turns out I was right to be. Because you are a cheat and a liar!”

“I…”

“Don’t” Louis cuts him off, blood rushing in his ears. He is so… mad.

Louis Tomlinson, who has been burned badly before and should know better still fell for the innocent smile and big bambi eyes, threw caution to the wind and let down his guard and for what? For fucking falling in love with a guy who couldn’t care less and who went behind his back the first chance he got. Fan-fucking-tastic.

“I saw you, okay? When you told me you had to stay longer for that study group a couple of weeks ago? I saw you. Thought you didn’t like French food? Fascinating how quickly people can change their mind. But then again you told me you broke up with Ben, never loved him and look how that suddenly changed”

It takes a second but eventually the penny drops. “You… saw us”

“Yep, stood right outside when I sent you that text. Would have been easier to tell me right then and there to fuck off and leave you alone than drag it on, wouldn’t it? Ben surely isn’t happy to be two-timed”

“That’s not—“

“How it looks? What happened?” Louis shakes his head with a mockingly smile. “Sure Harry, it’s _never_ how it looks, innit?!”

“We weren’t on a date!”

“Really? You surely looked rather annoyed when I sent you the text”

“No…”

“You fucking frowned at your phone” Louis cuts him off harshly.

“But not because… I didn’t frown because I didn’t want to hear from you”

“Tell that to somebody who still believes your lies” he wants to walk away but once again Harry stops him.

“Louis wait!”

“How long?” Louis turns around, shoving Harry’s hand off of him. “How long have you been seeing Ben behind my back and lying to my face? Told me you were at your study group or with Niall or – like today – just didn’t fancy coming along? How often Harry?!”

Harry looks ready to cry, reaching out for Louis but losing courage halfway, hands hovering in the air. “Please Lou, don’t do this, it’s not… Ben and I…”

“Fuck it. I should have known from the start, should have never broken my own rules” Louis says, talking more to himself than Harry. “I’m glad I could be of assistance, Harry. Glad you found something fun to do while you waited for your boyfriend to come around and commit himself to you. I am so fucking glad I was your rebound guy!” Louis finally manages to take that one step and it’s like a spell has been broken, he’s finally able to tell his legs to start walking, not looking back.

Harry makes a move to rush after him but is stopped by a rather broad chest.

“Let him go, kiddo. You did enough as it is” Liam glares at him, effectively blocking his way and Harry can see Louis slipping out of the bar, Zayn by his side. It hurts more than it should, losing a guy who was never his boyfriend because he never let Harry that close.

Although… perhaps he did. Judging by the absolute hurt on Louis face when he saw Harry and Ben, he now thinks he might have fooled himself believing Louis never fell as hard as he did. 

And if that was the case, if Louis actually fell in love with Harry too, than Harry did a hell of job here.

“I just… I need to talk to him, Liam, please. He sent me a text earlier saying he had something important to say and I kinda do too—“

“About that text” Liam’s expression changes from glaring to something soft and sad. “I don’t think he has anything left to say to you, Harry. Sorry”

“But… do you know what it was about?”

“You really don’t know” Liam laughs curtly but it sounds off. “You have no clue, do you? Louis has been… he’s been crazy for you. Ever since he’s met you he couldn’t stop talking about you and… it’s not my place to say really but I guess after everything that happened… he was going to ask you to be his boyfriend, Harry”

Liam takes a step back, letting Harry pass and he’s quite lucky that he’s been to this bar before and that he knows his way around so he can make a beeline for the bathroom, getting there in time before he’s sick.

That very second Harry looked into Louis eyes that night he knew he fucked up. He didn’t quite know how badly, nor how much it would hurt him in return until Liam delivered that final punch.

\--------

It’s Ben who finds him, crouched in front of the toilet with tears tracks on his cheeks.

It’s Ben who helps him up, muttering endearments and sweet nothings in his ear while he guides him out of the bar and back to his car.

It’s Ben who drives him over to his flat in the city, who coaxes Harry into the shower while he’s numb and heartbroken.

And it’s Ben who eventually kisses him.

But it’s Harry who kisses him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... :) 
> 
> One more chapter to go plus the epilogue!
> 
> If you want to yell at me or just say 'hi' that's my twitter (I kinda prefer the latter): @remix_of_me


	5. And then he made my lips hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Pretty shitty parental behaviour and references to underaged past relationship.

“Louis, gosh, Louis! For fuck’s sake…” Zayn catches the door before it can smack him square in the face, cursing Louis under his breath.

He basically ran off as soon as Zayn and him stepped out of the bar, making a beeline for home and Zayn knows that if Louis manages to lock his bedroom door than neither hell nor high water will get him out of it. But Zayn needs to talk to Louis, preferably before he does something rash he will regret the second after.

They startle Perrie awake, who decided to stay in and watch some movies with Gemma, when first Louis and then Zayn rush through the living room and Zayn would love to stop and say hey, but he’s a man on a mission.

Gemma, who at least made it back to bed, peeks out of her door at the noise but quickly ducks back inside when Louis storms past her.

Zayn nearly loses his footing on their wooden floorboards but before he can faceplant onto the floor he grabs ahold of Louis doorframe and manages to fall through it before the other boy can throw it shut.

“Get out!” Louis voice is trembling and Zayn has only ever seen him once like that.

“No chance, Lou”

“Get the fuck out, Malik. I swear to God, I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t need your pity or your support or whatever, I just want to be alone and…”

“Not going to happen” Zayn spreads his arms, inching closer to him as if he’s some rabid animal. “I’m not leaving, mate”

“I don’t need you here, okay! I can pretty damn well handle it”

“You can’t” Zayn replies calmly. “You’re shaking, babe”

Louis looks at his hands, he hates to admit that Zayn is right, and balls them into fists but it’s kind of pointless. It’s not only his hands really, but his whole body and if Zayn doesn’t leave within the next minute… Louis really wants to be alone, wants to curl into a small ball and cry silently.

He doesn’t need an audience for his misery.

“Can you just…” His voice breaks a little, throat suddenly too tight to form words.

Instead of leaving, Zayn comes closer and when Louis makes no move to run or hit him, he wraps the slightly smaller man in his arms.

“I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry!” Zayn whispers and Louis takes a mouth full of Zayn’s shirt to stop the whimper from escaping. He feels like he’s about to break again.

Zayn maneuvers them back towards the bed, never letting go of Louis and eventually they manage to sit down somehow, Zayn wrapped around Louis like a blanket, holding him tight.

Louis tries to level his breathing, tries to shush his thoughts, to shut down any emotion but it’s too much. His knuckles have turned white from holding onto his best friend too tightly and when the first tear falls, Louis shuffles impossibly closer, burying his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

He doesn’t make any sound, just silently shakes and trembles in his hold, and Zayn rocks them back and forth gently.

“What… jeezes, Lou are you… Zayn?”

“Are you okay? What happened?”

Zayn looks back over his shoulder, seeing Perrie and Gemma in the doorway, looking worried as hell.

The front door opens and falls shut and Louis tenses in Zayn’s hold, breath stuttering but he doesn’t look up, just starts muttering “no, no, no” into Zayn’s chest.

“It’s me” Liam pushes past Gemma and Perrie. “It’s _only_ me”

He gets on the bed, Zayn wordlessly moving an inch and Liam presses himself to Louis back, a safe and solid cocoon.

“He’s gone, won’t come home tonight, no worries” Liam explains in soft voice. “If you want, we can get your stuff tomorrow morning. You’re welcome to stay with me or Zayn, okay?” he cards his hand through Louis' hair, who just gives the tiniest of nods.

“Can somebody please tell me what’s going on? Where is Niall? And what happened?”

“I’d like to know that too!” Niall must have snuck in after Liam and is now standing next to Perrie and Gemma in the doorway. “What the hell happened in that bar?! One minute you glare at each other, then yell at each other and next I see is you running out while Harry gets blocked by Liam!”

“He tried to run after you, I thought you wouldn’t appreciate it” Liam mutters and Louis lets go of Zayn’s shirt with one hand to reach around and squeeze Liam’s as a silent thank you.

“Harry? You had an argument with Harry?! Where is he?” Gemma asks, stepping into the room. “Guys, this isn’t funny okay?! Can somebody tell me what the fuck is going on and where you left my brother?”

“Your brother is perfectly fine and cozy with his boyfriend, Gem, so don’t worry about him” Zayn spits over his shoulder.

“Is this what it’s about?” Niall moves closer as well. “Harry? Are you upset because of Harry and Ben? Is that what you fought about?”

“For crying out loud, Lou, mind telling us what the fuck is going on?” Gemma makes the mistake to reach out for him and Louis whimpers low in his throat.

It’s enough for Liam to catch her hand mid-air and for Zayn to give her a look that could turn anything into dust. “Leave him alone”

“Guys…” They all know this tone, Gemma is one second away from exploding.

“Get out, please” Liam says calmly but without looking at either. “We’ll talk tomorrow but for now, please get out and leave us alone, okay?! Harry is perfectly fine” he adds almost as an afterthought.

Niall and Gemma both stand there gob smacked, never having seen or having been talked to like that by either of their friends and it’s only when Perrie gently but determinedly grabs their arms that they let themselves be led out.

Louis waits until he’s sure that they’ve really been gone before he leans back against Liam.

He’s still trembling slightly and even so he tries his best to stop crying he can’t.

“What did he say?” Zayn gently wipes the tears away, thinking he’s never seen Lou looking as pale and fragile as now.

“Called me a coward… said things weren’t always what they seemed” Louis voice is shaking and he hates it.

Hates that he is sitting here falling apart, crying and trembling in his friends arms and can’t keep it together.

He hates that he was right from the start, knew it would end in disaster and heartbreak but he was still stupid enough to go for it anyway.

Hates that he didn’t talk to Harry sooner, hates that he started talking to Harry in the first place.

Where did he first go wrong?

Was it by not talking to Harry sooner, starting this friends with benefits thing, letting Harry kiss him, becoming friends or was it maybe the very first day he laid eyes on him – perhaps Louis should have turned around and walked out, saving himself from all of this.

But given the choice, he’s not sure whether he really would if he could. Would he really spare Harry’s laugh, those late nights when they talked about nothing and everything, his kisses and falling asleep in his arms if he was given the choice?

Louis knows the answer and it’s the realization that he’d do it all again in the blink of an eye which does nothing to ease the pain.

“He didn’t get many words in, I was talking – well, yelling at him most of the time” he confesses in a small voice.

“Nothing he didn’t deserve” Zayn lets go of him carefully, meeting Liam’s eyes over his shoulder. They move in sync, lying down and bracketing Louis in between them, solid weights to keep him safe and steady.

“It spelled disaster from the very beginning but I guess I’m as much to blame as he is” Louis rubs his hands over his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears. “Ah fuck, I hate crying. And I feel stupid”

“You’re not”

“Jury’s still out on that Liam, but thanks anyway. I should have just talked to him sooner and not played these stupid games with him. Either that or I should have never touched him, we were good as friends, right?”

“Sorry but no” Zayn waits until Louis has rested his head on his shoulder. “Whatever you were, you were never ‘just friends’”

“I agree, sorry Lou. It was always something special with you, from the first moment you two met”

“We just clicked”

“That you did” Zayn agrees. “But it’s not just your fault, Harry could have easily put an end to it as well”

“He did now, didn’t he” Louis tries a laugh but it sounds a lot like a sob and Liam squeezes him tightly. “Do you think… there was ever a moment in this whole mess where he wanted the same as I?”

“I honestly believe that there were only a few moments when you two wanted something different. It was pretty clear that this wasn’t just some friends with benefits thing, even if you tried to play it cool. You were both in way too deep and Harry wanted a relationship as much as you did”

“You think? Because now, I wonder whether that was ever the case. Maybe all I ever was to him was a rebound. A past time to keep him busy until he sorted things out with Ben?”

“If anything, Ben was the past time” Liam mutters.

“But he’s back with him, isn’t he?”

“Now?” Liam shrugs. “Possibly, I didn’t stay to check”

“Do you think they… were ‘ _together together’_ while he was still with me?” Louis asks in a small voice and Zayn hates it. He hates how hurt and self-conscious this beautiful bloke suddenly is again.

“No, babe. I highly doubt that”

“Stop thinking like that, Lou. It’s only torture!” Liam runs his hand soothingly across his friend's back.

“I just want to know whether I made a fool of myself for all this time or only a part of it”

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself” Zayn sighs.

“Feels like it”

“How _do_ you feel?” Liam asks cautiously.

“Hurt. Angry. Confused. Like… breaking apart a little. I want to hit him as much as I want to kiss him. Does that sound weird?”

“No” Zayn shakes his head. “Sounds pretty reasonable for what you went through”

They’re quiet for a while, Zayn and Liam still close by his side. Louis is grateful for Zayn stubbornness, for chasing after him and for Liam’s quiet, calming demur. He always loved them but right now, he just loves them a little more. He was close to breaking again, lashing out at everyone and instead of being scared off and giving up on him, they stayed and held him tight.

Louis thinks that friends like these two are pretty hard to come by.

“Do you think he’s hurting too?” Louis whispers into the dark.

“I think he is hurting just as much as you, Lou. You were both in this together” Liam answers, while Zayn presses a soft kiss to his temple.

Louis just nods and inches closer to them, closing his eyes and listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

\--------

 

Ben walks him back while continuing to kiss him and fiddle with his clothes. Harry should probably be at least a little bit aroused or excited but all he feels is numb. He shakes his head, tries to focus on the guy in front of him who is unbuttoning his shirt and unbuckling his belt and…

_It’s all wrong_.

The flat is wrong, the light is wrong, the smell and the colors.

There’s no soft moonlight streaming through the curtains, no fuzzy rug under his feet.

The man who’s kissing him tastes all wrong, feels all wrong. Every touch is out of place, every little noise sounds foreign.

Harry doesn’t like it.

“Stop, Ben” He pushes gently and when Ben doesn’t listen immediately, he shoves hard at the other man’s shoulders. “I said stop it”

“What?” Ben has the decency to stop but still stays close. It’s a bit too close for comfort and Harry walks back until he can sit down on the bed, running his hand over his face and trying to clear his mind.

“We’re not doing this” Harry mutters, talking almost to himself.

“Hate to break it to you, but we already did” Ben smirks.

“Let me rephrase; we’re not doing this again. I can’t. I won’t”

“Why? Because of that punk? Please Harry, I thought it was rather clear that he doesn’t feel the same way”

The mention of Louis cuts through the haze of hurt, anger and confusion. It’s a white hot pain, a sharp reminder of what happened only an hour ago, of what Harry lost because he was too stupid and scared to man up to his feelings.

“He does. He did. Whatever. It’s between me and him”

“So what about us?” Harry looks up with a questioning look even so he knows what Ben’s hinting at.

“You and me Harry. We started dating again, we went out together. You went home with me, you kissed me”

“We – what? We _never_ started dating again! Yes we went out a couple of times and…” Harry shakes his head. “Should have never done that” He shouldn’t have done a lot of things those past couple of weeks.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything. All this” he makes a wide gesture. “Meeting you. Talking to you. Trying to be friends with out. Going out with you… Going home with you. Fuck… I… never should have kissed you”

“Really? And you only thought of this now? Because that little twink got his panties in a twist—“

“One more word about Louis, one more nasty comment Ben…” Harry snaps, and Ben actually takes a tiny step back, caught by surprise by Harry’s sudden outburst.

“You can’t just walk away” the older man growls after a minute.

“Watch me” Harry gets up and starts buttoning up his shirt. “I am sorry I led you on, Ben. But you and me… not happening. Never again”

“Really?” Ben’s tone is sly.

“Yes, really. I don’t love you. I am not _in love_ with you anymore. Maybe never was but what I am trying to say is… I don’t even feel attracted to you anymore”

“You kissed me”

“My bad. I was hurt and confused and never has anything felt so wrong in my life”

“You got to be kidding me”

“I don’t see how this is a joking matter” Harry ruffles his curls. “Sorry, okay. Probably sent the wrong signals”

“You’ll come back” Ben crosses his arms, leaning against the wall with a far too smug smile. “You’ll come crawling back once you realize that this Tomlinson boy was only playing with you. Have you learned nothing Harry? You’ve been following him around like a puppy, stars in your eyes and heart on your sleeve and what did he do? Nothing. So it’s only a matter of time until you end up on my doorstep again"

“No. Because nothing has changed and nothing will change. You will still be married in six years’ time. You will still hide and sneak around with little boys but you will never have the guts to come out and be yourself. You’ll make everyone around you miserable, except yourself and I won’t be a part of this” And while he’s absolute sure about Ben, Harry is also sure that in six years’ time he will still be in love with Louis.

“I told you Harry, I will leave her…”

“Whatever” Harry is suddenly tired. He’s had this conversation one too many times, the outcome always the same.

For a split second Harry had thought things could change, that there was a chance of him and Ben becoming _friends_ but he should have realized he was fooling himself the very second Ben told him he loved him. He shouldn’t have been so naïve and stupid and tried to fix everything, making nice with everyone. He shouldn’t have been so ignorant and just admitted to himself that Ben never had any friendly intentions or was ‘concerned’ about Harry but simply tried to drive a wedge between him and Louis, tried to manipulate him once again.

Harry doesn’t care if Ben will leave his wife, he doesn’t care if Ben changed, he doesn’t even care for Ben’s “I love you”. The only person he wants to hear those three words from is Louis.

Harry shivers at the thought of Louis. He probably hates him, doesn’t want anything to do with him ever again. But he has to try at least. He let this go on for far too long, has stood by and watched it slowly but steadily head for disaster and was just too afraid to step in and stop it.

Tonight was as much his as Louis fault. For being together every day and chatting about everything, they were both amazing at avoiding the one thing that mattered the most. _Them_. The big, white elephant in the room.

“I’m leaving now” Harry announces.

“It’s the middle of the night!”

Again, Harry just shrugs and shoulders past the older man.

“Stop it, okay?! You made your point now come back to bed, Harry. We will talk in the morning…”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” he bends down and picks his shoes up, sliding quickly into his trainers. “I love Louis. _I want to be with him_ ”

Ben snorts, “Good luck with that”

“Thanks”

“He’s never going to give you what you want”

“Maybe. But I have to try and if I have to _crawl_ on my knees and beg, than I will just do that”

“You’re going to come back the minute he breaks your heart”

“If it makes you sleep better, Ben, keep believing it. But don’t wait up for me” Harry pulls the door close behind him, taking a relieved breath.

It’s still dark outside and the walk back to his flat will take the better part of two hours . Harry doesn’t mind, in fact, he can use all the time he gets to think of things to say and do to win Louis back.

\--------

 

Louis sleeps fitfully at best.

More awake or dozing off than actual sleeping, his mind still reeling. Zayn, the lucky bastard, seems to have sunken down into a deep sleep within seconds but he can feel Liam shuffling behind him as well.

“You’re awake?” he whispers quietly and Liam hums in reply.

“Fancy getting some breakfast or just… I don’t know”

“Sit around in the kitchen staring into steaming mugs? Yeah sure” Liam climbs slowly out of bed, tugging the duvet in around Zayn, who snuffles but doesn’t wake up.

They make their way through the flat on tippy toes, not wanting to wake either of the girls and are only a bit surprised to find that Niall is sleeping on the sofa.

However, luck runs out when they walk into the kitchen.

“Morning boys” Perrie turns around.

“Umh hello” Louis answers with a small wave.

She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask any questions just gets up and closes the door. “Better not let Gemma know you’re up yet. Except you fancy the interrogation now?”

“Not really, thanks”

“Thought so. Breakfast?”

“Not for me, Li?”

“I’m fine with a tea actually, thanks Perrie”

“Okay” she turns around and grabs some mugs. “Zayn still asleep?” Both hum their agreement and Perrie grins. “I swear that boy could sleep through war”

“Everyone has their talents” Louis agrees and takes his cup with a muttered thanks. They sit in silence for a while and Louis begins to shift uncomfortably, expecting Perrie to start with the questions any minute. Instead she says “I guess Zayn told you that we were thinking about moving in together?” Louis feels a sudden rush of affection for Perrie.

She must sense how shaken he still is, can probably tell that nothing is alright given how pale he looks and by his red rimmed eyes but instead of prying, she just takes the attention away from him, offering another (harmless) topic they can talk about to distract him.

“So he asked you?” Liam goes over to the fridge to fetch some milk.

“He did” she smiles. “You guys don’t mind, do you?”

“Why would we?”

“I don’t know” she shrugs. “I would probably move out, we might look for a new, slightly bigger place… I don’t know whether Gemma will move in with Ashton…”

“Are you afraid I will end up on my own with twenty cats?”

“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m breaking your little band of brothers up”

“As much as you try, you could never do that” Liam tells her with a grin. “But if you move out…” he looks at Louis. “Maybe I’ll just move in?”

“Really?” Louis beams.

“And if Gemma moves in with Ashton we could give her room to Niall, you know?!”

“Oh God” Perrie laughs. “This will be the flat share from hell! You, Liam and Niall?”

“Maybe don’t quite forget my brother yet. Even so it seems you successfully moved him out without telling him first. Sweet” Gemma walks in with a glare.

“We were just talking, Gem. No one has moved out and no one is kicking anyone out” Perrie tries.

“Really? Because to me it sounds like Louis here is making all these great plans to turn this place into a bachelor pad but keeps forgetting that Harry lives here as well”

“I don’t think it’s like that” Perrie tries to pacify her.

Liam nods his agreement, abandoning his chair to move over to Louis, standing behind him and placing his hands on his shoulders as silent support.

“Harry hasn’t come home by the way. And he doesn’t answer his phone. Just thought I’d let you know but then again you probably don’t care” Louis knows Gemma is only worried, doesn’t understand what’s happened and how could she since they took such great care to keep this thing from her. She doesn’t know half the deal when it comes to Harry and Louis, doesn’t know how much Harry truly means to him. How hard Louis has been hit by seeing Harry with another man.

All Gemma can see is that Louis came home and Harry didn’t. Not hard to guess who she allocates most of the blame to.

“So what is it this time, Louis? Is Harry suddenly not interesting enough? Have you moved on to the next ‘exciting new thing’ and my brother just didn’t get the memo and thought you were still friends? Did you once again try to interfere with his relationship and get involved even so he told you to stay out of it? Were you interested in the same guy and Harry managed to snatch him so now you are in a strop because for once you didn’t get laid? What is it?”

“Gemma…” Perrie warns in a low voice and Liam adds “I think you’re jumping to conclusions here, Gemma. Perhaps just stay out of it?!”

“Stay out of it? He is my little brother! My little brother who is apparently rather hurt by Louis because it’s not like Harry to not answer his phone or at least text me if he stays out all night! So I am _not_ staying out of it, Liam, thank you very much! And I want to know what you did this time, Louis!”

“This time?” he mutters quietly, having focused his gaze on the wooden breakfast bar in front of him because he doesn’t dare to look up, doesn’t want to see the anger in Gemma eyes, the accusations.

“Yes, this time. Because isn’t that how it always goes with you? Everything’s a joke to you, you don’t give a toss about other people’s feelings and emotions, you just play with them until you get bored and—“

“Hey!” Liam snaps. “Watch it, Gemma”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Payne!” she glares at him and Louis finally looks up.

For a split second this morning, when it was just him, Liam and Perrie he felt like he could breathe but then again he probably doesn’t deserve to feel this weight lifted from his chest anytime soon. It was him who fucked it up, there’s nothing to sugarcoat here. Gemma is only telling him what he already knows.

“I don’t think…” Perrie’s voice is soft, gentle almost. “I don’t think it was only Harry who got hurt here, Gem”

Louis stares at her, wonders whether Zayn told her. “Am I right?”

“What do you mean?” But Perrie keeps looking at him until he ever so slightly nods.

“You like him, don’t you?” she still holds his gaze and Louis can feel Liam rub circles into his shoulders, a silent reminder that he is still there to support him through this.

“Yes” it comes out quietly, almost like a whisper. Yes, Louis likes Harry even so ‘ _like_ ’ seems much too less to describe what he feels.

“Everybody likes Harry, I want to know—“

“He _likes_ him” Perrie turns around to Gemma. “Don’t tell me you’ve been that blind!”

“I… what are you talking about?” she looks back and forth between the three.

“Harry…” Louis clears his throat. He looks up at Liam, who squeezes his shoulder, as a quiet ‘go on’. “Harry and I… we… you know we hung out a lot and… we were close and…”

“I know all this. So I don’t get how you could be such an absolute arse to him!”

“Oh for crying out loud, Gemma Anne Styles! Harry and Louis were an item, okay?!” Perrie barks and Gemma, who opened her mouth to probably have another go at Louis, closes it again.

“Did Zayn tell you?” Louis asks quietly.

“Zayn knew?” Perrie grins. “Bastard. No he didn’t. But I am not blind, Lou. And I know you a little, okay? It was cute how you tried to hide it but in the end even a blind man would have been able to see the fond, okay?” she reaches across and takes his hand, brushing over his knuckles. “You were very obvious and very cute” He gives her a shy smile, glad she doesn’t accuse him or has a go at him as well.

“You…” Gemma ruffles her hair. “Tell me she’s joking!”

“Gemma I am sorry!”

“Well fuck! Sorry? I asked you for help and you took the first chance to jump into bed with him? What kind of friend are you? No wonder Harry won’t come home, if you treated him as shitty as you did with the rest of the boys I wouldn’t want to either. God damn it, Louis, can you never keep it in your pants?!”

“I…” Louis wants to explain himself, wants to tell Gemma that Harry was nothing like the other boys.

Harry was _everything_.

“I thought we were friends. But I guess not. So you snuck around behind my back, lured my little brother into your trap, lied, cheated and played him and when you were done you tossed him out on the street like that piece of trash you are—“

"Woah, hang on! It was mutual”

Neither of them heard the front door and Louis head snaps up so quickly that the joints crack.

Harry is still in the clothes he wore last night (but then again so are Louis and Liam), looking tired and a bit shaken but all in all way better than Louis does.

And why shouldn’t he? While Louis basically suffered through a breakdown, Harry probably spent the night laughing about the stupid boy who fell in love with him – that is if he wasn’t too busy moaning Ben’s name.

“Can we talk? Please?” Harry looks directly at Louis, ignoring a seething Gemma and confused Perrie.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea” Liam starts and Gemma nods.

“Neither do I. Harry, I know you think you and Louis have something special but I really don’t want you to get hurt and Louis is…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Gem. I appreciate your concern but I am over eighteen and quite capable of fighting my own battles, okay?” Harry turns towards his sister. “I know you were worried and that’s sweet but I am…”

“Where have you been? Why didn’t you come home? Why didn’t you call me back?” she interrupts him.

“I…” Harry takes a deep breath. “I was at Ben’s”

Louis makes a choked sound. It’s not like he didn’t expect it, not like he didn’t know it but hearing it… it’s like a sucker punch and if Louis wasn’t sitting already he’d have dropped to the floor now. As it is, he tries his hardest to keep his breathing steady and to ignore the statics in his ears.

“Yes, I went home with him” Harry takes a step into the kitchen. “Yes, he kissed me”

Liam growls, a clear warning and Louis just closes his eyes, childishly chanting “ _can’t see you, doesn’t happen_ ” in his head.

Why does Harry have to keep talking? Isn’t it enough that he went behind Louis back, let Louis make a fool out of himself? Why does he have to retell all the glorious details of his night?

“I kissed him back” Harry whispers but it’s so quiet, one could hear a pin drop.

Louis sucks in a shuddering breath “Well, congratulations”

“Louis – Lou – look at me, please” Harry begs and Louis does. Like a puppet on a string, his head lifts without making the conscious decision to act and even so looking at Harry is the last thing he wants.

“I kissed him and it was all wrong” Harry says, gaze fixed on Louis. “It was all wrong. The taste, the smell, the feeling. Everything felt wrong” The younger boy inches closer and Louis can feel Liam shift his weight, ready to interfere but for now, waiting.

“It was wrong and I _hated_ it. And you know why?” Harry reaches across the table. Louis tries to pull his hand back but Harry is quicker, catching it and entwining their fingers.

“Stop” Louis pleads. He’s had enough, this is all too intense, too raw. He doesn’t need Harry looking at him like that, hasn’t yet had enough time to get his armor back in place. Louis feels naked under his gaze, like all his feelings are laid bare for Harry to play with.

“No. I need to tell you this, should have done it a long time ago. But I’m stupid and I was scared and I didn’t know what you wanted. I still don’t really know but I’m willing to take a chance here. Because if I don’t tell you now, I will forever regret this and if there’s just a tiny chance that you feel the same…” Harry runs his thumb over his hand much like Perrie did before but Louis jumps, feeling like being hit by high current.

“It’s you, okay? It’s always been you ever since I stepped into this flat almost six months ago” Harry doesn’t let go of his hand, just shoots Liam a quick look, almost as if asking for permission before he rounds the bar and stands in front of Louis. “I am in love with you” he says very clearly and Louis feels a bit faint.

Gemma gasps, Perrie claps both hands over her mouth to hold in a squeal and Liam finally takes that step back, giving the two boys some space.

“Ben…” Louis croaks, breathing a bit hard. There’s still this hole in his chest and he’s aching all over but his ears ring with Harry’s confession. He just can’t quite make sense of it yet.

“I…” Harry runs his free hand through his wild curls. “I have a hard time telling people ‘no’, which by all means is no excuse for what I did. He was… trying to act nice, trying to lure me back in by acting as a friend. I guess I saw it but chose to ignore it and give him the benefit of a doubt. But I should have never lied to you. I should have told you from the start that I was meeting him or going out to dinner because… it was _nothing_. Like, for me it was a ‘trying to be friends’ thing and I didn’t think much of it? I just didn’t want to set you off again, because I know you don’t like him and… things were so tense between us, I thought if I brought Ben into the equation as well then… but I kinda did bring him into it anyways, didn’t I? That’s why you were so weird and distant?” Harry lowers his head, sounding sad and defeated. “I made such a mess of things, Lou”

Louis has to take a couple of deep breaths and makes an attempt to at least try to form a coherent sentence in his head and make a tiny bit of sense of all the different feelings in his heart.

“It wasn’t just you. I kept pushing you away and… you’re right, you know? I am a coward”

“Yeah but… you were courageous enough to ask me to talk, weren’t you?” Harry peeks up at him. “What were you going to say?”

“I…” He suddenly looks up, seeing Perrie, Liam and Gemma stare at them, and clears his throat. “Li?”

“Oh… oh, yes sure. Umh… Ladies?”

“I’m gonna lie down with Zayn for a while if that’s okay? Liam can have my room”

“Sure, thanks Perrie” both nod and turn to leave and while Gemma still glares at them, Liam stirs her gently out of the kitchen and closes the door.

Louis looks back at Harry and wonders whether he should tell him. Does it even make any sense now?

“Please, Louis” Harry asks, shuffling closer. “I am an idiot and I know I hurt you so much but… please. Please talk to me. I want to work this out so badly, I miss you and I want—“

“I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend” Louis blurts out and Harry actually stops breathing. “But I don’t know where we stand and…”

“I can only talk for myself but… those past months with you have been incredible. You are incredible. And I know you have a hard time letting your guard down and taking a chance on anyone but Louis, I _promise_ I will never hurt you like this again. I… want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. I’m quite stupidly, head over heels in love with you, you know? Only you. Not Ben, not anyone else. Just you”

Louis takes a deep breath and while he is not quite able to look directly into Harry's eyes, he starts talking quietly to his chest. “I want to hold your hand when we walk through the streets. I want to wait for you outside your lectures and kiss you when you get out. I want to laugh in the face of all those boys – and girls – who ogle you and tell them that they can suck it up because you’re going home with _me_. And I want to do stupid, coupley things with you like watch your silly rom com’s on Sundays, go to concerts of bands I have never heard of but who have you glowing and I want to hear you talk about music, and art and photography and while I have no clue, I promise I’ll try and learn, okay? I want to be the one who puts that bright smile on your face, Harry” By now, Louis has tears in his eyes but Harry is full on crying.

“Oh fuck. I… why the fuck do you have to be so perfect? How can you just sit here and causally tell me all those beautiful, perfect things Lou? Do you want to kill me?”

“Kiss. Not kill” Louis tries a smile. “I’d rather kiss you”

“Okay. Yeah that sounds good” Harry steps closer and links his hands behind Louis neck. “I am so sorry. You have to know that I never felt anything remotely close for Ben as I do for you. And I will never make you doubt me again, I promise. I want you to trust me, and I will be there for you, whenever, wherever. Okay?”

“Okay” Louis echoes quietly. “Can you kiss me now, please?” Harry grins through his tears but lowers his head and carefully, gently brushes his lips over Louis.

They taste the tears on the other’s tongue, still cautious at first, still trying to get over the hurt of the last hours. Harry kisses Louis sweetly, like he is made of glass.

Louis kisses back like Harry is the most precious things he’s ever had and he muses that the comparison isn’t so wrong after all.

It’s a silent apology, a continuous whisper of ‘ _sorry’_ and ‘ _I am sorry too’_.

Eventually Louis just sinks into Harry’s arms and lets the younger boy hold him.

“Tired?” Harry’s voice is a quiet murmur, like he’s afraid to break the spell, that ethereal tranquility that’s settled around them will vanish if he speaks too loudly.

“Knackered” Louis admits and Harry nods.

“Back to bed?”

“Will have to be yours, since Zayn is still passed out in mine”

Harry nods and leads Louis through the flat, morning light just starting to filter through the curtains when they crawl into bed together.

“Harry?” Louis asks once they have settled down, wrapped tightly around each other.

“Mmh?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?” He can hear the smile in Louis voice and feels his heart beat a bit faster.

“I would love to”

“Good” Louis places a soft kiss on top of his head. “That is very good”

~

They get a couple of more hours sleep in and when Louis wakes up, he busies himself with gently combing through Harry’s hair, while watching him sleep.

It’s a little creepy how Louis can just stare all start struck at his … _boyfriend_. But he’s finally allowed to, isn’t he? He now holds the universal right to just sit and admire him, revel in his beauty and try to memorize each and every tiny freckle on his nose, the shadow his lashes throw on his cheekbones, the soft curve of his pink lips.

Louis is still exhausted, not so much physically as emotionally. The last weeks have been a rollercoaster ride, the last night being the looping really after the climb of those past weeks. It’s only now that the tension slowly vanishes, the tight line to his shoulders eases. Like that weight on his chest has been gone for good only that Louis still has some sort of phantom pain, still thinking every breath will hurt only to realize that no, it doesn’t. That in fact he can breathe more freely now than ever before.

“You’re being a creep and watching me?” Harry asks, his face still mushed in the pillow.

“Yes” Louis has no problem admitting as much.

“Weirdo” Harry turns around, glancing up at Louis from bright green eyes.

“A weirdo you’re in love with” He reminds him and Harry giggles.

“Mum always told me I was a rather strange one”

“I can totally see where she’s coming from” he pokes his nose.

“But you like strange, don’t you? Maybe you are even a tiny bit in love with it?” Harry holds his breath, just looking at him. Usually this would make him squirm – who’s he kidding, anyone hinting at him being in love would have made him run for the hills.

Now, he ducks down and kisses Harry. “I am rather a lot in love with _strange_ ” he tells him and this time Harry’s smile doesn’t rival the sun, it beats that yellow blip fair and square.

He leans back and stuffs a pillow in his back, probed up against the headboard so that Harry can shuffle over and rest his head on his chest.

“The last time I thought I was in love was when I was fifteen and that ended so well, that I lost my family over it” Louis suddenly blurts out and Harry glances up at him.

“That is an interesting start to a conversation” he says, sounding a little cautious. Harry has tried to ask him in the beginning but once he realized he wouldn’t get any answers from Louis he kind of – not gave up – but let it rest, only assuring himself once in a while that if Louis was ready, Harry would be there to listen.

“It’s about time, innit? I guess not talking about stuff got us into this mess in the first place and I figured since you are my boyfriend and all…”

“But I’m also your friend, Lou. Always your friend as well” Harry tries to reassure him. “So whatever ugly truths or unpleasant memories you’re willing to share, I’m here to listen, okay? I got your back, babe”

Louis snorts a laugh. “You have no idea how ugly this truth is going to be”

“You don’t have to tell me” Harry says, picking at the hem of Louis shirt. “If you don’t want to you, you don’t have to. We can just call it a fresh start”

The offer is tempting. A clean slate, no need to confess, no danger of changing Harry’s opinion on him in a bad way – but it’d mean more running, more hiding and Louis is sick and tired of it.

“No… I want you to know. I just hope it doesn’t change anything between us”

“Why would it?” Harry looks at him with so much trust that Louis feels a little choked.

“Because I did some pretty fucked up stuff and… most people who knew turned their back on me”

It’s easier to talk about it now, he’s had almost nine years to come to terms with what happened. Enough time to see that what he did was quite shit but that his mother’s reaction and handling of the situation was equally poor. Enough time to not be so cut up about it anymore, now he just feels stupid telling people what a dick he had been, how stupid and blind.

“Have a little faith in me, love” Harry runs his hand soothingly along Louis arm.

“I do” Louis takes a deep breath. “Okay… well before I tell you about this guy you need to know some things about my family”

“Okay”

“My dad – more like my begetter – left me and my mum when I was like five hours old…” Harry’s eyes widen and Louis feels his boyfriend tense, ready to hug and cuddle the life out of him.

“It’s okay Haz. Never gotten to know him, never had anything to miss, did I? And my mum got remarried when I was about… three, I think. His name was Mark Tomlinson…”

“You took his surname” Harry mutters and Louis nods.

“Yep. They had Lottie pretty soon after they got married and then Fizzy and the twins. It was all good and pretty boring until Mark started working more and more and went on business trips all across the world…”

“He cheated?”

Louis nods. “He was very discrete about it, we didn’t find out for almost eight months… it took my mum completely by surprise when the whole thing blew up. They fought for two months before they finally decided to get a divorce and go their separate ways but it really took a toll on my sisters”

“That’s why you reacted the way you did when you found out Ben had a wife and kids… you saw firsthand how cheating could ruin a family…” Harry mutters, burying his face in Louis shirt. “Shit, I am so sorry”

“That’s sweet babe… but not the whole story” Louis sighs. “It gets kind of worse”

“Oh?”

“Mmh… see, the divorce really hit my mum hard. I was afraid she’d slip into depression for a while but eventually she bounced back and a year after, she started dating again.

It was okay in the beginning, me and Lottie, my oldest sister, were just happy that she was getting better so we didn’t think much of it at the time… but it quickly turned from one night a week to staying out the whole weekend to barely coming home” Louis frowns at the memory of long, lonely nights with four little sisters who didn’t understand what was going on, why their mum was suddenly gone all the time. Jay only came home to shower and change, occasionally bringing strange men with her but Louis never saw them more than once or twice. “I bit my tongue for a while, hoping she’d come to her senses but she didn’t. And while I think it was okay for her to go out sometimes… she still had four little kids at home…”

“Five, Lou. You were there as well…” Harry says quietly.

“I was fourteen, Haz. I was okay with taking care of myself” Louis dismisses it quickly. _Too quickly_ for Harry not to catch how hurt he still is.

“Did you try and talk to her?”

Louis laughs but it does sound anything but happy. “I did. More than once. I didn’t approve of her ‘lifestyle’, I didn’t approve of her men… after a while we just didn’t manage to hold a normal conversation anymore. We just yelled at each other all the time” Louis picks some imaginary fluff of the duvet. “It might sound crazy but I think she blamed us for her misery. She was alone with five kids… who wants a woman like that?”

“Louis…” Harry reaches over and entwines their fingers to stop him from shredding the covers.

“So yeah… that’s my family background” Louis shakes himself out of it. “Sounds like a right funfair, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sorry” Harry reaches up and cups his face, gently pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry you had to go through this”

“You might not be so kind once I tell you what I did” Louis mutters darkly and Harry lies back down, resting on his chest so he can see his face. It’s a bit unsettling with how much love and trust the younger boy looks at him, like he thinks Louis can do no wrong when the truth is that Louis did a lot of wrong in the past years.

“It’ll be okay, I promise” Louis doesn’t necessarily think so but he’s gone too far to turn back now.

“Eventually she calmed down a bit, was home more and talking about some new bloke in her life. I didn’t really listen, we never talked anymore and the relationship with my mum was basically none existent at that point.

She didn’t care where I went, with whom, when I came home – if I came home, so I didn’t feel the need to include her in my life, you know? The only two people who really knew everything were Zayn and Liam and that was okay. It wasn’t ideal but it worked somehow.

So one night we went into this club and I still don’t know if the bouncer just didn’t care or took pity on us because we looked far from eighteen. Anyway, we got in and it was all good fun and lots of drinks until I got chatted up by a bloke. He seemed quite a bit older but… I was fifteen, way too cool, rebellious and easily impressed. So after one too many I gave him my number and let him kiss me goodbye. It was all very PG rated since I was only out to Zayn and Liam at that time”

“How long did you know?” Harry asks and it takes a second for Louis to understand what he’s talking about.

“That I was bi or possibly gay? Umh… I think I kind of always knew but admitted it to myself around the time when I was fourteen. I had snuck around with some blokes at parties so…”

“But your mum didn’t know?”

“No, I never told her. We didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore…”

Harry looks at him with big, sad green eyes and Louis runs his hand through his curls. “It’s okay, babe. I made it through, didn’t I?”

“Yeah but… I can’t even imagine what it would have been like if I didn’t have my mum and sister during that time. They always had my back, always told me how proud they were and that they loved me…”

“I had Zayn and Liam”

“But…” Harry bites his lip and shakes his head. “I’m sorry” It probably one of Harry’s sweetest trades that he can show empathy and compassion for almost anyone in any situation.

“So you meet this guy and…?” Harry probes after a while when Louis doesn’t start the conversation on his own again.

“We kept in contact. It was just random texts at firsts, then they got more frequent, we started talking to each other late at night… you get the picture?”

Harry nods.

“His name was Denny” the name still tastes like acid on Louis tongue. “He was around 29 when we met”

“Wow”

“Mmh. Zayn and Liam disliked him in an instant. They thought he was some perverted freak for texting a barely sixteen year old bloke” Louis glances down, no longer able to look Harry in the eyes. “In the end, they were right about him but at that time… he was a pretty guy who paid a lot attention to me when no one else did. He was older, seemed a lot more grown up and sophisticated than all my stupid and immature high school buddies and back then, I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have a man like that even look my way…” Louis rolls his eyes at his own stupidity.

“Sounds awfully familiar. That’s exactly what I thought about Ben when we first ‘got together’”

“I know. And just like you, I was in way too deep way too quickly. I hung on Denny’s every word. He could have told me the sky was pink and I would have believed him. Anybody who as much as hinted at the relationship being wrong got an earful and I lost so many friends during that time because I either snapped at them when they didn’t approve or just cut them out because I didn’t want to hear what they had to say. Eventually, I only had Zayn and Liam left, and I was totally depended on Denny and totally submissive to his every word and wish”

“Worse than me?” Harry tries for a joke but there’s no humor in his voice.

“Far worse than you, babe. I skipped school for him, lied to my friends and family, snuck out in the middle of the night to meet him. I even forgot to pick up my sisters from school or just… didn’t do it because Denny called and asked to see me _now_ so… I went. I never told anyone where I went, disappeared for days without as much as a text or call. It drove Zayn and Liam mad”

“Your mum?”

“Didn’t care. At that time, she was all loved up with that new mysterious man in her life and didn’t give a toss about what I did as long as the police didn’t bring me home”

Harry nods but keeps quiet, only worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Denny was the first guy I slept with, the first – and until this day – the only one I bottomed for and… it wasn’t good. I was so naïve and gullible, basically brainwashed and thought it was the best sex ever but… it was just painful, wrong and not good at all. He didn’t give a fuck whether it felt good for me, whether I came…” Louis stops when he sees the deep frown etched on Harry’s face. “Let’s just leave it at that, okay?”

“Yes please” Harry nuzzles his face into Louis neck. “I don’t particularly fancy hearing about a dick who got to take your virginity and didn’t even make you feel good” He places a soft kiss on Louis skin. “So how did it all end in disaster?”

It’s been years but Louis still feels a little sick. “Mum brought her new boyfriend home. Since we didn’t talk she didn’t know I was dating someone and I didn’t know who she was seeing so… one day she cooked up a storm and invited Loverboy over. I couldn’t have cared less but then the door opened… and in walked Denny”

“Oh”

“Yep. Oh. I felt like I had just walked into a brick wall and thought this was some sick joke. I mean, I knew we had been careful given the age gap and Denny was reluctant or plain out refused to be seen with me in too public places around town but…”

“What did he do?”

“Denny? Nothing, He just smiled and introduced himself like he hadn’t just fucked me a couple of hours ago”

“Oh God”

“Don’t think _God_ was involved and if, he must have a sick sense of humor” Louis could still cringe at the memory. “So we made it through dinner somehow, mum acting like a fucking teenager in love, snogging and groping her – _my_ – boyfriend in front of us. Gosh, I was so angry. Angry at him for being such a shit and never telling me that he was basically seeing someone else, angry at myself that I had been so stupid and… angry at my mum for ruining the first relationship I ever had.

Denny stayed over that night and I slept with my headphones on so I could block all the noise from my parents’ bedroom. At some point, there was a knock on my door and Denny snuck into my room, immediately telling me how sorry he was, that he didn’t have a clue, that he should have told me sooner about Jay… that he never planned for it to go this way. He said he never expected the relationship with my mum to turn serious, had already been on the verge of breaking it off when he met me but now that she introduced him to her kids and all… it was all bullshit. The same old lies over and over again; He didn’t love her, was going to leave soon so we could be together officially… blablabla”

“I know that kind of blablabla” Harry grumbles.

“I broke it off with him that night but he kept texting me, kept sneaking into my room when he was around, tried to talk me into giving him another chance”

“You did?” It’s not really a question.

“I did eventually even so I don’t know why. He was with my mum and it was crystal clear that they weren’t going to break it off anytime soon. It was the perfect arrangement for Denny; Jay paid for everything, he moved in with us, had a nice, big house, doting girlfriend who spoiled him rotten and a readymade family. The girls loved him and why wouldn’t they? He was charming, funny, took them out all the time… he was the perfect daddy.

I _hated_ it… so I can’t say what. Whether it was Denny acting all innocent and like those late night talks and his begging had never happened in the light of day, that he was basically ready to cheat on my mum and upset my sisters or whether it was me being still in love with him and harboring some hope that it’d miraculously work out somehow.

I hated the position he put me in… I had seen what cheating had done to my family already, I still remember how heartbroken my sisters had been when Mark left and now _my boyfriend_ – the person I loved more than anything else – put me in the exact same spot!? “

“How did it end?”

“How stories like these always end. I was young, dumb and angry with the world and ultimately, I gave in. I wish I could tell you something different, make myself look better here but the truth is I am the bad guy in this story.

I gave in and we snuck around for a short while until my mum caught us right in the act. Not a pleasant memory… but instead of having a go at Denny…”

“No…” Harry whispers and Louis thinks it’s sweet that he’s still sounding so shocked. “She had a go at you?”

“Not just a go… Kicked me out the very same day. Told me it was bad enough to have a son who was known for sneaking out and sleeping around with everything that moved but having a _gay_ son…” Louis has to swallow down the lump in his throat. “Having a gay son who wouldn’t even stop at his mother’s own boyfriend… she said it was obvious I didn’t care about her or my sisters or anyone except myself, that I was no better than my father and that one day people would realize how worthless and superficial I really was. Nothing worth sticking around for… that if I kept acting like that, all I’d ever be good for was one night…”

“I… she…” Harry sits back up, staring at Louis and bless his soul, he looks furious. “But she was your _mother_ ” It’s simple sentence but it carries a lot of meaning.

“She was… and funny thing: I actually wound up at Denny’s that night, bags in hand and thought he was my boyfriend, who loved me as much as I loved him. who had been begging me for ages to take him back so surely, now that I was basically homeless he would help me…

He laughed in my face. First boy I ever loved, laughed in my face and told me I could take myself and my stupid little crush on him and fling it of off the next bridge for all he cared because I was never more than a good fuck for him”

“Lou… I… I am so sorry!”

“It’s okay. Well, it’s not okay but… it’s over and done. And I let the past ruin the future for long enough. I didn’t tell you because I want your pity or make you feel sorry for poor Louis, I just think you deserve to know everything… so… well, so you can make up your mind and decided if you really want to be with someone like me”

“What are you talking about?”

“What I did was pretty fucked up, Harry. I knew what I was doing, I knew how much I could hurt my family and I still went ahead and did it because of some… _guy_. That’s pretty fucked up and twisted”

“And it’s pretty fucked up and twisted what they did to you” Harry responds heatedly. “So that’s the reason why…?”

“Why I never had another relationship and tend to push people away? Part of it, yeah. I didn’t trust myself after that, thinking if I got it so terribly wrong the first time how could I ever trust my own judgment again, you know? And I really didn’t fancy a rerun so I vowed to stay clear of feelings for a while and well… first I had to get over Denny, than that thing with my family was also a bit of a sucker punch and last but not least I had to admit to myself that I’ve been fooled and tricked by someone I was head over heels for so… it might not sound like something that would put people off dating but it certainly put me off. I have been hurt by the two people who were closest to me – one of them was supposed to love me unconditionally - and I really didn’t fancy a rerun. So stayed clear of dating, forbid myself from getting attached and that shit for a while and well… somehow that turned into eight years.

I’m really not proud of myself and… I really disliked myself for quite a while after. It kind of does a number on you if you hear your own mother say you’re worthless and having your boyfriend confirm that all you really are is a good fuck but only for one night… that took quite a while to get over – possibly until you came along and actually showed me that you wanted me around for more than one night…”

“I can be rather persistent if I want something bad enough”

“I’m glad you were. I’m really, really glad, babe” Louis finally dares to look back at Harry. There’s not disgust in his eyes, he doesn’t think any less of Louis even after all he told him… just… he just looks a tad upset but smiles when Louis finally meets his eyes.

“You won’t scare me off, babe. I’m sorry, I’m staying for as long as you’ll have me” Harry says, reaching out to squeeze Louis hand.

“Could be a long time” Louis leans in and quickly pecks Harry’s lips. “Thank you for listening without judging me”

“It’s not like I don’t know what it’s like to be caught in that kind of relationship… Ben was never that bad but… he only took and never gave anything back as well… So that’s another reason why you were so against Ben and my relationship?”

“First and foremost I was against it because I liked you and thought it sucked that you had a boyfriend when I wanted to devour you” Louis shoots him a cheeky grin. “And because I felt like all he did was make you miserable and… you shouldn’t be miserable. Not when you’re supposedly in love. But yeah, also because I knew how it would turn out… guys like Ben… they never leave their wife. And eventually, when it all blows up, it’ll be you and the kids who suffer most”

“Have you spoken to your mum since it happened?”

“Nope, never. Moved in with Zayn when she kicked me out and then my grandparents supported me, they’ve been keeping me in the loop a bit. Also, I still had my dad’s alimony so I did just fine - financially” Louis pats the bed. “Flat belonged to my granddad, was a gift when I got accepted to university”

Louis waits while Harry lets all of it sink in. Watches as Harry stores all this new information away, finally starting to understand some of Louis reactions and actions a lot better, understanding a lot more of his reasons and why he shied away from things like he did.

Eventually Harry just grins and asks, “Did I get that right? This flat belongs to my hot boyfriend? Why am I still paying rent?”

Louis laughs – the first carefree laugh all day. “For my new shoes and tight jeans, babe. But we can figure something out if you want”

"Nah, I’m only kidding. It’s not much anyway and now that I know all of your secrets I will just lie back and do nothing, because you my love, can as of now be my sugar daddy. Fancy apartment in the city, nice car…”

“Mmh, that battered piece of trash on four wheels? Your standards aren’t that high, are they?”

“Well, he’s with you so…” They both turn around at the sound of Zayn’s voice. The dark haired boy is leaning against the doorframe, grinning.

“He _is_ with you, isn’t he?” he makes sure and Louis nods.

“We… talked”

“Good”

“And we sorted it out”

“Even better”

“And… Harry is my boyfriend”

“Halleluiah” Zayn grins. “So I don’t need to punch him?”

“Please don’t” Harry holds his hands up. “I apologized”

“Good. Just don’t ever hurt him again, I don’t look like I can take you on but let me tell you, what I lack in physique I make up in meanness” there’s still a joking tone to it, but Louis and Harry can tell Zayn is serious.

“I won’t. I promise” Harry answers earnestly.

“Cool” Zayn’s whole demur changes in the blink of an eye, he slumps against the wall and yawns. “What are we up to today, then?”

“Lazy day” Louis decides.

“Fine by me. Have you eaten yet?”

Louis shakes his head. “What time is it anyway?”

“2pm?”

“Oh. No. But I wouldn’t mind a bite…” Louis looks at Harry who nods.

“Cool, then I’ll kick Niall off of the sofa and you order the food. I’m quite partial to Chinese by the way” Zayn gives them a curt nod and wanders off, leaving Louis and Harry to sort themselves out.

 

After they’ve both showered and gotten dressed in comfy clothes they all pile into the living room to eat and watch movies.

“Where’s Gemma?”

“Went over to Ashton’s an hour ago” Perrie looks up from her spot in Zayn’s lap. “She… she’ll come around, Haz. Might be best to give her some time to let it all sink in, no?”

“Yeah you’re right… I just hope she doesn’t give you a hard time” Harry looks up from his spot in Louis arms.

“She can try” Louis shrugs like it’s nothing but he sincerely hopes Gemma will see that he only has the best intentions with Harry.

Niall came around in the blink of an eye when they told him earlier that they were going to give it a shot, muttering “about time mate, told Harry here you had quite the crush on him since the beginning” and that’s that.

There is no awkwardness between them, only fond glances whenever one of their friends looks over to them and sees them all snuggled up.

And how could they hold a grudge when Louis basically glows. It’s a side neither of them has ever seen, the way Louis is all soft edges, vulnerable and gentle around Harry.

Zayn and Liam exchange a look, knowing too well what the other is thinking: They have been friends with Louis for ages, have seen many different sides to him over the years but it’s only now that they get to see all of him.

It’s like Harry finally brought out that bit of Louis that he kept so well hidden all those years and it’s… freaking amazing to see your best friend look happy and complete for the very first time.

\--------

 

Louis should have seen it coming with Harry’s ‘make love not war’ attitude and his need for harmony. He should have but he didn’t and now he’s sitting in a car with his boyfriend, driving up north and not realizing where they’re headed (Harry said ‘ _weekend-trip_ ’ and all Louis heard was ‘ _no roommates, no pissed off sister, let’s have loud and dirty sex_ ’) until they pass a sign saying ‘Holmes Chapel’.

He makes some sort of dying animal noise and Harry chuckles. “You really didn’t guess?”

“I trusted you!” Louis snaps. “Oh fucking hell, Harold!” he unbuckles himself and climbs over the backrest, nearly falls head first onto the backseats, trying to fish for his bag.

“Why… I… we never talked about it…!” Louis huffs.

“I mentioned it almost every day for the last two weeks” Harry rolls his eyes. “It’s not a big deal”

“Not a big…” Louis has finally grabbed his bag and drags it through the tiny space between their seats. “I am meeting your parents for the first time, and we have been dating for what? Two weeks? I know you love them and I think it’s adorable but… _two weeks_!”

“We’ve been dating longer than that and you know it” Harry fixes him with a stern glance. They actually did talk about their whole friends with benefits thing, and Louis might have been fooled into admitting that they were indeed in some sort of exclusive relationship for quite a while but it’s kind of unfair to use it against him now.

“You basically kidnapped me!”

“I didn’t kidnap you. I suggested a trip up north and you got into the car quite willingly”

“So you lied to me as well” Louis starts digging through the bag.

“No, I didn’t lie. I just thought you were smart enough to put two and two together… and what are you doing?!”

“I’m in jeans shorts, Harold! Jeans shorts and some… scruffy band-shirt with cut off sleeves!”

“And?” Harry has the courage to shoot him a cheeky grin. If he wasn’t driving, Louis would have punched him.

“I can’t meet your mum like that! Parents don’t like me, I have too many tattoos and a too big mouth. It doesn’t mix well, especially when they’re used to cute kittens like you and smart, sophisticated women like Gemma! Fuck, can we stop to get some stuff for my hair? It’s all over the place… I swear, Harry… if you hadn’t insisted on blowing me after my shower, I would have had time to blow dry it properly and…”

“Are you freaking out, Louis?”

Louis is going to strangle his boyfriend with one of his stupid adoring headscarves if he keeps grinning like that. He stops digging through the bag to puff out an annoyed breath. “I hate you”

“No you don’t” Harry reaches over to stop his hands from shredding the clothes.

“You look fine. Gorgeous. Hot. I picked those clothes, remember? And I knew where we’d be going. You don’t have to worry, mum will love you. She’s heard so much about you already…”

“That’s exactly what I was worried about” Louis mutters. “Does she know? About…?” he lifts their entwined hands.

“She knows I fancied the pants off my roommate but I don’t know if Gemma has yet told them that we’re actually together. I only called to let her know I was bringing a +1 this weekend”

“So you fooled us both?”

“You wouldn’t have come otherwise!” Harry wails. “If I had told you this week, you would have found some way to weasel yourself out of it, don’t even try to deny it!”

About to argue, Louis thinks about if for a second and shuts his mouth. It’s not like he doesn’t want to meet Harry’s parents, it’s just that he thought he had a bit more time like… another five years perhaps. This is moving a bit fast for him. Although he has to give it to the little shit, deviously and meticulously planned, he caught Louis by surprise and got what he wanted.

Louis only chance would be to fling himself out of a driving vehicle and he’s not that desperate – yet.

He flicks the sun shield down and tries to fix his mop of out-of-bed-into-the-shower-post-blowjob-hair, which is really uncooperative.

“Why are you all nervous? I have never seen you like that” Harry chuckles next to him.

“I never… you know I didn’t really date anyone until you… and… I never had to do the whole ‘meet-the-parents’ stuff. That’s uncharted territory for me and I’d really like to make some kind of good impression… especially… well, I know Gemma is still pissed off because we kept it from her and don’t even try to lie, I know you well enough to see that it gets to you. I don’t know what she’s told your parents but… I don’t have the best reputation and I guess I just don’t want to make it any harder for you… us” Louis finishes lamely.

“Oh” Louis can tell Harry didn’t actually look at it from that angle. “If it’s any condolence she didn’t say anything bad about you – at least not while I was around – and… it was mostly cute and funny. The stories about you and I guess… well, everything I told my mum about you was also quite positive, I did have a major crush on you after all, so… I don’t think you need to worry. You’re fine. You’ll have them wrapped around your little finger in no time, Lou, you can charm the pants off anyone” Harry reaches out and entwines their fingers, squeezing his hand gently. “Believe me, babe. And I really wanted you to meet them” He blushes a faint pink. “I want to bring my gorgeous boyfriend home to show people that I didn’t make you up”

“They’ll be thoroughly disappointed when they compare reality to fiction” Louis mutters and Harry shushes him with a loud “Heeey!”

“No seriously, you probably made me look like some saint and I’m… well I’m not” Louis shrugs, unable to explain what he actually means but Harry gets it anyway.

“I might have been bragging about you – so what? Lou, you’re way better than you give yourself credit for, okay?! You’re smart and beautiful, you’re funny and sassy, you can be so sweet and every time I’m down you always pick me up and… I’m just _really_ in love with you. Everybody can see that, my parents will see it in a split second. You make me happy and neither my family nor my friends will dislike anyone who makes me smile as bright as you do”

Louis still eyes him suspiciously but he stopped fidgeting. Even if this weekend doesn’t turn out to be as perfect as Harry imagined it, he’ll still have his boy next to him on the way back. That much is certain. So Louis thinks the least he can do is try, if prancing Louis around his hometown makes Harry smile, who’s Louis to argue with it?

He’s still nervous, fiddling a bit with the hem of his shirt but luckily he doesn’t have time to talk himself into a proper panic. Holmes Chapel is not big so it’s only another ten minutes until Harry turns into a somewhat quieter street, coming to stop in front of a lovely, one-story house.

“Ready?”

“No” Louis answers honestly but unbuckles himself anyway and opens the door before he can chicken out. Harry quickly rounds the car and grabs their bag, wrapping his other arm around Louis.

“They’ll love you”

“If you say so, Styles…” he mutters and Harry grins, leaning down to place a soft kiss to his lips and some of the tension vanishes.

“Harry?!” they both turn around, Louis quickly looks at the ground while Harry smiles a bit sheepishly.

“Hi mum” He nudges Louis but doesn’t let go of him.

Harry’s mum steps aside, letting them pass and only when the front door falls shut behind them does Harry let go of Louis to hug his mum.

He shuffles quietly, toeing off his TOMs and for the first time he wishes he’d put some socks on because isn’t Harry’s mum going to think he’s some kind of weirdo if he pats through her house barefooted on the first day?

“Welcome guys, I'm Harry's mum" she smiles at Louis and motions towards the living room. "Did you have a good trip? How was the traffic? Please go on through, I'll be out in a second. Would you guys want some tea?”

“I’d rather go for something cold, you?” Harry circles his hand around his wrist, tugging softly.

“Coke would be great” Louis mutters, sounding shy and quiet and Harry frowns.

His mum just nods and disappears into what Louis assumes is the kitchen while Harry drags him along into the living room.

It’s not so much different from what Louis remembers of his own home, soft beige carpet and comfy looking sofas, flower arrangements and pictures of Harry and Gemma on the mantelpiece, except there are no toys strewn across the floor in the Styles’ house.

A huge window front offers a beautiful view of the small garden, obviously cared for and kept with great patience and love because everything looks beautiful.

“Your mum’s really got a knack for flowers” Louis says and hears a soft, rumbling laugh behind him.

“It’s all she ever does now that Harry’s fled the house too”

“Robin!” Harry goes over and hugs the man quickly, receiving a pat on the back and ruffle of his curls and Louis concludes that this must be his stepdad. “I’m afraid that talent was lost on me, I can’t keep a plant alive for more than a week”

“Proves my point about not getting you a kitten” Louis teases before he can stop himself.

“Maybe you should discuss this with your roommates first of all” Harry’s mum comes back with two glasses, handing them over before her eyes quickly flit to Louis exposed arm, scanning along his tattoos there as well as briefly glancing at his chest piece, peeking out from under the low cut collar of his shirt.

Harry takes a step towards him, shoulders brushing and Louis blushes. Usually boys take a step away from him whenever people start to scrutinize him as if they don’t want to be associated with him any longer.

“I did… well, I guess we’re still in the process” Harry shrugs. “Anyway, this is Louis”

“Lou… oh. Your roommate Louis?”

“Yes. No. First and foremost” Harry grins brightly “my _boyfriend_ Louis”

“Your… boyfriend” Harry’s mum stutters. “When did that happen?”

“He’s a charming bugger, couldn’t resist any longer” Louis blurts and Robin laughs out loud before he can apologize for his language.

“That he is indeed” He holds out his hand for Louis to shake. “Robin, I’m Harry’s stepdad. It’s nice to be able to finally put a face to all the stories Harry has told us. Wouldn’t shut up about you”

“Yeah, whatever” Harry has pulled his head between his shoulders, looking a bit pink.

“But Gemma said… you and Ben…” Harry frowns. “That’s bullshit. I was never back with Ben” he shakes his head “Louis and I have been… casually dating for a while now but… umh… he asked me to be his boyfriend two weeks ago, so…”

“Two weeks ago?” Robin laughs. “Jesus Harry, and you’re already dragging the poor lad home to your mother? Moving quick here, aren’t we?”

The faint pink tint to Harry’s cheeks intensifies. “’M just happy” he hides his face on Louis shoulder, having the older boy reach up naturally to comb through his hair.

Harry’s mum watches them quietly for a couple of seconds, frown leaving her face once she sees Harry’s face soften at Louis touch.

“I’m Anne” she holds out her hand to Louis, and placing a quick kiss to those curls, he lets go of Harry to shake it.

“Pleasure to meet you. I’m sorry for the ambush” Louis tries a small but genuine smile and Anne seems unable to not return it.

She gestures to the sofas and Harry is quick to snuggle up to Louis once he’s taken a seat, pinching Harry’s side but he’s glad his boyfriend keeps fussing over him.

“Better to do it this way, Louis, otherwise Harry’s mum would have prepared a list of questions and two days are not nearly enough to answer them all”

“I can still send it via post, thank you very much!” she slaps Robin playfully. “You’re making me sound horrible, Robin, I am not that bad! Say something, Harry!”

“You really are” Harry chuckles. “That’s why Gemma was always afraid to bring home any boyfriends, it took her almost a year to bring Ashton over for dinner and even then he was just a ‘close friend’”

“I have to apologize Louis, seems both of my children were brought up by wolves, I don’t remember either of them being so sassy. I do have some lovely pictures of Harry here dressed in next to nothing with the potty on his head, wearing it like a crown or dancing around in the living room in his sister’s pink tutu when he was about six. Wouldn’t stop wearing it for a whole month, I had to fight him to take it off so he could go to school. Want to see some pictures?!” 

“Mom!”

Louis laughs at Harry’s horrified expression, replying that he’d absolutely loved to see some baby pictures of Harry, while Harry whines about ditching every single one of them and go looking for a new, nicer family and better boyfriend.

It pretty much breaks the ice and even so Anne does ask a lot of questions she’s always very nice about it, and Louis can tell she’s not (only) trying to sound him out but also generally interested. Once Harry tells her that it was Louis who encouraged and supported him when he thought about changing courses, Anne is beaming at him. Then Harry starts the tale of what Louis did for his 21st birthday and that’s pretty much it, both Robin and Anne are goners.

He feels a bit like a hypocrite because while his boyfriend is singing his praises and his parents all but have stars in their eyes, Louis was also responsible for some pretty shitty days in Harry’s life.

Harry is on a roll though, any of Louis protests remain unheard and eventually he just gives up. Harry has the brightest grin on his face, telling his mum all about the great things he did at uni, all the plans Lou and him have and well… Louis isn’t going to rain on his parade.

Especially not since this ‘meet-the-parents’ went ten thousand times better than expected and Anne and Robin actually seem generally sorry when they have to leave them to meet some friends for dinner. Harry receives a noogie from his mum, scolding him again for not telling her that he was bringing _his boyfriend_. She and Robin agreed to meet friends for dinner but “if we had known that Harry was bringing you we would have loved to take you out to dinner!”

“We’ll cope for one night, mum” Harry shoves her gently towards the door.

“We’re having dinner tomorrow, evening!” she points her index finger at her son. “And you’ll come shopping with me, Lou and Robin can watch the footie”

“Why do I have to come then?” Harry whines.

“Because you don’t have a clue about football, Harry!”

“Lou’s been teaching me!” Harry quickly adds and Anne rolls her eyes. “Great, so when he tells you all about it later, you actually know what he’s talking about”

“Umh”

“Thought so” she leans in to kiss his cheeks and surprisingly Louis, too. “I see you boys tomorrow, okay?”

“You will” Harry assures her, pushing her gently towards Robin.

“Have fun, boys!” Robin waves and drags Anne along to the car, rolling his eyes in good humor at Anne’s reluctance.

Louis and Harry wait until they’ve driven off before they head back inside.

About to go upstairs to unpack their bag and maybe get a shower in, Harry crowds Louis against the door and kisses him hungrily before he can catch his breath.

“What was that for?” Louis whispers against his lips, nipping at them gently while Harry just inches closer.

“For being you. My mum is 110% in love with you and Robin might be filling out the papers to adopt you” Harry kisses him again. “Thank you. I know you were scared about meeting them but you’ve been so sweet…”

“Wasn’t hard, you were singing my praise like a star. I hardly got a word in” Louis tugs at Harry’s curls a little harder, making the younger boy groan. “And you made me look better than I actually am, I hope you know that”

“I know no such thing. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true”

“Mmh… you only exaggerated a couple of things and left all the shit I pulled out”

“I didn’t exaggerate anything. This is exactly how I see you” Harry tells him, lowering his head to suck at his neck.

Louis lets him have his way with him for a while before it gets too good, too hot. “I thought you wanted to go out for a drink?” he asks, voice a little slow and rough.

“I do. I also want to suck you off” Louis breath stutters and his hips jolt forward out of instinct.

“How about we go out for a while, been wanting to introduce you to a couple of friends for ages and then I’ll take you back, get you naked and eat you out?”

Louis makes an embarrassing whimpering noise. “Don’t say things like that when we’re at your parents’ house”

“They’ll be gone for quite a while” Harry’s lips run along his ear. “My bedroom is in the basement. Thick walls and all that… you’d need to be quite loud for them to hear you” he emphasizes what he means by grinding their clothed crotches together.

“Fuck, Harry”

“That’s the plan” Harry tells him in a low voice.

Louis would laugh if he wasn’t so busy trying to restrain himself. Harry seems to sense his struggle because after another, hard kiss he steps back. “So… you shower first?”

~

Louis had been tempted to wank off in the shower, but decided against it. It’s still Harry’s parents house and while Harry seems to have no issues with defiling it, Louis is still trying to appear as a good boy. Also, Harry had shown him upstairs to the master bathroom, while he took his shower downstairs in his ensuite, and looking at Anne’s assortment of body wash did help to calm Louis’ boner down.

He’d taken his clothes upstairs to not present Harry with an option to jump him (and to prevent him from jumping Harry) and is now waiting downstairs for his boyfriend who’s taking quite a lot of time getting ready.

Louis had nagged Zayn long enough until he finally gave up his battered leather jacket, and checking himself out in the mirror, Louis is glad he decided to invest in another pair of skinny (really skinny) black jeans. If he may say so himself, his ass looks fabulous.

Judging by the gasp he isn’t the only one who thinks so.

Harry is standing on the top of the stairs, his eyes _raking_ over Louis body.

“You have a leather jacket” is the first thing he says.

“I do” Louis would like to come up with a witty comeback but Harry himself is looking edible so thinking has become a bit harder. His washed out and ripped skinny jeans look painted on and he’s wearing a plain black shirt, unbuttoned far enough to show his swallow tattoos and the beginning of his butterfly tattoo.

If things continue like this, they’ll give each other heart attacks before they’re fifty.

“You look beautiful” he manages and Harry blushes.

“Thank you. I’d say the same but… umh” Harry walks up to him, tilting Louis chin up a bit. “I don’t think beautiful manages to describe it”

“Sap”

“In love with you” Harry shrugs unabashed. “Can I take you out for a drink?”

“Maybe even two” Louis grins and Harry grabs the keys.

The walk to the pub isn’t far and it’s a lovely summer night.

Harry snatches them a table outside and while Louis engages in people watching, Harry goes inside to get their drinks. A rum and coke for Louis and some fruity margarita for himself, Louis eyes Harry’s drink suspiciously.

“Didn’t know they had fancy drinks like that here”

“Want to try?” Harry takes a sip and holds the glass out to Louis.

His lips are still wet and slightly red from the drink, possibly strawberry or raspberry flavor.

“Loved to” Instead of reaching for the drink, Louis digs his hand into Harry’s curls and pulls him close, licking the taste right out of his mouth. His boyfriend seems a little surprised at the brave move but melts into the kiss quickly. They keep snogging long after the taste of raspberry is gone from Harry’s tongue and all Louis can taste is _Harry_. It’s better than any fancy drink.

“Erm, excuse me” Harry pulls away reluctantly but his eyes widen in shock when he sees the woman leaning over their table. “Hi”

“Meredith” he squeaks and Louis frowns. Who the heck is Meredith?

“Love… where… oh” Ben shoves his way out of the pub but stops when he sees where the woman he was looking for is standing.

“Over here” she waves at Ben before she turns around to Harry and Louis. “I didn’t know you were back home”

“Only for the weekend” Harry brushes his hair back, looking over at Louis a little pleadingly. “Mum was complaining that I’m never home anymore”

“So you and…?” she grins and Louis hates to admit it but he likes her. She’s a pretty woman, who seems really sweet and heavily pregnant. His opinion of Ben has reached an all-time low.

“Oh right…” Harry grins and entwines their hands. “This is Louis”

“Introducing your _friend_ to your mum?” Ben cuts in and Louis can’t help the smug smile spreading across his face.

“Boyfriend. _Official boyfriend_ ” he corrects and Harry hides his face on his shoulder.

“Boy-… right” Ben clears his throat.

“Really? _The_ Louis?” Meredith, contrary to Ben, beams.

“Mmh, my roommate and well… boyfriend now”

“Good for you Harry” she leans in a bit and stage whispers “And he’s well fit”

The only one not laughing is Ben.

“So you took him home to introduce him to your parents already?” Ben sounds like he swallowed a lemon.

“Well, we’ve been casually dating for a while. He asked me to by his boyfriend two weeks ago and I figured… why wait?” Harry shrugs but he’s looking at Louis when he says it.

“Two weeks? That’s moving fast” Ben huffs out a laugh and Meredith frowns.

“Sometimes it just fits” Louis smiles softly at Harry, running his hand through the curls, careful not to take out the headscarf. “When you know it, you know it”

“So you’re trying to tell me this is it? You’ll get married and have a couple of kids and…"

“Two” Both reply in unison, cracking a huge smile. “Two kids” Louis says and Harry’s face might split, he’s grinning so hard.

“You are adorable” Meredith coos. “So what are your plans for the summer? Won’t it be hard not seeing each other for so long…?”

“Actually…” Louis turns to Harry. “We didn’t really discuss it but… umh… you know that the boys and I are flying to Thailand for two weeks?”

“Yeah…” The plan has been standing since the end of last year. Zayn and Liam had both vetoed Australia because of the long flight but Louis managed to bully them into flying to Thailand after he sat both of them down, flicking through a power point presentation with all sorts of affordable luxury hotels, deep blue water and white beaches. Zayn’s only condition was that he’d be allowed to take Perrie. Liam asked Sophia and Niall bowed ‘to the pressure of the happy couples’ and asked Barbara to accompany him. Gemma and Ashton had agreed to come as well so Louis figured it was only natural to call the hotel and request a double room instead of a single since there was no way he’d be setting a foot on that plane without his boyfriend.

“Zayn’s taking Perrie, Niall is taking Babs and… well, I kinda changed my reservation to a double… and took the liberty to arrange your flights. Oh…and I might have booked us a week in advance? Only you and I in some small resort, bungalow directly on the beach so you can go and do some yoga at the ass crack of dawn before we spend the days doing nothing much at all. If you want to that is?” Louis grins sheepishly.

It was supposed to be a surprise for when they got back but he figures he might as well tell Harry now before he gets upset at the prospect of not seeing Louis for so Long and there’s the added bonus that Ben looks murderous. “You and I? If you want?”

Harry doesn’t say anything for a full ten seconds (Louis counts) before he kisses him and they nearly go tumbling off the bench they’re sitting on.

When they come back up for air, Ben has dragged Meredith over to some friends, but she winks at them and gives them a thumbs up. It’s no long after that, that Harry’s cousin and two friends join them.

Ben keeps shooting them glances of which Harry is beautifully oblivious, his gaze either fixed on his friends or more often on Louis and if Louis takes a bit of pleasure in riling Harry up, making his cheeks flush and eyes look glassy so Ben can choke on his jealousy then well… though he quickly forgets that he did it to get back at Ben when Harry’s hand finds his way between his legs and he presses a hot kiss to his neck.

“Wanna go home and have you fuck me”

Louis is quite proud for not spitting his drink across the table. “W-what?”

Harry rubs himself against his side, “Wanna go home now. Parents are still gone… we’re alone and I really, really, really want to sleep with you. Been waiting for ages” Harry tells him and Louis has to grab the table to keep his hands from shaking.

“Sounds perfect, babe. Only one objection”

Harry already pouts, thinking Louis will veto it because it’s his parents house or something stupid but all Louis says is “I thought we’d go home and you could fuck me”

Harry’s mouth actually drops open. “But… I thought… you never… you don’t…”

“I _love_ you” Louis tells him, cupping his face. “I trust you. And I know it’ll be good with you. So if you want it too, I’d really love for you to top. Don’t mind the other way either but…”

“No, I really…” Harry runs his hand through his curls. “I’d love to”

Harry slams some notes on the table and gets up. “Lads, ladies, been a pleasure and we’re really sorry but we’ve gotta get going”

“Thank God” Matty rolls his eyes. “I was afraid we’d all get to witness some sort of soft-core porn”

“Oi!” Harry complains but pulls Louis up rather eagerly. “We have some dignity”

“Not much” Matty deadpans. “Don’t think I didn’t see you palming him under the table. No offense, mate” he turns to Louis.

“None taken. He does have rather quick fingers for the size of his hands!” Matty hits the table with his head and Harry blushes.

“Nice to meet you guys!” Louis takes Harry’s hand, kissing their entwined fingers.

Matty just waves without looking up, face still mushed into the table and muttering something about images, bleach and too much information.

They wave their way through the crowd, giggling and eager to get back home when Harry is almost yanked out of Louis hold.

“So that’s it? You’ll just go home with some sort of punk and let him fuck you?” Ben spits at Harry, catching him by surprise.

“Excuse me?”

“That night you walked out on him he came home with me” Ben ignores Harry but turns to Louis, smug look on his face. “He came home with me and he kissed me. Did he tell you that? Did he tell you he walked straight into my bedroom?”

Louis is smaller than Ben, his frame more slender but he gets right up in his face and something in those blue eyes makes Ben take a small step back. “I know. He told me. Right when he burst through the door at 5am to tell me he loved me. Right before I asked him to be my boyfriend” Louis flicks some invisible fluff off Ben’s shirt, lowering his voice. “You had your chance, Ben. More than one and you fucked them up one after another. So I want you to take a step back now and never reach out for Harry again. As of now, he doesn’t concern you anymore. You have a wife and kids to take care of. Harry is _my boyfriend_ and let me tell you Ben…” He lowers his voice further. “I intend to take _very good care_ of every inch of him”

Ben opens his mouth to cut in but Harry pipes up. “This all very sweet and I have to say seeing you act all possessive is a major turn on, babe, but I’d really prefer if you’d put your hands on me now instead of that dick” Harry batters his eyelashes, Ben gapes and Louis laughs.

“Whatever you want, love”

“You” Harry’s honesty will be the death of him but Louis complies all too willingly. He tugs at Harry’s wrist and the younger boy follows with a bright laugh, while Ben stares after them in a mix of anger and bewilderment.

~

“So me acting all possessive is a turn on, Styles?” Louis huffs a laugh and tumbles onto Harry’s bed, shirt yanked off of his body.

“What can I say?” Harry sinks down between his legs, kissing along Louis thigh. “You look so hot when you get all fierce and angry”

Having practically ran the way home, Louis is still a little breathless. But maybe that’s also due to the fact that Harry didn’t even wait for the front door to fall shut before he started undressing him. Zayn’s jacket still lies somewhere in the corridor and Louis is pretty sure that Harry’s shirt is decorating the stairs, while he can spot his jeans haphazardly thrown over a chest of drawers. He’ll be embarrassed tomorrow, once Anne spots the trail of clothes leading to Harry’s bedroom - right now he’s too preoccupied with the beautiful boy peeling his pants back.

Harry licks his lips and eyes his dick like it’s his favorite popsicle and Louis fears all this might be over rather quickly if Harry gets his sinful mouth on him. It’s not only Harry who’s been dying to sleep with Louis, but Louis also felt like he’d waited for ages to get his gorgeous boy into bed. Not that there wasn’t a chance during the last two weeks, but somehow he wanted to do it right this time, to have the time and space to be as loud as they wanted, without having to face a smirking Zayn or scowling Gemma in the morning.

It’s still a little weird; they’re in Harry’s childhood bedroom after all and Louis can see traces of teenage Harry everywhere – posters of bands he’s never heard off, slightly yellowed photos of him and Gemma, old school books and random nick-nack scattered around the room.

Harry chooses that moment to bite down on his hip bone and Louis yelps. “What was that for?”

“I can see you looking around and worrying about defiling my childhood bed”

“Yeah well…” Harry grabs his dick and without much preamble, sucks him down until Louis hits the back of his throat. He technically knows Harry has gotten a lot better at sucking cock but moments like these still catch Louis by surprise and he bucks his hips up without meaning to, making Harry sputter – but he doesn’t pull off.

“Oh my God…” Louis feels like someone sucked the air out of the room, stars dancing behind his eyes. Harry pulls off slowly, using his teeth to create some friction, bordering on painful but he knows Louis likes it.

“Got your full attention now?”

Louis just nods, staring at Harry’s wild hair and glistening lips.

“Good” his boyfriend gets back up, shimmies out of his jeans and pants and Louis momentarily forgot what they came here for, because well… Harry has such a pretty cock. Louis smacks his lips and Harry chuckles, crouched naked in front of their bag before he pulls out a bottle of lube and condoms with a small triumphant noise.

“You sure?” is the first thing he asks Louis when he settles back on the bed, chewing his already swollen bottom lip.

“Yes” Louis spreads his legs a little further, grabbing a pillow to shove under his hips. “If you want to that is…”

“Fuck, have you seen your bum? I wanted to do this the very first time you walked out of a room and I caught sight of your backside” Harry runs his hand gently along his thigh. He looks at Louis once more and when he nods, Harry uncaps the bottle.

“Just… umh… go slow. It’s been a while” Louis whispers, a little embarrassed because well, fuck, ever since him and Harry stared shagging without actually shagging it’s always been Louis who introduced him to new things, who was the confident, forward one.

Now he feels a lot like a blushing virgin all over again.

“I’ll make it good for you” Harry promises.

~

And he does.

By the time he’s buried three fingers deep inside of Louis, the older boy is a mess. Hard to believe but Louis forgot how good it felt, even so… maybe it never felt quite this good.

Harry listens to the slightest gasp, to every shift of Louis body, dead set on making this the best experience of his life. So far, Louis would award him 10/10 points.

Writhing on the sheets, Harry has swatted his hand away when he reached for his achingly hard cock and now he’s clawing the sheets, biting his lip and moaning like a porn star but Louis couldn’t stop if his life depended on it. Harry alters between barely hitting his prostate to full on rubbing over it for a couple of seconds and every time Louis thinks he knows what to expect, Harry alters the pace, the angle – _something_ \- and Louis cries out all over again.

“Don’t want to come like that” He manages to breathe out and sees Harry smirk. His boyfriend’s cheeks are flushed and his eyes gleaming bright, looking at Louis like he’s the best and sexiest thing to ever walk this planet and if Harry’s fingers weren’t enough to send him flying to new spheres, that look alone would have unearthed him.

“I’m good… I’m better than good… I’m so fucking ready…”

Harry laughs, but it’s more of a deep rumble and Louis has never heard his voice drop quite so low.

“Talk dirty to me, babe” he jokes but he removes his fingers and Louis whines.

Harry fumbles with the condom until Louis takes it from him, ripping it open with his teeth before he bends down to roll it onto Harry, giving him a hard squeeze as retaliation before he remembers Harry likes that kind of stuff. And sure as hell, he moans deeply and bucks up into Louis fist.

“I’m going to come embarrassingly fast if you keep playing with my cock” Harry tells him, pushing him back down while he slicks himself up.

“Then you’ll just have to go for round two faster than expected” Louis shrugs, eyes glued to Harry’s dick and for a second he wonders how this is going to fit. He’s had Harry in his mouth more time than he can count but… shit, has he always been that big?

“Lou?”

“I’m good” he tells Harry’s crotch and the other boy laughs.

“I’ll go slow. Tell me if you want to stop” Louis just nods and tries to relax. Harry nudges his rim gently, teasing him first and Louis is about to complain when he breaches the first, tight ring of muscle.

And yes, it does hurt a little at first. He can’t quite help wincing and Harry stops immediately. Louis isn’t sure where he gets that self-restrain from, he’s sure that there’d be no way on earth he could stop once he’s got Harry spread out underneath him.

“Keep going” he encourages, crossing his ankles behind him to gently nudge him forward.

Harry stops three more times before he bottoms out and Louis can’t talk for almost a minute. There’s still a slight burn but he feels so… full, so perfectly filled yet split open at the same time and so freaking close to Harry. It’s a little overwhelming and he croaks out a “move” before he can do something embarrassing like cry.

Harry rocks him gently, small thrusts to get him used to his size and the feeling. He pays attention to the smallest detail, listening to Louis’ breathing and his little whines, taking them as cue of what Louis likes and dislikes.

Louis had never anyone pay attention to him like that, Harry almost… he worships him and all the love and adoration are a bit too much for Louis.

“You can go harder” He rakes his nails across Harry’s back, making him jut his hips forwards and – Louis cries out.

“Right fucking there!”

Harry smirks, searching for some leverage before he pushes himself up and grabs Louis hips, changing the angle and next time he thrusts in, it’s a lot quicker, harder and fucking spot on.

Louis gives up on the idea of being in control after about two minutes. He’s putty in Harry’s hands, pretty sure his bones have turned into liquid.

Every fucking touch, every kiss – it’s all pure bliss and Louis feels laid bare but for the first time in his life he doesn’t mind. Harry’s got him, holding him safe through it.

Legs hooked over Harry’s shoulders, Louis is pretty sure he’s talking but he doesn’t know if it makes sense, nothing is making sense except Harry and the slow but white hot heat curling at the base of his spine.

Louis orgasm hits him unprepared, crashes over him like a tidal wave and he’s pretty sure he sees stars dancing. All he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and the hammering of his heart, vaguely aware that Harry cries out too.

 

When Louis opens his eyes again, Harry is leaning over him, curls falling over his face and still breathing hard. He looks up when Louis makes a soft whimpering sound, carefully tracing his finger along Louis face and it’s only when Harry spreads the moisture that he realizes he must have started crying at some point.

“You’re okay?”

“Weightless” is the first thing that comes to his mind.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Louis shakes his head slowly, he feels drunk on Harry.

“Perfect” he growls and Harry smiles.

They gently entangle themselves, Harry chucking the condom somewhere on the floor and Louis hopes Anne won’t come down in the morning to get them for breakfast. But he’s too tired to move, heavenly fucked out and satisfied. High on his personal drug called Harry. Louis isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to come down from that high, doesn’t want to quite frankly.

Harry reaches out, pulling him close and while it’s usually Louis cuddling Harry, he allows him to take care of him for once.

Louis has never been in a relationship, has never trusted anyone enough to let them close after the disaster with Denny so he has nothing to compare this to but it feels pretty damn special.

Pretty damn forever and ever kinda special.

~

He falls asleep covered in come and sweat and wakes up in the middle of the night, itching for a shower.

Not wanting to wake Harry, he sneaks into the bathroom only to be joined by his boyfriend a mere five minutes later.

Lazy, sleepy kissing turns into Louis on his knees, water washing over him and Harry’s perky little bum spread out in front of him.

It leads to tumbling into bed all wet and to Louis wrecking Harry like he promised him all those months ago during their taxi ride, right before they fell into bed for the first time.

It leads to Harry looking fucked out and wrecked, green eyes shining bright and a dopy grin on his face.

It leads to Louis falling even more in love with Harry and him realizing that he never wants to wake up another morning without Harry by his side.

It leads to Louis realizing that love can be something pretty damn great and that he’s finally done with running. The only thing he’ll run towards now will be Harry. After everything that went wrong, he suddenly feels like he should write Denny a thank you letter – because for all the ways Louis has been hurt, he got Harry now to kiss it better.

In the end, someone obviously decided that he was worth more than one night.

In the end, Harry realized that Louis might not have been what he was looking for, not what he wanted but very possibly everything he’ll ever need.

In the end, things are exactly as they should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Boo, the biggest 'lil star', who so kindly requested this update :) Anything to make you smile, cupcake!


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of it and I really hope you enjoyed the story :)
> 
> A massive 'thank you' goes out to my wonderful beta Dutchie, who's helped not only with proof-reading but also with suggestions and ideas. 
> 
> Also, a big thank you to everyone who left kudos or a comment, I loved hearing what you thought about it (and also about the stuff you might not have liked so I can improve any future story). 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

( _3 years later_ )

Harry sighs contently when he steps through the front door, leaning against it and just takes a moment to breathe.

Had he known how hard his final exams would be, he’d given up on Music and swapped to something easy like… Art. But then again maybe not if he sees how much time Zayn spends in his little studio these days, part time teaching English, part time being a crazy genius covered in paint-stained overalls.

It’s good that Liam has his own little shop right below the studio, his garage in the courtyard. They’re both doing fine with their respective projects, Liam has made quite a name for himself and his furniture in the scene and while Zayn’s name is still an insider’s tip, he’s doing just fine with his art as well.

Liam had indeed moved in with them when Zayn and Perrie decided to take the step and look for an apartment together, but since he had gotten back with Sophia for good about a year ago, Liam has moved out, too.

Niall was gone long before that, now living happily with Barbara and their two dogs and Louis refuses to set one foot into his flat ever since ‘Buster’ ate one of his VANS.

Gemma and Ashton have broken up, he went to America for his master’s degree while Gemma found a job in Sheffield. It wasn’t easy for her in the beginning, after all they were a tight knitted group of friends for almost three years but she sounds and looks happier now, having made some new friends and dating a nice boy Harry has yet to meet (and scare appropriately since he’s dating his sister).

It’s a bit sickening how well everything worked out for them during the last years, how _happy_ they’ve all been.

Even so no one is probably happier than he is.

The boys have told him on numerous occasions that it is indeed quite sickening to watch him and Louis. They harbored the hope that once the honeymoon phase was over, Harry and Louis would go back to normal but it’s been three years and if Harry is honest, he’s given up any hope too.

Not that he’d ever complain because being with Louis is just… perfectly imperfect.

Of course they’ll fight and there’ll be the odd night one of them will sleep in the guest room but 354 days of the year are just pure bliss for Harry.

It’s cheesy and stupid but he truly believes he’s found his soulmate.

Louis just gets him.

The other boy will miraculously always know what Harry needs even so Harry doesn’t sometimes know it himself. But Louis just gets it right all of the fucking time and… Harry couldn’t ask for more.

He’s so in love with Lou. Still. Again. Always.

 

It’s an automatism that Harry calls out “Babe, I’m home” but doesn’t get a reply. Only then does he remember that Louis is still gone, had to fly over to Spain for business at the beginning of the week.

Louis finished his master degree about a year ago (passing with honors as well, little geek) and has since then found work with a midsized company, quickly ascending in their ranks and now he gets to co-lead projects all across Europe. It means he’ll sometimes be gone for a couple of nights a week, but Louis makes sure that he still spends the majority of the month at home with Harry.

Now, Louis has been gone for three nights and Harry has missed him terribly ever since, couldn’t sleep the first night and has slept fitfully at best ever since. He’s due back tomorrow night so at least that’s something to look forward to.

He kicks his shoes off and throws his rucksack in the approximate direction of the wardrobe. Rolling his shoulder to loosen the tense muscles and ease the pain in his back from sitting in an exam for three hours, Harry doesn’t at first notice anything different.

He’s halfway through the living room when he sees the big present on the coffee table.

“Umh… hello?” He calls out again but doesn’t get a reply. “Lou? Zayn? Liam?” Harry peeks into the corridor but all is silent.

He shrugs and goes over, never being one who could resist presents for long, the little tag on it confirming that it’s indeed for him. Harry looks around once more but no one jumps up from their hiding spot so he carefully unties the green bow and opens the box – only to be greeted with a similar box, wrapped in a beautiful blue ribbon this time.

Harry frowns, taking the new one out, untying the bow as well only to have rose petals falling out when another, smaller box comes into view.

“Funny guys” he mutters but curiosity gets the better of him.

It’s quite a bit of work and whoever had the idea must have been rather determined because Harry’s just uncovered the ninth box but no proper content except more rose petals.

Chewing on his lip, he unties the ribbon and comes face to face – his breath stutters – with a little black velvet box.

Harry knows these kind of boxes, has seen them often enough, but only dared to dream about them.

Boxes like these hold rings. _Important_ rings.

“Lou?” he calls out shakily again but is just met with silence. If this is a bad joke, he is going to murder someone.

With trembling hands, Harry flicks it open and – nothing. No ring, no note, nothing. Just emptiness.

He can’t help but feel his face fall and it takes a second to hear the low chuckle.

He whips around and sees Louis leaning against the wall, heaven knows where he hid and why he’s back here even so he should be in Spain…

“You only get it if you say yes” Louis says with a small but so, so bright smile. He holds up his hand, something silvery flashing between his thumb and forefinger.

“I…” Harry is a bit choked. He doesn’t know if this is some fantasy and he fainted a minute ago or if Louis is really standing across from him, holding up a ring. “You… you haven’t asked me yet”

The older boy just nods his head towards the empty box and when Harry glances back into it, he sees the tiny piece of paper. “ _I love you. Forever and a day. Will you marry me?_ ” it’s definitely Louis elegant handwriting, even so it all blurs together through Harry’s tears.

“Fuck”

“Not the kind of answer I expected” Louis jokes, but he can hear how nervous he is, there’s this slight tremor to his voice. “Will you? Marry me?”

Harry turns around and stumbles over to Louis until they’re face to face. He has to try twice to form words but eventually he gets out a teary “Of fucking course. Yes. A million time yes!”

“Oh. Good. That’s… yeah. Good” Louis gives a shaky laugh and Harry can’t quite comprehend how much he loves him that very moment.

So he just pulls him close and kisses him, feeling overwhelmed with happiness.

“I love you” he tells Louis through tears and Louis just nods, unable to say anything it seems, blue eyes shining unnaturally bright.

He takes Harry’s hand and carefully slides the ring on his finger. It’s nothing fancy, just a small silver band with their initials engraved on it. “H∞L”.

It’s perfect.

“I can’t believe you beat me to it” Harry whispers, gaze still focused on the ring and how _right_ it looks on his finger.

“You get to plan the wedding” Louis brushes over the metal. “Looks good on you”

“You know what else would look good on me? You” Harry tries for seductive but is pretty sure it fails thanks to the bright smile on his face and tears in his eyes.

“Glad to see your puns never get better” Louis ruffles his curls.

“Well, you apparently love them enough to want to hear them for the rest of your life so…”

Louis cups Harry’s face, kissing him softly. “That I do, babe. Almost as much as I love you”

“Sap” Harry mutters against Louis lips but lets himself be gladly led towards the bedroom.

~

It’s only later, when they’re both spent and lying in bed together that Harry lifts his head from Louis chest. “Shouldn’t we… tell the boys?”

“Mmh” Louis agrees, eyes closed and tracing lazy circles on Harry’s naked back.

“And like… my mum? Your mum maybe?”

“Mine won’t care, we can send her a postcard”

Harry bits Louis shoulder but there’s no real conviction behind it. They tried to reach out once, a couple of years ago and while Louis sisters were all thrilled to have their brother back (Lottie and Fizzy have both visited them on several occasions now) Louis’ mother’s reaction… to say it was rather chilly would have been an understatement. Harry is still not over how someone can be as cold and indifferent when the only son calls after eight years, but at least she had allowed Louis to speak to his siblings and he since rekindled the relationship with all his four sisters even so his mum never came around.

Louis got over it quicker than Harry, seemingly having expected something like that but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. What didn’t particularly help was that Louis mum had only recently broken up with no other than Denny after he went behind her back one too many times, as Lottie told them during her first visit. Louis sisters don’t seem to miss him.

Harry shakes these thoughts, having long accepted that it’ll get him nowhere but he’s still pissed off on Louis behalf.

“Want to call your mum?” Louis voice is a little rough, eyes fluttering and he yawns.

“Getting old?”

“Shut up, I can take you any day” Harry grins. “I know, babe. Now?”

It takes a second for Louis to realize that Harry is referring to his mum and not to round #2.

“Sure” he agrees easily while Harry is already dialing. Maybe they should have taken a minute to put some clothes on because breaking the News to your mother-in-law while being sweaty and starkers is a bit weird…

“Mum!” Harry yells as soon as Anne picks up the phone and Louis grins, admiring his little part-time nudist.

“Harry, gosh. That was an enthusiastic greeting. Are you—“

“I have something to tell you” the bouncing thing on Louis chest cuts in, suddenly too hyper to sit still. He swings his legs over Louis, straddling the other boy and punching a soft _oofph_ out of him.

“I… okay”

“Is Robin around?”

“Yes, Harry are you okay? Is Louis okay? Are you—“

“Put me on speaker, mum!”

There’s some shuffling and then they can hear Robin’s “hello boys”.

“Okay darling, we can hear you. What did you want to tell us? Are you okay?”

“We’re fine. We’re… super-duper fine!” Harry grins and Louis is afraid he might swallow his ears. “Louis came home early today”

The person in question sighs. He knows Harry talks slow, and he knows he’s quite easy to deter when telling a story, some other things popping into his mind and half an hour later Harry is still talking about something completely different.

“He was in Spain, wasn’t he? Thought you said he wouldn’t be home until tomorrow?”

“Yes, he was. He’s leading that new project I told you about, the one—“

“Hi Anne!” Louis cuts in.

“Oh hello, my dear. Did you get home early?”

“I did. Had a surprise for Harry, couldn’t wait” he nudges his boyfriend’s – fuck, his _fiancé_ – hip, hoping to steer him back to the original topic.

“Yes… mum… he… I… we…” Harry stumbles over his words, suddenly teary eyed again. “I can’t” he croaks, pushing the phone towards Louis.

“Harry? Babe, are you okay?” Anne sounds rather worried and Louis guesses he would be too if he was on the phone to someone who went from on top of the world to down in the dumps in a matter of seconds. Anne can’t see that it’s actually happy tears which are choking her son, all she hears is sniffling and sobbing.

“You sure?” Louis mouths and Harry nods. “Please”

“I… maybe I should have asked you before” The thought pops suddenly into his head. Maybe Anne is really old school – even so she is probably the coolest and nicest mum Louis has ever met but who knows, mother’s do crazy things when it comes to giving their sons away in marriage – and Louis should have asked her first.

“Louis William Tomlinson, I love you dearly but if you don’t tell me what’s going on…”

“I… asked Harry to marry me. He said yes” Louis squeezes his eyes shut and Harry closer to his chest.

There’s no sound for hours (or seconds) and then Anne squeals so loudly that Louis accidently drops the phone.

“You are engaged?”

“Yes, mum! He asked me!” Harry fumbles with the small black item, still crying and laughing. “We’re getting married!”

“Oh babe” now Anne is crying too. Louis and his surprises are on a run today. “I am so, so, so happy for you! Congratulations, that is… oh my God, I am so proud of you Louis!”

“Of me?” Louis squeaks.

“Yes! You have been so incredible with Harry! I… oh my, I am so happy that it’s _you_! I am so happy that you asked him and… you are so wonderful together!” Louis managed to hold most of his tears back when he had a crying Harry Styles in his arms. Anne gets him bawling in five seconds.

“He’s pretty special”

“You both are, congratulations” Robin says and Harry buries his face on Louis neck.

“We’ll come home this weekend, okay?” Louis manages to choke out. He doesn’t quite know when he started to think of Harry’s house as “home away from home” but somewhere during the past three years it happened. It slipped out when they were visiting Anne and both Harry and his mum had teared up, Louis completely oblivious until Robin pointed it out. He received a key to Harry’s parents’ house the next day.

“Yes. That…” Anne takes a deep breath. “That sounds lovely, I’m looking forward to it. And boys, I am so happy for you”

“Thanks mum” Harry manages before he hangs up and has another good, happy cry on Louis shoulder.

~

To Louis great horror, the boys don’t react much better than Anne.

Zayn burst into tears – _Zayn! Tears!_ – right away. Liam manages until Harry starts retelling how Louis proposed before he’s sharing a tissue with Zayn.

Niall is really the only one who has only wiped his eyes once and Louis is glad that he’s only surrounded by 3/4 crying girls. Of course his fiancé is right there with Liam and Zayn, having the cutest hiccup thanks to trying to talk and cry at the same time.

It shouldn’t be as endearing as Louis finds it, after all, Harry wipes his nose rather unsexy on his sleeve but…

“If you start cooing I will be sick” Niall tells him but it’s with a fond smile. “Well done, Tommo. I’m really happy for you even so you put us all in a shitty position”

“Why?”

“We all have girlfriends – you know they’ll be expecting a ring sooner than later now and I swear to God, if Harry chucks his flowers in Babs direction, I will murder him!”

~

Harry doesn’t throw the flowers towards Barbara a year later.

He throws them directly to a surprised, four months pregnant Perrie.

It’s about time that Zayn gets a move on, Louis and he discussed it.

It’s mutual.


End file.
